Sunday, June 13, 2010

"I'm Melting" and It's Only June...

I know the expression is "hotter than a witch's titty." But this weather is hot enough to melt the wicked witch of the west. (Wasn't it the WEST?)

I got off work last night at 10:30 and walked outside to a smothering 84 degrees. It was so hot it was hard to breathe.

I am all about some summer time. I will get out and work in the yard when it is noon and the temp is over 90 but if I have to put on long pants and a dress shirt with an apron and go to work, it KILLS me.

When I am working in my yard I am dressed like Daisy Duke's Grandma and couldn't care less. If I had big "hoo hahs" or weighed over a hundred pounds I might think about more clothes. As it is, the people that see me and don't know me probably think I am a slim fifty-ish male cross dresser that can make a bikini top work! My 14 year old daughter has bigger boobs than me. I'll be grateful for my " itty bitty's " when I don't have boobs hanging around my knees as I shuffle down the halls of the nursing home on my walker looking for a way out...I've heard old men can still cat call even with a colostomy bag dragging by their wheelchair...guess they don't have much else to do and who's gonna beat up an old dude anyway?

It's weird... in a "Kelly' kind of way.

If I am out in the heat working in my yard or the neighbor's or the OTHER neighbor's or at the front of the subdivision the heat doesn't bother me a bit. Make me get dressed for work and go have to wait on people and I feel like I am suffocating. My face gets all greasy my arm pits feel like I should have swabbed a couple of more times with the Soft and Dry and I just feel drained walking from my car into the restaurant.

I guess why that is why I was born under the sign of Leo...Them big cats don't seem to mind the hot that much and "Hey" they are wearing fur coats and a huge fuzzy hat all around their faces in the middle of the Tundra.

I feel caged in when I am inside, whether it be at work or home. I love the outdoors I love the smell of freshly cut grass and I love the feel of John Deere under my butt (nothing sexual intended..but then again, maybe I should consult a therapist.)

I can sit in the yard and read good book for two hours in the sun, with the sweat being licked off my legs by my three dogs (they seem to like it) and it tends to keep the bugs away or I can work a weed eater like nobody's business for two hours and feel almost exhilarated when I get through and see how nice and tidy an area looks without weeds lining a fence or curb.

Call me crazy (get in line for that one) or just call me a Summer Lover. As long as I am DOING something out in the sun I feel great. Tell me I have to put on clothes get in a hot car , go somewhere to go BACK inside and do manual labor indoors and it drives me nuts!

I may have to look into a landscaping job...if only I spoke more Spanish I would be a shoo in!

PS.. So There... Ms. Walsh, I'm not a heat whimp I'm a work whimp.. (private joke)

No comments: