Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Am I married to Floyd or Gomer? Tough call...

Let me start by saying fortunately my husband doesn't read my blog unless he is forced to...and even more fortunate for me, I am the "Forcer."

I swear sometimes he reminds me of a cross between Floyd and Gomer, although that may be giving him more credit than he deserves.

At least Floyd and Gomer were both really nice people that everyone liked...a lot like my husband .

Yesterday I got up early to take my car to have new tires put on and have the front end aligned. Tim needed two new tires as well so I told him if he would follow me to the tire place and let me drop my car off I would take his car to work and when mine was finished he could get a ride to go pick it up and come to the restaurant and swap vehicles and go have his tires replaced as well.

How hard was that last paragraph to understand? Obviously it boggled Tim's Gomer/Floyd mind. Maybe his new nickname should be "Goyd."

I called him from work around 1:00 and told him they had called to say my car was ready. I was in the middle of a lunch shift, hiding in the restroom talking on my cell to him so maybe I hurried with my instructions too much. But for Pete's sake! I wasn't telling him how to deactivate a nuclear weapon I was telling him how to do the swap quickly and in the most efficient way.

Everyone knows this is a woman's forte...it's called "Thinking."

I was busy at work and between calling Tim secretly from the restroom (my bosses have a 'no cell' policy) and answering Massey's REALLY important texts...."bring me home a spinach roll...yummy' my mind was fully occupied.

I told Tim he had to come in to get the keys because I was busy in the middle of a lunch shift and to just come in the back kitchen entrance.

I heard the owner's son saying hello to Tim so I went and got the keys and told him I had to run out back and get my driver's license out of his car.

We walked out back and I looked for MY car...no Passat. I asked him where my car was and Tim said he hadn't gone to get it yet.


He had our next door neighbor's kid sitting in his car parked next to Tim's car. I just decided not to say anything or point out the obvious flaw in his though process. I got my license and gave Tim Massey's spinach roll and simply said "Hurry back with my car I'll be off in twenty minutes and have to be back at work by 5:00."

My neighbor's kid looked like he was thrilled with having to come by Mama Lucia's to pick up keys and a spinach roll and THEN take my husband to the tire store to pick up MY car.

Ya know...I just let it go.

I kept my huge mouth shut and tried not to roll my eyes at my poor neighbor's kid who was carting Tim around the world in 96 degree weather.

THEN...Tm got into his car and told my next door neighbor to ride WITH him to the tire store so that they could drop off Tim's car and pick my car up. Where is there ANY logic in this sequence of events?

When Tim came back to pick me up and I got in the car my phone buzzed with a new text "Where's my Spinach Roll???????"

I looked in the back seat...no box. I asked Tim where Massey's food was and he calmly said "I must have left it in the car with Zach and Kevin."

Keeping my mouth shut again but now experiencing a twitch in my eye that I couldn't stop I called Zach's cell phone and asked if they were headed to the house. He said yes and I told him to take Massey her spinach roll. He said "Mom, there is no spinach roll in this car. Dad must have left it in his car when he dropped it off at the tire store."

I couldn't hold it in any longer but tried to be as nice as I could. I rolled my eyes although I really wanted to bang my head on the dashboard. Of course Tim was tooling along at his top speed of 35MPH and said "It's not the biggest deal in the world! We'll just go by the tire store and get the spinach roll out of my car...look on the bright side it may be ready."
Bright side Schmight side...I am riding around wasting my one hour break between my second double shift in a row in a bi gillion degree heat dressed in long black pants and a hot long sleeved shirt .
We get to the tire store and there Tim's car is six feet off the ground on a hydraulic lift with all four tires off.
I told Tim I was NOT going inside to ask them to lower his car so I could get a spinach roll off the back seat.
Tim ambled slowly (he ALWAYS ambles slowly) into the office and casually said to the owner "Kelly brought you some lunch...it's on the back seat of my car. Did you find it?'
"HA HA HA...Tim you're such a QUICK wit...no wait a minute...that's a nit wit" was what I was thinking but just stood by my man reminding myself what a wonderful father he is and how he has put up with me for 22 years. Once again I kept my fat trap shut.
The owner walked out into the bay and said "Look out Pepe...we're gonna lower the car."
They lowered the car and I retrieved Massey's spinach roll from the back seat.
Nothing like wasting an hour and a half for a twenty minute task.
I just let it go but knew that Tim was just WAITING for me to unload or at least explode.
It's crazy but what calmed me the most was knowing that I was going to share all of this with you and give you a chuckle.
My life is full of blogs...the supply seems to be endless (at least as long as I stay married to Goyd.)
Taking Massey's laptop with us to Destin so I can blog from there.
At least my car rides great and Massey loved the spinach roll.
Til next time...COTTON (AKA Mrs. Goyd)

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