One of the Good Things about Geting Older

One of the good things about getting older is bed time comes earlier. I've worked six days a week since I was twenty so am used to it. Give me two days off in a row and I don't want to go back.

The bad  thing about getting older is putting  up with crap. I have little tolerance for it. I had an older battle axe of a woman come into  the furniture store today. She  was in last week, I remembered her because she had two black eyes. Now I know why...she's a biddy and somebody slugged her, twice.

She looked at  a marble table we had for $599 (formerly $699) and wanted it cheaper. It came with  four chairs and  is a pretty  good deal. Today she asked what else I could do and after calling my manager told her I could give her twenty dollars off. She told me that was ridiculous to just take twenty dollars off and I reminded her it used to be $699. She haughtily told me it was $599  last time she came in , not $699. I explained that last time she came in it had just been marked down $100 making it $599. With the extra twenty off she would be saving $120.00.

She put her hand up in my face and said not to insult her. Insult I did not...I simply walked away instead of telling her now I know how she got those two black eyes.

For Pete's sake, it's not like I go into  the parking lot and force them to come in. It's discount furniture, do peeps want us to give it to them for free? When you start with low prices, you can't go much lower.

Here's my thing. I know you want  a good deal but  there is absolutely no reason to be ugly about it and she was flat out ugly  with me. I held my tongue (not an easy thing) and  the most ironic thing is when she left , looked over her shoulder and said to me "Have a nice day."

Didn't sell a lot but Tuesday's are slow. I handed out a lot of my business cards and have four different people who I think will come back and buy this week. Fingers crossed and boxing gloves behind the counter for my rude, angry woman. (JK)

Left work tonight and went by  the bank to make the bank deposit. It's a huge steel door you have to open and it wouldn't budge. I even got out of the car and tried with two hands. Three attempts later I gave  up.

Now I have to get up twenty minutes earlier to go back by  the bank tomorrow. I need all the beauty sleep I can get, especially if I have to wrestle the ole biddy about the marble table again.

Here's the thing. Peeps  come in and say "I can get this same  thing for a lot less at *******."

That's total garbage. If they could ...they would have already done so.

These peeps don't realize I have my PHD in BS.

I'm heading to bed. It does suck getting older but always, ALWAYS beats the  alternative.

Any  day on this side of  the dirt is a good one!

Till next  time, COTTON

I Have to Keep THIS Face in My Mind...

So Massey gets ready to leave for school this morning and I ask her what time her guard practice is. She says 5:30 but she is going to stay at the school until then. I told her by the time she got home at 8:30 she would be starving. She said she would be okay and went to bounce out the door as the clunking bus rolled down the street to announce its arrival.

Before she left she said that most of the girls that stayed after school had their moms bring them something to eat before practice started. Great!

Lucky for me I was working the day shift so I told her I would drop something off on my way home.

My general manager was the MOD (manager on duty) and computing the labor cost in his head, cut down to two servers about 1:oo. He wanted to do it at 12:30 I am sure, but not liking to actually wait on tables himself... gave it another half hour before the labor "Axe" fell.

It was me and one other server, a girl that is as good a server as there is. We just had the weirdest customers, ones that run you to death for no reason or sit at your table like they are moving in.

In comes a nightmare table...in MY section. The woman is disgusting (trust me I am NOT being judgemental) she used to come in with her 'beau' who was old enough to be her Gran pa..they would suck down margaritas and steal the silverware when they left. Sometimes they would actually ask to be seated near the rest rooms because she was "feeling poorly" or as she said it "Pourly."

Well the ole gal has a new beau that looks like he could have been Charles Manson's room mate. He never once looked up at me. She ordered sweet tea and when I asked him what he would like he muttered "Yeah."

Of course I forced the issue and said sweetly (he didn't know I was being a wise guy) "Excuse me, I didn't quite hear your order."

I asked him what he wanted with his steak, how he wanted it cooked and what side dish he wanted ...to which he curtly replied "Damn, how many questions are ya gonna ask me?"

I felt like saying, "Well if you would happen to LOOK at the menu you may see these questions coming in advance." But I gave them a bright smile and just made the best of it.

When the woman asked for more bleu cheese dressing for her salad with a HUGE glob dripping down her chin I felt like saying "Just stick your tongue out and lick up those two ounces running down your face." Of course I didn't, of course I can't...but "Baby, did I WANT to!"

I got their food out as quickly as possible because I had 'real' customers on either side of their booth and in my current position I have to make the best of every table. I already knew this one was a wash so I concentrated on getting them fed and out the door.

I went to the back to check something out for a manager... when I came back, ole gal said she was sorry but she had just "Done throwed all up in my napkin, I couldn't make it to the rest room and can you just bring a check and a 'go' box?"

Yeah! Makes you wanna be a server "Don't it?"

Needless to say I wore gloves when I cleaned their table, threw away the dishes, napkins and plates.

Once gone, things picked up.

At least nobody else got sick and my other customers were nice enough not to point out that I had complete idiots at the table right next to them.

The insanity continued til 4;00 when I should have been off work , but was still stuck there with tables.

Massey sent me a text telling me that I had to have her dinner there soon.

I left in time to take her a meal from my restaurant to eat before practice started. I called her on her cell, which she answered in the band room...with horns, percussion and winds sounding like they were serenading me. I told her I was almost out of gas (what else is new) and she needed to meet me outside the building.

She was standing there waiting like a good girl, but before I had even pulled out of the parking lot she sent me a text asking if I could bring her back a pair of "Soffee" shorts for practice. I told her I would and she text'd back that she needed them in fifteen minutes.

I got home and searched her wreck of a room high and low for "Soffee" shorts and couldn't find them. She had asked for black ones but I could only find purple.

I called her back (five minutes to spare) and she said happily that "Dallas is going to loan me a pair."

Could she have not called me to tell me that?

After the day I had just had... "Soffee" shorts were the last straw.

Thank the Lord she was at practice and Thank the Lord I came across this picture of her when she demanded nothing more than a hot dog (no bun) for dinner and a glass of milk before bed.

Kids...they can kill you without trying and wonder what happened to you after they do.

I love my girl, love all my kids...I just can't wait til they ALL have three kids doing the same things to them that they are doing to me NOW!

And I thought the ole crazy woman was a challenge.

"You look familiar, is your name, Dick?"

I've been a server for well over thirty one years and today I believe I met my match. The man was seated at the table, the wife was in the rest room. He grumpily ordered her a strawberry limeade and a 25oz. beer for himself. He said he wanted two limes with the beer so off to the bar I skipped to get his beer and the bowl of peanuts for "Mr. Personality."

When I came back with the drinks, nuts and two limes in a small ramekin I placed it all down on bev naps and took out my order pad.

He looked up at me as if I was the biggest idiot on the planet (granted he might not be far off THAT mark.) He gave me the ole "Eye roll" and put his thumbs and pointer fingers together to make two circles and twisting them back and forth in front of his eyes said "Look at me." I said I wanted TWO WHOLE LIMES...do you know what THOSE look like and do you think you can manage to do what I asked? Bring me two whole limes (making the googly eye sign with his hands again) and go get me a manager...do you think you can handle that?"

After quelling the desire to slap his face, I went to the back to find my manager and get the idiot TWO WHOLE LIMES. Maybe I was being rash...maybe he was fixing to show me a really neat magic trick that would have me clapping my hands together in glee!

I had the manager go back to the table with me...him carrying the limes on a dish like they were two 'golden eggs.'

He sat them down and asked what else he could do for him and my new buddy smirked that would do for now. He then looked at me and said smugly "NOW maybe perhaps we can move forward and you will listen to what I actually ask for."

Oh boy! Now I was REALLY looking forward to the next hour with this delightful fellow. He asked me every question he could about everything on the menu and somehow I kept that "Mom's REALLY ticked" look off of my face that tell my kids exactly when I have had enough.

Back and forth he went...should he get his steak medium or medium well, should he get a lobster tail or salmon, did his wife wanted a baked Idaho or a sweet potato and he wanted that steak really juicy, but not too juicy, "Are you getting all of this down?" None of this was said with even a hint of good manners, and I decided his wife must take a xanax every time she hears his car pull in the drive at home. She was pretty nice ...when he allowed her to speak(which wasn't often.) Of course he was such an ass, Hitler would have seemed nice sitting next to this guy.

When I went to ring in the order my manager said "Make sure everything is perfect for this guy, okay?"

For Pete's sake, I'm not THAT stupid!

These are the type that you have to show you are really a good server, better than they want you to be or expect you to be. I hit my mark. The food was cooked perfectly, looked great and after dreading asking him if everything was alright with their meal found out that he was finally at a loss for a snide remark.

Not to brag (maybe just a bit) but I feel like I am truly excellent at what I do and understand the steps of service that give my guests a pleasant seamless experience when they dine at my table. On the other hand, I felt like choking the guy and telling him what a complete jerk he was.

When he ordered his next beer...I knew what to do. Go back to the walk in cooler and get the goof ball two more whole limes (which AREN'T cheap) and present them to his majesty for his approval. When I came back with them and his beer, he said "Now you're starting to get it."

When they finished their meal I offered desert which the silent wife thankfully declined and I went to print them a check. When I put the check down, my buddy said he wanted to see the manager again.

I went to get the manager again and he asked what was wrong now? I told him I didn't know but I was almost sure he was fixing to find out.

I steered clear of the table while he talked to the guy...it's not like I was growing to enjoy being near him anyway.

When my manager came in the back he said the guy just wanted to say how great everything was and what a nice experience it had been.

I sucked in my pride once again and went to pick up the check. When I returned it to him he said his wife said he should leave me a good tip and he thought maybe a good kick in the butt would be a good one.
I felt like saying he had already done that several times over and no more were required or needed.

He left an 'okay' tip.

If he had left me a great tip I may have thought it was worth the effort, but it wasn't.

He is just a guy that gets his jollies from treating servers as if they are ONLY THAT..."Servers."

I made it through and even my manager said he was glad it was me that waited on him. I made sure everything was right, ignored his sarcasm and made it difficult for him to pick my service apart.

I should have thanked him like he had given me a hundred dollars and said, "Next time you come in be sure to ask for me, my name is Jessie."

Thank the Lord people like this don't happen often, or I would be the one that needs the xanax.

TGIF...at Least it is for me

Just finished my work week...WHEW!

These Sunday shifts just kill me. It wasn't really busy which makes it seem even longer and harder. Lots of goofy customers (at least we had a few laughs behind the scene at our customers expense.) You have to takes the perks where you can get them. Like the man who refused to verbally ask for more coffee. He just jiggled his cup in the air like a Shriner with his bucket at an intersection. The server would lean down with his hands on his knees and ask pointedly "Would you like some more coffee?" If he just waved his cup again, the server would say "Now, it that regular of decaf?" It's like some people just hate having to acknowledge that we are someone they have to actually look at or speak to . So we servers make a point of MAKING them have to look us in the eye or make them respond to questions with words and not head gestures or hand motions. Boy... that is a satisfying feeling. I take my fair amount of grief from people when something goes wrong at a table, but if you want to treat me like a grunt for no apparent reason or humiliate me just for a power trip, be sure NOT to ask for my table. As I have stated many times before... I have my PHD in BS , treat me badly for no reason and you are fighting a losing battle. Sometimes I am so good at it, I have them eating out of my hand before it is over and feeling bad about the way they treated me initially...leave me a really good tip to boot!

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE me some reverse psychology !!

I made three times what the other closing server made...nothing to do with her as a server, I just got lucky and had regulars come in ; Got a couple of other really Phat tips from people you would never think to expect it from.

There was the family of four with parents that had tattoos on every visible part of their exposed body. At least I knew what they would be giving their kids on their seventeenth birthdays...a "sleeve" for both arms ! They were nice though and when they paid they said to keep the change. Their tab was $74.00 and he gave me a Hundred.

You just never know in this business. I like it because it is like a play. You can go to the same play over and over again, but since it's a live performance it will be different each time.

I meet new people, wait on old friends and have made new friends. I have learned to dread certain customers and learned to genuinely love others.
My hours are generally short shifts and I walk out with a paycheck every night I work.

I can put up with a few idiots for that, especially if they are paying my bills. If you didn't meet the really bad people occasionally...you would forget how lucky you actually are .

It's like a job, therapy and acting all tied up with a bow called "Sales and Marketing."

At least I am off tomorrow and can just be a "MOM." That's the role I really like to play.

My Eye's Aren't Bad, But My Arms Are Too Short..

When I am at work...I card everybody. we had a bartender go to jail one night because the police sent in an underage person and she ordered a drink...It sounds more like entrapment to me...but who am I to argue? You "Can't fight City Hall"...

Now I find myself carding EVERYONE...just to cover my own butt.

The problem I am having is that I can't hold the driver's license far enough away from my face to read the date on the card.

Of course sometimes the person is a visiting associate with Hoshazaki( probably mis spelled) or Panasonic when I ask for ID it is in Japanese...so my usual comment is "ko-nee-chi-wa" which I horribly mis spelled..but know that it means hello in the Asian world.

I had a customer ask me if I needed to borrow his glasses..NO! What I need is longer arms.

DAMN...I am getting too old to be able to read a license..(Who had to make it in such tiny print anyway)? Like the government is TRYING to save us money....HELLO...I can give you a LOT more ways to save money than making me look old at work...(thank the Lord for the dim lighting).

Sometimes...no A LOT of times old people come in and comment about how dark it is in our restaurant.
I tell them that is the main reason I work there...the lighting takes ten years off of My life..If they change to florescent..I will walk out the door.

I just try to give good service...I always have a good time (I just make light of the worst case scenarios) and hope that it all evens up in the end.

Pretty much my job is a crap shoot these days...but I have been here thirty odd years and think that if ANYONE can survive...it is me...not to brag, but wooing the public has ALWAYS been a forte of mine. I have said it before and will say it again..I have my PHD in BS and put it to use to the fullest extent every day I walk into my store...and you know what...Hell , I have people I don't even remember saying "HEY. it's our good friend Kelly"...when I walk up to a table...but if they love me..I LOVE them.
I almost feel like saying "Thank you to my adoring fans...and thanks for remembering me".

My job is such a sales and marketing gig...but one that I feel I am good at.

I am one of the few people in America today that has SOME type of control over their income.

I do a crappy job and I either get fired or don't make money..I do a great job and my daughter gets a new lap top and I feel REALLY good about making other people feel better for coming out spending $50 on a meal for two in these struggling and worrisome times.

I am TRULY a BLESSED person....Cotton

I Think That I May Be at My Breaking Point!

After the fiasco with the unruly and rude man at my table the other day... I thought that maybe the public would give me a break for a while.

NOT SO!!!

Today at work, a woman was seated at my table, and promptly brought out her $4 discount for DINNER . It was LUNCH!!!

She asked me if she could use the coupon. I told her that I could not honor it because it was a dinner coupon, and the computer that I ring in orders on did not even show an option to use the coupon until four PM.

She sighed and said to me "What time does dinner start"? I replied 4PM.

She said "What time is it now"? I told her that it was 2:30 in the afternoon.

I followed up with the fact that we also sent a coupon out with the same ad for a $3 discount for lunch. She sighed and said that she had left THAT one at the house.

She asked if I could just ask a manager to honor her coupon anyway. I told her that it is not an option because as I had previously told her, it was all computerized and I could not access a discount for her until 4PM.

She gave an exasperated blow of her breath and we continued on with their order of two burgers.

About two minutes later, the hostess came up to me with the $4 coupon in her hand and said "Table 14 wants to know if the manager will honor this coupon".

By this point , I became somewhat ticked off.

If I go to the bank to make a deposit and say "I am so sorry, but I had $40 to deposit, but I only brought $37". They would look at me like I was an idiot.

The woman at the table had ordered a diet coke to drink...which is priced at $2.79. With tax, if she had just ordered water, we would all be square. I realize that is seems ridiculous to charge that for a soda, but it IS free refills, and I ALWAYS, ALWAYS ask my customer if they would like for me to make them a drink to take with them (a 20 oz. cup).

You know, we are all suffering in this current economy. My company's stock is down from $45 a share to $15.

Yet people come in the door, want to use a coupon that is clearly and specifically labeled.

But I am so tired of letting people abuse the system, abuse me and abuse my management.

Of course if they call the corporate office, they will most likely be vindicated. But what are these people REALLY doing?

In my book, they are grifters..they are people looking for a deal that they don't actually deserve.

I work my butt off... I try to work within the rules of the system.

Why are these people..just because they are customers...entitled to special provisions or exceptions?

I would never in a million years even try to use a coupon or discount that wasn't valid or acceptable.

But these people tend to verge on the edge of having no scruples...having no conscience, of having no idea that the discount that they are squeezing out of us is bleeding our company... not only is it unfair, it is WRONG!

I know that I have been a server for over thirty years, and I may be getting a little jaded..But for PETE'S SAKE people...quit expecting something for nothing... and quit thinking that we have to be nice to you, while you try to rip us off.

Point said, point made... I just had to get it off of my chest and on to your ears.

Am I wrong?? You tell me!!

It amazes me....the public sector

Just home from work again.. after cleaning up where my kids roosted, ate, drank and watched the "boob" tube... I put in another load of laundry, and sat down to type. People can be so very nice, and they can be complete asses. (pardon the expression) I work in a REALLY busy restaurant. I realize that "eatin out ain't cheap" .. that is why my family doesn't do it too much. But where in the "eating out handbook" does it say that you can treat servers like "servants" ? I had a gentleman ( using the term loosely to cover a broad category) at my table one night. Granted, it was a tremendously busy night, and I was on the point of being "in the weeds" ( refer back to an earlier post if you do not recognize this term). I put their steaks down in front of them, said " I'll be right back to check on you" and continued to try to catch up with myself. Before I could get back to the table, the "ole coot" stopped a manager and said that he was appalled at my lack of service.... I did not even offer him steak sauce. Well, we are trained not to offer steak sauce, because we are trained to learn that our steaks are perfect when they hit the table. We put a lemon butter sauce on our steaks when we cook them, and on them once again before they go out to the table. It is a great sauce for a steak.. I actually do it at my house when grilling at home.... try it some time, and you will be amazed at my giving you this little secret. ANYHOOO....... the man continued to tirade ON AND ON AND ON. I live and work on the south side of Atlanta, which I guess I have to say is not as affluent as downtown Atlanta, or the Buckhead area of Atlanta. Well this "dude".... I refuse to call him a gentleman any longer.. just kept on and on with me..using GOD****, a lot, and several other curse words that I felt were totally offensive. All of this over me not offering him steak sauce. When I went to apologize (which I did not want to do in the first place..but I need my job) He told me ... Well all I have to say is that you give typical "south side" service. I was in tears at this point, and his wife gave me an apologetic look, like "think how it is to live with this "A HOLE ". " But you know what? That is the last time a customer has made me cry. Was this idiot worth me getting ALL worked up and upset, and wasting my emotions over a bottle of A-1 ?? Of course my manager had to apologize for me, and act like we had done something wrong. But how on Earth, do people get SO bent out of shape over such a small, insignificant situation? I have waited for several years to see this man out on the street, and to walk up to him, and say " you are the most trivial and mean spirited man I have ever met, and I hope that one day you truly realize the meaning and concept of being a caring and thoughtful human being." Of course it would mean nothing to him, but would give me great joy....and maybe his wife a shot at some happiness. Till next time... Cotton