Monday, June 7, 2010

And I Thought I was the Funny One...

You have to click on these photos so you can see just how much my bachelor brother enjoys quality time with my kids. The look on his face says it all..."Vasectomy, please."

He is the only one of us without kids...guess the six kids between my sister and me are enough for him. I LOVE the picture of him with Zach squeezed between his legs with a flyswatter as a weapon while he TRIES to enjoy to enjoy a book...Classic "Chris."

EVERYONE loves my brother and I can say that with confidence. He is hands down one of the funniest people I have ever known...and that's A LOT coming from me!

I remember when I was about 19, there was a bar called Modine's by the airport, in the old Scott Hudgens building that was packed every weekend. Sometimes you couldn't even MOVE in there. This was back when the legal drinking age was 18 (what the hey were lawmakers thinking?) I was there and my brother, with all his cronies. There was a guy with his girlfriend behind my brother...shoving into to him relentlessly trying to squeeze by. Finally my brother turned around and collared the guy, saying "Hey push me ONE more time and I'm going to kick your girlfriend's ass."

We all cracked up. The guy seemed puzzled, the girlfriend looked frazzled and they both retreated, wondering what had just happened.

When I was a couple of years older I was dating a guy that had passes to a private party for Channel 5 at Harrison's (I think) on Peachtree St. in Atlanta. It was a great old establishment across the street from Bennihanna's. My brother went with us. One of the meteorologists...I think Ken Cook, was at the party and my brother sidled up next to him and remarked casually "Those were some pretty amazing cumulus clouds out there today."

Ken Cook just looked at him and walked off but WE all had a good laugh. I remember one of the female anchors was pretty hot and my brother remarked she looked hot til you heard her hacking up a lung with that smoker's cough.

A few years ago we were all on vacation together . My family, my sister's family and all the kids with their friends in tow. Chris, Massey and I snuck off to drive to Destin to go to the local Wal Mart. Massey was riding shot gun with Uncle Chris and I was in the back seat filing my nails. Chris was asking Massey for help with directions and as we passed a strip mall he asked what a sign said. It was a branch of the banking company F.N.B. Massey sweetly said "That was the FNB." Chris quickly retorted "Watch your mouth little lady." Massey never got the joke but I cracked up. Ole Chris is a quick wit.

Chris is the most honest man I know. He picks on me relentlessly and when I think I can't take it anymore, he does something so sweet that I want to kiss his cheek. He loves my husband who is a complete opposite of me. He is as pale white as I am Native American Indian dark. On our last trip to Florida together as a family...Tim got so sunburned from a morning out at the beach, while I turned a nice bronze. When we went back to the house, Chris was loading up the golf clubs in his Porsche so he and Tim could go play eighteen holes. Chris said "Come on Red Snapper, it's almost tee time."

Massey stills laughs about that one.

When Tim and I hit rock bottom this past family got us through, with the help of many, many friends. My brother would come to eat with me at my old restaurant and leave me an exorbitant tip. When I lost my job and had NOTHING...he loaned me a gas card and got us from place to place .

He is a carbon copy of my father...even the cadence of his speech reminds me of "Diddy." He's like a father AND a brother to me.

He came in to eat at my new place tonight. I told the owner that my brother had come in to eat for the first time and he asked "That is YOUR brother at table 201?" He probably said that because I weigh 95 pounds, my sister a little over 105 and my brother is a brusque guy. Not fat but a stocky guy. I told the owner to come meet him and when we approached the table I introduced them. My brother shook hands with the owner while I said how much I had appreciated the owners hiring me. Chris didn't miss a beat and said "Well I didn't know you hired the handicapped, but thanks for doing it." The owner immediately said "Yeah, that IS your brother."

I lost my Mom when I was seventeen. I lost my Diddy when I was in my early forties. They both left me in good hands. A sister that is incredible and a brother that is a comedienne, a father figure and a really great guy.

He is transferring back to Orlando soon (probably to get away from me and my sister) but we know where to find him. He lives 15 minutes away from Walt Disney World and Universal when he is living in Orlando and has a bachelor pad that my family all squeezes into when we take the kids there. He saves us almost a thousand dollars on accommodations for a four day trip and we remind him why he doesn't want kids...HE HAS OURS !

I love my brother dearly, I don't tell him that enough but in the way that suits me best.. I will tell him with words. I hope he knows how much he means to me. Just being around him is a pleasure, having his love is a bonus and knowing that without litagation he can't disown me is the thing that I bank on!

Til next time...COTTON

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