Sunday, February 22, 2009

My Eye's Aren't Bad, But My Arms Are Too Short..

When I am at work...I card everybody. we had a bartender go to jail one night because the police sent in an underage person and she ordered a drink...It sounds more like entrapment to me...but who am I to argue? You "Can't fight City Hall"...

Now I find myself carding EVERYONE...just to cover my own butt.

The problem I am having is that I can't hold the driver's license far enough away from my face to read the date on the card.

Of course sometimes the person is a visiting associate with Hoshazaki( probably mis spelled) or Panasonic when I ask for ID it is in my usual comment is "ko-nee-chi-wa" which I horribly mis spelled..but know that it means hello in the Asian world.

I had a customer ask me if I needed to borrow his glasses..NO! What I need is longer arms.

DAMN...I am getting too old to be able to read a license..(Who had to make it in such tiny print anyway)? Like the government is TRYING to save us money....HELLO...I can give you a LOT more ways to save money than making me look old at work...(thank the Lord for the dim lighting). A LOT of times old people come in and comment about how dark it is in our restaurant.
I tell them that is the main reason I work there...the lighting takes ten years off of My life..If they change to florescent..I will walk out the door.

I just try to give good service...I always have a good time (I just make light of the worst case scenarios) and hope that it all evens up in the end.

Pretty much my job is a crap shoot these days...but I have been here thirty odd years and think that if ANYONE can is me...not to brag, but wooing the public has ALWAYS been a forte of mine. I have said it before and will say it again..I have my PHD in BS and put it to use to the fullest extent every day I walk into my store...and you know what...Hell , I have people I don't even remember saying "HEY. it's our good friend Kelly"...when I walk up to a table...but if they love me..I LOVE them.
I almost feel like saying "Thank you to my adoring fans...and thanks for remembering me".

My job is such a sales and marketing gig...but one that I feel I am good at.

I am one of the few people in America today that has SOME type of control over their income.

I do a crappy job and I either get fired or don't make money..I do a great job and my daughter gets a new lap top and I feel REALLY good about making other people feel better for coming out spending $50 on a meal for two in these struggling and worrisome times.

I am TRULY a BLESSED person....Cotton

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Stormy, Stormy Nights...

Boy, we had a NIGHT here in my hometown.

Storms blew in from the west...when I went into work at 4PM, the tornado siren was going off.

I called home because my two younger kids were at home and my husband was still at work.
No answer...they BOTH have cell phones (that WE pay for) and they were not answering the house phone either.

I finally got in touch with them..they were in the driveway shooting hoops.."It is SO warm outside".

I told them there was a tornado on the ground in our county, headed in the direction of our house.

My son (who is sixteen) just handed the phone to his sister (who is thirteen and went directly into panic mode) ...Thank the LORD for girls!

She asked to go to a neighbor's house and I replied that would be a good idea.

My sixteen year old was picked up by his 23 year old brother who drove through the warnings to take my youngest son back to his "crib" in downtown Atlanta.

As they would say "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do".


They DID beat the major storm, although the storms have lasted all night.

When I arrived home from work, my 13 year old daughter was sitting next to her daddy, watching the weather channel, clutching her bible, her pillow and a flashlight!



So far we have been lucky, although the neighboring county had windows broken out of their houses from the baseball size hail.

My daughter (obviously is sleeping with me tonight)... and we directed my husband to stay on the ground floor JUST IN CASE (not really, but it is nice to not hear his snoring).

I think most of the storms have passed...and even when they hit...what are the chances that your house will be hit by a tornado? If I am lucky...small..but at least I can relax in my king size bed with a girl that likes to watch the same shows I do...and daddy is downstairs with the dogs (they fart too much for me).

If I don't post again, I was wrong.

If I DO post again...I got a night off and my daughter and I had a wonderful, exclusive and quiet night just bonding...HEY! We need a LOT more of that!!

Living in a house full of men is like living in a frat house...unfortunately I am the only advisor and the only one that gives a "Crap".

I love them, but want them to know that THEY will be the one's to flip me over to prevent bedsores one day....and they had better not gripe! Can they not remember the stomach viruses and trips to football and basketball practice...not to mention the fact that they have given me more grief than the current economy? Thank the Lord I have ONE girl... of course she is only 13..I may have to get back to you on THAT one

Sunday, February 15, 2009

DANG...I'm OLD!!

Went into work at 10:30 this morning and got off at 9:00 tonight.

I love the people that I work for ..and love SOME of the people that I work WITH.

What amazes me is that at the ripe ole age of ALMOST fifty...I continue and constantly work circles around my co workers..most being 25 or younger.

Oh they complain, they gripe..they leave dirty dishes on the ledges (they are ten feet from the dish area where they are supposed to put them).

They leave computer printers out of tape when there is a roll sitting RIGHT next to the terminal.
It is almost like working with my kids...but you know what?

They aren't my kids , my back went out today and I got pretty sick and tired of cleaning up behind them, finishing jobs that they should have and in the same breath...doing my own job as well.

I started waging my own personal war.
I wouldn't pick up the dishes...but would write a note..."Take your dishes to the dish pit".

I would leave another note..."Don't leave dirty glasses on the ledges".

I would actually call people out by name when I saw them doing things that not only I knew ...but THEY knew were wrong.

By the end of my shift I had many enemies...but For Pete's Sake...Do your stinkin job!!

I told my husband last night that I was twice the age of most people that I work with..yet I work circles beyond circles around them.

He remarked that they do it because I LET them. They KNOW that I will do the job, just to keep things running.

He is EXACTLY right...I am an ENABLER...I make their job easier and help them make money because I am committed to my standards as a server.

But approaching fifty...the tide is about to turn.

Clean up your OWN your OWN your OWN job.

HEY!! We are all making money here, let's all contribute equally.

If you don't..I'll be dead in a month and THEN who will do all your work?
Just had to vent...not that it will change anything...but a steaming hot bath and a heating pad will!

Friday, February 13, 2009

What Kind of Idiot Do I Look Like?...REALLY!!

So I am at work today...a pretty busy lunch (people wanting to avoid the horrendous VALENTINE DAY MASSACRE in the restaurant industry).

The hostess asked me to pick up an extra table...I'm ALWAYS up for that!

I greeted them and asked what they would like...cranberry tea, strawberry lemonade or maybe a glass of wine?

I was met with a brusque..."I want sweet tea with NO lemon, NO lemon, NO lemon".

I actually felt like putting three lemons in her glass and saying..."I AM SOOO sorry, I thought you said to bring you a sweet tea with a lemon, lemon, lemon....did you say NO lemon, No lemon, No lemon?

It gets worse.

She ordered a salad...I believe this is pretty much verbatim.

"I want a salad with iceberg lettuce only..and I mean no cucumber, no onion, no tomato, cheese or crouton...bring us a LOT of bread with extra, extra butter...just so you don't have to go back."

Her obviously beaten down husband said "bring me a cheeseburger".

I made sure the "princess's" salad was PERFECT...took them tons of (free) bread and refilled her sweet tea..with NO lemon, NO lemon, No lemon as often as it was emptied.

My point is...don't treat me like an imbecile until I act like one.

I really had to try hard to not give her my "Mama is ticked look". One that I frequently give not only my three kids, but my husband as well.

When their (perfect..thanks to me) lunch was over..she came back at me with "I would like one of your delicious sweet teas to go...with NO LEMON". Thank the Lord she only said the word "NO" once.

I told a co worker....If I could be truly sure she wasn't highly allergic to lemon...I would have sunk three lemons in the bottom of her to go cup!!

But needing my job as I do, and rising above her condescension... I gave them both a smile...took her a tea with NO lemon, No lemon,No lemon in a go cup and thanked them for coming in for lunch and told them that it was my pleasure to have waited on them.

Ya know...I have been doing this for thirty years...and granted I AM a goofball.

But wait until I really screw up before you treat me like I am Gomer on the Andy Griffith Show.

But what goes around comes around...they tipped me $5.00 on an $11.00 tab.

My psychological skills have been honed to perfection over my thirty years in this business.

It is almost a game to me...treat me like an idiot and I'll show you just how GOOD a server I am!

Just like I always say "I have my PHD in B.S".

The rest of the shift, my co workers and I made a game of repeating EVERYTHING three times.

When I walked out the door with the $90 in my pocket for a three hour shift...I said "Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye".

OH, I'll be back tomorrow....BRING IT ON!!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Paranoia, Will Destroy Ya...

Can't remember the band...I THINK it was AC/DC.

I just loggd off of my "new" facebook account and my computer was running so slow that I folded two loads of laundy while typing a ten word message.

Am I being paranoid about my cyber stalker...or could she actually "hack" into my computer and just 'mess things up'???

I know that this modem is older , but only when I try to get in touch with seems to freeze up.

Now that I am on my blog...things are moving rapidly and I am amazed at the instant movement and speed of my post.

I just can't think of any other reason...and like I said, I hate to be paranoid..but if this little, bitter person has done ANYTHING ...and I mean my computer system, isn't that illegal?

I just don't get it...When I am in my email...all is fine...when I am on my blog...all is fine.

When I go to post on takes fifteen minutes to type a ten word message. Same with my new facebook account that I started for high school connections.

Some computer geek that MAY be reading my blog, help me I being paranoid or am I being a victim??

I am certain she doesn't know about my blog...YET...but the venom and acidity of her comments directed towards me on the high school site let me know that she is unstable and obviously holding a major grudge .

Everyone has dropped off the site...and that only seems to encourage her rath...and now it is MY fault that people have left her hanging without a person to talk to.

Some one that knows the inner workings of the internet HAS to read my blog.

Am I being crazy? Or could I possibly be right?!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Lovin' Me Some Face Book!!

Since my fall from grace with my Classmates site...I have returned with a vengeance.

My sister first suggested facebook...and once I got my teenage son to sign me up (I didn't have clue how to do it)...I am off and rolling!

Not only have I acquired 37 friends in the first few days (I only had 20 friends on myspace after two years) I found a group from my high school that has a site that was NEEDIN my help!

I have been a typing fool (no pun intended).

Just to be able to write my memories of my high school without a scathing and bitter reply is an absolute joy.

Granted some of the icons are throwing beads, chocolates etc.

But it is a really great site, one that you have to be INVITED to (good on my part) and a great place to re connect.

I also posted the website for my blog on my profile and it is amazing that my former class mates are ACTUALLY reading this site....and seeming to like it.

I just got home from working a ten hour shift...WHEW, I am too old to do this anymore.

I do have a funny story to share though.

One of the servers met her mom for lunch today in the was her mom's birthday and there were several of her mom's friends there as well (all women around my age).

YOU KNOW ME... I went up to the table and said to her mother..."So I hear it is your birthday...we have a male stripper named Vince that will be out here as soon as you get through with lunch".

All the women clapped their hands in mock glee and laughed.

Only the server , who's mom was celebrating her birthday, knew... that in fact OUR MANAGER was Vince.

Not two minutes after I left their manager (Vince) came cruising through the dining room and stopped at their table to introduce himself.

The look on not only the server's face but the entire group was enough to get me through the whole shift.

I don't know if they were thinking..."Keep your pants on son" or "Will we be charged extra for the show"?

All I know is that it made me chuckle...made my fellow server know that I AM officially insane... and made a bright spot in a long and tedious day.

Everyone at work knows what an idiot I can be...HEY! It breaks up the monotony and I believe I am the favorite 'House' comic.

How great is it to have a job that you not only love, but a free platform to perform your routine ... whenever you can squeeze it into your shift?!

HEY...I Haven't gotten fired...YET!!

I cannot think of a better profession for me than the one I have....sales and marketing with a sideline comedy routine as a bonus.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Home From My "Marketing" Job

Just blew in the door after a WONDERFUL night at work (Seriously).

With the economy, I have taken a big hit in the paycheck. People just don't eat out like they used to and even when they do, they tip a LOT less these days. I think some people don't realize that I make $2.13 and hour and I NEVER see one penny of that because they take taxes out on what I claim for tips. I claim EVERY penny I make mainly because when you go to buy a house or even a car...would you rather show that you make $20K or $40K ? Also we were audited a couple of years back. The IRS said I had two kids when I have three.

It took three months of faxing records and documents to the IRS to prove that I was right and they were wrong.

Did they reimburse me for all the faxing and overnight mailings? I don't think so!

It was more like an "OH YEAH...YOU DO HAVE THREE KIDS...OUR BAD".

ANY HOO... tonight was a banner night. I got my butt kicked from the time I walked in the door until I clocked out.

I had one table that stayed for almost four hours. A birthday dinner for a guy in his thirties. They ordered Jagermeister shooters, lots of beer and had a good ole "Throw down". They closed out one tab (tipped me GREAT) and thirty minutes later started another tab. When I brought their round of drinks (they had a designated driver) the birthday boy said "Gracias" to which I replied "Da Nada...mi amigo". He said "Habla Espanol"?? I quickly came back with "Hell yeah...who do you think is back there cooking your food"?? I told him I had learned more Spanish working in the restaurant industry than I did in all of my schooling (which included Spanish lessons from grade 4 through 12).

They LOVED me...and thankfully showed me their love on their charge slip!

Moving on to the next good table!

My wonderful sis came in with two of her good friends..sat and had delicious salmon salads with our awesome "house" dressing...lemon , oil, mustard with crushed green olives, diced tomatoes and a hint of garlic (just to brag a bit).

They were seated really near the kitchen (anyone else would have complained).

When they went to leave, my sister's friend...facing our dish pit as she gave me a hug said "Be careful over there, the floor looks really wet".

I told her not to worry, the floors were treated with a non slip coating. She said "REALLY"??

I shot back "Oh yeah, I could go do a cart wheel in the dish pit".

As another server walked by, I handed him the coffee pot I had in my hand and said "Hey Rob...hold this for me while I go do a cart wheel in the dish pit".

As all the young people that I work with do...he obligingly obeyed me and took the pot from my hand and carried on (although glancing over his shoulder to see if I would really do it).

The dish pit is the worst place in the house (for obvious reasons) but I have often told my co workers...if you DO fall in the dish pit, I don't care if you break a vertebrae...between the grime on the floor and the humiliation of falling, you are up in a flash stating "YEAH, I'm okay".

Tonight was a glorious night...everything ran smooth, the peeps loved me and showered me with their monetary praise.

Tomorrow could be a completely different story.

That is the only downfall of being a server...YOU CAN'T COUNT ON BANKING EVERY SINGLE SHIFT!!

I truly believe in my heart that I excel at my job and it will all even out in the end run if I give every shift my best effort...and I genuinely try to do just that.

It "IS" sales and marketing... and I enjoy it almost too much.

I make people enjoy having me as their server and in return...they come in and specifically ask for my table.

It's like I have my own comedy club that I don't have to pay overhead on!!

Of course I know WHO to joke with and WHO to kow tow to...and I can kiss butt when I have to...It is part of the job.

But the good ALWAYS outweighs the bad (so far) and I enjoy what I do for a living ALMOST too much.

It is just in my personality and persona...I think I was meant to be on stage SOMEWHERE...I am just not sure where........YET!!!!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The High Cost of Self Esteem (but I'll pay it) !

My youngest is my only daughter.

A total gift in her self.

An average student, but a tremendous young person. I have never seen a girl that enjoyed a math tutoring class as much as she did (it was her very own social club) but it did greatly improve her grade.

Last year she decided to try out for the track team...went to practice every day for two weeks...gave it her all...and was cut on the last day to be replaced by three girls that came to the last two days of the tryouts.

My sore point was "Let her make the stinking team...she doesn't have to run in every meet, but if my girl wants to run...LET HER".

It totally crushed her, mainly because they took her picture with the track team for the yearbook one day and cut her the next.

This year...half way through the year she volunteered to try out as a sub for the Winter Guards (the fancy dancy flag twirlers).

She tried out for the sub position and HOT DOG was asked to finish out the year in their remaining competitions.

The director/choreographer/leader and obviously part time teacher told me when I went to pick her up that she had caught on very quickly and even helped out some of the girls that had been on the team all year.

He told me that I looked so familiar to him and when Massey told him where I worked...that was it! He said I had waited on him several times at the restaurant and that I was a fabulous (a word I think he uses a lot) server. I thanked him and gave my standard reply "I didn't go to college for nothing"!!

He gave the me forms to fill out and some information sheets. Then he hit me square between the deposit slips with "The cost is six fifty", I knew immediately that the decimal point wasn't after the SIX. I think that I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
He quickly came back with that since she was joining halfway through the year we could work out a payment plan with a discount.

Hopefully this means $325.00

As far as a payment plan, I felt like telling him to get in line...I am already on so many payment plans that I feel like the next twenty years have been mapped out for me.

I felt like adding...since I am such a fabulous server, you'll need to be uppin those tips when I wait on you too.

I told my husband that the joy in my daughter's face and the total elation of being good at something and being encouraged was enough for me...I'LL DO IT!!

I can pick up extra shifts and work seven days a week if need have a child not only WANT to be a part of something but actually excel at it is reward enough for me.

The only downside is that if she is THAT year I'll be shelling out the entire $650.00.

I look at it this way...I never had to buy HER braces...both the boys cost me $3500.00 a piece. They aren't in Winter Guard...but they both have an extremely winning smile (thanks to Mom).

All that matters in the end run is that she feels wonderful and a part of something that means the world to her.

I just wonder what precious metal this flag she is twirling is made of? $650.00... about inflated pricing!!

I may end up in a bail out package before it is all over...but my little girl is happy, and to me that is all that truly matters.

Monday, February 2, 2009

You're My Only Outlet Now

Too much drama and totally childish mud slinging on my classmates site for me.

I do not mean from everyone. I mean from ONLY one.

I tried to back out gracefully and even THAT didn't work.

It was alright when she was just bashing me...but when she started in on my sister, she started to really piss me off!

We tried several attempts of offering the 'Olive Branch' only to have it slapped back at us like a whip.

I decided to just let her have the site, and return to my Peeps that love me!

I am thinking about creating a high school FACEBOOK page, and maybe we can all reminisce there without constant friction and ridicule.

What I think amazes me most is the bitter and caustic attitude that this poor girl still harbors after over 31 years.

So what I was the first chair on French Horn? Does it matter to her THAT much after over three decades that she never challenged me for the chair...and if it does, who's fault is that...mine or hers?

At the very least she has given me material for my blog and a good read for people that haven't read a tabloid lately. National Enquirer ain't got 'squat' on this girl!

I think that in some way, high school was a difficult period in every one's life. I know it was in mine (and I didn't even know at the time I was obviously ruining someone else's).

But it is over three decades down the path of life...BY GONES BE BY GONES!!

After she posted her last manifesto to my sister, she tried to start up a new chat acting all happy and upbeat.

NOT ONE RESPONSE from anyone.

I truly do feel sorry for her, but I have tried time and time again to apologize or re connect in a positive way and have been cyber stalked at every turn.

Life is NOT a bowl of cherries...but spitting the pits at people isn't the greatest option either.

Til next time...COTTON