Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Charlie, Can You Hear me?

My Bulldog is definitely a Cotton...let me rephrase that; He definitely has Cotton in his ears!

I used to think he was just stubborn and chose to listen when the mood struck him. After googling "White dogs" and doing a little research I have decided he is as deaf as Helen Keller was and maybe has limited sight as well. He has one wall eye that wanders on it's own and two ears that are purely cosmetic. Sure they are cute soft ears and velvety to the touch but that is about ALL they are.

He is a goofy little fatso. He runs crooked, looks at you crooked and his teeth are crooked. He has a heck of an under bite and two cute pink balls with black spots. I've never thought balls were attractive with any stretch of the imagination but his are actually one of his most endearing features.

My other two dogs hear me when I put my blinker on to turn in the driveway. Charlie is always a day late and a dollar short. I can be in the house for five minutes and all the sudden he finally feels the vibration of me shutting a cabinet or the dryer door and he comes scrambling down the stairs skidding on the tile barking like he is the first to detect an intruder.

When we let the dogs out first thing in the morning my two Boxers are ready to go. Charlie is asleep in his cave under my king size bed snoring away and we have to knock on a wall to rouse him with some vibration. Once he feels that knocking he skitters out from under the bed full of that "Macho" barking like he's the boss.

He's the boss of the short bus bless his heart!

When he plows out of the back door...he ALWAYS has to be the first one out, he takes off at breakneck speed (for a shawty) sideways to the back corner of the yard. I'm not sure what is back there but he heads to the same corner every time . I think it is just his sideways way of running that leads him in that direction.

My oldest son bought Charlie when he was six weeks old for the bargain price of $3,000. Sometimes I wonder who's dumber...Charlie or my son.

My son and his girlfriend had Charlie for a few short months and when they split up my son moved back home with Charlie in tow. It took Charlie a couple of months and several butt kickings to finally figure out he was low man on the totem pole (literally AND figuratively.)

He spent several months in an apartment and absolutely loves having a wide open yard to run sideways in. If you walk towards the back door when he is in the room he is the first one to the door, waiting to squeeze his fat head into the open space and takes off like a little fat rocket.

He loves to squeeze into small places, like under your feet, under the kitchen table or under a patio chair. My husband calls him the "Weasel." After squeezing under everything in the house I have started to call him "Squeezel."

When I come home from work he scrubs up next to me covering my black work pants with his white hair in a matter of seconds.

When my husband goes into the back yard with the dogs, Charlie scrubs up to him spreading his slobber and slime all over Tim's legs and doesn't stop until you smack his fat wide head. Then all he does is cock his head sideways like "What?" and continues to parade around Tim's legs and finally with no provocation starts to jump up on Tim with his little pitiful attempts at altitude...he can't jump more than ten inches off the ground if you hit him with an electric prod.

I had a hard time learning to love my little doofus of a dog...but he has squeezed weaseled and waddled his way way into my heart and now he is the most entertaining dog I have ever seen. Even my two Boxers know he is "Special" I think I saw one of them actually roll their eyes at him one time.

Can't hear, can't run straight can't look straight has a horrible under bite and is still one of the cutest little :#$@'s you'll ever meet or love.

I took this video of him the other night just to prove my "Deaf" theory. He is either totally deaf or the most stubborn dog I have ever had...or maybe a little of both.

We love him either way...we put up with him either way (and so do my Boxers.)

He is a pure bread English Bulldog and a pure idiot. He is worth it simply for the entertainment value if nothing else.
Don't let my Boxer's know Charlie got this much 'face time' on my'll just be another fight!
Til next time...COTTON

P.S. Be sure to click on Charlie's picture and you will see how cute the little stinker is!

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