NINE NINE OH NINE !

I had a pretty productive day. I cut the front to the subdivision, got a call from a neighbor in the subdivision behind me wanting to hire me to cut her yard (maybe landscaping is the way to go) and got another bathroom scrubbed all before I went to work. When I was cutting at the front of the subdivision there was a dead bird in the grass. I always pick up all the trash that has been tossed out of cars, but not being too crazy about dead birds I just shut my eyes and ran it over, blowing feathers into the ditch by the side of the road (at least I buried it in a ditch.)

It started off pretty slow at work , then I hit the jack pot. Eight men obviously on a business account with heavy alcoholic tendencies are a server's dream come true. After sitting down their first round of drinks, two of them were ready for another. They had at least two drinks a piece before they ordered and continued to drink through the entire meal. The tab was almost $300 and my tip was $50...nice start.

Then some of my regulars came in and gave me a phat tip as well , after that I had made $130 in less than three hours. 999 must be my lucky number! Thank the Lord it wasn't June 6, 2006...I don't know how comfortable I would feel thinking that 666 was my lucky number.

One of my favorite servers (see previous post about the Addams Family) got a party of 16 high school girls. Most of them didn't even look old enough to drive. He made the comment he could chat them up about the 'Twilight' book series. He was on the party with another cute little server. I told him he should introduce himself to the table and say "My name is Edward and this is Bella...we will be taking care of you this evening."

Young kids (teens) always ask for the kid menus which include a snazzy little coloring book with puzzles in it and come with a pack of three crayons. As I was walking by my co worker who was waiting on the girls I threw out the comment "Your party needs more crayons."

He gave me a glare, but all the other servers laughed so it was a win win for me.
They all split entrees and their tab was pretty thin. After they left I asked him if he had at least been asked to the Homecoming dance (another glare and more laughter from my co workers.)

He is the one person at work that you can't make mad if you try...and believe me I HAVE TRIED.

It is a fast paced shift in a restaurant...it hits all at once and sometimes dies all at once. You either make money you can't imagine or you walk out the door hoping that the next shift will be completely different...and it usually always is (the law of averages is the world we work in.)

Even on a bad night there is ALWAYS something that happens that we can all laugh about or talk about with amazement and wish we had a cam corder to record. There's always some guy with a mullet wearing a wife beater...dang did his wife not notice what he was wearing when he got into the car? Not to mention when your shoulders are covered by hair...a tank top may not be the way to go.

Or there's the lady with the "flippy" hair do. It is a short bob that flips up at a ninety degree angle around her entire head and makes her look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. Why doesn't her husband tell her that it is ridiculous looking?

It amazes me how some people look into the mirror at their house and can actually say to themselves "Alright, I'm ready to go out to eat."

One time at work I waited on a man that was with another guy (I'll give him that, what man is going to say "Dude, put on a REAL shirt.") This guy had big flabby arms covered in tattoos and body hair and was only wearing a wife beater, A- shirt, underwear tank top whatever you want to call it...but it was NOT a shirt you wear to a sit down restaurant especially if you have fur covered shoulders.

As always I seize an opportunity for a joke... I told one of the other males servers "My husband is at table 41 if you want to meet him." I thought that when the server walked by the table he would chuckle to himself and come back to tell me "That was a GOOD one!"

Instead when I walked through the dining room , Lo and Behold he was at table 41 pumping the man's hand and speaking to him. I quickly went to the table and said to the server "I meant table 21...21!"

Trust me . I don't do THAT anymore , especially with male servers...the server probably thought "Dang, I wish MY wife would let me go casual like THAT dude."

Working in a restaurant is an ongoing Sociology lesson...and sometimes a comedy routine. Sometimes it is hard to tell the two apart.

Til next time...COTTON