"Going Cable" Replaces "Going Postal"

I think Cable employees should be sheltered behind plate glass windows...at least I would want to be if I worked for them.

First on my list of complaints is their 24 hour help line. Every time I call, "Apu" answers the phone in broken English so difficult to understand that I feel like having a translator on speaker phone with me.

They are nice enough people but are usually in Thailand or the Philippines and obviously the college degree they hold isn't "English."

When my computer crashed a year ago I was on the phone with them on a daily basis. Sometimes when my call was finally answered and I couldn't even understand their name I would hang up and redial until someone answered and said brightly "This is John, how may I help you?"

I am not saying I am racially biased...God (or Allah) bless them but when you are already having I.T. issues you don't want to have to decipher their name much less their instructions.


I guess you can say I am "Languagely biased."

Of course going to the local cable office isn't much better except there, it is the idiot customers that always seem to be in FRONT of you in line that make you want to have an UZI in your pocket or at least a muzzle or a stun gun.

Case in point: Yesterday I dragged Zach with me to the cable office to return a box that had started messing up and had obviuosly outlived it's cable life expectancy.

There were two people in front of us...a guy in a red button down shirt with a dragon on the back, black pants and red belt and obviuosly no sense of hearing. The man behind him was an elderly African American with a cast on one foot and he held on to the newspaper rack next to him for support while we waited in line.

When the "Dragon Con" guy got waited on he boomed out in an overly loud voice ( that's a pretty bold statement since I've never been called 'quiet') and relayed to everyone within a mile radius that "This is how it all started..."

At this point the older gentleman in front of us with the cast on went and sat down in a chair knowing that this wasn't going to be pretty or quickly resolved.

Mr. "Dragon Con" went on for five minutes about how he had moved and gotten cable service from them in his new "Dragon Cave" and expected a bill in about thirty days. "After 45 days I recieved a bill at my OLD address with a late fee.." The clerk stopped him there and asked for a phone number.

He replied "THIS WASN'T THE END OF MY STORY..."

I rolled my eyes and for once Zach had the same look on HIS face and we shuffled around hoping another window would open.

BINGO...a girl announced to the now seven deep line "If you just need to swap out equipment I can take you on window 3."

We stepped over to window 3 and the older gentleman just remained in his chair (sucked for HIM not to be there just for a swap out of equipment but at least he was sitting down.)

I tried to tell the woman what was wrong with our box but had to shout over "Dragon Con" who was just getting to the MEAT of his story with every one now staring at him and even the employees behind the counter were throwing us glances like"Help Us!"

After we got our new cable box and shouted "THANK YOU" to her I mouthed the words "Good luck with the idiot" and she rolled her eyes at me as if to say "I think I'm going Cable on this guy in a minute."

When we left the old guy was still sitting in a chair and four more people had gotten in line to hear the rest of "Dragon Con's" story.

I had to go back to the cable company today to drop off a payment...didn't have to wait in line because I just stuck it in the payment box hoping they wouldn't pick up my check for at least 24 hours when I could make good on it...I pride myself on my check kiting.

There was a man at the window booming an octave above hollering "Why the HELL is my bill different every month?" I gave the girl from yesterday a little finger wave behind her counter and felt like blowing her a kiss for luck.

CABLE...ya gotta have it these days. It's like cell phones, they used to be a luxury but now are a necessity.

I am not so sure about this new "Jetsons" age but I'm not sure what other option I have...giving the kids two cans tied to each other with a string or going back to no TV's with cable in their bedrooms?

To the kids of today that would be like saying "You can only text me when the internet is down and you can't FB me or send me an email."

What kind of technology monsters are we creating?

Til next time....Facebooking, texting and cable ready COTTON