All Coming Together

For almost ten years I watched things falling apart. Then for over three years I watched them coming together.

Then I watched my husband flourish in his new job which meant I would have to quit my own wonderful one and move out of state. Once I moved my new (not so good) job fell apart before ever starting.

In hindsight it wasn't all that long but those three weeks without working or having a job felt devastating to me. I've been working since I was fourteen years' old and the more the better. Every job I've had has been full time and usually six days a week. It wasn't until I went to work at the airport that I dropped to five days...  felt like working part time.

I was without a job or insurance and no longer living in our big tri-level house on an acre of land.

Suddenly we were living in a three bedroom rental house in another state where we could speak softly to each other from our bedrooms in a low voice and the dogs had a yard a tenth the size of their old one.

Don't get me wrong, our rental house is in a nice neighborhood, clean and freshly painted with all new tile flooring. It's a cracker box and so is the back yard but at least the dog's cracker box is fenced in.

The job (or lack of) was the kicker... and kicked me in the teeth, hard.

Then I got a job, and not just a job but a great job. Then it was back to square one. Training and learning the job. Obviously I don't adapt well to change and certainly not in the job area. I was a nervous wreck from day one of training but had hired me on the spot so felt (hoped) they at least had faith in me even though was currently lacking it in myself. It's been a massive amount to learn in a short period of time but have given it my all. All the other servers had gone through over two weeks of training before the  restaurant opened. I finished my last training shift tonight...day six on the job which makes me even more nervous. Tonight was my lead shift where I waited on my trainer's tables as he observed and sometimes helped. You would have thought I had never waited tables before. I was scared shitless. Here I am a fifty six year old server who has been waiting tables for over thirty four years but felt like  was the first time I'd ever picked up a tray. It took me over two hours to feel halfway somewhat comfortable speaking to the guests. I bombed a couple of times but scored big a couple of times. Lead shifts make me nervous because it's the trainer's paycheck I am in control of. I felt immediately better when one table left me (my trainer) a $50 tip on a $135 tab. That broke the ice for me.

Yes I'm going to be nervous at first (already am) but is because I care so much about what I do. I had one table who had a couple of issues and felt like crying but just threw up in my mouth a little bit instead. I apologized to my trainer who apologized to me saying to simply let it go, you can't please some people. The people left happy but I wanted them to leave feeling exhilarated.

I told my trainer  was worried the managers might think I wasn't up to speed or up to the job or tell me I wasn't a good fit or maybe even let me go. I was mentally on the verge of tears.

Then he said this and immediately knew I would be okay. Not perfect from the jump but would be perfectly fine in the long run.

He told me after every one of my training shifts they (my trainers) had sat down with management and gone over how it went. He said my work ethic had been noticed from the first day and to put all my worries aside, management was behind and for me being part of their team.

Don't think I've ever been more relieved to hear something than when the doctor told me over two decades ago the last kid I birthed had ten fingers, ten toes and was healthy.

It's gonna take me a minute, it's gonna take me a few but I know me... I can do this.  I told the GM on my very first interview which turned out to be the day he offered me a job:

"If I was as good a wife and a mother as am a server, I'd really have something going on."

I have the next two days off to get my story straight. I'm going with a written verbal spiel for each and every table which  will memorize and repeat until feel comfortable enough to simply be myself.

I'm living in a tiny house in a town I don't know with no friends other than family, working in a restaurant I don't know.

You know what made me feel even better about this whole move?


Yesterday Massey and I drove to the beach (only forty minutes away) to study my massive amount of material with ocean waves soothing my soul.

We left around three or four and Massey said she would treat me to a late lunch. We chose a hole in the wall place, we wanted local. The food was amazing... fresh with everything house made.

I told our server it was all fabulous! He said to be sure and tell my friends. I laughed and told him I didn't have any friends here when he said "Yeah you do, you just don't know it yet."

Shout out to the laid back easy breezy really cool dude who made me realize...

And I will.

If you're ever in Cocoa Beach, stop into Cracker's Island Grille on A1A.  You won't be dissapointed.