I had kited another check to the cable company so we wouldn't lose Internet and said a prayer as I signed my name to the worthless piece of paper... they usually take 3 or 4 days to process a check and I crossed my fingers as I told the woman to "Have a wonderful day." I was supposed to go visit a friend at Scottish Rite but barely had enough gas to get to work so I sank back into bed to nurse my depression.
Depression is a REAL thing. It can take you so low you don't even want to get out...you just want to give in. I felt that way today. I thought to myself...why go on? I thought about how easy it would be to just go in my sleep. Then I thought about the fact that I have no insurance and all my bills would be HAVE to be paid even if I was gone and on top of that , my family would say "Dang...now we gotta dig a HOLE too?"
I succumbed to the pity and just let my body rest until it was time to get up for work. The kids were all still at school and Tim was asleep after from coming home from another 12 hour shift out on the loading dock.
Massey stayed at school for practice and Zach came home right as I was dragging myself out of bed to get a shower and iron a shirt for work. Zach is 18 and even though he acts oblivious can tell when I am not on my game. Usually when they get home from school I am hopping off Johnny and brushing the grass off my shins and scrambling into the shower to go to work.
Today I dragged myself out of bed and didn't even try to hide the fact that I had slept the day away.
Zach asked me if I wanted him to iron my work shirt? I told him no just plug the iron in for me. The last time I asked Zach to iron a shirt I found him ironing it while it was still on the hanger. The thought was there but the end result wasn't too pretty.
Just like a good wife , before I left I unloaded on my husband who was getting up to scarf down a sandwich and go back to sleep before getting up to work another 12 hour shift out on the loading dock. God bless him he didn't say a word...but I just felt better unloading on someone and he is the one that signed up for "Better or worse."
I went into work and just as I started to feel like I wanted to go back home and crawl in bed again...it happened.
God smiled on me.
I only waited on eight tables. When I worked for Long Horn I would wait on about 20 tables a night. Every table I waited on tonight left me over a 20% tip. My fifth table was a party of three. They ordered a $65 bottle of wine and instead of wanting water ordered a bottle of Pelligrino....BINGO!
Then a party of four came in that recognized me because they used to work for my brother...I led them straight to my table and God's smile suddenly became a huge grin.
A huge weight was lifted off my already hunched over shoulders and I realized that "YOU can't give up."
You can't give in...you have to keep going until life swings back around your way.
I walked out with enough money to ALMOST cover my cable check and enough to buy the cereal that was on sale at Kroger and a small bag of dog food.
I HAVE to quit getting discouraged...but it is so easy to do. Just when you feel like throwing your hands up in despair and giving up totally...God smiles down on you.
He's a tough boss. He demands that you give of yourself before you ever expect to reap a reward. I lost that concept temporarily but as I reaped HIS reward tonight I was reminded why I have so much faith in his way's and reasoning's.
I have a wonderful family and I am blessed beyond belief with so many friends that I feel embarrassed to have let the depression over ride my tremendous system of support.
"Oh ye of little faith."
"My Bad."
Won't do that again. Working all weekend and as long as I am working..God will work for and with me.
I can't wait for the day that this time in our lives will be something we all laugh about in our house. The laughter has been gone from my house for way too long but I can make it return...with help from friends, family and most importantly "The Big Guy" and I don't mean Chris (although he has gone above and beyond the call as well.)
No more pity parties...no more hiding in bed. I may be little but I am a BIG person and when you have God on your side...
"All things are possible."
Three kids, three huge dogs, a house we are trying to save. No one said life would be easy...but you have to make it worth saving.
Sounding like Scarlett but "As God as my witness tomorrow is another day" and if HE gives me one, I will make the best of it.
Sometimes you forget how lucky you are. Sometimes you forget to count blessings. When they all add up... if you are around to still count them, you are a lucky person.
I am now considering myself a " Lucky Counter."
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