Is This a Normal Person's Life?

It's no wonder I have a blog.

More can happen to me in a 24 hour period than happens to most people in a year. I'm not saying it's all bad...it just ALL seems to happen to me, my kids or dogs or to something I own.

I went to the John Deere place today to buy a new blade. The same guy that gave me the wrong air filter 3 times was at the desk so I should have known better than to think the blade I carried back out to my car was the right one. He DID have the right air filter so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and took the blade with me.

Let me start with saying before I EVER went to the JD store I wrote down my model number, the VIN number and measured my old blade that was still crumpled and attached to my mower. He never even looked at the piece of paper (I guess because he's such a Pro at his job.)


When he handed me the box my first words were "This is too long." He said with confidence "The box is longer than the actual blade." Having made 3 trips just to get an air filter I opened the box and the blade fit snug against the ends of the box.

I felt like saying "Strike Four ya big doofus." I tried to make myself think that maybe with all my "NASCARing" on Johnny I had worn the blade down two inches. I KNEW better, I wanted to protest but he was so apologetic about the air filter that I talked myself into believing him.

I got home and the stinking blade was two inches wider than the stinking deck on the mower. Shall I say "DOOFUS" one more time?

I took the blade back and discovered he had closed up shop five minutes early and I was left with a blade two inches too long. AARRGGG!!!

Not to worry! I rode across the street to Tractor Supply and tried to find the right blade. No luck...seems most JD parts are only at JD stores and I was outta luck once again.

Just for the heck of it I tried Home Depot. They only had JD blades bigger than the one Doofus had sold me.

By then it was time to get ready for work and I had to give up the fight (and search.)

At least my brother in law came over and took the crumpled blade off for me while I was at work and probably laughed at my back yard for good measure before he left.

Moving on to work.

Busy as a bee hive...I felt like I was TRULY in a cartoon . I was Wylie Coyote and all my tables were dressed as Road Runners. It was the longest two hours of my life and sweat was pouring down my back as I tried to keep the panic from showing on my face. It got hairy for a few minutes but my good friend Olive Oyl helped me and somehow I made it.

Last night was great as well...things ran smoother for me and I made a few good regulars. I had a party of six, 3 couples. They were all drinking and we enjoyed a nice humorous banter. When I was packing up their left overs (you always have left overs at Mama Lucia's...the portions are huge) one of the husbands said "You really know your stuff."

I replied my standard "I didn't go to college for nothing...got my PHD in BS and put it right to work." He said I would make a great salesman and I told him I considered myself in Sales and Marketing anyway. He asked if I was a good liar and I winked at him and said "One of the best, you good looking thing." His wife almost fell out of the booth laughing and once again I knew I had found the right job working for the right people waiting on tables in an environment that perfectly suited me and my personality. I quickly apologized to the man and his wife said "Don't you dare...that was the funniest thing I have heard in a while."

Bingo!

I told them you have to know who to kid around with and who NOT to kid around with and they all agreed they were a table that thoroughly enjoyed it.

I feel like I got my MOJO back. Now I just need my JD back!

If something kooky or bizarre didn't happen to me within a 24 hour period...I would check my pulse and wonder if I was still alive.

At least I ALWAYS have something to write about.

BTW...every one at work is all abuzz about the cartoon blog and we have decided that there may have to be a part III.

I got a text late last night from "Olive Oyl". It read, OMG...I am cracking up reading ur cartoon blogs. I love a good laugh!! :)

Have I found the right new home or WHAT?

You just wait til the JD store opens on Monday and I rip Doofus a new one...he is giving my "baby's" parents company a bad name and besides that Johnny looks all naked without his blade.

Look for more cartoons, more JD updates and more Cotton catastrophe updates.

"TILL" next time (get it?) Cotton