I Think I Can See A Day Off Coming !

I'm not sure at this point, but I believe that after tomorrow I will have a day off. I have had one day off since August and the days have just run together and the week seems to never end.

I open the restaurant in the morning and after my day shift I finally have a day off. I wake up every day and don't even know what day it is...just know that I have to iron a work shirt and go into work at some point in the day.

These past few months have been incredibly hard on every one in our house and in our lives. My brother, sister and brother in law have been so supportive that I don't think I will ever live long enough to re pay their kindness, love and generosity.

I have always thought of myself as a person that would do anything for anyone...but lately these roles have seemed to reversed.

I have been humbled, I have been sometimes embarrassed but I have also learned how to accept help from the people that love me and be truly grateful for their love and compassion.

Heck...I feel like I have been working hard! These people are probably working harder than me just to help us keep afloat while maintaining their own lives as well.

I try to keep my depression down to a minimum. I had a small breakdown the other morning but felt better after I let the tears flow and cried myself silly in the bath tub and came out actually feeling a bit better.

I know that my husband will find work soon and know that I can hang on til that day arrives. I have lost more weight than I would like and can take my jeans off without even unsnapping them. I notice more lines on my face every day and more gray hair sprouting out of my two inch hair every time I run my fingers through it.

We've been through our savings and been through our 401K and now are simply living off of a server's salary...but at least we HAVE that salary and it seems to be getting us through with help of my touchstone (my sister) and the grace of God.

I know that when one door shuts, God opens a window. I just wish I could send him a can of WD- 4o, because our window seems to be sticking and I feel like I am suffocating.

At least I still have my sense of humor and I think that is one of the things I am most grateful for.

I got my kids approved for PeachCare and am just waiting for their cards to arrive. Then I can begin to use all the money I have paid into the system since I was 15 years old to help my kids be able to go their own doctor without worrying how I am going to pay for it.

All I need is ONE DAY OFF to re group and re think my next strategy.

I sleep probably 5 hours a night max, waking up at least twice...once to go pee and once to try and remember what time I have to go into work.

I say all of this because I want to remember all of this .

I want to remember this feeling of despair and this feeling of worry so that when we DO get back on our feet I will appreciate it to it's fullest and know how it feels to be in this situation.

There are so many people around the globe that don't have family and friends that can help them through the tough times, help them survive and give them unyielding support.

Yes, I am one of the lucky ones.

I don't live in Dafur or Afghanistan . I live in a country where people reach out and help, and where if you forge ahead and work your hardest...ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

Granted I pray for that "something" to happen soon...but I have full faith it will and one day down the road ...years from now, Tim and I will be sitting on a porch with grand kids scurrying all around us and we will be laughing and holding hands saying to each other "Do you remember back in 2009..."

Til next time.. a humbled and grateful COTTON