Old People

Suddenly, somehow out of nowhere, I am one.

So is Tim.

When people mention something from thirty years ago, I tend to think they mean the seventies, when I was barely a teen.

They don't.

They mean around the time when our oldest son was born, who is now almost in his mid thirties.

Talk about a wake up call and slap in the wrinkled old face.

When we were recently purchasing our home here, the entire process with our lender was borderline comical...unless you worked in the lenders' office. 

Then it was just a hoot, I'm sure.

Tim and I aren't all that behind the times, and are actually two pretty cool old peeps. 

But ask us to do something new or different on a computer, and it's a struggle.

Lucky for us our youngest still lives at home and is a millennial mastermind in this new world of  "Everything World Wide Web(ish)."

#itsalwaysleftclickmom

The problem is, she doesn't mind helping, but prefers to do it for us rather than teach us how.

#slowlearners

Case in point:

Tim's bank account got hacked with several fraudulent charges the other day. He needed a copy of his long form birth certificate and tried using a website which ended up being bogus. Unfortunately they got enough info before he cancelled the transaction to access his account. It took him over an hour on the phone with our credit union and with Wells Fargo to get everything straightened out.  Cards cancelled,  new cards issued and fraudulent charges removed.

I was cooking dinner as he sat at the kitchen table talking with the credit union. He finally thanked the person for all of their help, once everything was resolved and replied "You have a good day as well."

Once Tim hung up, I didn't even turn around... just said "You know what that guy at the bank just said to the employee sitting next to him, don't you?"  

"Old people...sheesh!"

Tim said "That's probably exactly what he said."

At least we know, acknowledge and own our weakness.

I care nothing about learning any more about the cyber world than I need . I simply want to be able and survive in it.

I'm a pen on paper kind of gal. I like snail mail. I kinda miss having a land line. Texting is okay (after a rocky start in the nineties) but Instagram, and all those other silly sites like Snapchat simply don't interest me and couldn't care less how they work or how to use them.

Maybe if I took a good selfie it'd be a different story, but I don't, so it ain't.

I read an article about Elton John. He doesn't own a cell phone.

Never has.

That's my kind of guy.

Of course he pays others to do it for him, but still...good for him!

If I had never raised kids, I could totally see me without a cell phone until I needed a Jitterbug for survival in the old folks home in case my 'Rascal/Hoveround' ran out of juice while on a jaunt around the grounds...searching for a way out.

I'm content to simply bumble my way through this whole explosion of technology, which in my opinion, is highly over rated.

For me, a smile and tight hug beat an emoji and GIF any day of the week, any way you look at (or feel) it.

At least I'm still swinging ...when most people are just clicking.

#lazy!

Change is good. As long as you remember where that change came from.

Til next time, 

COTTON

You Can't Fix Stupid

People never cease to amaze me and not always in a good way. Let me share with you a recent example.

Last Friday night I got off really early,which rarely ever happens. By the time the sun went completely down I was through with all my sidework, had cleaned all my tables and done my check out.

It would have been even better if I had a car and could simple walk out into the parking lot and drive home. I don't mean to complain, my co workers have been great about giving me rides and lucky for me a few go right by my subdivision on their way home. This particular night no one else was near to being off so being exhausted decided to call a cab. Let me point out after well over a year without a car this was the first time I've ever had to pay a cab so decided it was well worth it to be home before nine o'clock on a Friday.

I looked up the number in the phone book at work and lucky for me the guy said he could be there in five minutes. Guess they don't get real busy until all the drunks need a ride home.

I told him to pick me up behind the building and I'd be waiting by the curb. Sure enough five minutes later he pulled up in a minivan while I was talking to another co worker. As I walked over to it he rolled the passenger side window down and I told him one of his headlights was out. He said "Yeah, I know. You can ride in the front seat."

I looked back over my shoulder at my co worker who was chuckling and shouted "Shot Gun!" before climbing in next to the big burly looking old dude. He asked me where I was going and clicked the meter on.

He had a blue tooth in his ear and was chatting away with someone when another cell phone rang in his pocket. He retrieved it and spoke to them as well, then sent a text while turning right onto the busy By Pass.

He also had a Nextel Velcroed to the dashboard and within ten seconds it made that annoying chirp. He put the other cell down and started punching buttons on the Nextel as we cruised through the busy intersection at Lower Fayetteville Road.

I started thinking how many laws he was breaking and started to mention it, considering his headlight was out too but decided against.

For Pete's sake, this dude DRIVES for a living  not to mention usually has other people's lives in his hands or at least in his van.

Luckily by the time his cell on the seat beside him rang again we were safely on Poplar Road which is at least less populated. (by cars AND police)

He pulled into my drive way and said "I think I brought one of your boys home one time." I told him he probably did because my oldest son works at The Alamo (a local bar) on weekends and doesn't get off til around four in the morning.

TJ (my oldest) recently bought a motorcycle from somebody on the north side of Atlanta for $900. They brought in down in the back of a pick up truck, mainly because it doesn't run. He's planning on fixing it up with help from my next door husband's son but as of now it 's just sitting in my garage leaking oil onto the floor. Beside it sits a big box which came along with it containing both fenders, blinkers, back tail light and several more parts. Sounded like a horrible investment to me but what do I know?

As I gathered all my stuff from the floor of the Suicide Van to get out, the old dude said "Yeah he told me about his motorsickle (that's the way he pronounced it). I told him if it hadn't been so late I'd a like to crank that sucker up!"  I started to ask him if he was a magician too, because the motor cycle hasn't been cranked since it rolled out of the back of the truck that brought it. I went ahead and let that one slide.

Technology is great but sure has made for lots of stupid drivers. There's nothing that ticks me off more than have to beep at the car in front of me to get moving when the light turns green and they are looking down at their lap obviously texting or holding a cell to their ear. I also can't stand when people are yapping into their cell when a cashier is ringing them up.

I'm a server and can't tell you how many times a couple or even entire family sit down for dinner and all  stay on their devices the entire meal. People are losing touch with human socialization and seemingly prefer social networking. It's kind of sad if you ask me. Talking (one of my favorite things to do) seems to falling to the way side in these new modern times. Even if they have a toddler with them, they'll have an iPad to give the little kid. Pretty soon we'll all be Mutes or Mimes.

I will say I HAVE a cell but try not to do anything but answer it when driving. If I'm in a store I try not to be on it but if I am always hang up when I get to the register. I wonder how many irritated cashiers short change rude people too busy to get off their phone while checking out?

When I was a little kid I would never have imagined we'd be living like this today. Heck, when I was a kid even The Jetson's didn't have cell phones.

Next time you go into a store, bank, post office or sit down for a meal out, try talking to the people you are with or looking at. Trust me, that's why you have voice mail.

See, technology CAN be a good thing!

Til next time...COTTON

Society is Getting on my Nerves

I've been a server non stop since 1979...that's a pretty long time. I've seen some pretty  funny  things and also witnessed a few awful things. Although I am grateful for all  the technological advances, it amazes me how much it has diminished personal interaction.

I honesty can't think of the last time I waited on a table without at least one person having a device either on  the table or in their hand. The only ones who come to mind is my dear friends the Ferrari's and they were both in their nineties. I know for a fact she had a cell phone because when I visited her in  the hospice she gave me her number but warned me she wasn't too sure how to answer it.

I wait on families who have three year old's playing games on their parent's cell or iPad. Most all tweens have a cell phone and stay on  them the entire meal. Sometimes it's a couple out for dinner and both stay on their phone the entire dinner.

When I was a kid,  us kids were just so excited to go out for dinner we were on  our best behavior. Of course going out to eat for our family meant The Varsity on Friday nights. When we went on  vacation every summer my parents would take us out to Captain Anderson's one night and BOY was THAT a treat! It's the first place I ever saw a pat of real butter (My momma used margarine) all wrapped up in a fancy foil pack. I could have just eaten  those saltine crackers with that sweet creamy butter on them and been satisfied.

And here's the kicker. We simply sat and talked. Well, the adults talked. We kids just mostly sat and listened. I can remember hearing from  a young age, my Diddy  say to us  that his own parent's said "Children should be seen and not heard."

My own parents didn't mind us talking but most certainly expected us to be on our best behavior when we went out to eat. Heck...they wouldn't even allow us to fuss and fight at the dinner table in our own house, much less in public!  We were a totally middle class family growing up and to even be taken to the beach once a year for a week was amazing!

We had one phone in our house, a black rotary dial that hung on  the wall in our kitchen. I remember thinking we had hit the big time when we got a long cord for the receiver so momma could walk around the kitchen cooking while still on the phone.

We had one TV and it was in the living room. It was as big  as a love seat with a sixteen inch screen. It had rabbit ears on  top covered in foil and you had to constantly  move them around to tune into one of the three channels every household had. I remember it was a banner day when Ted Turner launched Channel Seventeen...then we had four! Granted Channel Seventeen only aired old "Dagwood and Blondie" episodes, "Little Rascals" "Merry Melodies" cartoons and "Wrasling" with Freddie Miller from the Atlanta Municipal Auditorium, but it was our favorite channel. We didn't get a color TV til late in the sixties and it was a used one. The first shows I watched in color were Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie. Granted everyone looked green, but HEY! Green was a color and we were all excited. There was no cable...there was an antennae on our roof seemingly big enough  to pick up a signal from  Mars. We didn't have computers or cell phones. We didn't have iPods. We DID have transistor radios with a strap on it and carried them with us every where, and tuned in to WQXI 94 once FM radio happened. I can remember sleeping on the screened in back porch of our house during the summer months, stretching  that fancy long phone cord out of the kitchen and calling in requests to  the radio station and then waiting hours just to hear my song come on. It was usually either "Rocket Man" ... "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks or Helen Reddy's "I am Woman." Then I would cry myself to sleep  about the boy who never asked me to slow skate the night before at the Greenbriar Skating rink. It was just a tragedy...but I survived (and by  the way, he's a big fat slob now)

Don't judge me.. I was a kid!!

Kids grow up too quickly these days. They seem to skip  childhood and go straight to young adulthood and still don't have a clue. No wonder so many seem lost and do  really stupid things without thinking about the repercussions. Too many of our youth aren't taught about repercussion or even know right from wrong.

My kids WERE spoiled until the youngest hit middle school. Then Tim and I hit the skids. Then my kids learned ALL about life, the hard way. In hindsight, it was the BEST way.

They all know first hand how life can be taken for granted then seemingly change over night. They have witnessed first hand how you  can be knocked now...way down.

They have also learned that if you live your life right and help others, others will help you when YOU need it.

So I'm starting  a new phase of my life on Saturday. I've accepted a position with a company starting part time, still with my old job just adding another. If I don't try, how will I know? A friend from high school  who I haven't seen in over thirty years but reads my blog drivel has suggested me to her boss. I'm giving it a shot. I may fail or I may surprise myself and be great at it.

All I really want to say by all of this is...modern technology is great, it's fantastic! But don't forget the "Human Touch." Don't forget that pat on the back or that warm hug when someone needs it. Don't forget that no matter what, life can change without someone giving you a warning with a hash tag on Twitter or update status.

We need to rely more on true emotions and physical interactions. It seems to be a lost art in this age of technology and networking. It can be a good thing... don't get me wrong,  but you  need to remain grounded and remember where you  came from before you end up wondering "How in heck did I end up here and why isn't anyone tweeting me back?"

Just my take on it..COTTON

Making It Work (for me)

When I was a kid we had a crusty old neighbor a couple of doors down that had a beauty of a yard and  ruled it like a tyrant. We weren't allowed to chase balls into his yard or even step on his lawn. I don't remember if they ever even  had kids...they were old when I first met them and that was  when I was young... very young. I'm talking "Kinnygartin" as we call it in the south. Every year he would burn his entire lawn with gasoline and somehow it came back like thick lush carpet. Now that I am seemingly supposed to be a grown up, looking back it was a pretty impressive yard and maybe he was right about keeping all us hooligans off of it.

He cut it with a push mower and I mean a "PUSH" mower just like the one in the above photo. His back yard was even more spectacular. He had huge flower and vegetable gardens  that unfortunately backed up  to our house's own back yard with our clothesline , homemade baseball diamond and  dogs that were always getting out of the fence wreaking havoc on the entire neighborhood. The problem  was,   if we hopped HIS fence in the back of OUR yard we could follow the alley all the way up to the theatre and watch a movie for $1.35  and even stop off at  friend's houses along the way. The alley ran from our street four blocks up to Main Street where you  could see a movie or buy a Krystal hamburger for fifteen cents. If he caught you in his yard, our black rotary wall phone would be ringing to notify our Mother that we had indeed invaded and violated his yard. Thank the Lord there were no Home Owner Associations then.

We would plot our escape over his fence. If he was back there within sight we knew we didn't have a chance. He'd holler "I SEE you over there! Get outta my yard...NOW!"

The "Golden's" ... that was their last name and what they considered their yard, front AND back. Looking back I don't blame them at all.

 We were kids that dug three foot holes in our back yard and lined them with long thorns we cut off  bushes from another neighbor who also had a fantastic yard with  pebble lined gardens filled with exotic plants, trees and flowers ( He was a well to do lawyer) covered the hole with sticks and leaves and waited for the never arriving non suspecting enemy to walk into our trap...  They were old too and don't even think they noticed when we commandeered their Pine tree as a fort and place to hook up a wooden pulley running from the top of their Pine tree to the front of the balcony on our house across the street. That one was my brother's idea.

 This was back when we had actual "Garbage Men" who  went to the rear of your house to empty your big aluminum garbage can and haul it back to the street to be  condensed in the back of the big ole smelly truck. The garbage men hated us (rightfully so) and often rode on top of the truck when houses were far apart or a couple of them got lazy. My brother ran a wooden pulley from a line in the top branches of the Pine tree across the street from our house to the balcony of our front porch. When the garbage truck came by my brother gave the fatal signal and his idiotic friend zinged the pulley down the line from the top of the Pine tree. It clocked one of the garbage men sitting on top of the truck and then everybody scrambled. How no one got arrested is still a mystery to me but that dude  had to have had one Heck of a headache!

I used to be crazy insane about my own yard but the past few years have made me realize priorities.
At least I still HAVE a yard and at least MY kids are too lazy to come up with idiotic ideas like we did .

I see the picture of this push mower that the ole man from my neighborhood ran every week...manually (at the age of at least sixty) and finally realize why he was such an ole cuss.

Heck, I'm RIDING a mower and I get all sensitive about MY yard...Thank the Lord he didn't just kill us when he had the chance!

I have to work another double shift tomorrow but Tuesday I am off, spending the entire day in my yard and afterwards looking for any kids who look like they may have access to a pulley of any kind!

Growing up in the sixties and seventies is probably the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced...I'll have to Tweet my kids about it!

Til next  time...COTTON

Modern Technology Has Ruined Our Thinking Process (Or maybe just our ability TO think)

When I was a kid the above photo WAS modern technology to me. I liked the Flintstones okay but dreamed of being a Jetson! I mean when you turn sixteen would you rather borrow your parent's car   you have to push with your bare feet or borrow their super nifty pretty cool looking flying spaceship?

Woke up this morning after working late last night and blogging even later. It looked like it was around 7:30 outside. The street lights were still on. I looked at  the clock by the bed and saw it was almost noon. Then I heard the Tornado siren start. Five minutes later the door bell rang and my ole codger of a neighbor came over to tell us there was a tornado on the ground heading our way...like the siren didn't alert us (but it was still nice of him.)

I immediately ran downstairs to where we keep our homeowners insurance policy and returned upstairs to bed with it to see if we'd finally get that new house, or at least a makeover! No such luck, it blew by... still leaving us with a house that needs more work than my wrinkled old face.

After my mini stay cation of the past two days I felt pretty good. Tim fixed breakfast (earning yet ANOTHER gold star) and we all watched the news as the tornado left the county. I was secretly hoping for a U turn and at least a new roof. No worries, Spring is right around the corner, there's still hope for us!

I fixed some yummy fish tacos with fresh pico de gallo, salsa verde, fresh avocado slices and sour cream for an early dinner for the family and late dinner for me when I got home from work. My sister came by as I was getting ready  to go upstairs to shower for work. She helps run a thrift store for her church and my brother had donated some clothes. He had a raincoat  he told my sister was too big for him and he thought maybe Tim would want it and if he didn't, take it to the thrift shop.

She brought the coat in and said my brother had been out of town on business when it started raining really bad so he bought the raincoat because he didn't have one with him. It was a bit big for him and he meant to have it altered when he got home but never did. I looked at  the coat and said "It's a London Fog!" It was a beautiful long raincoat with lining you could take out. My sister said "I know!  Had it been you or me out of town and it started raining, we would have gone to Wal Mart and bought a two dollar plastic poncho." I laughed and then my sister commented that we should look through all the pockets in case he had inadvertantly left a hundred dollar bill in one of the pockets. She reached in a pocket and pulled out a nice scarf as I shouted "That's MINE you already gave us the coat!" We didn't find a bill but it was still a great coat for Tim (the scarf is still mine.)

Went into work and halfway through a BUSY dinner shift the computers crashed.
 OH MY GOD!!!

Now we ALL had to think. We had to write out orders and special instructions, figure up tabs and taxes, split checks with a lowly manually operated battery powered calculator which seemed to us like using an abbacus. They were only down maybe eight minutes but in the middle of a busy dinner shift it seemed like hours.

We are spoiled products of modern technology. Years ago I used to know a young girl that couldn't read a watch or clock unless it was  digital, how sad of a statement is that for her school system?

Of course I am almost fifty two and felt thrown under the bus having to think on the fly. We were all scrambling around like mice in a maze and sweating bullets. Some customers had to wait maybe five minutes to get their bill but it seemed like an eternity to us servers (and to some of the grumpier less patient customers.)

All said and done... after we were back on line it made me realize how much we all depend on modern technology and how lazy we have gotten in the 'Thinking Department." Technology is great but we need to all remember the time we had to "Use our noggins" and do it a lot more often if you ask me!

Heading to bed...but not before I use my oven timer to let me know when my frozen pizza is ready, they ate all the fish tacos while I was at work.

Til next  time COTTON Jetson!

Everybody Knows an "Eddie Haskell"

If you read my blog you know I assign everyone (almost everyone) at work a nickname.

We have a new guy that is young...REALLY young especially compared to me.

We have a running joke at work...the last few people we have hired that just haven't fit in had first names beginning with the same initial. It's a JINX I tell you!

This one's no exception.

I CAN say that when the first JINX started the bar was really low. We raised the bar with every JINX we have hired since and now have it about thigh- high . Of course that's still too low for me to Limbo under so we need to keep searching for that bar raising JINX .

I think everyone knows an "Eddie."

It's the guy that works harder at getting out of work than it would take to DO the work.

It's the guy that thinks he's cool when every one else knows he is a doofus.

He's always likable enough but just when you let your guard down and try to cut them a break they do something to remind you why you gave them the nick name "Eddie."

Sometimes it's nice having an "Eddie" around.

Number One: You don't have to try as hard to look good at work.

Number Two: It gives you something to laugh at especially on the really tough shifts...that's when they generally screw up even more and STILL try to act like they really have it going on and YOU'RE the dummy.

Number Three: I guess when I was really young I was an "Eddie." I hope I wasn't quite as lazy or shiftless...actually I KNOW I wasn't.

All in all I dismiss most of it to being a kid.

I think ALL people are kids until they are approaching their thirties. Some are slow learners and remain kids late into their thirties, and have even known some people to be ridiculously inept and unreliable well into their fifties.

"Stupidity doesn't discriminate."

It's like getting in line behind someone at the Cable company, bank or Verizon store that wants to argue every point, ask every question and wage every battle in the little window of time they have face to face with a company representative (that obviously couldn't care less and is in absolutely no position to change or do anything about your complaints and grievances.)

But they will still stand there and waste MY time and everyone else's.

When will they learn?

When will they realize no matter what bank, cable or cell phone provider you choose...they're gonna put the screws to you. You signed on the bottom line, you gave them your social security number, you waited in line so long to sign up for service your eyes are too tired to read the tiny print, you sign and hope you've signed with the "Least Evil."

There should be two lines in these offices. One line should be "Compliant" and the other "Combative."

If you are retired with nothing to do or extremely rich, get in the "Combative" line...and "Good Luck."

If you are like me and have five minutes to pay a bill get back in the car and be at the high school before your daughter starts calling and sending you texts and hope you don't run out of gas on the way back to work because you don't have time to stop...get in the "Compliant" line.

I can't wait to be old and combative...geez, I just hope I get to be old. The rest will all be gravy.

Don't get me wrong, if you are flat out wrong I will press the point and usually win the battle.

If you are a company that didn't exist or wasn't even a factor in life forty years ago (cable, cellular, Internet) I know you are gouging me.

I grew up perfectly healthy and happy without Internet, cable and a cell phone.

I know it can be done...can somebody tell my KIDS that?

What does it mean when you are living in the "Jetson" years and working with an "Eddie Haskell?'

I am "Lost in Space."

My universes are colliding...next thing I know Fred Flintstone will be knocking at my door telling me Tim didn't pay his "Water Buffalo" dues and Wilma was "tweeting" about him being a "Dead Beat Buffalo."

Til next time... COTTON

Just My Take On Things...

From the look on my face in this photo, I knew just how tough life was gonna be!

It's crazy, this picture is one of my earliest memories. I remember my Mother made that little bow she clipped in my hair...of course she made EVERYTHING.

Now I am fifty (even crazier) and wish I had listened to my parents when I was young. All I heard then was that muted trumpet sound adults have in a Charlie Brown Special..."WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH."

Let's get started on my latest gripe...Printers.

Who owns the rights to ink cartridges that go in your printer...Saudi Arabia? Why does a cartridge the size of Tic Tacs cost $34.99?

I got duped by someone I used to work with when she came up to me one day at work and said "You gotta go buy this printer they have at Target."

Granted it was only $25 and came with ink cartridges. Since buying it I have realized that the cartridges they so graciously give you are about half full. When my black ink ran out I decided to let the color run out too and only purchase a black cartridge so I could print documents etc.

Got home and Massey installed the cartridge for me so I wouldn't have to strap on my binoculars to read the instructions.

Whadda you know...my printer that was such a fantastic bargain has to have the color cartridge too to print in black ink.

Next thing I know they will tell me I have to use unleaded ink only. What a rip off.

Not to mention with my old printer I could take the empty cartridges and have them refilled at Office Max for $10.

Can I do this with my new printer? That would be a big fat NO.

Somebody tell me how a tiny cartridge of ink can cost $34. Somebody, somewhere is laughing all the way to the Ink Bank.

When you have high school or even elementary school kid's you HAVE to have a working printer. Maybe the school system should look into buying stock in printer ink.

Next on my list is people buying lottery tickets at the gas station. If you are hooked on playing the lottery you should have your game plan down by the time the clerk says "What can I do for you?" Don't hem haw around saying "Umm, give me two of those and three of these...no not that one but the one beside it." It kills me when I am running late for work or running late to pick up one of the kids and I scream into the gas station to pump $5 only to stand in line behind some idiot plotting out his future, one scratch off at a time.

That's why I like stations that have the lines "Lottery Only." I have nothing against the lottery but I hate being held hostage by people with obviously more spare time than me.

Moving on...How many Holidays do banks need? I didn't even think about Monday being President's Day. I mean I did when I went into work that morning knowing we would have a good lunch because it was a holiday. Then I got off and had a two hour break. I picked Massey up and we went to run errands. She was driving so I was already distracted. I told her to pull into the bank drive through and was busy endorsing my catering paycheck. When I had every thing filled out I glanced up to see their notice about being closed. I thought "Yeah...you're closed, but you're still running my checks through."

Luckily I have finally realized you can't beat the banking system...but still believe it is an evil institution.

I am beginning to believe that banks, printers and cell phone providers are our biggest enemies.

When the above photo was taken of me...I think I knew then what the future held. My face seems to say "You mean MY kids will have cell phones?"

How did I grow up in the "Flintstone'" era and end up way past the "Jetstones?"

How did I grow up in a house with one land line phone and one TV set?

How did my mother raise us without cell phones...and why didn't walkie talkies know what they had going? They could have cashed in big.

We are so spoiled in life it is pitiful. I am as guilty as anyone and embarrassed by how technology and continuing advances are tossing us all into this "Cyber" world.

If you stop to think about it, it is scary...especially if you are MY age.

Til next time "Cyber Cotton"

A Slap in the Face From the Seventies Sure Stings

Jeez, we sure could have used that fancy dancy robot from Lost in Space today at work. I walked into work this morning and in the back were copies of the menu prices taped to the wall. There were stacks of order pads in triplicate beside a calculator, a list of tax for food a list of tax for alcohol and a stapler were where we usually keep the tea pitchers . Seems our beverage area had turned into computation central.

I didn't take ANY of this as a good sign.

It seems the computers had all crashed late Saturday night after I left and all day Sunday they had hand written checks, walked them back to the cooks and manually added them up, figuring out food sales tax in addition to alcohol tax and presented the guest with a "Waffle House" style check (showing all their math).

Sounds like a fun day...glad I took Sunday off.

When I came in this morning they were still waiting on the IT from our computer server to show up. He didn't get there until after 2:00. I guess he used to work for a cable company.

When you rely on computers...especially a restaurant touch screen monitor, there is virtually no need to think. If you punch in the order correctly and hit all the right special instruction keys...the computer does it all for you and magically makes it appear in front of the chef's on the line in the kitchen. There is even a key where when you get really busy and have to ring in several tables at once you can send them individually on a timed send delay so that your salads for each table are spaced apart and if it is an order that is prepared quickly it buys you however many minutes you want for it to appear in the kitchen. I call Timed Send the "Lifesaver Button".

Unfortunately none of it was working today and of course we got busy right off the bat.

We had to write in every side dish where normally the computer would do that. We had to make one ticket to go to the salad window another to go to the appetizer or dessert window. If you had a pizza you had to write yet another ticket for the pizza cook.

After that you had to figure up all their separate checks, add tax for food 7% and add tax for alcohol 10%. You had to know how much each beverage, soda, tea or alcohol was and add it to the bill.

I am so used to zooming through the computer, know exactly what keys are where and can split checks for a party of ten in under one minute.

Not today my friends.

My first table was an older couple. They are both WAY on up in their eighties but are regulars and I have waited on them before. She asked me if the Salmon was fresh and I assured her it was. Our Salmon comes in several times a week and is never frozen and hand cut by the owner.

Jessica Tandy ordered the Salmon and her husband, Hugh Cronin ordered the Chicken Marsala. I had to hand write what type of pasta he wanted, what she wanted with her Salmon, what type salads and dressings they wanted and walk it all back to three different cook stations...something the computer would have done for me in three seconds.

By then I had three other tables and had to repeat the process again and again and again. We open at 11 and I was worn out by the time my first order came out of the kitchen.

I took "Driving Miss Daisy" her Salmon and she stopped me on my way back through the dining room.

"This tastes Fishy".

I wanted to say "No duh, Me ma...it's FISH".

But I always follow a steadfast rule ... if you live to be in your late eighties you can do or say whatever you want or feel.

I took her "Fish" away and brought her a menu and she decided on a bowl of Cream of Tomato/Basil soup.

I took her plate in the kitchen and since they were both impeccably dressed and looked quite clean, I tasted her Salmon. I set it to the side and munched on it as I carried on writing orders on my big thick triplicate order pad.

Barbara, the owner was at the front door seating people when I went up and asked her to take the Salmon off the check for table 200.

She looked at me as if I were even crazier than I already am.

She calmly said "Kelly, the computers aren't even working, how to you want me to take it off their check"?

Dang! She got me.

You know me... I held out my big order pad and asked her if she minded scratching out the Salmon I had written on their check with her pen?

At least she laughed, because there wasn't much else to laugh at during lunch.

Once the computer geek finally showed up, we had to go back in and ring up all our orders on each individual table and send every one of them to the kitchen with instructions NOT to make them.

I felt as old as Jessica Tandy by the time I got off my lunch shift.

My kerchief goes off to all the Waffle House waitresses that hand write and manually add up every ticket. Not only do they greet you with a warm "Morn in' Hun" but can call out your order, bring it to you and give you a total without ever touching a computer screen.

Our society has gotten so lazy.

I don't even know my kid's or husband's cell phone numbers because they are programed into my own cell .

I never get up to change the channel on the TV...I'd rather spend ten minutes looking for the lost remote.

I don't have to run downstairs to the kitchen to answer the phone (like I did as a kid) because there is a phone in every room.

Got a question you can't answer? Google it.

Want to tell the kid's dinner is ready? Text them...even if they are just upstairs in their rooms.

Need to call someone...just go to contacts in your cell and click on their name.

My family isn't quite savvy enough to be considered members of the Star ship Enterprise but we are definitely "Lost in Space".

Til next time....Computerized COTTON

Y2K Ten Years Eleven Months and One Week Late...

I had to work another double today. That one hour of extra sleep was nice but not nearly enough. The computers at work started acting up during lunch but the owner managed to work the kinks out. Then all the phone lines went down and we couldn't answer any incoming calls.

After Lunch I had one hour before my dinner shift and swung by the drug store for some cold medicine for Zach and Tim, who are both sick now too. Men are horrible patients. Let me change that...TIM is a horrible patient. Zach is pretty tough and doesn't complain much. Tim rarely ever gets sick but when he does LOOK OUT!

I bought a big bag of Naval oranges and have them all sucking down some vitamin C and pumping them full of meds.

Last night I put a roast in the crock pot at 2AM before I went to bed so they would all have something to eat on  while I worked all day. (It's still sitting in the crock pot which didn't surprise me in the least.) I guess they were all thinking about me and left me something warm to eat when I finally got home.

I had a party of 20 when I got back to work. I worked it with my buddy "Hoke." (previous post)

We had just taken the order when all the computers at work crashed. We all had to hand write tickets for the kitchen to cook the food, manually write up tickets for customers and add them up like a Waffle House check.

Then the credit card machine crashed and stopped processing credit cards.

All the while,  we were trying to operate the store as normally as possible and keep the customers happy and unaware of the chaos we were dealing with behind the scenes.

Luckily my party was great...I knew one of the girls  and they were an easy bunch to please. I was actually taking their order when one woman I have never seen before said "Are you the one who writes the blog?"
 Guess I am getting semi- famous!

By this point in the day I was getting "Semi- Tired."

Waiting on large parties is tough enough...having to depend on your brain instead of letting the computers do all your thinking for you is outrageous in the year 2010!

Finally the computers came back on line and THEN all the servers had to go  and ring in every order they had hand written, every bar drink they had scratched down on a napkin for the poor bartender to make and on top of that send a special instruction with each order "Not to make it."

My tiny brain was smoking...it was frazzled  just trying to catch up.

What a world we live in now. We have become so reliant on computers and technology. We  trust a calculator and a computer system more than we trust our own brain. It makes you lazy, it makes you not  calculate anything or  do what we  used to consider "cognitive thinking."

What a sad statement this is of our society today.  Y2K hit us hard at the restaurant tonight. Modern technololgy has made us morons. We all rely on email, not snail mail. We all rely on a tiny chip in a computer. We all rely on something inantimate to make our decisions and do our work.

Maybe Waffle House has it right. They all know their math, they all know how to add up a bill. They all know what the sales tax is. And on top of it all, they still say " Morning, Hon...Whatcha want?"

What is This World Coming To?

I was at work tonight...thirty minutes before we closed the phone rang and I answered it. A woman on the other end paused and then asked if we were hiring.

What kind of person decides at nine o'clock at night to CALL about a job?

I told her we were always accepting applications. She paused again and finally said "Well, can I talk to her?" I asked "Talk to who?" I wasn't going to help with her very lame attempt at getting a job.

She said "You know, the owner." I told her the owner wasn't in at the moment. She asked if I could maybe have the owner call her tomorrow about a job. I said that sure I could do that. She said "Okay, thank you" and then hung up.

What part is missing here...or are there just so many that it is obvious?

She left no name...didn't KNOW the owner's name...left no phone number. I guess during the commercial break in her show she was watching on TV she thought she would fill the two minute break with a job hunt.
Do people actually think that someone is going to say "SURE we're hiring! So glad you called. Can you be here in ten minutes? We have a training class starting at ten tonight."

We laughed about that one for the rest of the night!

When I got home from work, Zach had a pile of paper work the school had given him on August 9th to bring home, have filled out and returned the next day. For Pete's sake tomorrow is August 31. He said he wasn't allowed back unless he brought the papers in all filled out and signed.

I felt like saying "No @#*& Sherlock."

I filled out the mountain of forms and corrected all his mis spellings and wrong cell phone numbers. Tim came through the kitchen to leave for work when I was on the 'dress code' sheet I had to sign. It had all the obvious "no no's. " No camouflage, no trench coats, no baggy pants. All things that would have never been included when I was in high school.

Then the last two blew me away. "No pajama tops or bottoms allowed." "No bedroom slippers allowed."

OMG...would kids go to school in their PAJAMAS? The bedroom slippers part made me laugh until Tim reminded me that Zach wore his to school last year one day. Tim crawled all over him when he saw Zach slumping off the bus in his bedroom slippers. Zach had gotten them for Christmas and defended his actions with " 'They're brand new and REALLY comfortable."

The teens of today would have NEVER made it in the seventies. They would be lost sheep wandering aimlessly, searching for a cell phone or ipod ... wondering how to use a phone booth and trying to figure out how to text with a rotary dial phone.

I guess all this modern technology is for the best and benefits us all. It just seems to me it has taken the "Thinking part" out of life and replaced it with shortcuts and acronyms.

I'd like to see a teen try and empty an metal ice tray or cook popcorn on a stove top. When I was a teen you had one transistor radio you carried with you listening to the AM radio station...and that was the extent of your personal music.

Maybe I need to get Zach some bedroom slippers with a texting device built into the soles so he can text with his toes as he slumps from class to class while trying to keep his pants up. I am worried he may be over worked and stressed out having to wear pants that fit AND hard bottomed shoes. Those horrible dictators at the high school are just TRYING to smother our kids with all these rules and regulations...I hope they can survive. NO...Wait a minute, I meant I hope "I" survive!

Til next time "The mom of two oppressed teens" COTTON

Wallowing in My Own Technology Stupidity

So I thought I was pretty good at this whole new technology scene.

That would be a big fat "You so Stupid Girl."

I have tried for a week to make a DVD of my cousin's memorial service. I went to Best Buy and bought a stack of 20 DVD-R discs. Came home thinking how cool it would be to make copies of the great uplifting send off my cousin had, instead I have been wallowing around like my bull dog Charlie in this video clip...making a lot of noise but producing nothin' worthwhile.

I downloaded a free software program from image burn and FINALLY got it burned onto a disc but couldn't open it on my computer. Zach assures me it is on there and I can see where a third of the disc has SOMETHING burned into it.

I got an email tonight from a dear friend of my cousin's that blew the roof off of Shad's service. Funny, emotional and so on the mark that I went up to him after the service and told him we needed to get aquainted because HE was going to speak at my own memorial (which will be called "Kelly's Final Roast with a Toast.") My brother, who is the funniest person I know and love will be the 'emcee' and will only have one minister speaking (of my choosing) with absolutely NO one singing...but maybe a few of my favorite songs being played. Hope no one objects to "Creep" by Radiohead...we'll bleep the "F" word , "American Pie" by Don McLean or "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Stones.

I think that I finally successfully burned the service and am just too much of a DOOFUS to know what to do with it.

I emailed a friend of Shad's tonight telling her I would mail her all of my attempts and see what she can do with them.

When I saw Charlie rolling on the floor growling like someone was torturing him, I thought "That's how I feel trying to burn this DVD. " Am I stupid or just old?"

Til next time "Granny Cotton."

"Going Cable" Replaces "Going Postal"

I think Cable employees should be sheltered behind plate glass windows...at least I would want to be if I worked for them.

First on my list of complaints is their 24 hour help line. Every time I call, "Apu" answers the phone in broken English so difficult to understand that I feel like having a translator on speaker phone with me.

They are nice enough people but are usually in Thailand or the Philippines and obviously the college degree they hold isn't "English."

When my computer crashed a year ago I was on the phone with them on a daily basis. Sometimes when my call was finally answered and I couldn't even understand their name I would hang up and redial until someone answered and said brightly "This is John, how may I help you?"

I am not saying I am racially biased...God (or Allah) bless them but when you are already having I.T. issues you don't want to have to decipher their name much less their instructions.


I guess you can say I am "Languagely biased."

Of course going to the local cable office isn't much better except there, it is the idiot customers that always seem to be in FRONT of you in line that make you want to have an UZI in your pocket or at least a muzzle or a stun gun.

Case in point: Yesterday I dragged Zach with me to the cable office to return a box that had started messing up and had obviuosly outlived it's cable life expectancy.

There were two people in front of us...a guy in a red button down shirt with a dragon on the back, black pants and red belt and obviuosly no sense of hearing. The man behind him was an elderly African American with a cast on one foot and he held on to the newspaper rack next to him for support while we waited in line.

When the "Dragon Con" guy got waited on he boomed out in an overly loud voice ( that's a pretty bold statement since I've never been called 'quiet') and relayed to everyone within a mile radius that "This is how it all started..."

At this point the older gentleman in front of us with the cast on went and sat down in a chair knowing that this wasn't going to be pretty or quickly resolved.

Mr. "Dragon Con" went on for five minutes about how he had moved and gotten cable service from them in his new "Dragon Cave" and expected a bill in about thirty days. "After 45 days I recieved a bill at my OLD address with a late fee.." The clerk stopped him there and asked for a phone number.

He replied "THIS WASN'T THE END OF MY STORY..."

I rolled my eyes and for once Zach had the same look on HIS face and we shuffled around hoping another window would open.

BINGO...a girl announced to the now seven deep line "If you just need to swap out equipment I can take you on window 3."

We stepped over to window 3 and the older gentleman just remained in his chair (sucked for HIM not to be there just for a swap out of equipment but at least he was sitting down.)

I tried to tell the woman what was wrong with our box but had to shout over "Dragon Con" who was just getting to the MEAT of his story with every one now staring at him and even the employees behind the counter were throwing us glances like"Help Us!"

After we got our new cable box and shouted "THANK YOU" to her I mouthed the words "Good luck with the idiot" and she rolled her eyes at me as if to say "I think I'm going Cable on this guy in a minute."

When we left the old guy was still sitting in a chair and four more people had gotten in line to hear the rest of "Dragon Con's" story.

I had to go back to the cable company today to drop off a payment...didn't have to wait in line because I just stuck it in the payment box hoping they wouldn't pick up my check for at least 24 hours when I could make good on it...I pride myself on my check kiting.

There was a man at the window booming an octave above hollering "Why the HELL is my bill different every month?" I gave the girl from yesterday a little finger wave behind her counter and felt like blowing her a kiss for luck.

CABLE...ya gotta have it these days. It's like cell phones, they used to be a luxury but now are a necessity.

I am not so sure about this new "Jetsons" age but I'm not sure what other option I have...giving the kids two cans tied to each other with a string or going back to no TV's with cable in their bedrooms?

To the kids of today that would be like saying "You can only text me when the internet is down and you can't FB me or send me an email."

What kind of technology monsters are we creating?

Til next time....Facebooking, texting and cable ready COTTON

My Boy is Pick

So I am at work today working a lunch shift when I get a buzz in my back pocket from my cell phone. I snuck off to the restroom as soon as I could, just KNOWING it would be my daughter.

Low and behold, it was my younger son texting me from school (the ONE thing I constantly tell them NOT to do.)

One of his prized possessions is a Ramones jacket that my brother bought him for Christmas last year and he had left it at school on Friday. My bet was that it was gone for good.

The text I received was as follows:

"I found My jacket but i think Im pick." immediately another text came through:

"I found My jacket but i tnink Im sick."

I text'd back: "I am @work. Call your Dad."

Next text came through five minutes later when it really started to get busy:

"Na i can stay At school i have a bad cough and i can barley stay awake."

I decided not to answer him (That will show him I MEAN it about not texting me.)

Exactly twenty seven minutes went by before my pocket buzzed again For Pete's Sake! My husband who is unfortunately still out of work is at home on the computer sending off resumes, but the kids still call me every time they need something!

This one read: "Will you call Dad and ask him if he can check me out"

My text back (I shouldn't have written back, but my kids getting the swine flu has been coming to me in my nightmares) : 'I AM BUSY!"

Two minutes later..."BUZZZ" in my pocket.

"I cant Call him"

I wanted to text back a long lesson about the fact that he seemed to have no problem WHATSOEVER contacting me while I was waiting on tables at high noon and his Dad was at the house pecking away on the Internet and was more available to pick him up than I was, but by this point I was so distracted and getting busier by the minute so I quickly wrote back for the LAST and FINAL time; "Then go 2 the clinic. I am Very busy"

No more buzzing. When 4:00 hit, my phone buzzed again, but since they get off the bus at 4 I knew that at least they were at home with Tim and I called home when I got a free minute.

This time it was Massey, calling me to tell me that Zach was home sick, Dad had checked him out early and he was on the sofa sleeping.

THANKS FOR THE UPDATE!

Dang, how many of these tiny steps could we have avoided if he had just simply gone to the nurse and said "I don't feel well, can you call my parents?"

Sometimes cell phones just seem to make kids so lazy they forget to think. I'm not knocking cell phones, I love to have a line I can reach them on and one they can get me on just as quickly ...BUT USE YOUR NOGGIN!

My daughter will text me from upstairs in the house to ask what is for dinner.

I need to start thinking like them and text her from my bedroom to tell her to clean HER bedroom or tell her to turn her stereo down.

How about a text... "coud u cum rub my feet, they hurt...omg"

Or how about..."can ur BFF give u a ride home from practis i so tyrd'

Or let's shoot one off to my oldest son trying to sneak back home "R U SIRIUS?"

Raising kids has not only changed since my mom raised us, but since my oldest hit middle school.

Cell phones, i pods, i phones, digital cameras...it ALL started with the Walkman if you ask me!

When I was a kid you were hip if you had a Panasonic 'take and tape' 'clackers' or 'bare foot sandals'...anybody remember the bare foot sandals? They were at the height of the "Bead" stage...bracelets, necklaces all strung on fishing line or stretchy string with beads so small you had to use a needle to get them thread onto the string.

The 'clackers' were two glass balls suspended by string. You started by bopping them back and forth slowly and building to the crescendo of moving your hand up and down to make them bounce from top to bottom "Click clacking" up and down in a furious fashion. Were we cool or WHAT?

Skating rinks , ball fields and swimming pools have been replaced by malls, texting and facebook.

Seems like kids are getting lazier... Geez I wish I was one of my kids instead of one of my kid's parents!

Just my own observations, just my own thoughts and views....ya'll should be used to them by now!

Til next time, COTTON

Back To School

Zach's big day is almost here! You know how much that boy loves school. Starting back in the morning...on a Friday no less.

Zach has grown up tremendously this summer and I think this will be his year to show what he is capable of. I took Massey to the orientation today at the high school, Zach declined our invitation to join us.

What is great about having them all in high school is the trip to buy supplies.

When they are in elementary and even middle school, they have a supply list two pages long. Many, many years they never used some of the items "required" on the list, I still have several three hole punches , compasses and boxes and boxes of markers and colored pencils.

Then they ask for every student to bring in a pack of copy paper, paper towels, hand sanitizer, Kleenex and anything else they can think of.

When I was a kid on the first day of school they sent you home with a Silver Horse denim notebook (remember those?) Of course if you were younger it was a primer writing tablet with the blue and red lines...the red dashes in the middle line for writing upper case and lower case letters. They gave you a pack of pencils and a box of fat crayons. Now all they send you home with on the first day is another list of items to buy and enough information forms to fill out that make you think they may be sending your kids overseas for their education.

When I was a kid lunches were 25 cents. Now they are $2.00 and the amount of food is the same it was in the sixties when I was a kid.

When I was a kid the school nurse was a mother that volunteered to sit in the clinic. It got better in high school when you had that one mom volunteer in the clinic that would give you a note to check out, even if she knew that it was only because eight of your other friends had already checked out and were waiting in the parking lot so you could all pile into a beat up Ford and go to McDonald's to hang out with kids from other schools that had moms in their clinic as cool as yours!

I feel grateful that I was able to grow up in the carefree and easy years of the sixties and seventies.

When I was in elementary school, we had square dancing once a week. "Everybody go forward and back...forward again with a right hand swing and all the way back to the side of the ring."

Or how about "Well we all join hands and we circle a ring...then you stop where you are , give your honey a swing... swing that little gal behind ya" and we'd all be singing "Oh Johnny Oh Johnny Oh !!

From those days we supposedly matured enough by seventh grade to be safety patrols and cross the smaller kids across the street safely after school... and at the end of the year got to ride a train to Washington DC for a four day trip (two spent on the train.)

It was still a great life.

I'm not saying my kid's life isn't great...it is just a different kind of great.

I have diaries and journals from the time I was nine until well after the birth of my last child. I wouldn't trade those writings for anything in the world. It's kind of sad that all my writing has been replaced with typing on a keyboard and saving it on a computer. I still like to write...I mean with a pen! I am fastidious with my writing, even taking orders at work. It has to be written neatly with no scratch outs. If I have to scratch something out, once I leave the table I stop and re write the entire order before I put it into the computer at work .

One of my standing jokes with my tables is when they order one thing and then say "Can I change that ?" I always have a serious look on my face when I tell them..."No I am so sorry, but I am writing in pen."

Times have changed.

From pencils to pens to fonts to texting.

My grand kids will probably be catching rides to high school in their friend's Hover Crafts.

Til next time...COTTON