Sunday, February 28, 2010

Groundhogs... Who Put Them in Charge of Spring?

So it's a cute fat little varmint...BIG WHOOP !
Yes I am a sissy when it comes to being cold...that's why I live in the deep south. So why I am living in the "Deep Freeze?"
Some people blame all this crazy weather on global warming...I'm blaming it on the groundhog!
I got home from work over an hour ago and my feet are STILL freezing. On top of that the forecast for Tuesday is snow again. "AGAIN? There have been so many winters that never saw a snowflake fall yet this year I feel like I live in Michigan (if you call that kind of weather 'living.')
Dang...they don't even sell sleds here, when it snows the kids have to get out cardboard or baking sheets to squeeze onto for their sledding adventures. I have quite a few bent baking sheets from the "big" snowfall a few years back. Luckily my kids are too big to fit on them now and have had to resort to cardboard sleds only.
The only bright spot I have found in this new frozen tundra I have been subjected to is that now my three dogs don't track in mud because everything has been frozen solid and comes off as they walk across the beach towel I leave by the back door.
I never thought I would hear myself say that but I am sick of this COLD COLD COLD !
It doesn't help either that I'm ' thinny' now and it doesn't take much for the wind to not only freeze me but knock me over with a strong gust .
I am TIRED of the cold. Bring on those ninety degree days when I can work in my yard and work up a sweat at the same time.
Who put that stinkin groundhog in charge anyway? I'm sure it was a Yankee.
Keep your groundhog theory up north, keep the snow and sleet up north!
Just leave us to be in charge of red necks and monster truck shows.
I'm going to boil a ten quart pot of water to add to my bath and try to thaw myself out.
Anybody else want to put a contract out on a groundhog? I know I do!
Til next time, shivering cold ...Cotton

Saturday, February 27, 2010

They Killed Twins!

I had to go to a meeting at work today @ 8:45 AM. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?
I came home from the meeting and fell back into bed with the news of the earthquake in Chile. That's all I need, an interesting news story and a whole 24 hours off from work.

I have always been a weather GEEK. I love the Weather Channel and the suggestion that there MAY be a tsunami headed towards Hawaii had me riveted.

When the tsunami hit in Indonesia a few years back, I couldn't stop watching the videos. I knew thousands and thousands had been killed but seeing the wrath of Mother Nature just amazes and mesmerizes me.

I got back home from my meeting at work and settled into bed with the remote.

My husband said I was sick in the mind. I told him I didn't WANT another tsunami to hit but if it happened I wanted to see it.

I slept on and off til 4:00 when the first wave was supposed to hit the shores of Hawaii.

My husband was even more disgusted with me when I informed him "Stinkin' Hawaii dodged the bullet."

I guess he had me there...but earthquakes and tsunamis absolutely intrigue and interest me more than the"Fantasy Five" winning numbers.

Mother Nature political beliefs or opinions or just HAPPENS.

I stayed in bed til almost seven when my seventeen year old son came home and said "You said dinner would be ready at seven."

I told him "I meant I was GOING to the store at seven."

Once I didn't have another tsunami to watch and be fascinated by..I shrugged on a jacket and went to the store.

At least I was making Zach's favorite homemade macaroni and cheese, baked beans and smoked pork chops with deviled eggs.

Dinner was ready at almost ten...but I was happy and in my little square of the Universe ..that is all that matters.

I went to make the deviled eggs and discovered an egg with a double yolk. I have NEVER seen a double yolk egg. I even marched it up the steps to show my husband. "LOOK, LOOK...Have you EVER seen this?"

He was sweet and said "No baby, I haven't."

I told him I was taking a picture of it and he just slowly shook his head. Two chicks in ONE shell...Dang, THAT'S TWINS!

So I am a doofus...I waited all day for a catastrophe that I really didn't want to occur...but if it did I wanted to be privy to it. The earthquake was horrible...I am glad that the fore casted tsunami didn't occur...but if it HAD , I would have been watching it LIVE.

I got to sleep on and off for ten hours daughter is off with her best friend, my 17 year old son is pouting in his room for unknown reasons...dinner got cooked (albeit ten at night) and I have plenty of left overs to eat.

All I know is that I have Never, Never seen a double yolk egg....I guess that is nature making up for me not witnessing another tsunami.

Til next time...Consumed by Weather Cotton...

PS Ya gotta click on the really WAS a double yolk egg!

Friday, February 26, 2010

DANG... I got Scalped!

DANG..I look like a "Butch"...not that there is anything wrong with that...other than the fact I am a married mother of three kids and I have never had sex with a woman.

When I sat down in the chair...I wanted to make the most of my visit (and money) and told her to cut it short. I am trying to maximize every dollar and told her ... CUT IT SHORT !

Dang...I didn't know she was listening.

She asked me if it was too short...but by that time it was a moot point.

So I come home and my husband says "Dang...they scalped you."

You know what? It's my freakin' you know how much longer this haircut will last? Longer than all the jokes will...longer than having to go have it cut again in two weeks.

So I look gay for a week.... I am a Liberal Democrat anyway...although I am leaning towards the Libertarian party as the masses refuse to work together and our Nation suffers for their petty and self serving squabbles.

My husband used to lean more towards the Republican party...although he is as fed up with the in fighting and the school yard politics as I am. I read a great quote in a book my sister gave me "Politics, a toy for little rich kids that they won't let anyone else play with."

If I can fix my hair cut (two weeks down the road)...can't elected officials get off their asses.. and say "HEY...whether a dem or a repub... let's work together"...let's get this country and MY family back on their feet.

Just MY view.

As is JUST a blog and only my feelings...NO "DIS" towards any one else...I love you ALL for reading. If your ideas differ...LET ME KNOW

Til next time...Cranky "Cropped" Cotton

Thursday, February 25, 2010


I stand corrected!
My good friend "Carl" (that's what we'll call him) is a customer at the restaurant where I work. As soon as I walked in the door this afternoon he walked up to me and said "I am a multi tasker!"
Number one...obviously he reads my blog.
Number two...obviously he feels he is a multi tasker.
Every since I learned how to upload pictures and videos (it took me a while) I like to include one for each blog. Since I didn't have any pictures of my friend "Carl" I decided to upload the closest one I could find...hence the above photo.
Number three...Carl may not be speaking to me tomorrow.
He's a really nice guy that has been my champion throughout all my recent trials and tribulations at work and always tells me what a good server I am and that I seem to just be getting a bum rap and to hold my head up high and keep on being me.
He said this morning when he was cooking eggs while frying bacon and toasting toast, he thought to himself..."I wish Cotton could see me now!"
He also said I was pretty much right about the rest.
Maybe Carl is just an exception to the rule. Being a bachelor helps men multi task tremendously, unless they are rich enough to have a household staff.
I don't think Carl has a house hold staff, but he does have a mother that makes the best divinity I have ever had rot my teeth out. Every Christmas she sends me a sack full of her famous "Healthy snack" and I eat it up like crazy. Only about a third of it makes it home to the kids and they always wonder why she sends such a small portion in such a big baggie? I tell them that was probably the only size baggie she had and to be grateful for what they have not for what they want!
I really like ole "Carl." He knows how I am , knows how to take me and seems to like me anyway!
I pick on him a lot, but like I always say "I only pick on the people I like." If I don't really like you I don't waste my wonderful sense of humor and sarcasm on you. I save that for my favorite people and hope that they know in my wacky way it is a true complement.
Obviously I am an extremely complementary almost oozes out of me!
Carl is one of the regulars that come into our bar. Sometimes he has a drink or two, sometimes he just comes in to eat and socialize. Some of the regulars make it to work before the bartender. I'm not one to cast stones but a couple of these codgers spend more time at our bar than they do at their kitchen table.
Life is made up of all sorts and all kinds ... that's what makes the world go round. At least the one I work in. Sometimes when I walk into work and only two of them are sitting at the bar I will comment "Hey Larry, Curly...where's Moe?"
These guys are always nice to me and some of the most loyal customers we have. I'd take them over some of the people I have to wait on ANY DAY!
So "Carl" is a multi tasker...let it be known I forgot that some guys can actually take care of themselves.
Til next time...COTTON

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

"I AM WOMAN" (Need I say more?)

So I gave men a glowing review in a recent post (not) so now it's women's turn !

Yes I am biased but when you can push a human being out of a hole originally the the size of a nickel, I think it calls for some special recognition.

I found the above photo on google images and just LOVED it! Very "Picassoey" I that I have made up a new word let me continue with some real ones.

We'll start with work. I work with mostly all women. We have about six or seven male servers and about twenty five female servers. I can leave the expo area with two pitchers of sweet and unsweet tea in one hand and three plates of food on the other arm with steak sauce and a bottle of ketchup in my apron and two checks printed off and stuffed into the back of my jeans. I will pass a male server checking his text messages while sipping on a coke. For a man..THAT is muti tasking. Some are better than others, I'll give them that...but if you want four jobs done at once, ask a woman. It takes the male servers forever and a day to clean their tables and do their side work (It's too much like house work for them.)

Let's move on to the home front.

Case in point...I got off of work at almost 10:00 tonight, swung by Blockbuster for my gas and came home to let the dogs out, start the washer and dishwasher, bring all the dirty clothes to the laundry room and set up my ironing board to iron a work shirt for tomorrow. While the laundry started to wash I went out in the back yard with a hammer and a metal stake to close up the gap the bull dog chewed between the gates big enough for his fat butt to squeeze through (all he does is squeeze through and run around the house and scratch on the front door waiting to be let back in.) Wouldn't it be easier on his teeth to simply scratch on the BACK door to ask back in ? Of course he's a male!

Laundry on, dishes washing in the dishwasher, video game rented, car gassed up and fence fixed and now I'm sitting at my computer blogging.

I think it is a genetic HAS to be!

All the men in my house move like slugs with salt poured on them. I am sad to say Massey seems to lacking the "multi task" gene, but maybe hers is buried like a wisdom tooth and will burst through eventually and fill her life with the same pain I feel on a daily basis.

I don't really mind least I know I CAN get it done...let it BE done and let it be OVER with.

I have looked at this situation from both sides. The more you do for people...the less they tend to do for themselves and the more they rely on you. On the flip side...I don't have a lot of spare time to wait for them to realize their slackness.

Let me also say that I DO take time for myself these days... Wednesday and Thursday I don't have to be at work til four in the afternoon. I get up in the mornings but around ten I lay back down in my king size bed surrounded by my boxers (the bull dog disappears under the bed into his little cave) and I watch some "Cash Cab" on Discovery Channel and generally zone out til after two in the afternoon. No one is there to disturb me or make me feel guilty and I take those four hours to just "ZONK OUT."

These are the hours that save my sanity...these are the hours that are just for ME.

Women are an amazing and resilient species.

If it wasn't for women shoving every one else down the path of life...the path would be cluttered with men scratching their heads wondering what they needed to do next and trying to figure out how to do it.

As long as I have my Wednesday and Thursday "ZONK" sessions...I can probably keep this up long enough to get all three kids grown and out of my house for good.

Granted Males are the stronger sex...Guess who makes them that way?

Til next time....(the laundry is ready to be done) COTTON

PS As usual, click on the is a Woman's "Where's Waldo."


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Make New Friends, But Keep the Old

The top picture is one of my Diddy (that's what we ALWAYS called him) teaching Sunday School in the church we grew up in. This was in the early sixties...I was probably in the nursery department with Nellie Graham or Mrs. McClure eating saltine crackers and drinking red Kool Aid out of those silver pitchers they had...peering over the half door waiting on one of my parents to swing by and pick me up.

Growing up in this church was hands down the most incredible thing that could have happened to a kid like me. It instilled values and beliefs that I remain true to this very day and made me many, many friends for life.

Some of them I still see on a regular basis. Some I see only at funerals (increasingly so in the past few years ) and some I run into out of the blue.

Tonight was one of those 'out of the blue' times. A lot of people make fun of Facebook and using it. Granted I am not one of the game players or "App" addicts...but if that's what you like, you'll like FB even more! I simply use it to make friends, find old ones and promote my blog (yeah I know that last one's selfish.)

A month or so ago I was at work and waited on a family that I THOUGHT I went to school with the daughter at the table. Until I saw the credit card I wasn't sure but (as usual) my memory was right and I reconnected with her after 30 some odd years. I told her about FB and I could tell she was as wary as I was in the beginning. I told her to just get her daughter to set every thing up...that's what I did...let my teens get me rolling, give me a short tutorial and I was off down memory lane like a house on fire!

The next day her name popped up on my friend requests and I sent her all the people that she would remember from school to her "friends suggestions."

BAM! Another middle aged person sucked into the FB craze!

She came into eat at the restaurant a couple of weeks later with three other friends she had reconnected with on helping us ole farts "Make new friends and FIND the old."

Tonight she came in again and brought a friend I haven't seen since probably the late seventies . Not only did I know this girl from high school but grew up in East Point Christian Church with her...from early childhood through VBS and on to youth retreats at Woodland Christian Camp.

We laughed and talked of old times. She knew both of my parents just as I had known both of hers (her Dad was such a cute man and I always loved his name..Ezra.)

She asked about some of my parents friends and I told her I had kept in touch with some their closer ones.

I told her about a year or two ago when I and my sister went to a funeral for a fallen soldier shot down in a Black Hawk...his Dad had grown up in our church as a youth just as we did. My sister and I sat on a pew together in East Point Christian Church...with my parent's closest friends on the pew right behind us. Mr. and Mrs. Fowler and Mr. and Mrs Kinnett. I told my sister I felt like OUR parents should be sitting right beside them. These four people were like extra parents to us as kids and have loved us even more since our parents died...sending Christmas cards every year and keeping up with us throughout our adult lives.

In the middle of the funeral a cell phone began ringing behind me and my sister. It wasn't a quiet "BUZZ" you hear when the phone is on low or was more like a "Jitterbug" cell phone on the "Call For Help mode."

It rang and rang and rang.

Finally my sister and I hear Mrs. Kinnett whisper to Mr. Kinnett that his cell phone was ringing.

He didn't hear a word she said...straining forward to hear the words the pastor was speaking.

Finally she said (quite loud) "'s your cell phone."

Still no response. She finally tugged on his jacket and said even louder "It's YOUR phone, Clyde ..your CELL phone is ringing!"

My sister and I were absolutely crying tears trying to keep composed.

These are the delightful kind of characters we grew up with in this church and I wouldn't trade them for a million dollars.

I told my friends this story tonight as we reminisced about growing up in East Point and the wonderful Christian Church that we all loved.

These are the memories that will last a life time...these are the friends that will last a life time.

To have these memories are precious reconnect with other friends that share your love, memories and beliefs are just as precious.

To laugh with this girl after over 30 years and still recall all the wonderful times and escapades we all had as youths is a gift in itself.

Thank you Pam for bringing Alicia in and Thank you Facebook for giving us ole farts one more shot at some really good times !!

Jeez...when did we all get middle aged?

The second picture is of my friend from the way back past when she was a "Russellette' older version of Massey's Guard. The last is of her on the basket ball team in high school. That's what I always liked about her...she could wear a fringe bathing suit or a pair of sweats and still be cute!

Til next time... Ole Codger Cotton

PS remember as on photos to see in original size !

Monday, February 22, 2010

Makes Ya Wonder Sometimes

Case in point...I brought home a bag of dog food today from the store. I asked my 17 year old son to feed the dogs.
He's gotten pretty good at helping out around the house...especially with the dogs. He's even learned that three big dogs need fresh water every time you feed them (no duh.)
About half an hour later I went out to the garage and the 20lb bag of food had actually been poured into the huge plastic container I keep the dog food in, but I noticed food scattered all over the floor and quickly saw why.
He had opened the bag of food with a claw hammer which was still in the garage floor next to the dog food bin. I asked Zach if he had used a hammer to open the dog food and his reply was "Sure, why not?"
Okay, a knife..maybe. Scissors...even better, but a HAMMER?
The other day I was at Walmart buying a few groceries when an older couple got in line behind me. I put the divider bar behind the last of my groceries and the man started putting their purchases on the conveyor belt. He plopped down a Sunday paper and then tossed two bags of frozen peas right on top of the newspaper. I glanced at the already thawing vegetables as the wife said 'Why'd you put them on top of the paper for goodness sake?"
I told her I had stopped myself from asking him the same question when I mentally reminded myself I had my OWN husband to get on to.
He said casually "It looked like a good place to me."
My husband will drink all the tea in the fridge but a half a cup and put the pitcher back in the refrigerator. What's he doing...saving that 4 ounces in case someone decides they aren't really all THAT thirsty?
My oldest son will go out and buy a new shirt for work when all of his are dirty...where's the logic in THAT? Granted I stopped doing his laundry (the age of 24 is my cut off for laundry ) but for Pete's sake...throw a load into wash when you know you are going to need a shirt for work.
Lucky for me I have to wear white shirts to work too so we at least always have an ample supply to choose from ...maybe I'll let that one slide!
A while back when my son's car broke down my 'next door husband' towed it home for him, inadvertently tearing off the front bumper. My son just left the bumper laying in my side yard for about 3 weeks before I stacked all the torn up parts behind my garage so at least the neighbors didn't have to look at them. Maybe my son thought bumpers were bio degradable and it would just disappear into the ground.
Living with a house full of men has its upsides too. They are basically low maintenance and rarely ever complain...they leave all the complaining to me and I sincerely appreciate the kind gesture.
I could throw some pig slop on a plate and yell "DINNER" and although they may not brag about my cooking they would surely eat it.
I could open a can of tomatoes I had left in the cabinet...warm it up with some milk added and tell them Tomato soup is for supper and they would eat it, clumps and all. They have never once complained about a plate or bowl of food I placed in front of them.
Men and women are so radically different that sometimes I wonder if we are the same species.
I love my husband and I love my two boys but sometimes they leave ME thinking "What the hell are YA'LL thinking?"
Massey is a train wreck as far as drama and being a hideous "room picker upper" but at least even SHE would balk at a can of stewed tomatoes with milk for supper and I can almost guarantee she would never use a hammer to open a bag of dog food.
Thank the Lord they have us women to shove them down the path of life and tell them every wrong step they take.
My men may end up in a wheel chair with me "Pushing them down the path" because they just weren't walking fast enough!
Til next time...COTTON
PS. Be sure to double click on the above photo...pretty funny (especially if you are a female)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Untrained Eye of An Adoring Mom

Just rolled in from work, threw some more unending laundry in the washer and ironed a work shirt for in the morning.

With all my rituals out of the way I am once again free to type me little heart away.

I went to see Massey in her competition today in North Dakota. Maybe it was just Canton but it felt like I was on a major road trip with Atlanta traffic. My google directions were great...didn't make one wrong turn and I didn't even have a co pilot to read the exits off to me. Am I a multi tasker or what? Besides that, Massey was sending me texts every ten minutes to be updated on my where abouts.

She told me where they were staying at the high school and like the great sneak I am I parked by the buses in the "No Spectators" parking lot and walked right into the school to find them in their "Dorm room" for the weekend. They were pumped! An awesome first performance and these kids were on top of the world. I snapped this picture of them before I went to buy my ticket to join the other people that obeyed all the rules and parked correctly.

I stood in the video taping area so I could tape the performance. The thing about taping is that you are so concentrated on holding the camera steady and including the wide shot of the whole group that you actually don't "SEE" the performance.

The tarp was pulled out...ECHS took the floor.

Yes I did hear a couple of drops and saw some flags that weren't in EXACT sync...but I thought it was beautiful and pretty spectacular in some spots...with my skewed view.

Obviously LITTLE do I know about guard competitions.

When I wormed my way back down to their "Dorm" in the cafeteria the mood was at MOST very bleak. They all said "We sucked. " "It was horrible."

I told one of the girls it may not have been as good as their first performance but it certainly didn't suck and on top of that...sometimes you can't win them all.

It's a fierce competition in the world of Guard. Sometimes you "Stick It" and sometimes you don't.

I was unaware that Massey had started out with the wrong flag...she was no where to be found in the "Dorm" and after talking to some of the chaperones for about five minutes she appeared from the rest room with puffy and bleary eyes.

She was devastated...all her eye make up was gone and she fell into my arms sobbing.

At that precise moment... I was so glad that I had made that long trek for a five minute performance.

That is my job as a be there when my girl needs arms to collapse into .

After a long talk and wiping away many tears I assured her that if THIS was the worst thing that happened in her life she would be a lucky young woman.

I can guarantee that she will NEVER start a performance again without checking, rechecking and checking again that her flags are in correct order.

It is life...

It's mistakes made along the way and lessoned learned.

By the time I had to leave for work she seemed a lot better and more in control of those ALWAYS high emotions that come so easily to fourteen year old girls.

Her coach was extremely nice about her mistake...Kudos to him.

Webster's defines 'mistake' as "An error or fault resulting from defective judgement, deficient knowledge, or carelessness."

If I know my girl...and I think I do, she will learn from her mistake and never make this one again.

You live and you learn.

That is life...sometimes it's rough and tumble and some times it's smooth sailing.

It's how you handle the bad times and how much you appreciate the good times.

I'm just glad I was there when she had a rough and tumble day.

I'm including the video I shot...YOU be the judge!

Til next time...A "Glad I was there for my girl" COTTON

PS Be sure to click on the pic I took of the group...a great bunch of kids with a LOT of support from a great bunch of parents.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Just Me and the Boy...and the PUPS

Zach sat in the kitchen floor while I finished dinner at the ridiculous hour of almost 9:00. Massey is at competition and Tim has to work all night so I planned dinner to be ready when he got up to get ready for work.
The two boxers stick by us like glue. The bulldog needs more relaxation from doing nothing all day.

He looks like a white turkey waiting to be stuffed! He''ll be pumped up in another hour when I get out his favorite enemy..THE VACUUM CLEANER. My two boxers just look at him when he attacks it...if they could speak I know what they would be saying. "'s the same machine she gets out twice a week and it's STILL not scared of you."
Zach just left with a friend to go to his house for the night...Tim left for work, Massey is at competition and now it is just ME ME ME!!
Massey just called to say they did great tonight and I got my shift covered for tomorrow until I get back so I can go see her perform !
I am breaking bad cranked up at 11 PM...watched my boyfriend Apolo Ohno skate (he's so stinkin' sexy) and gonna vacuum the whole damn house with the radio loud enough to hear even with the vacuum on!
I don't get the house to myself much, but when I do..."It's the KELLY COTTON SHOW."
Music from my era blaring...vacuum cleaner wide ass open and me singing along to every song (thank God no one is home.)
OMG!! They just started playing "Satisfaction" by the I in a dream? You gotta love 88.9 on the FM dial.
Okay now it's not even funny's serious. Chain of Fools just came on. If that's not a vacuuming song I've never heard one!
Going to clean the house while no one is here to see or hear me re visiting my far gone youth.
"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you...tomorrow I'll miss you." It just keeps getting better!
Til next time...Comfy Cotton in the Crib!

Friday, February 19, 2010

My Day Off...Zach's Monday !

Frances asked me a week or so ago if Zach could come clean up her yard...clear fallen limbs and pick up roofing scraps left from when she had her new roof put on. Of course I told her he would be happy to do it. Lucky Frances doesn't know...he hasn't been happy about anything in 3 years.

I told Zach about it then but he seemed to think that the idea had gone away until I woke him this morning to tell him "This is the DAY."

Lucky for him I fell right back to sleep. I got up around 1:30 and checked the temperature...perfect yard work weather.

I pulled him off his "Thinky" computer game and dragged him kicking and screaming out to the car. (Not really...he sulked his way out to the car as slow as humanly possible.)

Don't get me wrong...He LOVES Frances, he just hates me bossing him around.

I told him on the way, as he peered forlornly out the passenger window to remember when he got there that he was mad at me and not Frances.

It took him a whopping hour to get the job done and on top of that Frances gave him ten bucks. On the way home he begged for McDonald's and said his back hurt ( cry baby, cry baby, suck yo thumb.)

Had to go by the high school where Massey was practicing, go pick up Zach's friend to spend the night and help deplete the food supply in our house and came home and started cleaning.

I don't mind clutter (well I do, but I can live with it) but when dust builds up like an inch snowfall on the tables pictures and computer desk, it kinda grosses me out.

I cleaned every picture with Windex...and I have a LOT of pictures...Murphy's Oil soaped all the wood and caught my laundry up to only one basket left dirty. I swear Murphy's Oil Soap is like a miracle cleaner...especially when you have three big dogs shaking off their winter fur every time you say their name.

All I have left is to vacuum...the bulldog REALLY loves that! I have to lock him in TJ's room before I even get the Hoover out of the laundry room.

Oh, he THINKS he's a bad ass...but if I actually turn it on you would think he had five dogs chasing him as he scrambles up the stairs on those little white sticks he calls legs.

Massey is home I can give up on cleaning.

She is a cyclone within herself. She makes Pig Pen look like a neat freak with OCD and allergies.

She'll be gone in the morning to her competition and then MY competition will much crap can I stuff into a garbage bag without her ever missing ? I'll bet A LOT!!

"Ladies and gentleman...we have a winner. Mrs. Cotton took five 30 gallon bags of trash and crap out of her daughter's room and when her daughter came home, didn't notice ONE thing out of place or missing...we may think this is a NEW record!"

"I'd FIRST like to thank Dollar General for their cheap 30 gallon trash bags. I'd also like to thank the Goodwill for taking ANYTHING I give them. I would also like to thank Titan Sanitation for picking up cork boards, old lava lamps and any other crap I have left on the street on a Tuesday night. It's thanks to people like you that I have won this competition...won this race and cleaned out the most disgusting room I have ever seen or had to walk by on a daily basis."

Unfortunately I will have to start my race for the prize all over again as soon as "Katrina" gets back from competition.

She better be mighty glad that she is an "A/B" student...cause she is at best a "D" room cleaner.

Zach recovered from his horrific physical exertion with minimal damage...even said he wouldn't have done it for anybody but "Franny."

Maybe Frances has room for Zach AND Massey...the three dogs can stay here, they rarely ever talk back.

Til next time....Talkin' trash Cotton

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Breath of Fresh Air...or As Close as I Get

Guess what peeps? I am actually taking Friday off !

I decided today, that when even your big toes hurt it is time to step back (gingerly) and give them a 24 hour reprieve.

Came home from that wonderful place I now call "Work Hell" and watched some Olympics. I am digging those coats the snow boarders wear...hope I can find one for Zach. Of course he said he wanted one without the USA patch on the arm...maybe I can get him a "Nazi in a former life" patch to sew on his!

He finally watched some of the Olympics with me when I threw in that comment I wrote on my blog about "It's not like I asked him to give me a bikini wax."

He said that was WAY over the boundaries of mother/ son discussions and watched the women's half pipe with me as he picked all of them apart . Granted he's never even been on a snow board or skis or even a slope covered with snow..but he is quite the critic. What ticked me off the most is that he was right...seconds after he commented on a mistake the commentator said the same exact thing! "Show off, none living up to his potential smart mouth teen!" I guess that covers most teens...but MY son is the "King" of 'showing off and not living up to his potential with a smart mouth.'

At least he is excelling in one area!

So after I MADE him watch the Olympics with me he finally logged off his game on the computer...some kind of 'thinky' game that he gets so into I wonder if he's planning the demise of our nation via the web?

So I log onto Facebook...Here we go!

There were four lonely cows wandering the web looking for a home. The Mafia wars seemed to be building to a climax I have never understood anyway and I have been sent hearts, hugs, pillows and candies that I still haven't figured out how to touch feel or eat.

At least the Texas "Hold'em" requests have petered away...guess they lost all their money and are all in some sort of cyber re hab.

I guess if I learned about all these apps I may enjoy them...but thinking about it again, I'd have to give it a big fat "NO."

I have enough bad habits and vices to let "Cyber Apps" into my already desperate life.

When they come up with a "Make my feet stop hurting" app or a "Find my husband a really good job" app...I will be the first one on board.

Til then... I'll be honest. I don't even know HOW to accept these gifts and requests. When I click on them the first thing that pops up is a window saying I am allowing my personal info and profile to be open to access.

In the world I am currently living in...this just sounds like Chase or Capitol One trying to contact me since I have stopped picking up the phone when they call.

OH YEAH...I"ll click on the app and they will have my checking account number and just draft their money out of my already squeaking balance!

Use your bail out money and I'll catch up with you as soon as I can! I do mail them payments...granted they are late but at least I am making the effort.


I may be broke but I ain't STUPID!

I use FB for talking to friends and throwing my blog out to the masses. Til I get back on the financial track...I ain't giving nobody a stinkin' cow or a hug!

All you Farmviller's have fun...all you Mafia geeks keep on shooting...sorry if you feel dissed by me but I am too paranoid to join in the fun for now.

The dryer is beeping telling me the clothes are dry...I'm surprised there's not an app for that!

A whole day off tomorrow...a whole day to rest my throbbing feet and ease my constantly throbbing mind.

Where's the app for THAT??

Til next time, hugs, kisses and pillows being thrown right back at ya!


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Pressure Seems To Be Easing Up...HUMPH!!

Another day done and I'm still employed.

I got lucky at work...only one crazy table and the rest were great!

I had a ten top of drinkers (yippee) and a few other tables when I came up to greet a table from behind. One guy sitting with his back to me.

As soon as I welcomed him with our fake greeting I looked down to see my brother sitting at the table.

It's always great because I know he wants a bloody mary and a bone in rib eye with a salad with bleu cheese.

My brother is hands down my hero. Smart enough to only marry once and stupid enough to love me and my sister through thick or thin (there's been enough thick to choke an elephant.)

His tip was almost as phat as him and I wish I could have chased him out the door and given it back but I was already thinking about how now the mortgage check would clear!

I made $55 bucks off the big drinkers and had one of my regulars come in with his wife and family and ended my night up feeling like a bandit when I walked out the door.

I'll just have to take it one day at a time and one shift at a time.

Tim has upped to four part time jobs and we are definitely on the road back. I just wish it wasn't such a long road.

I slept 12 hours last felt better than a vacation. My brother once again unknowingly saved my butt, no one complained about me at work (that I know of) and I am back home to hopefully sleep another 12 hours before hitting the doors at work again.

It's so easy to get into debt and so hard to make a comeback from it.

Two months ago I wouldn't even think it possible now I see a light ahead.

Pray it isn't a freight train barreling down the tracks towards us and we should be okay.

Came in from work and one of my dear friends that used to work with me... who has moved on to a REAL job mailed us a ton of free sandwich and salad cards from her company...Massey already has them split into groups for us all (wonder what she hid for herself?)

Life sucks but Life can be good.

I have been dealt a blow but I have been uplifted...

I was at the bottom but with help from family and friends we are scrambling our way back.

That's a good word for it..."Scrambling."

That sums up my life over the past year...but you know what? "Scrambling" is my best friend these days.

It allows me to be behind or fading fast..but as soon as I can it allows me a breath and the will to scramble further. It allows me to accept help from others and helps me with my crazy deposit strategy with my bank. It helps me make dinner out of assorted left over cans in my cabinet and all the kids say how great it is.

It allows me to work 33 days in a row , then sleep 12 hours and scramble back to work.

My life has always seemed to be a scramble so at least I haven't been shocked by the turn of events.

I am a lucky, lucky woman. I have a husband who loves me (God bless him ) and three great kids that keep me awake if nothing else. I have 3 pups I adore and a sis and bro that have been there every step of the way...whether the steps were back or forward.

The public sector is currently killing me, but as a good friend wrote to me..."KARMA KARMA KARMA."

No wonder my brother's intials are "JC"

He's my Super Star !

"Hey JC, JC... You're alright with me"

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Home Sweet Home

Back in my house, surrounded by people and pets that love me.
Trying to shake off yesterday...the past is a done deal, you can only change today or tomorrow.
Work was uneventful (that's a GOOD thing when you're me.) I started out quiet and reserved... didn't feel much like 'chatting' but working with my two best friends always makes Tuesday my favorite day so around noon I decided to shuck off my cloak of "pissedness" and enjoy what short time I may have left clocking in and working with them.
Lisa is like a mother figure to me. Granted she is younger than me AND Republican...two things my own mother was not, but she gets on to me almost as much as my Mom did and lucky for me she can't ground me or take away my car.
Teresa is simply a delightful friend. Loving and compassionate...and a wide open target for my daily barbs and pranks. When she follows me to my tables helping me take out plates of food...I always tell my customers "Just don't look at her or say anything and she'll wander off in a minute." They always look at me like I'm crazy but look at her like she may be CRAZIER.
Today one of the servers I work with had two tables beside each other with women who hadn't seen eighty in at least a couple of years. I told the young server that the second woman on the left was Teresa's college room mate. I told her Teresa was a senior when this woman was a freshman but they were really close as classmates and enjoyed the weekend nights at the Speakeasy's.
It felt good to be funny again.
Teresa said she hadn't been to go see who I was talking about, was she still there and which woman was it? I told her it was the woman sitting in the 'Rascal' at the end of the table. My good friend cracked up (like she always does at my jokes) and we kept on working.
Five minutes later she asked if the lady had left? I told her she had plenty of time to go see her because she had 'fallen and couldn't get up.'
So I'm back in my groove...working with my two closest buddies. One I keep thinking is going to take a switch to me for working too much and another I poke fun at every chance I get.
Good friends are a good thing to have ANYTIME...but to have them by your side when the chips are down and you are feeling at your lowest is remarkable.
Came home and my daughter even had her room clean (by her standards) HEY!! At least the THOUGHT was there.
Made a big pot of Jumbalaya and curled up at the kitchen table with a book and three dogs snuggled beside me.
My younger son had all the laundry caught up and my older son was at work...making money he can donate to his rent.
Life could be better but it could ALWAYS be worse.
I've decided to commit myself to not getting fired before Tim lands a great job...and once he does to commit myself to trying to make something...anything out of my writing.
I would love nothing more than to just write and write and write. Thanks to my 'pseudo' mom I have found and will venture into finding a paying spot on the web. It's a site where you contribute to companies looking for a specific Web content.
Wish me luck.
Wish me success before I get fired.
I have two large kettles of water on the stove boiling to go take the hottest bath of my life.
I have slept a total of five hours in the last two nights. The stress is killing me...That USED to be my three kid's job.
I am determined to not put THEM out of work!!
Going to soak in a tub filled with 'Sweet Pea' bubbles and wake up tomorrow determined to find a way to not only succeed ...but be happy!
Til next time...Cleansing the Cotton

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day

Thought I would post a pic of me and Tim for Valentine's Day. Dang...why did I marry a younger man? He always make me look so old in our pictures together. I think this cute hat he gave me takes at least two years off my age...whadda ya think?

On Facebook this week they had you put up a picture of you with your significant other so I posted this one. It's almost too close to the real thing once I look at it...although Granny probably outweighs me , I still have her beat with the wrinkles and worry lines.

It's Valentine's Day so I went and got Tim a HUGE big fat nothing....unfortunately it won't surprise him.

I did go to Bath and Body and got Miss Massey some lotion and lip gloss. My older son is getting a stay of eviction and my younger son is getting an attitude adjustment...I hope they are all happy with their gifts. Like they say, it's the thought that counts.

I wanted Zach to come downstairs tonight for 2 minutes and watch Apolo Ohno race for the Gold with me and you would have thought I asked him to come downstairs and give me a bikini wax.

They are both good boys but are lacking in the 'Touchy Feely' department...unless they need something from Mom.

My three dogs were perfectly overjoyed with the dog biscuits I tossed in their mouths. Now THAT'S gratitude.

The boys say I spoil Massey...and I probably do. But with all her faults she does the ONE thing I ask...MAKE GOOD GRADES. I really don't know how she does it with all the million things she has going every day, but at least she brings home all A's and B's. Being a solid 'C' student throughout my academic days...I'd say that's worth some lotion and lip gloss.

I did give Zach $$ to go to the Masquerade for a concert on Thursday and I did vacuum TJ's room last night , sprayed some Febreeze AND put a Renuzit solid in the corner by his bed. If that doesn't say "I Love You" to a son, what does?

Tim went back to work tonight. I know his boss is ticked he didn't go last night but our car insurance was late and a deductible from a possible wreck would have wrecked US.

Life seems to be looking up here at the Clampett's. We don't have 70 million in Mr. Drysdale's bank...but thanks to our friends... from Newnan to Bug Tussle ...we are making some forward advancement and looking towards a brighter 2010.
By this time next year, we may be able to put in a cement pond!
Happy Valentine's Day to every one.
Kiss the one you are with, hug the family that you love and be grateful that God loves you even more.
Til next time... STUPID CUPID COTTON

Friday, February 12, 2010

Can I Pick a Day Off or WHAT ?

The first picture shows Massey in the snow the last time it snowed THIS much. Obviously it has been a while ! The next pic is of my front yard the first hour the snow began to fall. It is 5 hours later and the snow is still falling silently... blanketing our small part of the world with it's beautiful crisp clean gift wrapping.

When you live in the deep South snow is like an unexpected surprise...something you think only happens north of the Mason Dixon line.

It has soothed my nerves, made my world quiet for a few hours and almost been a calming for my soul.

After over 30 days I finally have a day off. Can I pick a day off or WHAT?

It's also my husband's birthday. Massey baked him a cake and made him a card. We let him sleep all day since he worked all night.

Around 3:00 I made BLT's for me , Massey and Zach. TJ was at work . They were probably the best sandwiches this 90lb. frame ever tasted. I saved some bacon in case Tim woke up and wanted one.

Granted the wafting smell of bacon woke him up and Massey trotted up the steps with a sandwich for her Dad. A few minutes later when she went to retrieve his plate she said "Daddy wants another sandwich."

I didn't know he was in the upstairs hall and said "Just leave him alone, he'll fall back to sleep in a few minutes."

Ain't I a sweet wife?

After hearing him say "HEY!!!"..I scrambled to the kitchen to make the birthday boy another sandwich.

My three dogs are down to ten paws. Rosie has been limping for a couple of weeks with her back foot. Ham did something to his front paw a couple of days ago and one of his toes (do dogs call them toes?) is swollen like a balloon. Zach mentioned that I should make them go out into the snow...the cold snow would help the swelling. Dang, he's smart!

I thought about sending Zach out with the dogs to see if the swelling in his 17 year old 'know it all' head would go down.

The dogs were quite taken with the snow just as I was. Charlie the white bulldog seemed to blend into the landscape of snow and the boxers just bounced around like "What the HEY!"

You just don't know how much I needed this day off...snow or no snow.

The snow made it so much nicer though. It was like God saying "Cotton...relax and enjoy, this gift of quiet beauty is just for you... to enjoy in your home with your family and not have to be anywhere or go anywhere."

Thank you God...I really needed this!!

Rice Krispie treats are made. Tim's birthday cake is made. Dinner is ready...his pick of chicken breasts and baked potatoes are ready.

The snow is still falling, like God is extending my present.

Life is good when you are at home with loved ones and don't have to rush off to work, school to pick up kids or guard practice with the daughter.

My husband wanted to go into work tonight but I begged him not to. If he got in an accident or got hit by an uninsured motorist we would be back to square one. I don't think his boss was happy but we can't take another hit right now (no pun intended.)

It is only sleeting now...which is worse for driving.

I am taking my tired ole self to bed early. God gave me a snow day, he knew I needed it.

Tomorrow brings work back with a frenzy...two double shifts back to back.

I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR...

At least I had today...and BOY did I need it!

Happy Birthday Tim...and I am glad you aren't on the road...with our recent luck you would get hit by a run a way car thief. You can ALWAYS pick up extra least I hope you can.

If not...blame it on me.

Going to do laundry and headed to bed after a wonderful day off with my kids and doggies.

Til next time...a MUCH relieved COTTON

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Who Won the Super Bowl? I DID !!!

Every year I forget to ask for Super Bowl Sunday off. It is a ghost town after six PM with every one scattering off to parties and get togethers.

I drug myself into my work clothes once again and went in for a long 8 hour shift anticipating eating all the free food I could get from the cooks.

It started slow enough, but after half an hour I had six nice tables going. Lucky for me my section was in the bar area with our new flat screen plasma TVs all on the Super bowl pregame show. Every one was drinking (Cha ching ) and as the restaurant emptied my section stayed full. I didn't stop for the next six hours and only had one bad tip...Amateurs, go figure!

I've worked the past twelve Super Bowls and never walked out with more than $40 in my pocket.

Walked out tonight with almost $200 in my pocket.

I thought there might be a reporter standing out front when I burst out the door into the parking lot with a microphone stuck in my face saying "'ve just won the Super Bowl, where are you going first?" And I would show him all my money and shout into the microphone "I'M GOING TO THE BANK FIRST THING IN THE MORNING !!"

It's amazing how good a great shift can make you feel. As I walked to my car, my back pain seemed to go away and my feet didn't hurt quite so bad. I didn't say much about making big bucks because the other girls I worked with didn't hit the jack pot like I did...but HEY ! You win some you lose some.

Tonight I was a winner! I've had plenty of shifts where the shoe was on the other foot and I limped to my car cursing about my rotten luck and thinking how bad my feet hurt in that "Other" shoe.

I've worked so many days in a row that it was all becoming a blur. Tonight gave me some clarity. I finally made it to the "Waitress Super Bowl" and came out a winner.

"I'd like to thank God first...without him I'd be a lost soul. Next I would like to thank all of the people that forgot to go to the liquor store on Saturday and had to pay high dollar to get their 'drink on' tonight in a restaurant. Lastly I'd like to thank the public for not coming in to eat five minutes before the store closed and keeping me and the cooks there for an extra hour unnecessarily. Heck, I couldn't be happier if I WAS going to Disney World!"

Pretty good speech...too bad that reporter wasn't in the parking lot to hear it. I'd rather give it to ya'll ANY WAY!

Til next time...COTTON

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I May Be Handy...But Can I Build an Ark?

HELP ME! I'm drowning! The stinkin' rain is back and brought it's foul friend "Cold" with it. I live in the south for one reason (maybe more than one) and that is because the weather is mild to warm most of the time. NOT SO this winter.

My back yard hasn't been entirely dry since Thanksgiving and given my emotionally drenched status...It ain't helping ! Three big dogs plus depression plus over working plus too many rainy days to count = CRAP.

My husband keeps saying "We need the rain, don't complain."

Well complain I will. I feel like the ape in this picture...holding a tiny piece of wood over my head while the rain just never stops. Oh, the sun will peek out and tease us for a day...then the rain comes back like "Gotcha!"

I am not a rainy day person. I am a 90 degree sunny day girl who LOVES sweating out in the yard with a weed eater .

That ground hog in Pennsylvania on Tuesday didn't help. He should had stood where he couldn't see his shadow or just have been paid off to lie. It seems to work for politicians, how hard can it be for a varmint?

At least I got my doors fixed to keep this weather I hate out of the house, but I am beginning to wonder if this rain will EVER go away?

If I was rich and could sleep in on my king size bed with non stop Discovery channel and some poor stoop to walk my dogs with an umbrella over their heads three times a day I might be happier about the apparent monsoon we are having.

Another bad thing about it is that my garage door opener is broken so every time I come home from work I have to get out of my car and open the garage door by hand..."AARGG" How did people survive without garage openers? They must have felt as helpless as I do when I wheel into the drive and brave myself to not only get OUT of the car to open the door but have to get out again and shut it. DAMN broken technology !! I would almost rather my TV remote stopped working (uh..maybe NOT.)

All in semi jest...I know we need the rain and I can deal with it....I just like to bitch about it because it makes ME feel better!

It COULD be four feet of snow or an earthquake or tsunami. I'm just a weather wimp and like to gripe when it's on my own dime!

That last paragraph has me thinking though. I am a lucky gal, and need to step back and look at the world wide picture.

Okay! We're having some will end one day...WON'T IT ?

Til next time Soakin' wet COTTON

PS click on the pic of the ape, he's pretty cute!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Dog Tired...

Just got in from work...feeling like Charlie LOOKS in the above picture!

Some good friends of mine came in just as I was getting off of work. A great couple of folks that I have come to be good friends with through waiting on them at work. I absolutely LOVE picking on the husband "Gomer" as I fondly call him. His wife is kinda crazy like me...I mean a "Good" crazy and they are both wonderful people. I was telling them I needed to replace the weather stripping on my doors and have all the materials but it has been so cold I have put off taking the doors off in case I got in over my head and ended up letting all the warm air out of the house by the time I figured it all out.

Gomer told me how easy it was to pull off the old stripping and just push in the new.

Whadda ya know? Gomer was right! I did the worst door in under two minutes. The cold air that use to flow through like an air conditioner on high totally vanished and I was so excited I decided to do all three exterior doors tonight. I'll have to call Wally at the gas station in Mayberry and tell him to give Gomer a raise!

I have the new weather stripping for the bottom of the doors but have opted to wait til tomorrow since I have to take the door off to nail on the new strip to the bottom of the door.

Dang! I'm a handy dandy ole woman! (with advice from Gomer)

I replaced my pipes and kitchen faucet a couple of years ago. That was a bit tougher job and required a heavy duty wrench and a bottle of wine. At least I finally got it done and felt proud of my handiwork. It is amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.

Tomorrow I will tackle taking the doors off and putting the new sweeps on the bottom of the doors before the next Arctic wave comes blowing through our normally warm southern region.

I am a tired old woman...but a focused one. If I can make it through the last year...I can make it through any thing. With the prayers and help from so many people...we are on our way back. It is a feeling of relief and a feeling of being loved.

I am so pumped up I feel like waking Zach up to help me knock the pins out of the doors and put the sweeps on the doors tonight...but I'll let it slide til tomorrow.

I can't wait to see how much the power bill goes down now that we aren't paying to heat the outside anymore!

NOW for that caulking task I have been meaning to get to around the tubs and showers !

Only nine more days til I get a day off!! My last day off was January 16 and my next day off is February 13. I prefer it this way. If I have two days off I absolutely DREAD going back. If I have to go every day it just gets to be something I get used to doing every day like taking a bath and brushing my teeth. So for nine more days I will think of it as hygiene.

On my day off Massey is performing in a competition in Nashville and I can think of no better way to spend that one day off than a nice road trip by myself going to see my girl perform and having ten hours of doing nothing but seeing the roadside, listening to music that I like and watching my daughter smile when she sees me arrive. Well worth it !

Til next time...COTTON