Monday, October 10, 2011

Two More Performances Behind Me, Counting Down to My Finale'

Last Halloween I was a Waffle House waitress at work...had the uniform and everything, even the kerchief to tie my hair back. I'm gonna have to start working on this year's..."Hmmm?"

That's another thing  great about working for a family owned business. The Western Sizzler wouldn't let us wear costumes. They did years ago but banned it along with having fun at work. The owners of my current digs encourage us to dress up.

I limped back into work this morning for another double shift. I like working Monday because I convinced the owner to let me fly solo on the lunch shift. It's just me and the bartender. We work well together and both make decent money. My first table was three women. The first woman asked how sweet our tea was? I replied "You know you're in  the South, right?" She smiled and ordered tea and the woman next  to her said she'd have the same. The third woman ordered un sweet tea with no ice then added, "I'm a Yankee" to which  I replied "No DUH."

In the South,  "Iced Tea" means a lot of sugar with a little tea thrown into a full glass of ice. We like it sweet and we like it cold.

 The women were really friendly and seemed to be enjoying my performance so I continued  with my show. They all LOVED their meals and when  clearing away their dishes one of the Southern women started talking about her Chocolate Lab. I hear a dog story and my ears perk know I love me some dogs!

The Yankee commented  she had a Dachshund...and pronounced it "Dax Shunn." I asked her to repeat what kind of dog she had and she did. I knew it was the correct way to say it but haven't heard it pronounced that way since Hitler was alive. I laughed and said "You ARE a freakin' Yankee!" She asked how we pronounced it to which I replied "Wiener Dog unless you live below Macon. Then it's a Weeny Dog."

We all laughed and I think they felt like applauding when they got up from the table.

My next table was just as fun! Two ladies and I thought I recognized one of the women. I told her she looked so familiar and asked where she worked? She said Bank of America and asked if I banked there? I said "No, I kite my checks through Bank of Coweta. My husband says I  helped them build two new branches with my NSF fees...  I think they have a plaque with my picture on it in every branch as their largest contributor." She laughed and laughed.  Another PHAT tip from new fans and I banked!

Came home and had one hour before heading back. Went to my bedroom and stripped out of my uniform, hung it on hangers and climbed into bed flat on my back so as not to muss my hair or make up and fell out for forty five minutes looking like Lily Munster taking a nap.

Massey screamed  from her bedroom on the bottom floor to Zach on the second floor who yelled to me on the third floor "Mom, it's five fifteen... time to go!"

I waited until five twenty (five minutes means a lot when you are fifty one)... brushed my teeth to wash away my snoring with mouth open breath and screeched out of the driveway.

Got back to work and Thank the Good Lord we weren't busy. I was running on fumes and in the black in my checking account. I was ready to go back home and finish my nap .

Had three businessmen who had apps, dinner, bottles of wine and after dinner drinks. I was ready to go after they left me a twenty percent tip.

Then I had the strangest couple sit at my next table. She looked WAY too young to be with the geeky guy she was sitting next to and her stomach said she was at LEAST thirty weeks preggo. He ordered for them and the first time I heard her speak it was in such broken English (even by Southern standards) that I immediately wondered HOW bad did she REALLY want to get to America? I hope the first English words she learned were "Let's just leave the lights off."

I told another server "I think her name is #7487 on page fifty two of catalog number fourteen from Slovenia."

I may be wrong...I hope I am.

I am so lucky to have been broke as a joke in the good ole USA and have a husband who loves me for  the crazy idiot I am. I have kids who drove me crazy quicker than I would have liked but  have more times than not, filled my heart time and time again with joy.

I have a job that I absolutely DREAD having to quit and has given me back my sense of worth as a server.

Life kicked me around a bit but at least it kicked me around living in a country where although we have obvious idiots in congress and Washington  pretending to look out for us  when they are actually looking out for their greedy ego inflated  selves... "WE" have the ultimate power to get rid of them. If we could only make every American realize the power of ONE SINGLE VOTE... it could change every thing.

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