Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Cool Mom...or Just One Trying to Keep Her Cool ?

Massey informed me today that I "Wasn't" COOL. She finally relented to the point of me being cooler than most but "Def' not totally cool.

I can accept that.

No one has to tell me I am fifty...I feel all fifty years every day when I wake up with creaking knees , ringing in my ear and especially when my ulcer flares up. I used to be proud of being slim but now wonder if it is just me shrinking to my stooped over granny weight. I gotta check out that Sally Field commercial about osteoporosis.

I embarrass Massey on an hourly basis and luckily most of it is done within the walls of our house .

I got home from work tonight around 9:20 and after checking knew that rain was coming. I cut the yards yesterday but ran out of time to do the weed eating before work and to ME the yard isn't done until it is all trimmed out with my secret lover "Mr. Weed Eater." Please don't tell "Johnny" he'll be ridiculously know how those motor heads are.

When I got home tonight, bringing fabulous gifts of home made meatball subs and chocolate amaretto mousse from work I told Massey that I was going to go out back and weed eat before the rain hit. I made the mistake of asking her if she thought it was too late..." NOT go out there and crank up the weed eater!" I told her one of our next door neighbors, Mr. "Slow" Lee and his wife were in Hawaii and the other next door neighbor (my next door husband) worked at night only has teenagers and they probably weren't home.

I turned on the flood lights out back and cranked 'big boy' up. HEY! I was done in ten minutes. If anyone called the cops about me I would back in the house with the weed eater hidden in the garage and the leavins' dusted off my shins. Massey rolled her eyes at me and went upstairs to her "hovel of a mess" that we call her bed room.

You know, if they made a silencer for a weed eater and I could get me some of those night vision goggles I could be in business 24/7. I wanted to weed eat the front yard but decided as long as I was out of view in the back yard from the cars and neighbors trying to take a relaxing night stroll maybe they wouldn't know which yard the racket was coming from.

All finished... and tempting as it was to go rent flood lights from a utility company and set up in the front yard I decided to call it a night (without complaints other than Massey's.)

I came on inside and settled on FB'ing and blogging.

One of my good friends had commented on one of my posts and her new profile picture was amazing. She is short as *&#* to begin with and has been doing the weight watchers thing. In the words of Massey...OMG. She looked totally different. She looked so much like her daughter that I thought it was a picture of her daughter instead of her.

Being funny like I am (in my own small mind) I sent her a message and told her she would be in a thong by the Fourth of July.
Her response was ""

You know, I don't even weigh a 100 lbs but if you catch me in a'll be because my undies are so old that the back ripped out of them and I didn't know it. Wedgies drive me insane and I just can't imagine wearing a thong. Maybe Massey is right and I'm "NOT THAT cool." I know they look good on girls in Playboy or maybe girls hanging onto a pole ..but Massey IS right..."I ain't THAT cool."

I like the Lacey look of the top of them in the back... but to a fifty year old woman who has three kids and can still remember at LEAST six people in the room with her as she popped a human being out of a hole that was originally the size of a nickel...I like to keep that area pretty much covered up and kept secure.

Now I know Massey IS right..I'm not THAT cool...but trust me , I'm still pretty stinkin' cool.

At least until someone tells Massey about this post.

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