Getting My Boost On

Today I worked a double shift. Went in at 10:30 and worked the lunch shift. I had to be back at 5:30 and Zach had to be there at 5:00. If I took him to work that would mean I had to go in thirty minutes early. I am all about some rest between shifts. Now that I take one day off a week I have gotten lazy and WANT my time off even more. Tim was snoozing in the "Black Out" bedroom and wasn't going to come out of hibernation til eleven PM so I told Zach to take his Dad's car to work which left me with thirty more minutes of laying flat on my back. (so as to not muss my "hurr" or makeup) I drove my own car to work thirty minutes later and would be off early enough to drive Tim's car back home for him to leave for work at midnight and Zach could drive my car home when he got off .

Problem!! Tim's car has a wiring problem and his seats don't move. (see previous post) Tim is almost six foot three and I am five foot three. It took us almost a year to just get his transmission fixed and paid for...electric seat controls are WAY down the list. Like the scrambler I am I didn't worry about it until I clocked out at ten. When I was checking out with the manager in the office I mentioned my driving dilemma. My manager said to just take one of the booster seats we use for kids and bring it back tomorrow. When I went to leave my ole buddy "Hoke" (a server that I absolutely adore and will miss when he gets fired from screwing up at least three times a week) saw me with the booster seat and asked what I was doing with it?  I told him what I was doing and he said "I gotta get a picture of this."

I left five minutes later with my booster seat in tow and when I opened the door to Tim's car saw Hoke crouched in front of Tim's car with his cell phone taking a picture of me with my booster seat. I told him I didn't need to sit in it but needed to put it behind my back to scoot me up so I could press the gas pedal. He said he didn't think I could fit my butt in it anyway.

Don't challenge me! I put the booster in the driver's seat and squeezed my butt right into it. He squealed with idiotic delight and said "Hang on let me take another picture!" He was laughing like a Hyena and when he showed me the pic of me sitting in the booster seat I have to admit I laughed too.

I said "I guess you are going back in to show everyone else"  to which he replied "Damn straight."

I drove home with that hard plastic booster seat digging into my back but enabling me to reach the gas and brakes. I stopped and bought Tim some gas so he wouldn't have to stop on the way to work. My booster seat fell out of the car when I got out but luckily no one noticed.

My life is a comedy of errors, my life is actually a hoot. It was in the crapper for a long time but now that I have survived the fall  I can even laugh at my crazy life. I LIKE being crazy, makes every day an adventure and another blog!

I'm going to get Hoke to email me the pic of me on my booster seat and will post it!

Til next  time...COTTON

Dog Sitting Duty Day Two...

On the way to my friend's house this morning before work to check on their dogs, and let a few more cats out the back door...I picked them up a possum and two raccoons off the bypass. I was looking for an armadillo (wouldn't it be cool to have a tiny dinosaur?) I figured the possum will take care of a couple of the cats and the raccoon can pass for one of the missing cats! I picked up a shift this morning from a fellow co worker last night on FB. She said "Do you want my 11AM shift?" To me that means I am supposed to be there at 11. I flew to my dog sitting house and helped the dogs hump over to crap faster...fed them, shooed them back outside and let them crap again , put them back in their kennels promising them I would spend more time with them after my lunch shift. I've never seen a dog give a "Yeah, RIGHT!" look before, but believe I got one from both pups as I shut their kennels. Got to work with five minutes to spare only to learn I was forty minutes early for my shift. "AARRGGHH!" I went across the street to throw a few bucks at Verizon so our cell phones wouldn't be cut off...that 's my connection to Massey while she is in Ohio and I can't let that happen. Went back to work and got off around 2:00. I went by the bank using the drive through making fake calls on my cell phone while I made my deposit. It makes me feel better when I am worried I am in the "Red." That way I'm not staring at the teller wondering if they are going to say "Your account has been closed." Then if they do, I can hold up one finger and say "I'm on the phone with Oprah...she's depositing some money in my account as we speak." I was in the "Black" with 14 bucks to spare! Went back to check on the pups I am sitting. There was a cat sitting out front that acted like it was supposed to go inside so I let it when I opened the door. Spent a few minutes letting the dogs enjoy some couch time and for the life of me couldn't figure out how to make their TV come on. The pups seemed as disappointed as me when I couldn't watch "GH." Let two cats out and one more back in...these people are going to kill me when they come back from Ohio with sixteen more animals living in their house than when they left. They all seem happy to be there, so who am I to question it? I didn't get off until after nine and went back to check on the pups. They can hear me before I even put the key in the lock. They are cute little dogs and have really taken a shine to me. I have decided that before the family gets back I will take a calculator and count all the animals I have been letting in and out, just in case they try to sue me! When I got home from work and my husband was leaving for work, he said to drop Charlie (our bulldog) off at their house tomorrow. "Just tell them he is a snub nosed fat cat you found scratching at their back door." So I'm not a great animal sitter this week. Normally I am. I have worked so many shifts this week I have lost count and still have five more to go. At least the dogs are okay. The cats...I think they are all still there. There may be a couple of new ones and I might have lost one or two of the old ones, but who's counting? (NOT ME) I have to be at work by 10:30 in the morning. Going by to take a quick head count before work and will take another before I go back for my dinner shift. This family USED to be Massey's best friend's parents. You may be reading about me on the news...Do you think the family will notice the two chipmunks I let in the back door? Or will they say "Hey, I found those hamsters with stripes we have been looking for!"

Dog Sitting...Day One

Dropped Massey off at the high school before 5AM this morning for her trip to World Championships in Dayton. Came back home and got a couple more hours of sleep and headed into work for the day shift. I am dog sitting for Massey's best friend on Guard. Her entire family went to Dayton and I am dog sitting for them while they are gone. This family has been wonderful to Massey so it's the absolute least I can do. I went by their house last night to pick up the key after I got off work. They have two small dogs (all dogs are small compared to my three galoots.) I forgot they had cats too. I am not a big cat person...I don't hate them but have never owned one. It bugs me how they seem to suddenly HAVE to be in another room in a split second. What do they know that I don't? And what about those razor sharp talons they have...they could kill you with those if they wanted to! They can hide in so many different places...you never even know they are there until they decide they have to suddenly scamper into another room for no apparent reason. The family took care of the dogs before they left this morning so I went by after my lunch shift to let them out. Their dogs are crate trained (wish mine were) and were in their little homes when I went in the front door. They were barking so ferociously I was almost scared to put my hand on the cage to open it. No worries...they were just happy to be let out. They scampered all over the house looking for their owners. It made me feel sorry for them. Once they determined they had been abandoned they turned to chasing the cats around. I stopped counting cats when I got to six. I hooked up the leash and took the dogs out back. They immediately did their "Do" and wandered around for five or ten minutes. When I went by last night for my instructions...I noticed the cats had a big automatic food bowl that dumped food in as needed. I gotta get my kids one of those! I made sure all the toilet lids were up in case the cats got thirsty and locked the dogs back in their houses. I sent the Mom a text and said "Dog Duty Day One...How many cats does one family need?" She replied back "I keep asking that myself. Me and the cats just don't get along and the girls take in any strays within a 50 mile radius." I sent her back a text: "There are six cats living by the dumpster at work. Want me to take them over to your house?" Quick reply "That would be a negative." You know me..I sent one right back "Would you really even notice six more?" Another quick response..."I think I would." Another zinger from me..."We'll see!" Quicker response "NOoooooooo" I was on fire now...sent back "Here, Kitty Kitty!" I locked up and left, still laughing at myself (I'm my biggest fan.) Went back to work for the dinner shift and got off around 9PM. I went back over to let the dogs out again and think I counted seven cats...including the mean one that stands guard outside their front door...I'd be mean too if they locked me out while an entire herd got to stay inside. While I was letting the dogs wander around out back I sent the Mom another text: "Just got off work. The six new cats get along great with the twelve you already had. I locked them all in your bedroom so they would have plenty of room to play." I didn't hear back from her so thought they must be on their way back to the airport to fly home and kill me! She finally sent me back a text saying " As long as they are on my husband's side of the bed, we're good." I am having a lot of fun with this "Dog Duty/ Cat Harassment gig." It takes my mind off the fact that I am not in Ohio with my girl. They perform for the first time tomorrow and with fingers crossed and prayers going up, wish them all the luck in the world! I think the day that everyone is due home I will swing by the family's house one last time and lock all the cats up in the dog cages and leave the dogs roaming round the place! "Dog Duty" update tomorrow! Til next time....COTTON

It's All Good...

Finally got the call today...Massey's Letterman's jacket was ready.

I don't think I have seen her this excited since she still believed in Santa Claus. We went to pick it up and Thank the Lord, they spelled her name right!

Her name has been spelled Macey, Massie and Massy by so many people that sometimes I have trouble remembering the correct spelling myself (not really).

I took a picture of her in it and when scrolling through files came across some pics from Christmas Day. The above photo is my sis with her son (the brain surgeon).

Next is Zach (the brain surgeon's future bidness partner) with my boyfriend/dog, Ham.

Totally kidding about the Cuzn's... they are both smart, just have an Aunt / Mom that loves to pick on them. Like I always say, if I don't like you I don't pick on you...obviously I love them both to death!

My cousin commented on my photos and said "Cutest dog ever"! I hope she was talking about Ham .

It's been over a year since the "Big Cotton Crash" and things are finally getting back to normal (if you can call my life normal).

We are using a shovel we like to call Chapter Seven to dig our way out of the hole and start over again. Nothing wrong with starting over...although it was a tough decision to make.

I have a job that I love, Tim is slowly moving up in his job and things are looking up for a change.

Yesterday was the big SUPER BOWL...

I have a few comments on that as well. (who'da thunk it?)

Let's begin with the National Anthem. Number one, if she had used the same tune WE all sing it to, it may have reminded her of the words. It didn't even SOUND like the same song so when she sang the wrong words I thought maybe she had changed the words as well as the tune.

When I mentioned it to my husband this morning, he jumped all over me..."Haven't YOU ever made a mistake"?

Number two...leave it to a man to take up for a blonde bomb shell ...I guess he was too fixated on her hoo haas to hear her faux pas.

Then everyone was jumping all over the Black Eyed Peas performance...at least they remembered the words to their song!

I went into work today and sang a great rendition of "My Country Tis of Beautiful " followed by "America Home of the Brave".

Jeez...they would have been better off with Roseanne singing...at least she got all the words right.

At least now I know what to give Tim for his birthday this Saturday...I'll dress up as Christina and sing "Happy Birthday to You" to the tune of "This Land is Your Land" while wearing nothing and hoping he doesn't notice the mistake. He didn't with her...why should he with ME?

So we are done with Super Bowl...have another snow event blowing in Thursday and next up is Valentines Day AKA "Amateur Night" in the service industry.

So I'm not a big fan of Christina's...sue me.

Things are getting back to semi normal around the house and I am praying that goofy ground hog is right about an early Spring.

I am tired of being old AND cold.

Til next time...COTTON

"HEY...I Resemble That Remark ! "

"Uh oh"

Talk about having a bad day at the office...how would you like to be THIS anchorman? I found this picture while scrolling mindlessly through friend's pictures on Facebook. I laughed for five minutes!

I got home from work around 9:00 and sat down at the computer . Sometimes Facebook is so entertaining.

Number One: It definitely needs a spell check button.
Number Two: Why some people post the  things they do never cease to amaze me.
Number Three: Thank the Lord for the "Hide" key.

I enjoy Facebooking. Sometimes I enjoy other's pages more than my own. I am not big on people that get on political or religious rants. As far as politics go...the voting booth is where you should express your opinions. As far as religion...your heart and actions are the places that show your beliefs.

It is called "Social Networking" for a reason. It's supposed to be social. I think some people feel it is a platform that sometimes unfortunately  doesn't show them in their best light.

Massey uses FB to click "I Like" on at least thirty items a day. She is a BIG "I Liker."

I am not sure what Zach uses FB for... but with him the less I know, the better. Of course I have figured out how to sneak around the system and bounce from my friends to friends that ARE friends with him and keep an eye on him that way...The less HE knows, the better!

Sometimes I wonder why I get friend requests from people I don't know. I mean we  have friends in common but that's about it.

Another big thing is all the games. Farmville, Mafia Wars etc. My house is already like a farm with three big dogs, a John Deere in the garage and two teens that live like pigs...."Baby, I am LIVIVG in Farmville !"

I am off tomorrow and have to take Massey to an orthopedic surgeon about her bum knee. Hopefully he will give us an answer . I know her knee hurts her and from the number of knee braces being worn by other guard girls seems to be a symptom of this type of sport. Nothing like driving into downtown Atlanta at 4:30 in the afternoon...except maybe driving back through at 6:00. It was the only appointment we could get so I'll just have to deal with the traffic and give myself plenty of time to get there.

Maybe I can get the surgeon to tell her cleaning a bedroom is the best therapy her knee could get. All that bending over to pick up clothes, bobby pins and empty water bottles...that could be quite a work out!

I have added a couple of "Widgets" to my blog. Now you can check out specials and offers from Amazon from the comfort of my own blog site! They follow my blog and tailor the ads to things I write about.
We'll see how it goes. If things are bought I actually could make some money..."HMM." I guess I'd better be careful what I blog about!!

Til next time...COTTON

"Barely" is a Beautiful Word...and One I Live By Lately

I had to work another double shift today, not one of my favorite things to do but "Ya do what ya gotsta do."

Opening day of the stinkin' NFL didn't help one bit.

Brunch was slow...I guess the preachers kept their congregations extra long knowing most may not show back up for the evening service...Blame The Dallas Cowboys.

I pride myself on my check kiting skills but got a little nervous when I went back for my dinner shift and things looked dismal.

I have a check hitting the bank tomorrow that I needed to cover and I even said a little prayer as I sat in the empty lobby of the restaurant. I had three good tables that all left me well over 20% and then it died.

I went in the restroom so no one would see me on my knees as I sent up one more quick desperate prayer.

Bingo!! Twenty minutes before we closed a party of 11 came in. They had just left the funeral home and came to drown their sorrows...and drown them they did! Scotch, two bottles of wine, frozen drinks and they all re ordered at LEAST twice. They were all with their 97 year old Aunt and her 98 year old husband who had just come from putting her 102 year old sister to her final rest. Dang..I need me some of THEM genes! The aunt was sharp as a tack and seriously didn't look older than 70.

I went from despair to making my deposit with $13 to spare. To many people I would seem ridiculously broke..to me if I have $13 bucks to spare I feel like making it my Facebook status and would feel proud to hit the "Publish" button.

Tim and I have both agreed...if we have made it this far we can make it!

Wednesday is our anniversary. We've been together for 22 years although Tim says it feels like fifty.

Our kids drive us (me) crazy but I love all three of them a little more than I love my three dogs so they must be doing SOMETHING right.

My life has been a hard up and down ride, I feel like I am driving through life in a Dune Buggy with no windshield or shocks.

My eighteen year old is trying to kill me with his cell phone that never works when he is late or expected to call. How come a parent's cell phone always works fine but when you are a teen you constantly lose service or the battery dies?

I can't wait for that call from him "Collect" when he needs to reach me. I have already thought of my options. "Hello, I can't hear you...wait you're breaking up, we have a bad connection...I'm losing the signal, hope it isn't important...call me back!"

Of course that is all bologna...I have never ignored one of my kids in trouble. It is too much fun to give them that "I told you so" face and wait patiently for an apology or at least a hug.

Sometimes a hug from a teen can be the greatest feeling in the world. My kids have kept me grounded...kept me in touch with the times (when their phone works) and make me determined to get back on top or at least back in the black.

Got my deposit slip all filled out for tomorrow...I may even go INSIDE to make this deposit just to see the surprised look on the teller's faces when I leave with an actual positive balance.

It's called determination, it's called a willingness to survive...it's called being the greatest check kiter on the Southside of Atlanta.

I don't argue with any of those descriptions and I am not shamed to be any of them.

Life is hard for ALL people these days , even ones that HAVEN'T been out of work for a year. Life is tough for everyone and I just feel blessed to be one of the people that is making it...day by day, check by check and one that at least has a great job and a path that will lead me back to the place I once was and " To Infinity and Beyond."

Johnny and I have a date in the morning...he thinks I have been cheating on him because I haven't ridden him in a while...stupid men (unless my Johnny is really a Johnnie) ....if that's the case no wonder she works so hard..."I am woman hear me roar." Thank God I am a Liberal...

Long Day, Hot Day...Good Day

Massey started guard camp today...12 gruelling hours.
It starts at nine in the morning and ends at nine at night. They start with a mile run and move on to drill on the asphalt parking lot of the school and practice in the gym that has NO air conditioning...I would almost rather be outside where you could catch a possible breeze.

I took a case of water to the school and came home after going to the bank...going back to the John Deere store to find out the idiot who I thought had given me the wrong blade was right ...guess I'M the doofus. MY BAD, but I actually got the blade on all by myself.

Once I had it on I didn't have a socket wrench so my sweet next door husband did it for me. Actually I called him first just to ask to borrow a socket wrench and he said to bring the bolt over and he would give me the right size socket.

I did that, and gently led him out of his garage carrying his socket wrench in my hand chatting him up the entire time and eventually ended my intense conversation with him as we walked into my garage where Johnny sat propped up on one side waiting for my next door husband to "Do his thing."

God bless him ...he never even mentioned he had been duped but laid on his back and tightened my new blade onto Johnny (after treating the thread to the bolt with some kind of magic goop.)

The instructions I had read mentioned something about that "goop" but I felt like it was more a suggestion than an instruction and had already decided I would skip that step.

God bless a "next door husband."

Luckily (for him) it didn't take three minutes to put the blade on and at least I knew it was on RIGHT.

After he left (and probably blocked my cell # from his) I cranked ole Johnny up and heard the horrific sound of my brand new blade hitting the decking...shooting sparks out. I quickly turned it off and went inside disheartened.

I went back into my garage ten minutes later and tried one more time..."DING DING DING DING." It was excruciating to hear and after turning the mower off again I went into the kitchen where MY husband sat paying bills.

He said "Did you think it was going to magically fix itself?"

HURUMPHH!!!

I went to plan #2. Called my brother in law and asked if he would do a drive by on his way home from the airport and fix the "Dinging."

God bless him too (I may be on three '"God bless" by this point) he came by after I had already left for work and worked (or banged) out all the kinks. Seems I bent the decking when I was plowing through Mr. "Slow"Lee's yard .

Johnny's fixed and I couldn't be happier.

Working at the "SWEAT FEST" tomorrow at the school during guard practice. Then coming home to jump on Johnny like stink on poop.

Gotta get me one of those Coal Miner's hats and I can cut grass at night too.

It sounds crazy (unless you're me) but having my JD running great is one of the things that makes me the happiest.

"GO Johnny GO."

"TILL" no more or should I say "Till -No" mower next time...COTTON

Am I married to Floyd or Gomer? Tough call...

Let me start by saying fortunately my husband doesn't read my blog unless he is forced to...and even more fortunate for me, I am the "Forcer."

I swear sometimes he reminds me of a cross between Floyd and Gomer, although that may be giving him more credit than he deserves.

At least Floyd and Gomer were both really nice people that everyone liked...a lot like my husband .

Yesterday I got up early to take my car to have new tires put on and have the front end aligned. Tim needed two new tires as well so I told him if he would follow me to the tire place and let me drop my car off I would take his car to work and when mine was finished he could get a ride to go pick it up and come to the restaurant and swap vehicles and go have his tires replaced as well.

How hard was that last paragraph to understand? Obviously it boggled Tim's Gomer/Floyd mind. Maybe his new nickname should be "Goyd."

I called him from work around 1:00 and told him they had called to say my car was ready. I was in the middle of a lunch shift, hiding in the restroom talking on my cell to him so maybe I hurried with my instructions too much. But for Pete's sake! I wasn't telling him how to deactivate a nuclear weapon I was telling him how to do the swap quickly and in the most efficient way.

Everyone knows this is a woman's forte...it's called "Thinking."

I was busy at work and between calling Tim secretly from the restroom (my bosses have a 'no cell' policy) and answering Massey's REALLY important texts...."bring me home a spinach roll...yummy' my mind was fully occupied.

I told Tim he had to come in to get the keys because I was busy in the middle of a lunch shift and to just come in the back kitchen entrance.

I heard the owner's son saying hello to Tim so I went and got the keys and told him I had to run out back and get my driver's license out of his car.

We walked out back and I looked for MY car...no Passat. I asked him where my car was and Tim said he hadn't gone to get it yet.

"DUH???"

He had our next door neighbor's kid sitting in his car parked next to Tim's car. I just decided not to say anything or point out the obvious flaw in his though process. I got my license and gave Tim Massey's spinach roll and simply said "Hurry back with my car I'll be off in twenty minutes and have to be back at work by 5:00."

My neighbor's kid looked like he was thrilled with having to come by Mama Lucia's to pick up keys and a spinach roll and THEN take my husband to the tire store to pick up MY car.

Ya know...I just let it go.

I kept my huge mouth shut and tried not to roll my eyes at my poor neighbor's kid who was carting Tim around the world in 96 degree weather.

THEN...Tm got into his car and told my next door neighbor to ride WITH him to the tire store so that they could drop off Tim's car and pick my car up. Where is there ANY logic in this sequence of events?

When Tim came back to pick me up and I got in the car my phone buzzed with a new text "Where's my Spinach Roll???????"

I looked in the back seat...no box. I asked Tim where Massey's food was and he calmly said "I must have left it in the car with Zach and Kevin."

Keeping my mouth shut again but now experiencing a twitch in my eye that I couldn't stop I called Zach's cell phone and asked if they were headed to the house. He said yes and I told him to take Massey her spinach roll. He said "Mom, there is no spinach roll in this car. Dad must have left it in his car when he dropped it off at the tire store."

I couldn't hold it in any longer but tried to be as nice as I could. I rolled my eyes although I really wanted to bang my head on the dashboard. Of course Tim was tooling along at his top speed of 35MPH and said "It's not the biggest deal in the world! We'll just go by the tire store and get the spinach roll out of my car...look on the bright side it may be ready."

Bright side Schmight side...I am riding around wasting my one hour break between my second double shift in a row in a bi gillion degree heat dressed in long black pants and a hot long sleeved shirt .

We get to the tire store and there Tim's car is six feet off the ground on a hydraulic lift with all four tires off.

I told Tim I was NOT going inside to ask them to lower his car so I could get a spinach roll off the back seat.

Tim ambled slowly (he ALWAYS ambles slowly) into the office and casually said to the owner "Kelly brought you some lunch...it's on the back seat of my car. Did you find it?'

"HA HA HA...Tim you're such a QUICK wit...no wait a minute...that's a nit wit" was what I was thinking but just stood by my man reminding myself what a wonderful father he is and how he has put up with me for 22 years. Once again I kept my fat trap shut.

The owner walked out into the bay and said "Look out Pepe...we're gonna lower the car."

They lowered the car and I retrieved Massey's spinach roll from the back seat.

Nothing like wasting an hour and a half for a twenty minute task.

I just let it go but knew that Tim was just WAITING for me to unload or at least explode.

It's crazy but what calmed me the most was knowing that I was going to share all of this with you and give you a chuckle.

My life is full of blogs...the supply seems to be endless (at least as long as I stay married to Goyd.)

Taking Massey's laptop with us to Destin so I can blog from there.

At least my car rides great and Massey loved the spinach roll.

Til next time...COTTON (AKA Mrs. Goyd)

Almost There...To the REAL Beach!

This is a picture of "Barbie Beach." A fixture on the outskirts of Senoia. As far as I hear it's just a crazy older couple that have the display set up in front of their house on the side of Highway 16 and the scene changes with the holidays and seasons. It has all kind of Barbie's in various stages of dress (sometimes not even dressed.)

Anyhoo...We are headed to the "Real" beach in four days and I am beginning to catch some of the excitement Massey has been experiencing since learning of our trip (over 2 months ago.)

I worked a double on Sunday and a double shift today. I have a double shift on Tuesday and work Wednesday night and Thursday morning. After that I will jump on Johnny one last time and cut the crap out of some grass..nestle him back into the garage and kiss him good bye.

I am worried about my three big pups. If I can't teach them to speak English by Friday morning they will be left in the incompetent hands of my husband and Zach for three days in the broiling heat. They just don't get how often the dog's water needs to be changed or how often they need to be let inside to cool down.

If the dogs knew I was leaving they would have already crept onto my computer and ordered Rosetta Stone..English for Dogs ..."Crash Course."

I'll have to be sure to check the back seat of the car before I leave to make sure they didn't sneak in to hitch a ride with their "Momma.'

Today was slow at work for the lunch shift. On the upside they made us french toast sprinkled with Cinnamon and fresh blueberry pancakes. So basically I got paid to come in and eat til I couldn't hold anymore...made a little money and had a nice two hour break before the dinner shift.

Went back to work at 5:30 and dinner started. A wonderful family that came in to eat with me at Longhorn for years came in and it was great to see old regulars visiting me in my new digs. They have two precious little girls and have been huge champions of mine. Helping me out when Tim lost his job and often saving us with "love gifts." That's another way of saying that these people, when learning of our situation would write me a check as a tip and would be the ones that (pardon my French) saved our asses on more than one occasion.

I had another table that left me a $22 tip on an $80 tab and a couple of other tables that pushed me right up to walking with another $100 after waiting on only four tables again.

The "Jefferson's" theme song comes to mind every time I walk out the door of work these days..."Well I'm movin' on UP."

My husband came up to the restaurant today while I was working lunch to swap cars with me. I had my car in the shop getting new tires and when it was ready he caught a ride from a neighbor to come drive his car I had used to go swap it so he could get two new tires . (Another blog altogether...trust me.)

I had told him to just come in the kitchen door at the back of the store and I would give him his keys. He came in and I heard Leon, the owner's son and Sou chef greeting him. Tim has known him for years and I walked into the kitchen just as I heard Leon saying to Tim, "It has been a real blessing having Kelly to come work for us."

Dang!! That did more for me than a face lift or liposuction.

It's the little things in life that make a BIG difference.

It's this family owned business that has welcomed me with open arms, given me the chance to be the server I knew I could be and be appreciated for it as icing on the cake.

The owner gave me the time off of work to go to Florida with no hesitation. They seem to appreciate my sense of humor and my sense of loyalty without having to answer to the "Corporate Gods" and in my book all is well that ends well.

Some of my "friends" from Longhorn have quickly forgotten about me and some haven't tried to contact me at all. I guess that's what happens when you are working in a miserable environment.

I have been lucky enough to survive the bullet wound and healed quicker than I ever thought was possible.

I don't want to bash my old company but in hindsight see them doing it to themselves.

I am in a great place now. I am in Heaven. I am working a lot but it doesn't feel like work...it feels like a relief and a well deserved reward.

Four more days and us wild girls are "Destin" bound. My sister has even started to say she might come with us. I say "Come on Biotch" let's go show that oil spill some attitude and have some stinkin' fun!!

I'll take my cam corder and can hardly wait for the blog that will follow after THIS excursion.

Look out "'Thelma and Louise" you got some Cotton coming...WOO HOO and HOOTY HOOT... Destin bound and making ground.

I can hardly wait for Friday...this is just what the doctor ordered.

Seasons in the Sun

"We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun." That was a big song when I was young enough to think roller skating was cool. His name was Terry Jacks and I hope he didn't spend all his money at once.







I am enjoying my season in the sun, but today I felt like I needed the JD wagon to haul my body back to the house. Except I would have just have died in the wagon because no one was there to pull my sorry butt back to the house.







It was a million degrees when I pulled out of my driveway on my JD at four in the afternoon to go cut the front of the subdivision.







I had a great day off. I slept til 10 and Massey brought me some grits and OJ in bed. I remained there for the next 3 hours. I dozed and woke, dozed again and just let my ole body rest. Once I roared out of the bed at 3:00 I was ready to roll...







I have been working double shifts all week and like an idiot stay up way too late. But when I have a day off I make it my own.







I bounced out of bed at 3 , did some stretching and said to myself, "Let's get this day started."







After feeding my starving kids I cranked ole Johnny up and headed to the front of the subdivision. It was at least 140 degrees.







The cars zooming by me doing 50MPH gave me somewhat of a breeze and somewhat of a heart condition but after two hours I was done.







Trucked back to the house to cut my own back yard. Mr. 'Slow' Lee's front yard needed cutting too but I tend to take care of my own yard first (selfish ain't I?)







He has just returned from Hawaii with his wife and I was almost sure he was in his house gettin' my grass skirt and coconut bra he had brought back for me to wear while I cut his yard ready when I swung ole Johnny into my own back yard. Whew...dodged That bullet. He kinda gives me the creeps the way he just stands and stares at me while I mow his yard. Massey says he is just bored. I'm more thinking 'board" or maybe a possible "Woody." He wears those short gym shorts like guys wore in the seventies (That's probably when he bought the ones he wears) and never has a shirt on (eewww,)





While I was cutting HIS yard he was leaning over the side of his diesel pickup leering at me with a smoke in one hand and a Bud in the other when the first crack of lightning hit. I thought he would jump out of his Richard Simmons shorts and possibly either drop his Bud or pee his pants. That's all it took for him and he retreated into his house (probably with binoculars at a window,)





The lightning subsided and was replaced with a misting of rain. What the heck...I was already filthy and sweaty...kinda felt good. I finished his yard in the rain and by the time I pulled ole Johnny back into the corral I call my garage all the clippings that were stuck to my shins from the weed eater were washed off and I decided it was a win/win situation.





I got to finish without Mr. (slow)Lee gawking at my 'A' cups and didn't get struck by lightning.





I started this blog yesterday but have picked up tonight to finish it. Just got home from work...went in at 11:30 AM and worked til 10:00 PM. Long day for an ole gal but my new restaurant is so pleasant to work at it is a piece of cake.





What ISN'T a piece of cake is finding Zach on the computer playing a game. At least Massey was spending the night off so I told Zach to bring me her laptop and I would sit out back with the dogs. At least the pups were delighted! Problem is she shuts the laptop down without logging off and it takes me forever to log on. I install all the updates she ignores and clean it up so it runs ten times faster.





My problem is that I find it hard to use the finger tip mouse pad and often forget about it. I tend to lose my place and often start writing somewhere that I don't intend to and have to backspace a lot. (Just had to do it again)





So I have mastered "word" on texting...I guess next is retraining myself on a laptop.





I actually DO like the fact that I can sit out back at the patio table with the pups listening to the crickets frogs and owls. It is just hard for an ole fart like me to get used to the difference of using the finger tip versus the mouse. Maybe it is a good thing....keeps that hamster from falling asleep at the wheel in my big ole empty head!



I don't know if I am just getting old but laptops are SOOO different to me. It's like using a computer with a different language.



I have tomorrow off...going to a high school reunion with my hubby for his school. He goes to so many of mine with me I couldn't say no. Russell (my school) has three or four a year... us "Wildcats" love to party. I know quite a few people from his school and I think it will be fun. One of his classmates I have never met made a comment on something I wrote on FB and said "You have a great sense of humor...you really crack me up." I wrote him back and said "Tim says I really crack myself up too."



Very true...but if you can't laugh at yourself life is a really long depressing road. I try to find the lighter side of every situation I find myself in and try to find at least one thing that is funny. So far I have done okay. Between my husband losing his job, me losing mine and raising three kids...my life has turned into one big "HOOT."



Signing off now because this laptop is kicking my butt and I probably have 30 minutes worth of editing to do. Does anyone else have problems using a laptop versus a PC...or is it just my "Russell" education coming back to bite me in my "Cyber" butt?



Can't wait to post tomorrow after my hubby's reunion, that should be a "HOOT" as well and give me lots of material. He went to the "Richey Rich" high school whereas I went to the"Cheech and Chong" high school.



Sounds like another blog to me!

Please excuse all typos and errors in advance and I promise to get better at using a laptop! (Hey that could be another blog!!)

Til next time...wheel's always spinning and the hamster's still alive...for now!

"Pumped" For REAL This Time...

John Dear...Part III.

Geez how long does it take to fix a flat tire? Obviously over two weeks if you're me.

My brother in law came over and replaced the pin I had left out of the axle and put my new tire back on. I hopped on Johnny and cut the crap out of my front and back yard! The next morning I went into the garage and my BRAND NEW tire was flat as a pancake.

ARGHH !!!

I was so disgusted that I just left him all lopsided in the garage (that'll show'em) and tried not to think about it. My next door husband called to see how the mower was working and I told him the mower worked fine but the new tire wouldn't hold air. He told me the rim probably needed some more cleaning up and I told him I'd just take it to the tire store and see if they could put a tube in it.

I just couldn't bring myself to ask for more help from him with my mower...you never know when the car might break down and I wanted to give him a rest period before my next tragedy occured so he would be nice and refreshed when he had to come tow my car home!

With all the rain we've been getting I couldn't really cut anyway so I just stuck my tongue out at Johnny every time I went in the garage and called him a stubborn brat (that'll teach'em.)

I was off today and the weather channel told me I had an hour and a half before the next rain storm. I called my next door husband and asked if I could borrow his jack.

By this point he has me on a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy. He didn't ask what I needed the jack for and I didn't tell him . (Saving up for that blown head gasket...smart girl.)

I took Massey to guard practice and when I got home Zach had ole Johhny jacked up. We took the tire off and I headed to the tire place. The guys at B&L Tire and I are on a first name basis...before I met my next door husband I was up there twice a month with a flat lawn mower tire for them to pump up...until I discovered with a little muscle I could pump them up with our bicycle pump (am I a thinker or what? -DON'T ANSWER THAT ONE.)

It's also the place where I buy my car tires and get my brakes done. The owner is a super nice guy who has helped me out many times. One time when I had my brakes replaced he said I needed new tires badly. I told him I knew that but Tim didn't get paid until the following week. He put four new tires on my car and told me to post date a check for two weeks. He didn't cash it for three (smart man.)

When I went in today I was devastated to find out he had left two hours ago for vacation and I was left holding my tire talking to a big ole man behind the counter I had never met.

Smart me, I asked where James had gone on vacation, threw his wife and daughter's name into the conversation and chatted him up about how long I had been using B&L Tire.

BINGO!! He called "Pepe" in from the bay, handed him my baby's tire and said "Fix this ." I asked him if I should come back tomorrow for it and he said it would be done in ten minutes.

While I waited I brought him up to speed on Johnny's story and he told me I should have come there in the first place. He said they had ANY kind of tire and were a lot less exspensive than Tractor Supply. I thought to myself "Don't ask my next door husband...he'll tell you that you'll regret telling me ."

Ten minutes later, Pepe came back in with my tire and said "No leaking. You want I put tube in?"

My new best friend said "Not if it ain't leaking."

I did a happy dance in my head and I think I may have jumped up and down a little bit clapping my hands together quickly.

I asked him how much I owed and he said "Nothin'...just go on home and cut some grass."

I immediately responded "I think I love you."

I got a strange look from Pepe but the big ole guy behind the counter just chuckled and said "You love that mower, don't ya?" I told him I loved it almost as much as my husband, to which he replied "You ain't gettin' rid of your old man are ya?" I told him no but if one of them had to go it'd be a hard choice.

Fifteen minutes later I was home . The tire was on (thank you, Zach) and I was cuttin' some grass! I WILL admit that I gave the tire a little kiss and whispered in his axle when Zach took the jack down and the tire remained inflated. Zach mumbled something about how stupid I was and went in the house. I jumped on Johnny and took off.

When I was cutting the front yard, my next door husband came outside and gave me a thumbs up. I held onto the steering wheel with one hand and waved my other one above my head in circles like I was riding a bucking bronco. He just shook his head and smiled.

Front yard cut. Side yard cut. Back yard cut. Tire still holding.

It's the little things in life that make me really happy.

I may cut the entire subdivision tomorrow...

Til next time...CUTTIN' FOR REAL COTTON

Guess What? The Grass IS Really Greener...

Yesterday was my second day off this week...something I haven't had in over twelve years and was a therapeutic day for myself.

I worked in the yards from noon til dark and nothing makes me feel better than to see my handiwork at the end of the day. My next door neighbors are retired and off gallivanting in Florida with all the other retirees...so I cut their yards for them.

I moved on to my own yard
and cut the front and sides...going over it with my trusty weed eater to make it nice and neat.

Put some more gas in my boyfriend "John Dear" as I call him and trucked to the front of the sub division to cut the entrance.

I was through with one side of the street when I moved over to the other side. I smelled burning grass and attributed it to some neighbor burning leaves from Winter. I didn't see the usual smoke cloud in the air but as it got stronger and stronger I turned around to look noticing it was coming from the back of my "Honey." That would be "John Dear.'

I love my mower but don't clean it off regularly or hose it off when I get through cutting.

From all the cutting I had done, grass clippings were built up around the tailpipe and I had myself a small grass fire going around my tail pipe.

CRAP!

I jumped off and tried to blow the smoldering fire out... NOT A GOOD IDEA.

The flame fanned and started to grow.

I tried to pull the grass out with my fingers but after burning off all my fingerprints I searched quickly for a small stick before my gas tank (recently filled) ignited.

The first small stick broke off and added fuel to the fire. Luckily the second one was smaller and I scraped out all the dead grass and put the fire out with my flip flop. After looking around to make sure none of the neighbors were video taping me...I hopped back on and cut the other side of the entrance.

The problem with this second side is that the house right next to it likes to cut their yard twice a year and it wasn't due for another cutting til the dog days of August. I mean where do I end the entrance cutting to make it look nice and trim when their yard which sits next to the entrance is a foot high and looks like a field of Dandelions and Clovers?

Problem solved. I just cut their front yard for them.

I was about 3/4 of the way through when the "Vampire" wife (as Massey calls her) came out with that cigarette that is always velcroed to her fingers and watched me for a good five minutes before giving me the 'Time Out" signal. You know, One hand bouncing perpendicular on top of the other telling me to stop and cut my engine.

Massey swears this family, who is relatively new to the neighborhood are vampires and after agreeing to feed their cat when they went home for Thanksgiving (turned out it was seven cats and just a creepy place on the inside.) They are pale as crap and even though I have a pretty good tan, they make me look like one of the "Jeffersons."

You can dig back in my blog to read about them but my point is...I was busy...busy cutting their yard and didn't have TIME for a time out.

I cut my blade and engine off and she came smoldering over with her Marlboro to hug my neck. Thank the Lord I had eaten at my restaurant the night before and still reeked of garlic!

I told her I was cutting the front anyway and to just consider it a small present from me. I think that is a better present than a wooden stake through her heart.

About that time her son , who looks like he would be on" Team Jacob" in the middle of his transformation into a werewolf got off the school bus and lumbered down the driveway with a grimace on his face. I cranked my mower back up and shouted to him "Tell your dad YOU cut it!"

No smile, no wave...but at least he didn't attack me.

I finished as quickly as I could and put the mower in gear five and scooted back down the street to the safety of my OWN coven.

Living in a subdivision is a bizarre thing...you meet all kinds and sometimes meet no one at all...even after fourteen years.

Back home in my "Safety Zone" I cut my own back yard and let my dogs out to play. They really seem to appreciate a freshly mowed yard and once my husband came out back to admire the yard, you know where the two males headed...to that stupid branch they have been consumed with as of late.

A different day but the same ole branch amused them for at least thirty minutes.

I have included pics of my yard (I am a PROUD grass cutter) and a nice profile pic of my boyfriend "John."

As a parting shot I have included another video of my two male dogs giving that branch a good jumping at and giving me a good laugh at the end of a long but satisfying day.

My new job is going great, I screw up sometimes but am getting more proficient every day and thanking the Lord every night that He has led me there.

Enjoy my pictures and know how grateful I am that my life has been so blessed after it has gone through so many trials.

God is good...and He has been my Saviour...Literally.

I Pray for the vampires too and that I don't find them hanging upside down in my garage when I come home from work one night.

As always...click on the pictures for a closer view !!

Til next time...COTTON with a smile (Geez it feels good to write those words.)

Reading the Fine Print...Not Easy With MY Eyes !

First let me say my eyesight has gone down the tubes as I raced through my forties. I would look to see where all the time went so quickly but I wouldn't be able to see it!

I have begun in earnest clipping coupons and shopping for bargains. Nothing like a kick in the ole pocketbook to get you stretching every dollar as far as you can.

My daughter and I recently went to the grocery store. The total I paid was $64.00 . With my coupons I saved $25.00. It's actually amazing and exciting at the same time. Massey was beside herself...she said "Let ME tell Daddy how much we saved when we get home!"
What she really meant was "Think how much more money you'll have to spend on me!"

Either way it's a win win situation.

Now when planning dinner I think more along the lines of how to include a dish with the sour cream that was on sale with the Talapia filets that were BOGO and how to convince the kids that the soft pretzels on sale are actually fancy rolls. So far they aren't complaining.

My only complaint is the the writing and specifications on these coupons are so teeny that I have to strap binoculars around my neck to make sure I am buying the right items if Massey (my GOOD pair of eyes) isn't with me.

I went to my brother's house the other day and he had two entire Sunday papers with nothing taken out but the sports page. He let me have them both and I clipped about 50 coupons from them. It's amazing how your wants and tastes can change with the added incentive of saving 25 or 30 dollars.

So we aren't really wild about "Chicken Voila" but it sure tastes better when I feed all three kids for under $1.99. So fish sticks aren't Tuna steaks...throw in some corn that was on sale and the promise of double stuffed Oreos for dessert and my family thinks it's Thanksgiving Day. We're 'simple folk' here at the Cotton house and my family really is low maintenance when they are hungry.

I've had to rein myself in though. I thought briefly about marinating the chicken breasts that were on sale with the citrus Suave shampoo that was 99 cents...would it start foaming up when heated to 350 degrees? And would they REALLY believe it was "Baja Citrus marinade?" Could they clean their plate and their hair at the same or am I breaking some sort of law ? I decided not to risk it.

I had to stop myself from peeling the potatoes with the Gillette razors that were almost free...who wants to mess up a clean potato peeler when you can peel them with something even sharper and then rinse it off and put it in Massey's bathroom for leg shaving...couldn't hurt her and I would be using it on the food first!

The only place I don't skimp is on my pups...ironic, the only ones that can't actually complain! Of course if I am lucky enough to find a coupon for Iams dog food I'm all over it but it's not good when you switch brands...messes up their digestive system.

Hope my family doesn't read THIS blog! They may have ME eating out of a dog bowl saying "It hasn't killed them and think how shiny your coat will be!"

Til next time...Clippin' Crazy COTTON !

Groundhogs... Who Put Them in Charge of Spring?

So it's a cute fat little varmint...BIG WHOOP !

Yes I am a sissy when it comes to being cold...that's why I live in the deep south. So why I am living in the "Deep Freeze?"

Some people blame all this crazy weather on global warming...I'm blaming it on the groundhog!

I got home from work over an hour ago and my feet are STILL freezing. On top of that the forecast for Tuesday is snow again. "AGAIN? There have been so many winters that never saw a snowflake fall yet this year I feel like I live in Michigan (if you call that kind of weather 'living.')

Dang...they don't even sell sleds here, when it snows the kids have to get out cardboard or baking sheets to squeeze onto for their sledding adventures. I have quite a few bent baking sheets from the "big" snowfall a few years back. Luckily my kids are too big to fit on them now and have had to resort to cardboard sleds only.

The only bright spot I have found in this new frozen tundra I have been subjected to is that now my three dogs don't track in mud because everything has been frozen solid and comes off as they walk across the beach towel I leave by the back door.

BRING BACK THE MUD!!

I never thought I would hear myself say that but I am sick of this COLD COLD COLD !

It doesn't help either that I'm ' thinny' now and it doesn't take much for the wind to not only freeze me but knock me over with a strong gust .

I am TIRED of the cold. Bring on those ninety degree days when I can work in my yard and work up a sweat at the same time.

Who put that stinkin groundhog in charge anyway? I'm sure it was a Yankee.

Keep your groundhog theory up north, keep the snow and sleet up north!

Just leave us to be in charge of red necks and monster truck shows.

I'm going to boil a ten quart pot of water to add to my bath and try to thaw myself out.

Anybody else want to put a contract out on a groundhog? I know I do!

Til next time, shivering cold ...Cotton

They Killed Twins!

I had to go to a meeting at work today @ 8:45 AM. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE?
I came home from the meeting and fell back into bed with the news of the earthquake in Chile. That's all I need, an interesting news story and a whole 24 hours off from work.

I have always been a weather GEEK. I love the Weather Channel and the suggestion that there MAY be a tsunami headed towards Hawaii had me riveted.

When the tsunami hit in Indonesia a few years back, I couldn't stop watching the videos. I knew thousands and thousands had been killed but seeing the wrath of Mother Nature just amazes and mesmerizes me.

I got back home from my meeting at work and settled into bed with the remote.

My husband said I was sick in the mind. I told him I didn't WANT another tsunami to hit but if it happened I wanted to see it.

I slept on and off til 4:00 when the first wave was supposed to hit the shores of Hawaii.

My husband was even more disgusted with me when I informed him "Stinkin' Hawaii dodged the bullet."

I guess he had me there...but earthquakes and tsunamis absolutely intrigue and interest me more than the"Fantasy Five" winning numbers.

Mother Nature RULES...no political beliefs or ties...no opinions or views...it just HAPPENS.

I stayed in bed til almost seven when my seventeen year old son came home and said "You said dinner would be ready at seven."

I told him "I meant I was GOING to the store at seven."

Once I didn't have another tsunami to watch and be fascinated by..I shrugged on a jacket and went to the store.

At least I was making Zach's favorite meal...my homemade macaroni and cheese, baked beans and smoked pork chops with deviled eggs.

Dinner was ready at almost ten...but I was happy and in my little square of the Universe ..that is all that matters.

I went to make the deviled eggs and discovered an egg with a double yolk. I have NEVER seen a double yolk egg. I even marched it up the steps to show my husband. "LOOK, LOOK...Have you EVER seen this?"

He was sweet and said "No baby, I haven't."

I told him I was taking a picture of it and he just slowly shook his head. Two chicks in ONE shell...Dang, THAT'S TWINS!

So I am a doofus...I waited all day for a catastrophe that I really didn't want to occur...but if it did I wanted to be privy to it. The earthquake was horrible...I am glad that the fore casted tsunami didn't occur...but if it HAD , I would have been watching it LIVE.

I got to sleep on and off for ten hours straight...my daughter is off with her best friend, my 17 year old son is pouting in his room for unknown reasons...dinner got cooked (albeit ten at night) and I have plenty of left overs to eat.

All I know is that I have Never, Never seen a double yolk egg....I guess that is nature making up for me not witnessing another tsunami.

Til next time...Consumed by Weather Cotton...

PS Ya gotta click on the photo...it really WAS a double yolk egg!

MY BAD...

I stand corrected!

My good friend "Carl" (that's what we'll call him) is a customer at the restaurant where I work. As soon as I walked in the door this afternoon he walked up to me and said "I am a multi tasker!"

Number one...obviously he reads my blog.

Number two...obviously he feels he is a multi tasker.

Every since I learned how to upload pictures and videos (it took me a while) I like to include one for each blog. Since I didn't have any pictures of my friend "Carl" I decided to upload the closest one I could find...hence the above photo.

Number three...Carl may not be speaking to me tomorrow.

He's a really nice guy that has been my champion throughout all my recent trials and tribulations at work and always tells me what a good server I am and that I seem to just be getting a bum rap and to hold my head up high and keep on being me.

He said this morning when he was cooking eggs while frying bacon and toasting toast, he thought to himself..."I wish Cotton could see me now!"

He also said I was pretty much right about the rest.

Maybe Carl is just an exception to the rule. Being a bachelor helps men multi task tremendously, unless they are rich enough to have a household staff.

I don't think Carl has a house hold staff, but he does have a mother that makes the best divinity I have ever had rot my teeth out. Every Christmas she sends me a sack full of her famous "Healthy snack" and I eat it up like crazy. Only about a third of it makes it home to the kids and they always wonder why she sends such a small portion in such a big baggie? I tell them that was probably the only size baggie she had and to be grateful for what they have not for what they want!

I really like ole "Carl." He knows how I am , knows how to take me and seems to like me anyway!

I pick on him a lot, but like I always say "I only pick on the people I like." If I don't really like you I don't waste my wonderful sense of humor and sarcasm on you. I save that for my favorite people and hope that they know in my wacky way it is a true complement.

Obviously I am an extremely complementary friend...it almost oozes out of me!

Carl is one of the regulars that come into our bar. Sometimes he has a drink or two, sometimes he just comes in to eat and socialize. Some of the regulars make it to work before the bartender. I'm not one to cast stones but a couple of these codgers spend more time at our bar than they do at their kitchen table.

Life is made up of all sorts and all kinds ... that's what makes the world go round. At least the one I work in. Sometimes when I walk into work and only two of them are sitting at the bar I will comment "Hey Larry, Curly...where's Moe?"

These guys are always nice to me and some of the most loyal customers we have. I'd take them over some of the people I have to wait on ANY DAY!

So "Carl" is a multi tasker...let it be known I forgot that some guys can actually take care of themselves.

Til next time...COTTON

"I AM WOMAN" (Need I say more?)

So I gave men a glowing review in a recent post (not) so now it's women's turn !



Yes I am biased but when you can push a human being out of a hole originally the the size of a nickel, I think it calls for some special recognition.



I found the above photo on google images and just LOVED it! Very "Picassoey" I thought...now that I have made up a new word let me continue with some real ones.

We'll start with work. I work with mostly all women. We have about six or seven male servers and about twenty five female servers. I can leave the expo area with two pitchers of sweet and unsweet tea in one hand and three plates of food on the other arm with steak sauce and a bottle of ketchup in my apron and two checks printed off and stuffed into the back of my jeans. I will pass a male server checking his text messages while sipping on a coke. For a man..THAT is muti tasking. Some are better than others, I'll give them that...but if you want four jobs done at once, ask a woman. It takes the male servers forever and a day to clean their tables and do their side work (It's too much like house work for them.)

Let's move on to the home front.

Case in point...I got off of work at almost 10:00 tonight, swung by Blockbuster for my son...got gas and came home to let the dogs out, start the washer and dishwasher, bring all the dirty clothes to the laundry room and set up my ironing board to iron a work shirt for tomorrow. While the laundry started to wash I went out in the back yard with a hammer and a metal stake to close up the gap the bull dog chewed between the gates big enough for his fat butt to squeeze through (all he does is squeeze through and run around the house and scratch on the front door waiting to be let back in.) Wouldn't it be easier on his teeth to simply scratch on the BACK door to ask back in ? Of course he's a male!

Laundry on, dishes washing in the dishwasher, video game rented, car gassed up and fence fixed and now I'm sitting at my computer blogging.

I think it is a genetic thing...it HAS to be!

All the men in my house move like slugs with salt poured on them. I am sad to say Massey seems to lacking the "multi task" gene, but maybe hers is buried like a wisdom tooth and will burst through eventually and fill her life with the same pain I feel on a daily basis.

I don't really mind it...at least I know I CAN get it done...let it BE done and let it be OVER with.

I have looked at this situation from both sides. The more you do for people...the less they tend to do for themselves and the more they rely on you. On the flip side...I don't have a lot of spare time to wait for them to realize their slackness.

Let me also say that I DO take time for myself these days... Wednesday and Thursday I don't have to be at work til four in the afternoon. I get up in the mornings but around ten I lay back down in my king size bed surrounded by my boxers (the bull dog disappears under the bed into his little cave) and I watch some "Cash Cab" on Discovery Channel and generally zone out til after two in the afternoon. No one is there to disturb me or make me feel guilty and I take those four hours to just "ZONK OUT."

These are the hours that save my sanity...these are the hours that are just for ME.

Women are an amazing and resilient species.

If it wasn't for women shoving every one else down the path of life...the path would be cluttered with men scratching their heads wondering what they needed to do next and trying to figure out how to do it.

As long as I have my Wednesday and Thursday "ZONK" sessions...I can probably keep this up long enough to get all three kids grown and out of my house for good.

Granted Males are the stronger sex...Guess who makes them that way?

Til next time....(the laundry is ready to be done) COTTON

PS As usual, click on the photo...it is AMAZING...like a Woman's "Where's Waldo."






.

Just Me and the Boy...and the PUPS

Zach sat in the kitchen floor while I finished dinner at the ridiculous hour of almost 9:00. Massey is at competition and Tim has to work all night so I planned dinner to be ready when he got up to get ready for work.
The two boxers stick by us like glue. The bulldog needs more relaxation from doing nothing all day.

He looks like a white turkey waiting to be stuffed! He''ll be pumped up in another hour when I get out his favorite enemy..THE VACUUM CLEANER. My two boxers just look at him when he attacks it...if they could speak I know what they would be saying. "Dude...it's the same machine she gets out twice a week and it's STILL not scared of you."

UPDATE!!!

Zach just left with a friend to go to his house for the night...Tim left for work, Massey is at competition and now it is just ME ME ME!!

Massey just called to say they did great tonight and I got my shift covered for tomorrow until I get back so I can go see her perform !

I am breaking bad here...radio cranked up at 11 PM...watched my boyfriend Apolo Ohno skate (he's so stinkin' sexy) and gonna vacuum the whole damn house with the radio loud enough to hear even with the vacuum on!

I don't get the house to myself much, but when I do..."It's the KELLY COTTON SHOW."

Music from my era blaring...vacuum cleaner wide ass open and me singing along to every song (thank God no one is home.)

OMG!! They just started playing "Satisfaction" by the Stones...am I in a dream? You gotta love 88.9 on the FM dial.

Okay now it's not even funny anymore...it's serious. Chain of Fools just came on. If that's not a vacuuming song I've never heard one!

CHAIN CHAIN CHAIN....

Going to clean the house while no one is here to see or hear me re visiting my far gone youth.

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you...tomorrow I'll miss you." It just keeps getting better!

Til next time...Comfy Cotton in the Crib!

Breath of Fresh Air...or As Close as I Get

Guess what peeps? I am actually taking Friday off !



I decided today, that when even your big toes hurt it is time to step back (gingerly) and give them a 24 hour reprieve.



Came home from that wonderful place I now call "Work Hell" and watched some Olympics. I am digging those coats the snow boarders wear...hope I can find one for Zach. Of course he said he wanted one without the USA patch on the arm...maybe I can get him a "Nazi in a former life" patch to sew on his!

He finally watched some of the Olympics with me when I threw in that comment I wrote on my blog about "It's not like I asked him to give me a bikini wax."

He said that was WAY over the boundaries of mother/ son discussions and watched the women's half pipe with me as he picked all of them apart . Granted he's never even been on a snow board or skis or even a slope covered with snow..but he is quite the critic. What ticked me off the most is that he was right...seconds after he commented on a mistake the commentator said the same exact thing! "Show off, none living up to his potential smart mouth teen!" I guess that covers most teens...but MY son is the "King" of 'showing off and not living up to his potential with a smart mouth.'

At least he is excelling in one area!

So after I MADE him watch the Olympics with me he finally logged off his game on the computer...some kind of 'thinky' game that he gets so into I wonder if he's planning the demise of our nation via the web?

So I log onto Facebook...Here we go!

There were four lonely cows wandering the web looking for a home. The Mafia wars seemed to be building to a climax I have never understood anyway and I have been sent hearts, hugs, pillows and candies that I still haven't figured out how to touch feel or eat.

At least the Texas "Hold'em" requests have petered away...guess they lost all their money and are all in some sort of cyber re hab.

I guess if I learned about all these apps I may enjoy them...but thinking about it again, I'd have to give it a big fat "NO."

I have enough bad habits and vices to let "Cyber Apps" into my already desperate life.

When they come up with a "Make my feet stop hurting" app or a "Find my husband a really good job" app...I will be the first one on board.

Til then... I'll be honest. I don't even know HOW to accept these gifts and requests. When I click on them the first thing that pops up is a window saying I am allowing my personal info and profile to be open to access.

In the world I am currently living in...this just sounds like Chase or Capitol One trying to contact me since I have stopped picking up the phone when they call.

OH YEAH...I"ll click on the app and they will have my checking account number and just draft their money out of my already squeaking balance!

Use your bail out money and I'll catch up with you as soon as I can! I do mail them payments...granted they are late but at least I am making the effort.

SCAMS!!

I may be broke but I ain't STUPID!

I use FB for talking to friends and throwing my blog out to the masses. Til I get back on the financial track...I ain't giving nobody a stinkin' cow or a hug!

All you Farmviller's have fun...all you Mafia geeks keep on shooting...sorry if you feel dissed by me but I am too paranoid to join in the fun for now.

The dryer is beeping telling me the clothes are dry...I'm surprised there's not an app for that!

A whole day off tomorrow...a whole day to rest my throbbing feet and ease my constantly throbbing mind.

Where's the app for THAT??

Til next time, hugs, kisses and pillows being thrown right back at ya!

COTTON

The Eighties...What Were We Thinking?

Yesterday while still in the recovery period from our bout with the stomach flu, Massey and I were laying in bed bundled up together watching VH1 "classic videos"from the eighties. Massey's first comment was "Ya'll had some BIG hair, my hair would have fit right in." She also commented that it wasn't just the girls...she asked me why every guy had a mullet and I told her they all worked really hard to achieve them, using blow dryers and plenty of hair spray. A video of "New Edition" came on and I told her the little guy with the red "members only " jacket was Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston's ex husband.

She actually Laughed at Huey Lewis and the News (how dare her) and wanted to know why John Cougar wore chaps when he wasn't on a horse or a motorcycle?

When a video of Poison came on she said the guys wore more make up than the girls. Thank goodness they didn't show a "Queen" video while we were watching.

She was very intrigued by the early Madonna and Cyndi Lauper videos and commented that they looked cool. I told her to remind me to rent "Desperately Seeking Susan" for her and she would be in Heaven. The blast from the past that even jolted MY memory bank was the video of the boys group from Kingston "Pass the deuchtie on the left hand side." Do you remember THAT one?

I dug up these pictures and just HAD to post them . The first ones are from girl's trips to Fort Walton back in the early eighties and parties that we had when I was working for Johnny's Pizza on Virginia Ave , when there were only two stores (compared to the 100 some odd stores they have now.)

We progress to right after I first met Tim and TJ was around three. Tim had a pretty impressive mullet so I decided to drag him into this with me. Why just embarrass myself when I can make fun of my husband too?

What really amazes me is that even after Zach was born...I was still clinging to that eighties look . The look on my father's face says it all. He probably said "Hand me a basket ball to hold so I won't have to stare in in embarrassment at what my daughter is wearing." I wish you could see the bottom of the picture...I had on orange combat boots.

The silky sequin dresses..the huge hair (at least I didn't dye mine platinum blonde) and how about that denim dress that I can actually remember paying a butt load of money for??

WHAT IN THE HELL WERE WE THINKING??

The eighties were a time that everyone was trying to out shock the other person, and if they did...they would be a trend setter. The eighties were the years of my wild rebellious youth. They are years I am grateful for...they are behind me now but at least I had them when I WAS twenty.

Kids sometimes try to grow up too quickly, get married and act like they are adults...only to try and re-live their youth twenty years later when it is too late and people are laughing behind their backs at their hideous toupee or sequin tank top barely covering their sagging breasts that have fed a family of five.

At least I was young and stupid when I WAS young and stupid.

Either way, it's still fun to look back at what I thought looked cool and you know what? In twenty years...these pictures will most probably be the "IN" fashion again. Thank God by then I will be sitting in my rascal covered with a crocheted quilt saying to my grand kids "I had that dress first! Now give me my Jitterbug I need to call your daddy about my subscription to "Oprah as a Senior."

Till next time... Continually Aging Cotton

PS remember to click on the photos so you can laugh at me in full size...that is the way I laugh at myself every day!