Tuesday, July 6, 2010

He's Eighteen...

So I am starting off with lyrics borrowed from Alice Cooper (who'd ever think I would need to do that?)
Lines form on my face and hands
Lines form from the ups and the downs
I'm in the middle without any plans
I'm a boy and I'm a man
I'm eighteen
and I don't know what I want
I just don't know what I want
I gotta get away
I've gotta get out of this place
I'll go runnin' in outer space
Oh yeah
I got a
baby's brain and an old man's heart
Took eighteen years to get this far
Don't always know what I'm talkin' about
Feels like I'm livin in the middle of doubt
Cause I'm
I get confused every day
I just don't know what to say
I gotta get away
Lines form on my face and my hands
Lines form on the left and right
I'm in the middle
the middle of life
I'm a boy and I'm a man
I'm eighteen and I LIKE IT
Yes I like it
Oh I like it
Love it
Like it
Love it
Eighteen and I LIKE IT
Who would ever think I'd need Alice Cooper to sum up my 18 year old son so exactly?
I have gained new respect for Alice Cooper after coming across these lyrics today. Some eighteen year old boy/men might not fit these words but they seem to have been written specifically for my boy/man.
At least I made him smile once today (twice if you count a smirk.)
The owner of the restaurant I work for made Zach a HUGE Cannoli cake that weighed at least ten pounds and could feed a small village and then some. I made Zach two trays of lasagna, salad and garlic bread.
I dragged him around with me for an hour in the car making an appointment for his driving test (God help us all) and swapping out a faulty cable box (another blog altogether) and generally just spending some time alone with him.
He's a pouty sort...never lets you see him smile (that would mean he was actually happy) and it is sometimes hard to even get a verbal response from him.
I love him for the unique kid he is.
I love him because he came out healthy after 14 hours of labor.
I love him because he is the smartest little %$#* I have ever met and still wonder if there was a baby swap at the hospital 18 years ago today?
I love him because he is my son.
I love him because he is his OWN person.
Not the person that I would choose for him to be but for the person he feels compelled to be.
All that matters to me is that he succeeds as that person...succeeds in life and is happy with the path he chooses.
I worry too much about Zach...and he tells me that on a daily basis.
I realize now that HE is right.
I gave birth to him, I bought him his first Pokemon cards and put clear nail polish on his chigger bites when they invaded his privates before he even KNEW they were his privates.
He has grown into a young man before my eyes and I often wonder how long I blinked before he was all grown up and I was left with an open mouth and another child entering adulthood without my permission?
To raise children is an eye opening often challenging but always rewarding experience if you do it remotely right.
I wouldn't say I was the best mother (I don't even OWN an apron) but love my children unconditionally and without any reservations.
To me that is the role of a "Mother."
I love my kids, I brought them into this world I will love them every step of the way until I am forced to leave this world.
There may be mis steps along the way... there may be falters or failures but you know what...as long as they are trying as long as they are breathing and as long as I can reach out and touch their faces and look into their eyes, there is no greater pleasure than to be a Mother and see what God can bless you with, curse you with and make you realize what the circle of life is all about.
Tim and I created these people, I love these people and for some crazy reason they all love me. Even if they refuse to tell or show me I know that they love me just as much as I love them...and that's what counts.
Happy Birthday, Zach...I love you more than you will ever know.

1 comment:

Joannah said...

Happy Birthday to Zach. 18, wow. Seems like yesterday he was in Kindegarten. Good Luck on that driving test!