Life is a Comedy of Errors

This picture is SO my family...just add two more dogs and imagine Jed and Granny as husband and wife
After the events of last week we may even be riding in the same truck soon.

Granny is older than Jed...I am older than Tim.

Our daughter is beautiful and has a huge heart. Our younger son (nephew in the show) seems to know everything yet nothing. We'll call my oldest son "Jethrine" since he's the Pretty boy that doesn't live with us.

I have decided that this is my life. I am stuck with it and can make the best of it... or let it get the best of me.

I have had so much help from God, family and others that it rocks me to my core and makes me realize how blessed I am. Dang...we're not even back to living "pay check to pay check" status yet. Imagine where we would be without all the love and support?

I'm a person that has totally learned to work the system. You can learn to work it or you can let it beat you down.

"When life gives you lemons..." I can honestly say we have had enough lemonade to last us a life time, but it is certainly better than drinking nothing.

I have funded two new branches of the Bank of Coweta with overdraft fees. They should send me a Thank You note.

But you know what? It's ALL good.

We are healthy except for my seemingly continuously impending stroke or Tim's life sentence for finally killing me after twenty three years of torture.

We are a nutty bunch and I like it that way. I have a son that is driving me crazy (er) and is obviously a terrible driver. I have three mutts that I can't afford but love like they are AKC registered.

I think about people in Alabama that now have absolutely NOTHING. When and if they get a check from their insurance company there is no mail box to put it in. There is no identification for them to take with them to the bank...if the bank is still standing.

I think about my friend's son. A Marine who lost three limbs but appears to be the happiest kid on the planet.

I think about people sleeping on a card board box under a highway bridge.

I think about people starving from famine and spending their days batting flies out of their eyes.

I think of people in nursing homes with no one coming to visit them.

I think of how great my life really is. I have God, family, friends and neighbors looking out for me.

I have a job that I love and for some crazy reason they love me!

When you think your life is crap you need to take a step back and think about the millions that are much more desperate than you.

It reminds me of the old hymn "Count your blessings."

We'll make it. I will show the people that fired me from my old job for no reason other than my circumstances GAVE them a reason, that THEY were the losers.

I will provide for my family of misfits and hounds. I will stand by my husband who has withstood as many obstacles as well. If he can put up with me...I can put up with anything!

Life is truly a comedy of errors. If you can't laugh you'll cry. I would much rather LAUGH!

Til next time (oh, it's gonna be a good one) COTTON

Glad This Week is Over!!

What a week...the best part is that it is behind me now. When work is the sanest place in your life I don't know whether that is a good thing or a sad thing...We'll call it a "Good Thing."

The people I work with are a great group of people. Yeah, there are a couple of idiots but that just makes us semi idiots look even better!

We have hired a few new servers that have been a welcome addition to our already totally dysfunctional family.The server I used to call Professor has been replaced with his Clone. The server who left was named Mark, and I find myself constantly calling the new server "Mark."

In my defense Ive always confused "Mark" with "John." (not really)

We have my best friend "Hoke" who keeps me in stitches without even trying. Saturday night we were slam packed and running around like chickens with our heads cut off.

Ole Hoke decided to pitch in and fill up the ice bin at the soda tower. He grabbed the bucket and took it to the ice machine and shoveled it full of ice. Then picked it up and walked right past the soda tower where the ice goes and proceeded to walk out of the kitchen into the dining room even calling the courteous "Corner Out" so no one would run into him as he swung the bucket beside him and turned the corner into the dining room and disappeared.

I thought "Where is the heck is he going?" As the thought flashed through my mind, he came swinging the bucket back into the kitchen "Corner In!" He said "I don't WHERE I was going!"

I started laughing so hard I thought I was going to wet my pants...and being an almost fifty one year old woman, it doesn't take much. It was a crazy night and every one of us were out of our minds busy, but this one comedic moment made it all okay. Yes, it was busy...but a good laugh always helps and Hoke is quite "The Helper."

Then we have our new female server "Frenchy." If she turns sideways, she disappears. They say I am as thin as her...if this is true I am in dire need of a lard sandwich on heavily buttered Texas toast. When it rains, she could stand under a power line to stay dry. She is the hardest working woman I have ever met. She makes the Latinos at work look like Slackers!

She helps everyone and runs circles around us doing side work. Its nice to know ONE French person that seems to love us Americans!

She and I both worked double shifts today. She came in before I did, so she got off before I did. When she was checking out with Len (the owner) in the office to leave I remarked "Hey, Frenchy, can you clock back in? The dishwasher just ran some more silver through and it needs to be polished." She immediately replied "Oh, jess...I vil be glads to."

Len said to Frenchy, "Tell Kelly to kiss your as#."

I was totally kidding but she would have done it in a heart beat!

It's been a rough week here at the house. It's been a rough week at work. It's just good to still be able to laugh.

"If we couldn't laugh, we would ALL go insane." (Thanks Jimmy Buffet)

Sometimes it's hard to see the bright side of life ... sometimes it just means you aren't looking hard enough. I think I may need to have my eyes checked!

Til next time...Still hanging by a thread, but that's a LOT more than millions of people have to hang on to.

Still counting blessings...COTTON

Super Moon, Super Weekend...Super Tired !

Just walked in the door from work . Went outside and took this picture of the "Super Moon."

What a weekend! Massey had to be at the school yesterday morning by 8AM for her big home competition. I worked ten shifts this past week so I could take all day Saturday and half a day Sunday off to finally be a "Guard Mom."

Not sure I did that great of a job but I sure had a great time trying!

I went by the restaurant and picked up 3 huge pans of baked Ziti and headed to the school. We hosted a competition for almost 40 Guards ...felt like 400.

Massey felt horrible with allergy problems and I assured her she only had to feel good for 4 minutes and 52 seconds, the length of their performance. Sweet "Nurse Becky" pumped her with Motrin and I went to help the other parents.

By noon it was Summertime and I was helping the "Fry Guy" outside of the gym with his six vats of propane heated 450 degree "Cardio-Oil."

That funnel cake fame will be the death of me!

I had worn blue jeans and felt like I was melting in the already 80 degree heat. I told Chris, who has his degree in "Fryology" and a couple of others that I would have worn shorts had I shaved my legs in the last six months, but it helped hold my thermal socks up during this brutal past winter. Between my hot flashes , outside temp and bubbling grease vats I said "Excuse me...I'll be right back" and screamed back to the house . Shaved my legs in two minutes and was back at the school in under 25 minutes wearing much needed shorts.

I cannot say enough nice things about the parents, aunts, uncles, grand parents and friends of this Guard family. Students that aren't even on the Guard come out and help. We all have one thing in common...We Love This Guard!

Tried to earn my "Guard Wings" this weekend...I think I left Sunday afternoon with a half of one wing so at least I can fly in a really small circle ... "A bird can't fly on one wing" but it can flap around a lot and make a Lot of noise.

That's Me!

If I had to describe my job definition this weekend it would be "Floating Go-Fer/ Suckered Chaperone."

I flitted around on my little half wing from concessions to hospitality room to fryers to sitting in the upper bleachers telling idiots to sit down during performances so the judges could see and critique the Guards.

Our JV performed and came in first...Varsity performed and came in second. Massey was upset she had a drop...Guards always are.

No one likes to drop but sometimes it just happens .

Our family suffered a HUGE drop a while back and Tim and I didn't like it one bit either. Sometimes a drop makes you realize how you take "not dropping" for granted and need to be prepared to try even harder when you do . Keep on giving it your all...and odds are you will succeed.

The competition ended around 9:00 and the second phase of my job responsibilities started.

Talk about a "Drop!"

I was the overnight chaperone for our Guard and we were all sleeping on the luxurious floor of the band room. Nothing says relaxation more after a long day than sleeping with 20 teens, a Wii Dance and other Guards staying close enough by to drop in.
I started off with two missing...found them and four hours later wished I was missing a heck of a lot more of them. (Totally kidding..."Kinda")
Cut the dance party off around 1Am. I am a night owl anyway so it didn't bother me.
What bothered me was when I tried to turn the lights off...they wouldn't turn off.
I wondered why earlier all the Guard that wanted to sleep dragged air mattresses into closets, the music library, the brass room, the Guard room ANY room but the band room.
One of Massey's BFF's had her mattress right next to mine and when she went to sleep had two blankets. One she wrapped totally around her head and eyes like she was being led to a guillotine or firing squad and the other she covered up with. I was thinking what kind of condition she could have to need to sleep that way when I discovered it was she was "Smarter than the average Bear."
I told the kids to turn the lights off and they replied "They ARE ."
WHAT??
Every other light or so was on. "SECURITY LIGHTS"
I tried every light switch..I tried every wall..I tried every THING. My air mattress was directly under one of the florescent lights. I felt like I was trying to go to sleep under interrogation. I finally took a tank top and tied it around my head and eyes.
My legs cramp sometimes ...heck, I'm almost fifty one and am falling apart all over the place. I finally drifted off after 2AM but was awakened hearing what sounded like a bunch of AFLAC ducks having a get together. It wasn't in the band room but close by enough to keep my blindfolded old woman self awake.
I finally decided it was the Guard next door and went in the hall to go to their room and give them a small piece of my small mind.
I opened the door to the hall and there sat two of OUR Guards with three of the Guards from the next classroom all sitting around yakking it up and keeping my old self awake.
I flipped. I took the tank top off my face and shouted "GET OUT OF THE HALL AND GO TO BED...We're trying to get some sleep here!" I guess I just meant me, because the rest of the Guard was sawing logs like no body's business...maybe That's what really woke me!
I went back to my mattress and tied back on my "Hanging Mask." They all skittered back to their respective rooms and I finally fell asleep.
At least we all survived .
We woke up Sunday and started it all over again. I went home and showered and went back for round three.
I flitted around again on a half a wing and helped out where they needed me.
My oldest son drove down to see Massey perform and didn't know what to expect. He has never seen a Guard competition. After they performed he said "That actually gave me chills."
Yes...they are THAT good.

Massey's Guard won first place!

It's a different world, this Guard world. I have missed a lot of it but this weekend gave it my best shot at "Being a Guard Mom."
Massey's Guard...ECHS Guard and the entire Guard family give me relief and satisfaction when I am with them. They make me laugh and I think I make them laugh. It is a win/win situation for me and definitely for Massey.

Next week is Nashville. I would kill to go but unless I hit the lottery it will have to wait til next year.

They give me motivation. Not just the Guard but the entire Guard family. They have helped my girl time after time, which has helped ME time after time.

My new motto is "GET IT !"

What a great lesson to learn...success and moving forward in life isn't going to come knocking at your door... you have to "GET IT."

So I'm a sucker as a chaperone...but now I "GET IT."

Better late than never...

Til next time "Gettin' it" COTTON

Car Tag the COTTON Way...It Still Counts !

It seems that someone spotted me getting my car tag today!

Every year I wait til the last minute and always seem to have some excuse ...this year was no different (well maybe a little.)

Let's start from the beginning. Last June, Massey and I were headed for a weekend getaway at friend's house in Destin. I scraped enough together to get a set of tires on my car and borrowed my brother's gas card for the trip...everything else was paid for, my friends were taking care of us...just like they always do.

We got five miles from Newnan and my check engine light came on immediately followed by a noise I had never heard my car make, followed by the "STOP ENGINE" light. Not a good sign.

We putzed back to the mechanic who had put on my tires and asked if he would take a look at my car. After putting on a set of points and plugs he told me I still had an "O2 sensor" out but we should make the trip just fine. He let me post date a check for two weeks and off we went.

He was right, we made it just fine and had a great trip.

The check engine light remained on but I just kept on going...remembering the "just fine" part .

Fast forward to Zach changing the oil in my car when in financial desperation and then my "STOP ENGINE OIL PRESSURE LOW" light coming on.

This was a light I had never seen come on before and after Zach telling me twenty times he had put the right size filter on...I discovered he had put on a filter that was for a VW pick up ( haven't been made since the eighties) and I drive a 2001 Passat.

My nephew came over and changed my oil, putting on the right filter and pointing out that I had a broken hose connection.''"Hose-Schmose" my car was running and that was all I needed.

My brother in law told me to go by Auto**** and let them plug into my computer and tell me what was wrong.

Number one: the guys at Auto**** act like they are ALL mechanics when in fact they are cashiers.

Number two: they are all very nice and a few of them DO know about cars...but what am I supposed to do, memorized THEIR work schedule and only go by the days THEY are working?

I went my by trusty mechanic(bestest car worker-on-er EVER)...dang I've been hanging around Massey too long... and he looked at my car and said the "Cashiers" were wrong I couldn't buy the hose connection at their store for $5 like they told me. He told me to go by the VW dealership and buy the part and he would put it on for me.

By this point it was the last week of February. My tag had expired on Tim's birthday, Feb12. I knew I was already driving on an expired tag but as long as I didn't get pulled over I felt "Cotton Confident."

My big problem was getting my car to pass emissions. I knew it would never pass with the check engine light on so I was taking baby steps to correct the smallest problems I could.

My husband stopped on the way home from work the next morning at the VW dealership and picked up the $5 part the "Cashiers" had told me to get...it was $40.

I went to my mechanic and his shop was full of people sitting reading papers and texting. There were at least ten people waiting. I walked in with the part in my hand and he immediately went out into the work bay and told a guy to "Put this part on for Mrs. Cotton."

Five minutes later "The guy" called me out into the bay and said "I put it on but you have one busted on the other side of the engine too."

ARRGGGH !

He showed me what it should look like and I said I would get one the next day. I asked the owner how much I owed him and he said "Nothing...go get the other one and bring it back."

Tim came home the NEXT day with the NEXT part and as soon as I got off from my lunch shift I went back (to the nicest mechanic in the WORLD.)

I walked in and again the room was full of paper reading, texting, snoozing people. I sat for maybe five minutes before the guy who had replaced the other part came into the lobby and held out his hand for the part...then said "Where's your key?'

While a "REAL" mechanic put on my missing hose connection I asked the owner how much it cost to replace an O2 sensor? He said "more than this."

I immediately let it go but told him I would check back with him on it.

Five more minutes went by and all the same people were all sitting in their same chairs all reading the same newspapers when the owner said "You're ready, Mrs. Cotton."

I asked him how much I owed him and he said "Fifty cents" not loud enough for anyone to even look up from their paper.

I gave him a $10 bill and told him to give it to the guy that had replaced both parts.

The owner knows me from the Western Sizzler I used to work for and knows what we have been through.

He knew I was 3 days from driving on an expired tag and helped me all he could. I told him as soon as I got some money together I would come back to have the o2 sensor replaced...that was keeping my "Check Engine" light on.

I got back into my car and looked at the dash...no "Check Engine" light!

I screamed into the nearest emissions place like I was late for one of Massey's shows and pulled up...no waiting...no worries!" I felt like pounding on the horn to let them know I was a busy person and they were lucky to have me drive through!

It was a young couple running it and had their dog tied up by the drive through. I got out of my car and left it running, scared if I turned it off the check engine light would come back on. As I petted, played with and let the dog sniff my every body part I noticed the guy running the test kept looking back and forth from my car to the computer.

He finally asked if I had recently had work done on my car? I said "Yeah, I had two vacuum hoses replaced." He said my mechanic (my new hero) had seemingly reset my computer and I had to drive 60 miles before he could test it.

I went home and told Tim after he drove my car to work that night and drove it home again ( a round trip of 90 miles) to go back and have the car re tested at the same place.

Tim got home the next morning and called me to say the car had passed emissions. WOO HOO!!

I was at regional competition with Massey... and between Prelims and Finals went home to get the car. I got in it and cranked it up. The first light I usually notice is "Please Refuel" followed by "Check Engine."

Thanks to my brother who has loved me so past the point any relative should have to (and his gas card)...the only light on was "Check Engine." Who cares?

Guess what... I got my car to pass emissions and could now get my tag! "Touch ME...I GOT it...Who Bad? ME Bad! Going to the courthouse!! Marrying a little sticker called 2012 for a VW Passat!"

Actually Tim tried to go this morning so I could sleep late having to work a double shift. He came home in time for me to take our only running/semi legal vehicle to work, saying the line was too long.

NO DUH...

I ain't the only idiot...they all show up the last day of the month with their reasons and all their excuses. I SHOULD know all these people by now, but I guess we are timid procrastinators...

Who wants to be reminded of their failures?

I went after my lunch shift....around two.

NOTE TO PROCRASTINATORS: Go at 2PM...not before and not after.

The people with"real" jobs have given up and returned to corporate America by 1:45 stopping by Starbucks for a quick fix. The rest will wake up early and be there by 2:30 if there isn't a long line at McDonald's.

When I got in line there were five people in front of me. When I left the EXIT door giggling with delight, there were 30 people behind me and more flooding in every second. I left in five minutes with my brand new tag.

Another bullet dodged...learning to "Snake Life" (Thanks Scott and Dee) and knowing that as long as I keep on keeping on my life will keep on being blessed.

This last weekend made it ALL worthwhile...I was tired to begin with and more tired at the end.

The middle was AMAZING.

I met friends that love Massey as their own...What greater friends can you have? I met people that welcomed me and made me feel comfortable enough to do my "Routine" in front of and laughed along with me.

Came home with a current tag today..."Hooty Hoot!"

Spent a weekend with some great people and some great teens...that's a pretty good weekend.

It feels like work at the time but feels like a blessing the minute you get home and open your door.

If you have a door in your life you probably also have a window to look out and see all your opportunities when you feel the door close behind you.

I have a life so blessed, so full of family and friends that it gives me "Night Sweats" beyond "Night Sweats."

At least I have the window...

Life is getting better every day...

Moving in the right direction and starting to "In-Joy" life.

Til next time..."Cruising Cotton."

Live, Grow, Learn

We'll start with the oldest picture and move through the years that truly formed who I am today.



This first picture is me with my mother when I was in eighth grade. My Mama was one in a million. As I look at this picture, all faded and discolored I can still remember the day this photo was taken. The picture on the wall behind us now hangs over my bed. The ceramic bowl with the fern in it my Mother made in her ceramics class. The sofa we are sitting on was reupholstered by her. The outfit she has on she sewed herself...I still remember going to Hancock's Fabrics where she bought that green polka dot jersey material her shirt is made from.

Skip to high school. When this picture was taken my Mother had been dead less than nine months.

I was a cheerleader (captain no less) and still playing the French Horn in the band , trying to be a normal teen. It's hard to do that when nine months earlier you watched your Mother collapse while out school shopping with you and your sister.

I was a "mean" girl in high school. I didn't think so then, but ran with the popular crowd and had no qualms about making fun of and picking on kids that were less popular than me. When I was in my mid twenties I realized what it takes to make a person "Good".

High School becomes the kindergarten of your life.

You are now on your own and high school seems so far in the past... a trivial memory at best. I had been to college, studied partying and dancing for over two years and woke up to realize I was an adult with adult responsibilities.

I realized that when I was a teen, I thought just being captain of the cheerleader squad was something to put on a future resume and would make people go "Really?...You're hired!"

Boy was I wrong.

Life is more along the lines of this:

Elementary school is sitting in a walker, bumping into walls and your movement is limited and monitored.

High school is training wheels... you wobble but finally get going and think you are tough stuff once you can ride on two wheels.

College is a skate board...you go as fast as you can and think nothing bad will happen.

Adulthood smacks you in the face like a hammer and can stop you cold.

It's then that you step back and look at how you have lived your life so far and how you WANT to live your life from that point forward.

It's when hard decisions are made and when you realize being popular doesn't pay the bills...and why didn't anyone warn you about how tough life really is?

I have often looked back on my high school days and wish I had been different. I wish I had been nicer to people who didn't run in my crowd. I wish I hadn't made fun of people less fortunate than me.

I wish I would have realized, at the young age of 17 that we ARE all the same...we are human beings and all have the same wants desires and feelings, no matter what our circumstances may be.

I am now at the half century mark.

I have been on top and I have been lower than low. What I have finally grasped is that it isn't how much money you have or what you accomplish...it is WHAT KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE.

I wasn't a great person in high school...I thought I was, but I was using the wrong calculations of what makes a person great.

At the tender age of fifty (ouch) I finally get it.

It's about Love.

It's about being the best person you can be. It's about forgiving others and hoping they forgive you.

It's about not judging or labeling people. Who am I to judge someone else when I haven't walked the path they have? Who am I to question their beliefs when I am chocked full of my own?

Each person is an individual and just as vital to the human race as anyone. It's what makes us a society and makes us all equal in the eyes of our Maker.

Take a look at yourself, WAY before you cock your head in question of another person.

In the end....(which I am far closer to than away from) it will be a short clip of your life.

We are all a tiny part of the human society that makes up the human race.

Choose to make a difference...choose to care.

To all the young people that read my blog...."Choose Wisely".

There are no "Do Overs" in life.

Til next time....COTTON

Don't Turn The Wipers On!!

Sometimes you are the windshield...sometimes you are the bug on the windshield.

Guess my maiden name came in handy tonight...because I was DEFINITELY the bug on the windshield.

I worked this morning and it was slow as Aunt Jemimah's syrup. I didn't get off til almost four and had to be back by 5:30. I left and had to take Massey a sandwich at the high school where she was helping out with Guard stuff. She told me she was in the old gym. I went to the old gym and they told me she was in the band room. I drove to the band room and they told me she had just left to go to the old gym.

It was already getting OLD to me but I got back in my car and drove back around the school, which is the size of a small college campus. I found her there, smiling and happy to see her sandwich. It didn't occur to her I had wasted fifteen minutes just trying to find her...but as usual she was all smiles and I quickly forgot what a pain in the boo-tay she can be.

I went home with 30 minutes to spare. Swept the kitchen floor (never, NEVER own 3 dogs in Winter) loaded the dishwasher that is too complicated of a contraption for anyone to understand but a Mom. Made Zach a sandwich, just because I had Made Massey one and now he was home too.

Tim was having car issues (let's just pile it on) so I had Zach drive me back to work so Tim could drive my car to work at 10:00.

All the while I was counting on that $150.00 I make every Friday night.

Hmmm....

It started out with a bang but died early and I was cut after a frantic two hours.

I made good tips ..just not enough of them. When you are a server for a living, your shift is your pay check.

Not ten minutes after I got cut we got another pop. I had already thrown in the towel and was just helping others when the new girl at work passed me with a look in her eyes like she had Charles Manson chasing her.

She had picked up two of my tables that had been seated since I had been cut, in addition to her own set of tables.

She is cute and young (they are ALL young compared to me). I could tell from her frantic face she needed help.

I ran some food to her table and they remarked "Gee, that was fast... we haven't even had our salads yet".

They were very nice, a young couple...and I told them I would get them some bread and their salads.

This server was so overwhelmed. I know she was because even at the age of fifty I have BEEN there. In restaurant speak we call it "In the weeds". It means you are so busy that you can't seem to find your way out of the weeds. You lose sense of time and direction. It is a horrible feeling but one that EVERY server has experienced.

I helped her out a little and after ten minutes of being in the 'Server time warp' she regained her composure.

She just started a few weeks ago.

One of the first days she was there someone mentioned my blogging to her and talked about the blog where I gave everyone nicknames or characters. She asked me what HER nickname was and I told her I would have to think about it.

After all settled down and I helped everyone else make money...I went up to her and said "Well you made it. You finally earned your nickname".

She was still a little shell shocked from being thrown into the line of fire (the ONLY way to learn).

I said "We'll call you 'Weeds'."

I think it will stick.

When she went back to the young couple who I had helped her out with, they mentioned they had both been servers in college and knew she was in the weeds.

Can I call it or WHAT? It's a gift...Tim calls it my PHD in BS.

Had to bum a ride home from another server since Tim had my car.

Walked in the house tonight, already dejected about being the bug on the windshield and went into the bathroom off the kitchen to discover I was also Josephine the Plumber.

How hard is it to push a suction cup on a stick up and down a few times in rapid motion to make a problem disappear?

My kids prefer to close the toilet lid...like it's some kind of magic trick. They'll come back when they HAVE to use the restroom wearing a cape and waving a wand.

They'll tap on the lid three times with their wand and "WA LA"... "Mom came home".

If my life wasn't so funny, it would be sad.

So I didn't make much money tonight. It was more than I left the house with.

I gave a new server a new nick name...and trust me it'll stick whether she like it or not!

Yesterday Tim and I bit the bullet and decided to write a new chapter in our lives. We are beginning with Chapter 17.

I hate it but I also feel a tremendous sense of relief.

Our mortgage company has taken us on a year long trip of "What If" too many times.

Now we will keep our home, with our stopped up toilet and our muddy kitchen floor because of the pups. I can once again answer the phone hanging on the kitchen wall and know that in a few short years all will be said, done and paid for.

Yes I am fifty...but as I sat in the attorney's office yesterday looking at my husband who is two years younger than me and now completely gray I know we made the right decision.

I don't even look in the mirror anymore. I know I am skinny, but that doesn't mean I look good.

I think I will start writing my life story now ...to me it has been amazing, devastating, rewarding and eye opening.

I think I will call it "Chapter 18".

Til next...after I wake up and work the consignment sale at the high school til 3 and go into work again at 4...to make up for last night....

It could be worse...but it's gonna be better.

COTTON

I Got LOTS to be Thankful For...

 I started thinking when I left the house this morning for work and my car started, "I have a LOT to be thankful for." Last week at this time I was hitching rides and wondering how I was ever going to convince someone to give me a car loan to buy a new car. My nephew  came over and changed my oil and air filter and got my car at least limping back onto the road. With luck (which I seem to have none of) it may be a five dollar part to re connect a vacuum hose and get my car back running smoothly.

Right now I am getting 24 MPG when I used to get 38 MPG. Thank the Lord for my 10 cents off per gallon via my Kroger plus card!

On the way to work this morning I saw a guy on the by pass "Carrying" his bicycle down the road. He had it hefted over his shoulder and was sweatin' like crazy.

I thought "How much does THAT suck?" You are already having to ride a bike and your bike is in such bad shape that you have to carry it over your shoulder! I think I may have chucked it into a ditch and felt twenty pounds lighter...(you can always go BACK for the bike.)

Worked a lunch shift and zoomed home for a short break before working a dinner shift. Massey and I had to go shop the Thrift stores for a frame we needed for a pic that she drew for a good friend. when I picked her up I noticed that she was particularly down. I asked her what was wrong and she blew me off until I relentlessly broke her down.

Her Band, her Guard, her BFF 's are all in Hawaii marching in a parade. It was a $2000.00 trip and one that we just couldn't afford this year. I missed many fund raising opportunities because I simply had to work too much and have barely had time to think, much less participate in the fund raisers. She told me (actually sweetly) that she was tired of us being poor. I told her that no one hated her not being in Hawaii more than me and that if this was the worst thing that EVER happened to her she would be a lucky person.

I did what any other mother would do...took her to "Ross, Mess For Less" and bought her a pair of jeans for ten bucks.

She perked up some and I felt like a  #$@* of a Mom for having to make a pair of jeans make up for the trip of her young life time.

She has rebounded just like the girl I raised her to be.

I told her we have had one TOUGH  LONG year.  But out of the 23 years I have been with Tim...I guess we were due.

 What's ONE bad year?

 Oh yeah, now I remember...it's twelve months of scraping and scratching and twelve months of other people, friends and family helping us  survive.

I told Massey that we are some of the luckiest  people around.

We are hanging on to our house by a Rayon thread. Thankfully God's hand is mighty and strong.

I have SO much to be grateful for.

I have SO many people to pay back.

Life has already taken (almost) a 180 turn. I have a great job, my husband is working again and we are "Putsing" our way back on the road to normalcy.

When I get depressed, when I feel down and out I just think about the millions that would trade their life for mine in an instant.

What if I didn't have a family that loved me ?

What if I didn't have friends that  come to my rescue time after time after time?

What if my kids weren't healthy...what if one of them was missing and I didn't know what happened or where they were?

WHAT IF?

I am a lucky, lucky woman.

So my brother is tired of me. I am sure he feels like blocking my calls but always takes them anyway...he's my hero. (That's what he gets for being a bachelor...he inherits my problems,  reminding him why he never had kids.)

This Thanksgiving is MY Thanksgiving.

I am one lucky person. I have survived a year that I never intend to have to go through again.

I lost my humility and my pride long ago. They are both highly over rated.

What I have gained from this experience is immense.

 What I have gained is a sense of "Karma." I  gained the knowledge that if you persevere, if you help others...they will help you!

Everyone have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

Be sure to stop..check your life, check the life of others  and do what you can to make a difference.

Til next time...COTTON

God Smiled On me Today... It Felt Heavenly

I woke up in a terrible mood. Massey needed a ride to school, came back home and Zach needed one too. TJ had come over late last night and was crashed on the sofa in our den (formerly his room.)

I had kited another check to the cable company so we wouldn't lose Internet and said a prayer as I signed my name to the worthless piece of paper... they usually take 3 or 4 days to process a check and I crossed my fingers as I told the woman to "Have a wonderful day." I was supposed to go visit a friend at Scottish Rite but barely had enough gas to get to work so I sank back into bed to nurse my depression.

Depression is a REAL thing. It can take you so low you don't even want to get out...you just want to give in. I felt that way today. I thought to myself...why go on? I thought about how easy it would be to just go in my sleep. Then I thought about the fact that I have no insurance and all my bills would be HAVE to be paid even if I was gone and on top of that , my family would say "Dang...now we gotta dig a HOLE too?"

I succumbed to the pity and just let my body rest until it was time to get up for work. The kids were all still at school and Tim was asleep after from coming home from another 12 hour shift out on the loading dock.

Massey stayed at school for practice and Zach came home right as I was dragging myself out of bed to get a shower and iron a shirt for work. Zach is 18 and even though he acts oblivious  can tell when I am not on my game. Usually when they get home from school I am hopping off  Johnny and brushing the grass off my shins and scrambling into the shower to go to work.

Today I dragged myself out of bed and didn't even try to hide the fact that I had slept the day away.
 Zach asked me if I wanted him to iron my work shirt? I told him no just plug the iron in for me. The last time I asked Zach to iron a shirt I found him ironing it while it was still on the hanger. The thought was there but the end result wasn't too pretty.

Just like a good wife , before I left I unloaded on my husband who was getting up to scarf down a sandwich and go back to sleep before getting up to work another 12 hour shift out on the loading dock. God bless him he didn't say a word...but I just felt better unloading on someone and he is the one that signed up for "Better or worse."

I went into work and just as I started to feel like I wanted to go back home and crawl in bed again...it happened.

God smiled on me.

I only waited on eight tables. When I worked for Long Horn I would wait on about 20 tables a night. Every table I waited on tonight left me over a 20% tip. My fifth table was a party of three. They ordered a $65 bottle of wine and instead of wanting water ordered a bottle of Pelligrino....BINGO!

Then a party of four came in that recognized me because they used to work for my brother...I led them straight to my table and God's smile suddenly became a huge grin.

A huge weight was lifted off my already hunched over shoulders and I realized that "YOU can't give up."
You can't give in...you have to keep going until life swings back around your way.

I walked out with enough money to ALMOST cover my  cable check and enough to buy the cereal that was on sale at Kroger and a small bag of dog food.

I HAVE to quit getting discouraged...but it is so easy to do. Just when you feel like throwing your hands up in despair and giving up totally...God smiles down on you.

 He's a tough boss. He demands that you give of yourself before you ever expect to reap a reward. I lost that concept temporarily but as I reaped HIS reward tonight I was reminded why I have so much faith in his way's and reasoning's.

I have a wonderful family and I am blessed beyond belief with  so many friends that I feel embarrassed to have let the depression over ride my tremendous  system of support.

"Oh ye of little faith."

"My Bad."

Won't do that again. Working all weekend and as long as I am working..God will work for and with me.

I can't wait for the day that this time in our lives will be something we  all laugh about in our house. The laughter has been gone from my house for way too long but I can  make it return...with help from friends, family and most importantly  "The Big Guy" and I don't mean Chris (although he has gone above and beyond the call as well.)

No more pity parties...no more hiding in bed. I may be little but I am a BIG person and when you have God on your side...
"All things are possible."

Three kids, three huge dogs, a house we are trying to save. No one said life would be easy...but you have to make it worth saving.

Sounding like Scarlett  but  "As God as my witness tomorrow is another day" and if HE gives me one, I will make the best of it.

Sometimes you forget how lucky you are. Sometimes you forget to count blessings. When they all add up... if you are around to still count them, you are a lucky person.

I am now considering myself a " Lucky Counter."

"Get Rich Quick...Count Your Blessings"

I just didn't feel good today. I just couldn't get myself motivated to do anything. That isn't usual for me and it actually felt strange.

Our mortgage company is still dragging it's feet with us, two bills were due today and we only had money to pay one. I flipped a coin and sent Tim off with a check that won't be good til Thursday. I told him to drive slow.

I am WAY beyond worrying...I don't need ANY more wrinkles or gray hair. I am pretty sure the check won't clear til Thursday and have honed my kiting skills to a professional level over the past year.

I just kinda had the blues....but it seemed more of a 'blackish' feeling.

The first productive thing I did all day was go pick up Massey from school. It always makes me feel good to be with her and by the time we got back home I immediately felt better.

I had to turn around in a hour and take her back to the school for practice. When I dropped her off...I suddenly lost my warm and fuzzy feeling.

I love my boys...but when boys reach a certain age they love you more if you leave them alone unless THEY need something. They let you know they love you...sometimes in bizarre ways but at least they let you know.

With my 'warm fuzzy' at practice I went back home and laid down on the couch in the den and watched the news. Before I knew it, it was 7:30. I had to pick Massey up from practice at 8:30 and still had dinner to cook.

Zach hadn't even come home after school so I called his cell to see if he would be home in time to go get Massey for me so I could finish dinner. He said he was at his friend, Kevin's house and had just woke from a nap and didn't think he would be home in time...(WHATEVER!)

When he hadn't called me back by 8:15 I turned the peas down on the stove, left the meatloaf in the oven and turned down the pot of boiling water waiting for the fresh corn on the cob to be put in and went to the school.

At 8:40 while sitting in the parking lot waiting for Massey to get out of her 8:30 practice...I got a text from Zach saying that he and Kevin were picking Massey up and I could thank Kevin when they dropped her off at the house. Another "WHATEVER" moment.

I text back that I was sitting at the school as he and Kevin drove up and parked next to me. Zach got out of Kevin's car all puffed up with attitude "She's not even out here yet." I told him I realized that as I had been sitting in my car for fifteen minutes waiting for her but she was supposed to get out at 8:30 and I needed to be there in case she DID.

He drove off in a huff and even though he had attempted to help me it would have been nice to TELL ME HE WAS .

Then comes a call from Massey...She had forgotten it was her week to straighten up the guard room and couldn't leave until everyone else did.

My meatloaf should have come out of the oven ten minutes ago and my peas were probably out of water and setting the kitchen on fire as I called her back.

I told her I HAD to go back home and turn the stove off and would come BACK and pick her up.

Halfway home she called and said Megan's dad would give her a ride.

Got home and Tim woke up for work and said "When's dinner?' I wanted to beat him to death with an ear of corn out of the boiling pot of water, but just said "It's ready."

THEN I get a text from Massey saying she was going to spirit night at Brewster's with Megan and since they were giving her a ride she felt she couldn't say no.

Here comes my third "WHATEVER."

Zach was still with Kevin, Massey was at Brewster's and Tim was fixing a plate.

I decided that I would do something for someone ELSE.

A co worker of mine (the bull dog in a china shop) ...(previous post) had finally managed to move out of the gross Motel Six and had rented an apartment with another woman that was within walking distance of the restaurant.

I had told her I two twin mattresses she could stack on top of each other so she would at least have a bed to sleep on. I called her cell and said I thought I could squeeze one of them in my Passat if I laid the back seats down. She was so excited I almost asked her if she wanted to move in with us.

Instead I crammed the mattress in my car and drove to her new apartment. I got there and there was a security gate... I didn't know what to do, didn't even know her last name but as the gate swung open for someone to leave I just swerved to the left and went in the OUT gate."


She was sitting outside waiting on me and I dragged the mattress out of the trunk. Of COURSE she lived on the second floor but I picked up the front as she struggled with the back end. She said "You're a strong little #@$&." We made it up the flight of steps and her new room mate opened the door. An African American woman who seemed a bit older than me. They had met in the rental office when trying to rent an apartment. Neither of them could afford one on their own so they decided to rent together.

As I was introduced to her I asked her how she was and her reply was "Blessed."

That struck me in the chest even harder than the mattress did as I was hauling it up the stairs practically on my own (my bull dog friend isn't as strong as this little #@$&.)

The apartment was clean and freshly painted. As I hauled the mattress the last few feet to the bed room I noticed they did not have ONE stick of furniture. I had told her as we were hauling up the mattress that I would bring the other one over tomorrow.

I got in my car to leave...made it to the gate and called her back. I told her "Why don't I go home and load up the other mattress and bring it back tonight?"

I thought she was excited the FIRST time...

I went back home and put half of the meatloaf in Tupperware and the peas as well. I dug out some forks and knives and some paper plates. I got a roll of paper towels and threw them in the car. Massey was home by then and loaded the second mattress. I loaded up a folding table I had in the garage...like a camping table, but could stand in for a dining room table once I went and got a nice linen table cloth out of my closet. I wondered if they had a microwave so I threw in a little pot and a cooking spoon. Massey threw in two bath towels and two wash cloths.

My 'warm fuzzy' was coming back.

I drove back (scooted through the OUT gate again) and forgot which apartment she lived in. I went to the wrong door twice dragging my camping table with me and finally called her cell. I was one building off but when I got there you would have thought they were six years old and I was a big fat white guy with a red suit with fur cuffs.

I had even managed to squeeze in four milk crates that Massey had used stacked four square on their sides as shelves or cubby holes.

Two women, down on their luck...trying to survive. Not ONE piece of furniture to their name but a roof over their head , a bath to bathe in and rooms to sleep in.

As I left I heard my co worker telling her new room mate as she shut the door "She even cooked us dinner."

I left feeling ashamed of myself for feeling bad about my own family's troubles. I drove home feeling better about finally remembering how important it is to CONSTANTLY pay it forward.

My day had sucked until I helped someone else. Then it suddenly turned my world around and made me realize how very lucky I really am.

I have kids that drive me crazy. I have to pick and choose which bills to pay. But I have a house and a husband to help me keep it. I have family and friends that have seen me through.

The small insignificant gesture that I made was the thing that not only made these two women's day...but made mine.

Sometimes it takes other people's troubles to remind you how truly blessed you are.

I am the one that needs to send THEM a thank you note.

Life is full of lessons...you just need to be willing to learn them. I did that today and feel blessed for the lesson and for the reminder that there is ALWAYS someone less fortunate than you.

Til next time...COTTON

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...

I have had my blog going on three years. Every year I bring this post back in honor of my Father. An amazing man, Christian, husband and father. This is a photo of him holding my youngest son, Zach when he was almost a year old...Zach is now almost 18.

Happy Father's Day to every Dad out there.

I know I was blessed to have a great Dad and in his honor I pull this blog forward every year to show my respect once again.

I know he is on my shoulder every day and the times he visits me in my dreams is a delight.

I wouldn't be half the parent I am without having had such an excellent example.



"Ten Days Down The Nile"

I have always been blessed to have had the greatest parents brother and sister a person could ever hope for . We grew up in a small community on the outskirts of Atlanta , Georgia . My Dad was a blue collar worker , selling parts for lift trucks . My mother was a stay at home mom who was always the room mother president of the PTA and about a million other committees and projects . She could sew like the wind ... making all of our clothes even suits for my Dad , upholstering for our furniture …evening gowns for my sister , and even the cheerleading and majorettes uniforms when my sister and I were in high school . Shortly after making my sister’s wedding dress and of course all the bridesmaids dresses , we were all shocked and deeply traumatized by her sudden death from an aneurism while out shopping with me and my sister . She was dead before the ambulance got there , and the funeral was the largest our church had ever seen . We all went home to our now empty and seemingly lifeless house to try to figure out how to go on without her . It wasn’t easy , especially for my Father whose main function was to bring home a paycheck week after week at a grueling thankless job and to be the undisputed head of household . Now he was stuck with the task of having two of his three kids still at home with no idea how to cook for , discipline or show love to without his mate of 27 years . We all struggled especially me , the lost 17 year old with a chip the size of Texas on her shoulder and no regard for the financial struggle that my Dad was going through . Always expecting to go first he had almost no life insurance on Mama and the hole that he found himself in was only deepened by my thoughtless and careless spending as a senior in high school with thoughts for no one but myself . Yet my Dad still loved me even after 2 years of partying at college bouncing checks and living it up with my new college friends . Once home I started my career as a waitress ... one that I still have at the age of 46 . I finally found my niche … using the PHD that I have in BS . My Dad so lovingly forgave me for all the wrongs I had done in my wild and crazy youth and supported me fully in a marriage to a wonderful man that I met gaining a 4 year old stepson that I adored and in-laws anyone would love to have . Things went along .. I had a son , Zachary joined later by a daughter Massey who of all things , was born 18 years to the day that my mother had died . My mother’s maiden name was Massey, so I took pride in giving my daughter the gift of her grandmother’s name. Once a horrible day to remember in our family was now my little girl’s birthday … August 19 . God took so dearly from us but gave back so sweetly . I still feel mama was cheering me on that day . As the years passed my dad never remarried , dating and breaking the hearts of many women ... none of which could measure up to the loving relationship he had shared with my mother . He finally seemed content with a sweet woman he met in his neighborhood who was sharp as a tack and truly loved my dad . They enjoyed going up to her little shack in the Blue ridge mountains working on the little house clearing brush and just enjoying the peace of the mountain air . Right before his 77th birthday we all began noticing little quirks and inconsistencies with my dad . Always sharp and quick , he began to lose interest in things he had always loved … tennis , reading , crossword puzzles , even going to his church . I think the first big clue was when he held his fork upside down at the dinner table at my sister’s house and tried unsuccessfully to eat his brocoli . Unknown to any of us , his doctor had told him a couple of years back that he had the beginnings of Alzheimer’s and put him on medication . His fear of what may possibly come to pass was terrifying to him and he tried to keep it from us as long as possible . We all tried to cope as well as we could trying not to baby my dad but be there for support . He seemed to know his limitations , like not driving too far or not at night . The day before his 77th birthday everything changed and definitely not for the better .We asked him what time he would like for all of us to meet for his birthday and his reply was to put it off a day or two saying he just felt “yucky” . He claimed to just have a bit of a bug and we believed it to be nothing but . He lived in a downstairs apartment in my sister’s house giving my sister the knowledge that we could keep on eye on him discreetly without him feeling pampered . My sister called me at work to say she was worried about him , finding him downstairs staring at the 3 D flashing screensaver on his computer saying that it was bothering him . The next couple of days led to no real improvement so my sister took him to see his Doctor ( who was as old , if not older than my Dad .) That proved to be one mistake we made in letting him go to a physician that we had no faith in . My sister mentioned that we were concerned about west nile virus to which he replied “If it were that , he’d already be dead ." My dad had also worried tremendously about skin cancer that he had had from years of playing tennis and wore long sleeve shirts in the sun along with his floppy white hat . Knowing that he had the beginnings of Alzheimer’s , he truly dreaded possibly contracting the west nile virus that was at that time just coming to attention of the medical world and media . The old codger of a doctor , gave my dad a prescription for penicillin saying that would take care of whatever my dad may have and sent us on our merry way . We kept a close eye on my dad and watched a sudden and rapid decline . I took off work on a Friday night to sit with him and watched him lay on his sofa with no TV , music or sound and seemingly drift in and out of a troubled sleep . The next day his girlfriend Elizabeth took the task of staying with him on the pretense of just having someone around in case he needed anything . My sister called me at 7:00 in the morning to tell me to come to her house immediately …something was definitely wrong with my Dad and could I come quickly ? The feel of impending doomed followed me all the way to her house and I was shocked to walk into my Dad’s bedroom to see him sitting in a chair by his bed totally nude and wringing his hands together . Elizabeth had spent the night with him and said he paced about all night long making no sense or reason with the statements he made . Something big was wrong and we all knew it needed more than a visit to his tired old outdated doctor . We pulled him into his pajamas and assisted him into my sister’s car for what we know now would be his last car ride anywhere . We took him straight to the emergency room of the hospital and had to get him in a wheelchair just to get him through the doors . The man I brought to this hospital was a stranger to me , so frail and unresponsive . I felt that the nurse taking information from us was thinking that we had brought in an old feeble man whose senility was almost gone . How could this be .. I wanted to say .."This is not the state of mind my father was in less than 48 hours ago , you just don’t know what a sharp man he really is .“ But current facts don’t lie and it broke my heart to see her write “altered" on his metal status . I think this is the moment that we all felt our hearts slowing voices became fuzzy , none of it made any sense . This is a man whose tennis partner is 81 . A man who leads services at nursing homes for invalids . This was NOT our father and please do something to bring back the man we love . After finally getting him through the piles and piles of paperwork and insurance , we wheeled him back so that we could get all this mess cleared up and return to the life we had with him . This was not to be the case and with every hour that passed the dread I felt building seemed to crescendo and pound into my brain that something huge and horrible was happening to us at this very moment . When the doctor entered the curtain in the emergency room our first question was “Could it be west nile virus ?” His answer seemed to quiet our worst fears saying that it was a one in 114 million chance that my dad had the dreaded disease .We didn’t a know what he had but were all a little bit eased by the odds in his favor . Test after test were run all coming back negative for many things . About seven hours into the hospital visit I called my husband to bring me some clothes . I wasn’t going anywhere until we figured this mystery out . The last test was a spinal tap . It wasn’t very pretty , having to sedate my dad did not go over well with him and he was rolled back to his ER cubicle sweating profusely and totally altered by this point . After waiting what seemed hours the news came back … he may have some form of encephalitis . The words seemed to come from a million miles away not from across the bed as the doctor spoke . By this time we called our brother who lived in Orlando at the time and said “You need to get on the next plane “ . Everything was changing and none of it for the better . My brother arrived ... a big burly charismatic person that everyone who had ever met fell in love with . We weren’t close as kids but the older we got the closer we became . He is a carbon copy of my Dad personality wise and is probably the reason for him being so well thought of by so many people. He was close to my father , even though he lived farther away . I felt immediate comfort just seeing him walk through the hospital doors and knew now we would get to the bottom of this unfortunate mystery . Doctor after doctor talked to us giving us all their opinions options and suggestions . Things with my dad , known to all of us as “Diddy” got worse more quickly than any of us wanted. His first night in the hospital his temperature spiked at 106 and we were witnesses to what exactly goes on in the all night world of a hospital . They wanted his exact weight so they could give him the maximum amount of medicine to try and bring his fever down . I remember swabbing my Dad with cool cloths to no avail and then the staff had us help put my Dad onto a hammock type weighing device to get his exact weight . I should remark here that my Diddy was extremely close to his God, having raised us all in the church and lived his life as a total man of God. I never heard my Dad curse and neither one of my parents ever drank alcohol or lived their lives in any way but the straight and narrow. My Dad , delirious at this point called my brother Chris “A son of a bitch” for rousting him onto the scale to which my brother replied “ Diddy , you aren’t the first person to call me that even today. “ They brought in a cooling blanket that filled with cold air to try to bring his temperature down and even had us put on masks at one point thinking that he may have some “contagious” disease . That lasted about 20 minutes with me and my brother and sister . We just knew in our heart of hearts that it wasn’t some communicable disease and it felt almost like being scared of our Diddy to wear the masks . I remember one of my friends from work coming into the room around midnight to check on us and from the look on her face I knew we all looked frantic desperate and losing any positive attitude we may have originally had . That night my brother and I slept on the fold out couch in my Dad’s room with the thermostat set on 60 degrees praying prayer upon prayer that the morning would bring a glimmer of hope . The nurse came in the next morning asking how we had slept and my quick witted brother remarked “You know it is cold if you feel like spooning your sister”. The nurses that we were blessed with were the sole companionship we had for ten days and the most professional caring people that one could ever hope for in this situation . They never treated my Dad with anything but the utmost respect and caring and never catered to the fact that he was in an altered state . My respect for these women is huge , and my gratitude will be undying to them … they made my Dad’s last few days ones of dignity and of the premium care that I wanted for my father and I was so fortunate to have had him receive . To this day… years later I still send the nurses a Christmas card with a note to thank them once a year for the professionalism, patience and love they showed not only to my Dad but to his children as well. The next day we got our first glimmer of hope with a great neurologist that we got lucky enough to be assigned to . He was a small stature of a man but came quickly to be a giant in all of our eyes. He never pumped us with false hope but gave it to us straight and never pulled any punches. I felt such gratitude to this Doctor that a couple of months after this experience I felt compelled to send him a Thank You note as well for all he did for our Dad. He came in the next day for an examination of our father asking him to say such phrases as “Today is a sunny day” and asking him if he knew where he was . My dad answered that yes he knew where he was … "The Blue Ridge Mountains." That answer seemed prophetic to me as if that was where he really wanted to be.

The neurologist said that my Dad’s B-12 level was very low and that had been proven to be a big determination of diminishing memory and comprehension . We were all excited that maybe with monthly B-12 shots his Alzheimer’s may be helped to be kept at a minimum. He also said that he had sent a blood sample off to the CDC in Atlanta for a test of the West Nile Virus , but it would not be back for a while. He said the treatment for any Encephalitis was the same but if it was in fact Encephalitis his chances were not good . He said younger people could fight the sickness and come through fine but given the fact that Diddy was 77 it did not look good. We all still clung to the fact that he had a one in 114 million chance of contracting West Nile and that at this point in time his chances seemed pretty good. The fever was down yet he remained in a state of constant sleep which is one of the main symptoms of the illness . He woke up once that day and recognized two of his life long friends from the church and even called them both by their nicknames. I took this as an encouraging sign as we hadn’t had too many and we all continued our constant bedside vigil. The next day was much of the same … sleep, sleep, sleep. On the third day in the hospital my brother decided to take an hour off and go eat at the Varsity in downtown Atlanta. Cindy and Elizabeth were in the room with Diddy. I had stepped out for a few minutes . Upon my return I noticed how ashen my Father looked. I feel like had I been sitting in the room with him the change was probably so gradual that I likely would not have noticed as my sister hadn’t . He just seemed almost ghostly. I immediately went to get the nurse who by now was our best friend in the world. She came to his room right off and after taking one look at him called a code Blue. Then it all began to happen. I have never been through a more surreal period of time as when it all started to escalate and time seemed to freeze. The cardiologist came first followed by a team of nurses aides other doctors, and assistants. My sister and Elizabeth and I were asked to leave the room, but I just could not leave. If he was going to have all these people that had never met him working on him I felt he would need me there all the more. The cardiologist said he was having a massive heart attack. I have never been struck so harshly by words and the panic I felt almost took my breath away. They allowed me to crouch beside his bed holding on to his hand and letting them do their best to save my Father. The monitor started dropping, they were losing him. The doctor asked if my Dad had a DNR and I said that he had expressed to all of us children that he never wanted to be kept alive by a machine. Being the one in the room at the moment I was at a loss, asking the Doctor what he would do if it was his father in that bed? He responded, “I would bag him to get his he heart started again and see if he could come back on his own”. I replied, “Do it.” His heart rate had slowed to 5 beats a minute and although I prayed and willed it to come up on its own it did not. They started compressions and bit by bit his heart seemed to come back to life. He was moved immediately to the ICU, a trip none of us wanted to make but reluctantly followed. By this point in our journey we had a support group of friends that astounded us completely. My sister’s best friend seemed to be there with a hot thermos of coffee every time we started to fade. People from my work collected money to pay my bills since I had walked away from my job. Teachers from my kid’s school brought baskets with snacks , magazines, drinks, candy , and a different friend of mine was picking up my kids from school every day taking them home with their own families and not letting them worry one bit. More than that I didn’t have to worry about my kids at all, they were totally taken care of. My husband was taken groceries and my yard was being mowed. I will never forget the immense sense of true friendship that I experienced from all the co-workers relatives and extended family members that hovered around us the entire time we were at the hospital. All I had to do was worry about Diddy and that was consuming all my time, emotion and energy at that point. They had to shock him twice in the ICU to get a rhythm back and it was a totally frightening situation we all walked into in the small world of the Intensive Care Unit. I think by this point we were starting to grasp at straws... hoping for a miracle or just hoping to wake up from a dream. The nurses that my Dad had had upstairs came by after they got off of their 12 hour shift to see how my Dad was doing. We came to make more friends in the ICU but it was a different group... more people prepared for the worst and praying non-stop for the best. We met and lost several new friends that day and it almost came to be a common thing to be sitting in the waiting room with people who learned while you listened that they had just lost a loved one. We met a man who lost his sister the same day my Dad was brought down to the ICU , we probably took her room... but the next day he called the ICU waiting room to speak with us and see how our Dad was doing. In the time of his own grief he felt compassion for us three kids sitting in a room with no way to help no way to understand.. Yet he reached out to us in our time of need. I will never forget the friendship that he managed to show us in his own time of grief . We spent another night on chairs in the ICU waiting room which had come to earn it’s name… we were waiting. The waiting gave us plenty of time to reflect on the years we had all shared. We truly bonded with each other those couple of days remembering stories laughing at the good times we had shared, and crying over the bad ones. I would not take a million dollars for that time spent with my siblings, growing closer to them than I ever had in my life.

The morning brought us a visitor from the hospital’s infectious disease nurse to tell us what we all knew at this point in time was destined to happen. The CDC had confirmed that my father had indeed contracted West Nile Virus, in fact two different types of Encephalitis. Suddenly we were faced with some pretty heavy decisions. Should we keep him on life support to fulfill our desire to have a father or let the brutal nature that had encompassed his body let it take him from us completely?

My father never regained consciousness after his massive heart attack and my brother and I spoke several times about the fact that Diddy was such a good man of God that he probably had been gone from this Earth since the heart attack. We were just consoling ourselves by pumping air into a body that God had already taken home.

After we all talked... my brother , my sister , Elizabeth and I we all knew it was already in God’s hands… a place that we all four needed to be now. The papers were signed and the forms filled out.

Now nothing was left except our goodbyes to a body that used to house the most incredible man in our universe.

I remember finally being able to push all the tubes wires and ventilators to the side, and crawl into bed with the man that had shaped... formed and brought me in to this world and now ironically I would lay next to him as he left it.

Somehow it was very comforting to be with him even in his disparaging state. I will never forget the prayers apologies and promises I made to him on that bed and hope that by the time I was saying them he was already at peace with my mother wishing us to not be sad but to be grateful for the chance to have been his children...and hoping he had done a fantastic job of being a good and faithful servant.

The heart monitor slowed down to a mere beat per minute and finally but not willingly I knew he had gone Home.

I miss him every day of my life but am so grateful that I was lucky enough to have had him in my life at all. By the time I reached the age of 42, I had witnessed the death of both of my parents.

Two people who still remain so vivid in my heart that they will be with me every step I take and visit me in my dreams every night.

Time marches own... memories dim but the chasm he owns in my heart and soul will be his and etched in my mind for a lifetime.

Ten days down the Nile .. A trip that I never wanted to take but one that God had destined for me to experience.

May I take Your Order?

I thought you might all like to see a picture of me in my new uniform...the hat is my favorite part!

I studied for three hours today anticipating a test suitable for a Quantum Physics final.

I picked Zach up from school (Massey left with a friend) and he quizzed me from my index cards I made for my BIG TEST today. He massacred the Italian language but helped me out more than you could imagine. The wines were the hardest part and he had to correct me over and over again. I mean one wine has hints of black berries and plum...the next has hints of black cherries and mild tannins. The next one is crisp with pear and peach flavor and the next has a lingering finish or ends with a zing. Zach said I kept getting my adjectives mixed up and he was right. I finally nailed down all the house wines , where they were from and just had to be satisfied with that feat in itself.

The food was a bit easier. I made mental notes and ways to remember certain dishes. 'Tortellini Tricolore' has red white and green pasta...spinach, tomato and flour combined with red white and green ingredients...sun dried tomatoes, fresh basil and garlic cream sauce. Throw in the "double P's" Prosciutto and peas and THERE YA HAVE IT!

Some of the dishes are so similar that it boggles this ole brain but I have about three quarters of it down pat and can fake the other third til it all sinks in.

The owner's wife graded my test. In the words of my 17 year old son, "She knows her crap." She corrected me on a few points but said "Good enough...clock out as a trainee and clock back in as a server."

Thank goodness it was a slow shift. The weather was so nice I am sure many people grilled out or worked in their yards. It was a great night to learn how to do everything correctly and get a sense of actually waiting on customers myself.

I sold a bottle of wine to my first table. It was one couple who's tab came up to $58.00 and they left me an almost $13.oo tip.

BINGO!!

The feeling of a family owned restaurant is something new to me but is totally refreshing and uplifting. The owner let me order anything I wanted off the menu tonight and I had the most delicious Chicken Fiorentina I have ever tasted...Chicken breasts sauteed in olive oil topped with spinach and fontina cheese, served on a bed of of linguine with Alfredo sauce.

At least working there I will be back up to my fighting weight in no time!

So I had myself all worked up over this test...at least I am basically knowledgeable now about the products I am serving and can blunder through the rest learning it as I teach my customers and lead them (line by line) through the menu.

Yesterday was my day off and I met one of my regulars from my old restaurant at my NEW restaurant to have lunch (her treat...she's a sweetie.) I had a delicious pesto chicken sandwich. She had a meatball sub (homemade meatballs,YUMMY.) We had a wonderful two hour lunch and talked at length about my firing and my new hiring. She made me realize even more that this was a blessing from God and now I am in a friendly warm and loving environment where I can thrive, grow and be happy.

We have a long way to go but instead of spinning my wheels, they have finally hit the ground and with the help of my training wheels (people who have unselfishly helped us through this difficult time) I am getting traction again and moving forward with a smile and a sense of pride in my work.

BTW...did you know that our Pinot Noir has bright black cherry flavors with hints of tobacco and mint that allow a smooth silky texture? NOW YOU KNOW (and now so do I.)

I was in the kitchen at work tonight when the young Latino dishwasher came up to me and asked if I was Zachary's mom. He knows Zach from the high school and said Zach was one of the smartest kids he knew. I'm glad to know Zach is impressing someone with his knowledge...if I could just get him to share it with his teachers I'd have something going!

Back on track...moving forward and leaving yesterday behind...DANG it feels GOOD!

Til next time 100 percent COTTON

Worried...But in a Good Way

I am beginning to wonder if I am really a slow learner after all. I think I had best concentrate on being a fast cheater.







I want to be ready to go on the floor at work and start making money but am still apprehensive about the menu. I have starting thinking up ways I can cheat off the customer's menu...you know, kind of guide them through it pointing out things as I glance at the description and use the menu as a cheat sheet.





Then there's always the customers asking "What do you recommend?" My recommendations will be the three dishes I have memorized verbatim.
Three pasta dishes, three chicken dishes and three seafood entrees.





Besides the ones I have memorized I know my kids favorites at the restaurant and mine as well. Okay, so I know six dishes really well and three more I have committed to memory. I am pretty comfortable with about ten other dishes which only leaves me thirty more to memorize and feel comfortable with describing.



Then comes the part where I have to actually ring them into the computer correctly.

I have lost faith in myself as a server but have to regain faith in myself as a person.

I can DO this...I am at the point of "I think I can, I know I can."

Wish me luck as I take this plunge.

You can't fear what you haven't tried.

I will wake up tomorrow and forge ahead. Losing faith in yourself is just a stumbling block not an excuse.

What I lack in knowledge is not what I lack in persistence.

I am WOMAN, hear me roar..or at least meow, for now.

Wish me luck and thank you ALL for the overwhelming support.

Til next time a CAUTIOUS Cotton

Starting to Smile Again

Just got home from work...waiting for Massey to get back from her state competition in Macon. I've got her room all neat and tidy ready for her to come home and dump all her bags in the now clean floor and start the mess all over again.

Work is amazing!

I had two different parties come in and ask about me tonight...what a boost to the ole bruised ego. The owners I work for are exactly the kind of people you would want to work for. They empower you to make decisions on your on regarding the customers and back you all the way.


It has been hard being a fifty year old newbie in a restaurant filled with servers my kid's age but they have all made me feel welcomed and my trainers seem pleased with my progress. Granted it isn't brain surgery but it is still nerve wracking just the same. They seem to all like me and that is refreshing in itself.

The new schedule came out tonight and they have me working six days next week...I was ELATED! The owner said "I didn't think you would mind me piling on the shifts" and he was OH SO RIGHT! Working six days a week at a job where it was obvious they didn't want you but wanted to have six days in which to criticize and belittle you compared to working six days at a job where they know you will work hard and feel fortunate to have you join their team is so totally mind blowing to me and just the thing I needed (financially and mentally.)

Last night I trained with a young girl that was really on the ball and showed me a lot of things I had been wondering about and let me do many things for myself just to get me more comfortable with the computer system and the menu.

Tonight I trained with a cute guy around my oldest son's age...again an on the ball server who makes every thing seem easy. I learned many new things and felt a lot more comfortable in speaking with the guests. He has feet the size of an air craft carrier and the patience of Job. I know I slowed him down quite a bit but he never complained...only prodded this ole gal along and once again I learned even more from him. When I got ready to leave he came up to me and gave me the tip from the table that had asked for me. I refused twice but on the third time stuffed it into my apron and felt like kissing him on the cheek. That's gas money for a week...if he ever needs a ride anywhere, he's GOT one! I have landed a great job with great people...who could want more? NOT ME...

I had forgotten how it felt to be happy at work.

In the words of Willie Nelson I am "On the road again." I should have made this move a year ago, before things got so negative in my professional and financial life. You can't go back though you can only move forward and finally I feel I am doing just that. If we can hang on for ONE MORE week I think everything will be okay...actually I KNOW it will.

My middle son and I went to the grocery store today with our gift cards and my clipped out coupons. With my coupons I saved almost $47 and the total bill was $87. I had $90 in gift cards and sailed out the door with a week's worth of groceries and three bucks to boot!

Food in the fridge, a job that I love and that seems to love me...friends taking care of and praying for me...what more could a person ask for?

Before you know it I will back to my old self...what a welcome relief THAT will be.

Til next time...Crackin' a smile COTTON