Reality It Must Be!

I dreaded going back to work today but it really wasn't that bad. I got lucky and an older gentleman with his family seemed  to really like me and left a 65% tip. "Welcome back!" I got off around 3:00 and didn't have to be back til 5:30 so I went home and jumped on Johnny boy. Obviously it rained here more than it did in Florida and my grass was ridiculously high. I cut my neighbor's first (since I had to borrow his gas can) and then cut mine. When I cut grass in a bathing suit top, daisy dukes and keep  the mower in fifth gear the whole time I don't sweat anymore than I do at work and it helped  enhance my tan!

I got through at 4:54. I sat out back with the pups under the patio umbrella to cool down and wiped what grass the dogs didn't lick off my legs with a towel and went inside to bathe off with a wet washcloth. Reapplied my melted makeup and deodorant and drove back to work with  the top down to blow the grass clippings out of my hair.

Heck, I only took three showers the whole week I was in Florida...unless you count swimming in  a chlorinated pool. (If you  do, I bathed twice every day)

I look at it this way...when I was kid I would take maybe two baths a week during the summer if I could get away with it  and only washed my hair once a week. We spent every day of the summer at  the public pool from ten in the morning til six at  night. My eyes would be as red as Cheech and Chong's from the chlorine but I felt clean every night!

 I took a long hot shower  this morning before going into work and besides it was 96 degrees in  the kitchen at work on OUR side of the line during lunch. Cutting grass was a definite "Cool Down."

Dinner was an easy shift too and I waited on another table that showed me some 45% love on their tab.

It's nice to be making money again. I already have Barb almost halfway paid back for the loan she floated me and still have money for groceries and even some to throw to the Verizon Giants.

The dogs have TOTALLY missed me. When Tim turned onto our street yesterday he said "Get  ready  to be attacked by  three dogs" and I was. The puppy was jumping around like he had lost his mind and the other two were almost just as happy to see me. I love dogs! They love so unconditionally and emphatically. They acted just as happy when I came in  the door from my lunch  shift today. "It's HER... It's HER again!"

Today at lunch I had one of the biggest chuckles I've had in a while. I was waiting on the sweetest elderly couple. He is a handsome Dapper Dan and she is still a beauty. They dress  to the nines and are so precious. They sat down at my table and I greeted them with "Well, if it isn't Barbie and Ken!"
The woman ordered Eggs Benedict and asked if she could order just one pancake? I told her she could order whatever she wanted. Then she acted all nervous and asked "What if I wanted a blueberry pancake?" I told her there would just be a small upcharge for the blueberries. She was thrilled. (Ole peeps are so easy  to make happy, that's one of the many reasons I love them. The other is that I will be one of them in just a few short years)

My coworker, Little Frenchy was standing next  to me at the computer when I was ringing in the order and had a brunch menu in her hand. I was trying to find out how much to charge for the blueberries and asked "Frenchy, what's the difference between regular pancakes and blueberry pancakes?"

She is the dearest sweetest woman I have ever met and hands down one of my favorite people.

She looked at me, and with great sincerity replied "Whens you order ze blueberry pancakes they  put ze blueberries insides of ze pancake."

That made me smile and I laughed about it for twenty minutes. She makes ME look like a fatty. She can't weigh 85 pounds soaking wet and is the hardest worker I have ever met and is loved by  all the servers.

Day one back to work wasn't so bad. I made some money at  lunch, came home and cut grass...went back to work and made some more money and had a few laughs. Life could be a heck of a lot worse!

Til next  time...COTTON

Driving Through Bugtussell With Hoke...

I did another catering job for the restaurant on Thursday morning. I worked Wednesday night...two days into battling a horrible cold and waiting (once again) too late to start taking meds for it.



I finally dug out the old prescription decongestant I got from the "Doc in the Box" when I was sick a while back but was feeling worn down and worn out when I left work Wednesday night. I didn't get off til after 11PM and had to be up at 4AM to go to the catering job in a neighboring county.



Tim is having car issues so I am letting him use my car. I called my ole buddy "Hoke" (see previous post) and asked if he would pick me up and let me ride with him to the catering job.



We had to be there by 6AM which meant we had to leave Newnan shortly after 5.



After less than 4 hours of sleep I dragged myself out to meet Hoke in the driveway to make the trek. At least his passenger side window was fixed, which meant #1 I didn't have to freeze to death and #2 I got to ride shot gun. (see previous post)



We headed out in darkness and as we approached the last town in Coweta County before crossing county lines...we entered what I like to call "Bugtussell". (You know I am a Beverly Hillbillies fan)



If this gives you anything to measure by, the trailer park is named "Camp Dang".



Hoke wanted a cup of coffee and as we slowed to pull int the gas station I noticed a Christmas Tree decoration fully lit on one of the telephone poles. You know how cities have decorations hanging from utility poles that they light up at night from Thanksgiving til New Years?



I remarked to Hoke that they must have forgotten to take that one down.



We went in and bought coffee and I remarked to the young girl behind the counter that she should call someone on the city council and tell them they still had a Christmas decoration up and lit.



She said "Du Whut?"



Hoke started laughing so I just said never mind and we got back in the car and traveled on in the darkness.



We pulled back onto the county highway and noticed we had only spotted the first. From the gas station on, every other utility pole had a Christmas decoration hanging from it glowing with wasted electricity. A snow flake, then a holly branch, next were bells and then a brightly lit Santa followed by reindeer and on and on and on. There were at least fifteen Christmas decorations glowing in the early morning darkness.



Okay, a week after New Year's I can see. But over a month AFTER Christmas?



Next we drove by a power plant with huge smoke stacks billowing out huge plumes of exhaust high into the atmosphere. I remarked it looked like Three Mile Island...I'm not sure what was coming out of the stacks but can pretty much guarantee it "Ain't good".


The above picture resembles most of the houses we passed. I am sure there are many nicer houses off the beaten path, but we were ON the beaten path and the path looked pretty darn beaten.



We reached our destination at 6AM. We were serving breakfast for 75 at 6:45 and lunch at 1:00.



We got busy setting up the buffet and getting all the chafing dishes ready for the food to arrive from the restaurant. When you have a buffet you use cans of Sterno....like you use when camping. I hate the smell but they serve their purpose.


It was 6:35 when the first people arrived. It was a learning seminar for a huge company and I guess these guys were either brown nosers or simply starving.



The Chef from work had just pulled into the loading dock outside with all the food ready to go.



I don't know if any of you have every smelled Sterno, but it is a pretty strong smell. It's liquid fuel in a can the size of Fancy Feast so it must be some powerful crap.



I already had the coffee brewed and the juices out and as I poured a cup of coffee for the first goof ball he remarked "Smells Good!"



I looked at Hoke and said "He's gonna be easy to please".



Breakfast went off smoothly and when they went into the auditorium for their seminar we broke every thing down and moved to the company's main office to set up for the lunch buffet.



Breakfast was pretty stinking good (no pun intended) omelets with ham, cheese, mushroom and peppers. Grits with cheese. Bagels with cream cheese, sausage patties, yogurt, fresh cut fruit, and oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon. We had orange juice, apple and cranberry juice and gallons of coffee.



Breakfast was served at a Cultural Arts Center on a local college campus but we had to load everything up and move it to the company headquarters to serve lunch.



Once again it was another delicious meal.



Sliced pork tenderloin with an amazing pineapple/cilantro salsa, Chicken Marsala, garlic mashed potatoes, green beans, salad, garlic bread and cannoli, brownies and peach cobbler for dessert.

We have a woman who sells all of our catering jobs. She sells the jobs, the restaurant makes the fabulous food and us servers dole it out. A pretty good combination of effort, salesmanship and service.

When the big wigs all get their fill , there is generally food left over and us servers get to eat and the woman who sells the job lets the underlings from the office pool come eat as well once the seminar has started back up.

Hoke, one of the chefs and I were sitting in the kitchen eating when the call was sent out that the secretaries could come fix a plate.

One woman stepped in the kitchen and picked up the phone and dialed an extension. In a hushed tone she said "They're done". She punched another extension and said "Come on". She went out to fix her plate and came back into the kitchen, plate in hand and dialed yet another extension. "Come now".

We were cracking up!

Hoke looked at me and said "The eagle has landed...the pearl is in the river..."

In less than two minutes ...the buffet was surrounded by underlings. It was like pigeons in the parking lot at the Varsity in Atlanta....except it was great food they were pecking at.

The big wigs ate first...but everybody got to enjoy.

I got home in time to pick Massey up from school, a little late but at least I got there.

I went home and fell into a coma on the couch. Woke up to take her to Guard practice and fell back into my coma. Zach picked her up at 9:30 and I slept for 15 hours.

I feel better... not well but on the road to recovery. Worked another double today and barely made it. I have Saturday off to go to Massey's first competition of the Winter Guard season.

Brought home enough food from catering to not have to cook til at least Monday.

Can't wait to blog about her first competition and of course I will have a video.

Headed to bed...just wanted to share with y'all first!

Til next time...COTTON

Is This a Normal Person's Life?

It's no wonder I have a blog.

More can happen to me in a 24 hour period than happens to most people in a year. I'm not saying it's all bad...it just ALL seems to happen to me, my kids or dogs or to something I own.

I went to the John Deere place today to buy a new blade. The same guy that gave me the wrong air filter 3 times was at the desk so I should have known better than to think the blade I carried back out to my car was the right one. He DID have the right air filter so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and took the blade with me.

Let me start with saying before I EVER went to the JD store I wrote down my model number, the VIN number and measured my old blade that was still crumpled and attached to my mower. He never even looked at the piece of paper (I guess because he's such a Pro at his job.)


When he handed me the box my first words were "This is too long." He said with confidence "The box is longer than the actual blade." Having made 3 trips just to get an air filter I opened the box and the blade fit snug against the ends of the box.

I felt like saying "Strike Four ya big doofus." I tried to make myself think that maybe with all my "NASCARing" on Johnny I had worn the blade down two inches. I KNEW better, I wanted to protest but he was so apologetic about the air filter that I talked myself into believing him.

I got home and the stinking blade was two inches wider than the stinking deck on the mower. Shall I say "DOOFUS" one more time?

I took the blade back and discovered he had closed up shop five minutes early and I was left with a blade two inches too long. AARRGGG!!!

Not to worry! I rode across the street to Tractor Supply and tried to find the right blade. No luck...seems most JD parts are only at JD stores and I was outta luck once again.

Just for the heck of it I tried Home Depot. They only had JD blades bigger than the one Doofus had sold me.

By then it was time to get ready for work and I had to give up the fight (and search.)

At least my brother in law came over and took the crumpled blade off for me while I was at work and probably laughed at my back yard for good measure before he left.

Moving on to work.

Busy as a bee hive...I felt like I was TRULY in a cartoon . I was Wylie Coyote and all my tables were dressed as Road Runners. It was the longest two hours of my life and sweat was pouring down my back as I tried to keep the panic from showing on my face. It got hairy for a few minutes but my good friend Olive Oyl helped me and somehow I made it.

Last night was great as well...things ran smoother for me and I made a few good regulars. I had a party of six, 3 couples. They were all drinking and we enjoyed a nice humorous banter. When I was packing up their left overs (you always have left overs at Mama Lucia's...the portions are huge) one of the husbands said "You really know your stuff."

I replied my standard "I didn't go to college for nothing...got my PHD in BS and put it right to work." He said I would make a great salesman and I told him I considered myself in Sales and Marketing anyway. He asked if I was a good liar and I winked at him and said "One of the best, you good looking thing." His wife almost fell out of the booth laughing and once again I knew I had found the right job working for the right people waiting on tables in an environment that perfectly suited me and my personality. I quickly apologized to the man and his wife said "Don't you dare...that was the funniest thing I have heard in a while."

Bingo!

I told them you have to know who to kid around with and who NOT to kid around with and they all agreed they were a table that thoroughly enjoyed it.

I feel like I got my MOJO back. Now I just need my JD back!

If something kooky or bizarre didn't happen to me within a 24 hour period...I would check my pulse and wonder if I was still alive.

At least I ALWAYS have something to write about.

BTW...every one at work is all abuzz about the cartoon blog and we have decided that there may have to be a part III.

I got a text late last night from "Olive Oyl". It read, OMG...I am cracking up reading ur cartoon blogs. I love a good laugh!! :)

Have I found the right new home or WHAT?

You just wait til the JD store opens on Monday and I rip Doofus a new one...he is giving my "baby's" parents company a bad name and besides that Johnny looks all naked without his blade.

Look for more cartoons, more JD updates and more Cotton catastrophe updates.

"TILL" next time (get it?) Cotton

DANG...I am TIRED !

I feel like my sister's boxer LOOKS in this photo.



Friday I had to be at work at 11:30 AM to work the lunch shift. Got off at 4:20 and had to back on at 5:00.



I went home to trade cars with Tim so Zach could give my car a MUCH needed oil change. I gave the dogs some fresh water...Hey, it was only 90 degrees outside and there are three dogs, who'd expect anyone else in the house would think to give them a big fresh bowl of water at LEAST a couple of times a day? You know they are always panting anyway...guess they looked normal to the kids! They can always just lick the slobber off each other for hydration.



Went and cranked up Tim's car to go back to work...already sweating like a Ho in church when I remembered Tim's A/C didn't work in his car. OH GREAT!



By the time I got back to work I was sweating so bad in my long sleeved work shirt that I wish I still resembled the Ho in church condition I had left the house in.



I immediately got seated with a party of nine and fifteen minutes later a party of sixteen. Thankfully I was working both parties with a really good server who trained me (and they STILL kept him!)



Our restaurant computer system identifies us by our finger print on a pad mouse and sometimes it doesn't seem to read my print and allow me to ring in orders. I thought maybe it had to do with me burning off all my prints cooking pizzas for "Johnny's" for fifteen years when another server told me last weekend that the sensor needs for you to have some oil on your finger to read it. Since we all wash our hands about 30 times a night during a shift, I guess it washes away all the oil. She said sometimes she keeps a small beverage napkin by the computer with some olive oil on it to dab on her finger when the sensor won't read her print.



I was trying to ring in a nine top and then a sixteen top and the freaking sensor wouldn't read my finger print. Of course I had forgotten about the handy "bev nap" trick and was starting to get behind. I still have a hard time ringing in big orders quickly so I thought "What the heck" and wiped my finger across my forehead and tried the sensor pad again.



BINGO! Thank the Lord I was like a greased pig...the computer recognized my print and I got all my orders in on time. Disgusting? Yes. Resourceful? Heck yeah!



Got through both parties when the owner told me I was on a party of 14 in the private room for a surprise birthday party..."SURPRISE, YOU SWEATY PIG!"



I worked this party with another server that had trained me as well (HEY, they even made her head waitress in addition to keeping HER.)



They had a crown for the birthday girl to wear, a feather boa and had the table all decorated for her arrival. When the birthday girl finally arrived, she was a short very heavy set girl stuffed into a strapless poodle skirt sun dress who when seeing all her friends starting jumping up and down and reminding me of Nikki Blonsky in "Hairspray."



They were a nice bunch...a bit eclectic..very gay and look who they got for a server....ME!! I already look gay with my hair cut and the Liberal roots of my parents loins from which I sprang let me fit right into their party. I am by NO means "Homophobic" but the opposite. They were all so excited about "Nikki's" birthday and I was glad they chose our place and the owner had chosen me to serve them. Most all of them had been servers (another plus.)



Unlucky for me, they were in no kind of a hurry. I had been there since 11:30, they got seated at 7:30 and at 11:30 most of them were still there. Nikki had bounced all over the room in her by now obvious "Fake" boa. There were black feathers all over the floor from one end of the room to the other. They finally paid their tab about 10:30 and I thought I finally saw light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunate for me it was a freight train barrelling down the tracks. They seemed to settle in to wait for her birthday to roll around once again.



By this point I had used up all the grease on my forehead and was just ready to "GO."

They didn't leave until after 11:30...we close at 10:30. A couple of times they asked "Are we holding you up?' I told them (like a good server) "Not at all." I felt like saying "No, my aching legs are holding me up, but BARELY...and y'all save something to chat about in the car!!"



When they were having their last round of drinks , the bartender walked by and commented on all the black feathers from the fake boa on the floor saying it looked like someone had just had a hair cut. I told her that not ONE woman in that room was in need of a haircut...my hair was longer than most of theirs.



They finally rolled out, happy and full. They tipped us really well, I know they had a good time and it wasn't THEIR fault I had just finished my twelfth hour on my feet with my greasy forehead.



It took a good twenty minutes to sweep up the boa scraps and another ten minutes to return the room to its former condition.



I got home after midnight...mainly because Massey text me and said she needed to be picked up from her friend's house. Luckily I absolutely love the girl and her family and after 12 hours on my feet, it felt good to just SIT in a car. Especially since Zach had returned MY car to work and taken his dad's "Ovenmobile" back home after the oil change.



Just another day in my life...



Til next time "Greasy Cotton"

A Feeling I'm Trying to Forget

That's right...I'm the one with the brown spots, I just have spiky hair instead of spiky horns! Enough said about my feelings from the ex job.

I am over my mourning period, moved on through the denial stage and plowed my way through the anger portion of my healing.

It's true what they say about teaching old dogs new tricks. Yes I am an "old bitch" (pun for my dogs intended) and it is hard to break from habits formed over an almost 13 year period.

When I worked for Longhorn...the first thing you said to every table was "Have you eaten at Longhorn before"?

My new restaurant doesn't demand that of us (asking if you have eaten at Mama Lucia's...they like it but you won't get fired for not asking) but being an ole fart the words just WANT to come out of my mouth. I was working lunch today when I noticed an older couple that looked SO familiar to me. I went to their table and said just that. The woman said "Yes, you have waited on us for years, I believe we were sitting at THAT table over there last time."

So her memory is kind of give and take...she knew she knew me but couldn't differentiate the two stores. I told her I had only been there a month when her husband said "I know! Longhorn."

Bing bing bing...give that man a mark in the "I'm right" column. God knows men need that mark because when you are with a woman you are rarely if ever right!

My next table was a younger couple that I recognized from my old store...not by name but by face. As I greeted them the words just popped out of my mouth with no way to stop them..."Have you eaten at Longhorn before?"

The woman looked at the man...they both looked at me and finally the woman said "Well, uhmm...Yes we have."

Quick like a fox (an OLD fox) I said "Well we are certainly glad you're not there today! Let me tell you about our lunch specials..."

Dang! That was a MAJOR goof. When I came back to the table with their drinks they were both grinning. I was busted!

We all had a good laugh about it and I told them it was just a reflex response that I was currently in therapy for. (This is where my PHD in BS comes in handy.) I also told them I was banned from answering the phone at work until I got the 'all clear' from my therapist.

Am I an idiot or WHAT?

I started to tell my sister this story tonight and she stopped me..."You told me about that."

I had to tell the truth...no this is ANOTHER time.

The other night I waited on a young girl and her mother...knew they looked familiar, knew it was from Longhorn and as the words came out before I could stop them said "Have you eaten at Long..Lucia's before?"

Dang it! I thought I flubbed it over well but when I came back with their appetizer the mother said "Didn't you used to work at Longhorn"? I said "What makes you ask"? (Pretty quick on my part...I THOUGHT!)

Face it...when you have been a professional server for over 32 years on the same side of town...it all fades together for the customer. I have GOT to get a new hair cut...it is more my trademark than any service I give and is a dead give away.

The owners just laugh at me, support and encourage me...something I haven't felt for years.

I am happy again, I feel wanted and accepted... think I am doing a pretty good job, considering I am an old dog trying to learn new tricks and once again feeling like a human being that is where she needs to be.

JUST DON'T LET ME ANSWER THE PHONE !!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you muthas ( I still have two teens I am TRYING to keep up with) and enjoy your day on Sunday. I will be at work from open til close and can think of no better gift this Mother's Day!

Til next time...."Bitch learnin' new trix" AKA... COTTON

New Job...New Stories

Here's a shot of some of my new kitchen co workers...TOTALLY kidding, just a cheesy attempt at being funny .

Every restaurant I have worked in since the nineties (only two) have had a back of the house staff of mainly Latinos. I've met a couple of lazy ones but for the most part they work their butts off and never talk back. Well, maybe they talk back to each other but it is in such rapid fire Spanish that you miss everything except the curse words.

My new store is no exception.

The head cooks are all American...and no dummies by any means. One is the owner's son, one is a former manager of mine at my last store and of course the owner is the head chef.

They are backed up by others...some being Latinos. Some are cooks and some are dishwashers or bus boys.

They mostly work on the end of the line putting out salads appetizers or pizzas. There is a sweet African American girl called "Peaches" that makes the pizzas, appetizers and salads and has helped me out more times than I can count. There is a crazy nutty cook called Freddie that is so outrageous it's not even funny and another cook called Nacho that is one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. There is a Latino dishwasher named Anna who has platinum blonde hair and always has her face all fixed up and even has lipstick on every time I see her. There is an older quiet Latino dishwasher named Eva who just looks the part, bless her heart. No make up no frills just a sad face and an extremely quiet demeanor. One of the hostesses is another African American named CeCe...I couldn't pronounce her full name on a bet.

All in all I am back into the eclectic world of the restaurant industry.

The other night I had two tables of ten going at once and was pretty busy...being new it doesn't take much for me to get busy.

One of my tables wanted to change from a mixed green salad to a Caesar so I had to go back to ask Peaches for another Caesar. By mistake I called out "Hey, CeCe, I need another Caesar salad, please." She cut her eyes towards another cook and said "I know she didn't just call me CeCe." I quickly grimaced and said "I am SO sorry...I'm just busy and got mixed up."

To play it off I said "You know you all look alike to me." She laughed...knowing I was kidding. I am one of the most liberal and racially unbiased people alive.

Well they all started making fun of me getting Peaches' name wrong. Anna the dishwasher was laughing her head off and she and Nacho were going on and on about it. Next time through the kitchen and they were still cackling at me so I looked back at Nacho and said "What are YOU laughing at, Freddie?"

Oh that got everyone laughing EXCEPT Nacho!

My next trip into the dish room with a pile of dishes on my arm I said to Anna "I'm right behind you with dishes, Eva." Now everyone was laughing EXCEPT Anna!

She turned around to look at me and said "OHH no you dinn!"

We all laugh about that every time I work now and are constantly joking with each other. I respect each and every one of them and speak to and inquire how their day is going ... in return they are all nice as can be to me and helpful in any way they can be.

It's a really great group of people I work with and they all seem to genuinely like me. What a relief after my last stint as a server.

When I left work today Anna cheerfully said "See you LAYtor, CeCe." I just laughed.

Dang it feels good to laugh again and know I can still make people laugh as well.

I am loving my new home and my new found family.

Til next time...ALGODON

Mother's Little Helpers Helping ME!

Thank the Lord everyone is taking their mom out early for Mother's Day.

It started last night at work, thanks to the rain that kept people from grilling out (thanks again JC).

Tonight was even better. Tips are still way down...but I say sometimes you have to take quantity over quality. At least the people are pouring in the door. I have to take advantage of it because after Mother's Day we will be in another drought until Father's Day...then we will just hope we can make it til Christmas!

We are all so used to it being slow at work that we almost felt like we were all new servers starting a new job.

The kitchen did a fabulous job...two Latinos and a Gringo took care of "bidness" and certainly helped US earn a paycheck tonight. They earn theirs EVERY shift they work.

We had ole Captain Cunningham expediting the food out of the window, (refer to former post to see what kind of guy he is) and one of our managers that drinks coffee like he is scared of becoming Rip Van Winkle.

Had to stay late, but it was so relieving to make some money, be assured that people do still go out to eat and know that I can make my bank deposit tomorrow at the first window. (If I think I may have a low or negative balance I go to the third window away from the building and make fake phone calls on my cell phone while they process my deposit. (it just makes "me" feel better).

I feel like the economy is taking a slight upward swing...at least we aren't still plummeting and with time and patience things will look up again.

After a whole weekend of this flurry of people taking care of Moms...I may just "WALK" into the bank on Monday to make my deposit!!

That will scare 'em !! They will probably think I have gotten so desperate that I am there to hold them up!! They will all say "LOOK..she is getting out of her car and coming in...hit the button, hit the button" !!

Til next time...COTTON

The "Hair" Affair

My daughter has the thickest head of curly hair that I have ever seen . I think it is beautiful and she absolutely cannot stand it.

I took her a woman who is a customer of mine at the restaurant where I work. She owns six Great Clips around the south side of Atlanta. She was so sweet to Massey, raving about how gorgeous her hair was and made some really good suggestions. She thinned out her hair and gave her cute sassy layers and sent us home with all the right styling products to make her hair look great. On top of that, she gave me about a 50% discount.(made me wonder if she reads my blog)??!!

Anyway, while she was cutting Massey's hair, we were all chatting and I told Brenda (Let's call the hairdresser that) about a close call I had at another Great Clips...one that she doesn't own.

I went to have my oil changed in my car one day and walked across the highway to a strip mall that had a Great Clips in it. When I walked in the door I was greeted with "The waits over an hour"! It was like they WANTED me to leave. I smiled politely and said "I have all the time in the world".

I squeezed into a small seat left, the place was crawling with kids and picked up a magazine.

The manager had three young girls with her, it was obvious they were new hires...she was showing them all around the salon pointing out hair products, took them up front and showed them how to log in on the computer and how to ring up on the register, told them how the operations were run and took them into the back for a backroom tour as well. None of the girls looked over 21.

After my third magazine the entourage came back out front to an even MORE packed waiting room and the manager said, glancing around at the growing mob of moms and kids and said cheerily "Okay, ready to cut some hair"? One girl almost shouted "YES"...fumbled around on the keyboard of the computer and called out my name. I think that is when I started to sweat.

I was too embarrassed to ask for a more senior hair cutter, so I took my chances and stood up.

She led me to a chair, pulled out her huge hand bag, got out a framed picture of her and her sweetie and propped it up in one corner of her little area, reached back in her bag and got out a framed certificate and put it on the other corner and fumbled around in her bag looking for her scissors. She couldn't find them and told me "I'll be RIGHT back". I should have gotten up and ran right then.

But she was back in a flash. She asked me what I wanted done, so I gave what I thought would be my safest answer and told her I just wanted a 1/2 inch trim. She pulled my hair between her fingers and said "about an inch then"? Heck, my hair is only two inches long to begin with! I said nicely, "NO, just a half an inch...just a slight trim".

She told me she had gotten her license last week and I was her first customer (victim is more like it).

I had my fingers crossed under the cover she had draped over me and silently prayed. Actually she didn't do too badly. She left the hair on the crown of my head a little too long and it kind of resembled a lowland gorilla, but I decided not to mention it.

Hey! At least I got my oil changed too.

My sister had a similar experience at a new salon. She had never been there, having just moved to the area and the young receptionist asked who she would like to cut her hair? My sister said "I guess anybody" and the perky receptionist chirped out "I'll cut it"!!
My sister said the girl kept picking up her hair and saying "OK" and then would start over and say "alright, let me start again". On the third time she picked up a piece of my sister's hair, she remarked "here we go" and with the first snip cut into the skin between her thumb and forefinger. My sister said blood began pouring out of the cut and down the girl's hand. She grabbed a towel and said she would be right back.

My sister said she just sat there in her chair, and sat and sat and sat. Her hair dried out from where they had wet it and finally the girl cutting hair next to her said "Maybe I should go check on her".

The girl finally returned with a huge bandage wrapped around her hand and picked up the weapon, I mean scissors and began again with "Now where were we"? My sister followed the same path I chose and said "Just a slight trim will be fine".

As I told these stories to Massey's hair stylist, we were all cracking up and Brenda said "Well someone should have stepped in and taken over right away or at least taken her to the Emergency Room". I think I would agree.

When you have hair as short as mine and my sister's...you have to be careful, our hairstyles don't leave much room for fixing mistakes.

Massey came out looking lovely though and thanks to my nice friend's discount, I came out smelling like a Rose!

Til next time...COTTON

What Kind of Idiot Do I Look Like?...REALLY!!

So I am at work today...a pretty busy lunch (people wanting to avoid the horrendous VALENTINE DAY MASSACRE in the restaurant industry).

The hostess asked me to pick up an extra table...I'm ALWAYS up for that!

I greeted them and asked what they would like...cranberry tea, strawberry lemonade or maybe a glass of wine?

I was met with a brusque..."I want sweet tea with NO lemon, NO lemon, NO lemon".

I actually felt like putting three lemons in her glass and saying..."I AM SOOO sorry, I thought you said to bring you a sweet tea with a lemon, lemon, lemon....did you say NO lemon, No lemon, No lemon?

It gets worse.

She ordered a salad...I believe this is pretty much verbatim.

"I want a salad with iceberg lettuce only..and I mean no cucumber, no onion, no tomato, cheese or crouton...bring us a LOT of bread with extra, extra butter...just so you don't have to go back."

Her obviously beaten down husband said "bring me a cheeseburger".

I made sure the "princess's" salad was PERFECT...took them tons of (free) bread and refilled her sweet tea..with NO lemon, NO lemon, No lemon as often as it was emptied.

My point is...don't treat me like an imbecile until I act like one.

I really had to try hard to not give her my "Mama is ticked look". One that I frequently give not only my three kids, but my husband as well.

When their (perfect..thanks to me) lunch was over..she came back at me with "I would like one of your delicious sweet teas to go...with NO LEMON". Thank the Lord she only said the word "NO" once.

I told a co worker....If I could be truly sure she wasn't highly allergic to lemon...I would have sunk three lemons in the bottom of her to go cup!!

But needing my job as I do, and rising above her condescension... I gave them both a smile...took her a tea with NO lemon, No lemon,No lemon in a go cup and thanked them for coming in for lunch and told them that it was my pleasure to have waited on them.

Ya know...I have been doing this for thirty years...and granted I AM a goofball.

But wait until I really screw up before you treat me like I am Gomer on the Andy Griffith Show.

But what goes around comes around...they tipped me $5.00 on an $11.00 tab.

My psychological skills have been honed to perfection over my thirty years in this business.

It is almost a game to me...treat me like an idiot and I'll show you just how GOOD a server I am!

Just like I always say "I have my PHD in B.S".

The rest of the shift, my co workers and I made a game of repeating EVERYTHING three times.

When I walked out the door with the $90 in my pocket for a three hour shift...I said "Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye".

OH, I'll be back tomorrow....BRING IT ON!!!