"You look familiar, is your name, Dick?"

I've been a server for well over thirty one years and today I believe I met my match. The man was seated at the table, the wife was in the rest room. He grumpily ordered her a strawberry limeade and a 25oz. beer for himself. He said he wanted two limes with the beer so off to the bar I skipped to get his beer and the bowl of peanuts for "Mr. Personality."

When I came back with the drinks, nuts and two limes in a small ramekin I placed it all down on bev naps and took out my order pad.

He looked up at me as if I was the biggest idiot on the planet (granted he might not be far off THAT mark.) He gave me the ole "Eye roll" and put his thumbs and pointer fingers together to make two circles and twisting them back and forth in front of his eyes said "Look at me." I said I wanted TWO WHOLE LIMES...do you know what THOSE look like and do you think you can manage to do what I asked? Bring me two whole limes (making the googly eye sign with his hands again) and go get me a manager...do you think you can handle that?"

After quelling the desire to slap his face, I went to the back to find my manager and get the idiot TWO WHOLE LIMES. Maybe I was being rash...maybe he was fixing to show me a really neat magic trick that would have me clapping my hands together in glee!

I had the manager go back to the table with me...him carrying the limes on a dish like they were two 'golden eggs.'

He sat them down and asked what else he could do for him and my new buddy smirked that would do for now. He then looked at me and said smugly "NOW maybe perhaps we can move forward and you will listen to what I actually ask for."

Oh boy! Now I was REALLY looking forward to the next hour with this delightful fellow. He asked me every question he could about everything on the menu and somehow I kept that "Mom's REALLY ticked" look off of my face that tell my kids exactly when I have had enough.

Back and forth he went...should he get his steak medium or medium well, should he get a lobster tail or salmon, did his wife wanted a baked Idaho or a sweet potato and he wanted that steak really juicy, but not too juicy, "Are you getting all of this down?" None of this was said with even a hint of good manners, and I decided his wife must take a xanax every time she hears his car pull in the drive at home. She was pretty nice ...when he allowed her to speak(which wasn't often.) Of course he was such an ass, Hitler would have seemed nice sitting next to this guy.

When I went to ring in the order my manager said "Make sure everything is perfect for this guy, okay?"

For Pete's sake, I'm not THAT stupid!

These are the type that you have to show you are really a good server, better than they want you to be or expect you to be. I hit my mark. The food was cooked perfectly, looked great and after dreading asking him if everything was alright with their meal found out that he was finally at a loss for a snide remark.

Not to brag (maybe just a bit) but I feel like I am truly excellent at what I do and understand the steps of service that give my guests a pleasant seamless experience when they dine at my table. On the other hand, I felt like choking the guy and telling him what a complete jerk he was.

When he ordered his next beer...I knew what to do. Go back to the walk in cooler and get the goof ball two more whole limes (which AREN'T cheap) and present them to his majesty for his approval. When I came back with them and his beer, he said "Now you're starting to get it."

When they finished their meal I offered desert which the silent wife thankfully declined and I went to print them a check. When I put the check down, my buddy said he wanted to see the manager again.

I went to get the manager again and he asked what was wrong now? I told him I didn't know but I was almost sure he was fixing to find out.

I steered clear of the table while he talked to the guy...it's not like I was growing to enjoy being near him anyway.

When my manager came in the back he said the guy just wanted to say how great everything was and what a nice experience it had been.

I sucked in my pride once again and went to pick up the check. When I returned it to him he said his wife said he should leave me a good tip and he thought maybe a good kick in the butt would be a good one.
I felt like saying he had already done that several times over and no more were required or needed.

He left an 'okay' tip.

If he had left me a great tip I may have thought it was worth the effort, but it wasn't.

He is just a guy that gets his jollies from treating servers as if they are ONLY THAT..."Servers."

I made it through and even my manager said he was glad it was me that waited on him. I made sure everything was right, ignored his sarcasm and made it difficult for him to pick my service apart.

I should have thanked him like he had given me a hundred dollars and said, "Next time you come in be sure to ask for me, my name is Jessie."

Thank the Lord people like this don't happen often, or I would be the one that needs the xanax.