Blessed....Again

When I think about what Santa would really look like it is  the above picture. It's gotta be a real beard and those beautiful blue eyes.

Seems like Santa comes in many sizes shapes and forms these days.

I decided to go put a down payment on a Letterman jacket for Massey today. Another guard mom emailed about a place that sells them much cheaper than ordering them through the school. I knew we really couldn't afford it but work has picked up like crazy and sometimes you just get tired of not being able to do something nice for your kids.

I know I spoil Massey so on the way I decided to go ahead and spoil Zach too...whether he wanted it or not. There is a great consignment shop in a neighboring town that was on the way to the Sporting Goods store. Zach has two pair of jeans and about five tee shirts that make up his wardrobe. He HATES me shopping for him but they had a huge sale at the consignment shop and I got him an American Eagle zip up sweater for $5.00 and Massey picked out a beautiful baby blue Hollister pull over sweater that will look great with his baby blue eyes...$5.00 as well.

We ordered a jacket for Massey and I  put half down on it. She was BEYOND thrilled.

We came home and as always  stopped at the mailbox before pulling in the driveway. Of course there were the usual "Immediate Attention" letters and a couple of Christmas cards. Massey snatched them out of my hand and squealed "I got a letter from the North Pole!!"

It was addressed to her and the return address was indeed the North Pole. She opened the envelope and once again I was blessed.

It told her he had heard about some kid making fun of her repeating outfits at school and her wanting a Letterman jacket. Enclosed was $50.00 and a note that said to use it for her wardrobe or jacket...her choice. It went on to say things about her parents that brought tears to my eyes and that made Massey realize the power of friendship and love...two tremendous things to have in life.

Now the jacket is paid off in full.

Now my heart is full. I am not sure what I have ever done for people to shower me with so many blessings but I know I have so much to pay forward that it isn't even funny.

I have a great job and a family that stretches far beyond blood relation. I am on the road back and I know what a long road it will be but with all the Angel's and Santa's that have come into our life we are destined for greatness.

Zach balked at his sweaters when we got inside the house, but when he left fifteen minutes later with a friend he was wearing the American Eagle sweater. Teen age boys are a toughie. They don't want attention or love but need it more than anyone else.

Zach and I have had our battles and I am quite sure there are many more to come but when he answers his cell phone and says "Hi Mommy" it makes me smile. When he puts on a sweater I bought for him it makes me warmer than it does him.

My kid's have been through a lot this past year. At first all they knew was that their dad was looking for a new job. As the weeks turned into months they realized the big picture and I am sure it wasn't easy for them. To their credit they have been quite incredible and resilient. Of course they are teens and have given me a lot of new gray hair and wrinkles along the way but I think teens do that anyway, regardless.

Massey has her Christmas present coming...and all paid for. Zach has a warm sweater that he really likes but is too cool to say so and my new job is proving to be the best thing that has happened in over a decade.

All I have to do is get the boy's their present and shopping is done. TJ is easy...he is out on his own and nothing says Merry Christmas like a pre paid gas card and a Kroger gift card. Zach is a little tougher...and Tim has balked at me signing him up for the military as a Christmas gift. He needs some new tennis shoes and some new drawers, he is growing like a stinkin' weed (no Zach pun intended.)

Christmas has been all about Christmas the past two years in our house and I can say with conviction that it makes the Holiday sweeter. We  have our family over and eat, drink and get our Merry on. We laugh and force our brother to spend an entire day with his niece and nephews. We are a small family now but we have a heart that only needs love pumping through it...and pump it we do.

So my Christmas shopping is done and paid for. My brother is the rich one (LOL) so we'll get him to bring a Honey Baked Ham and the Bloody Marys. My sis and I will make some side dishes and we will spend the day together and it will be incredible...(maybe not the word my brother would use) but he'll tough it out with us and be done til Thanksgiving 2011.

How can such a horrible year seem like a blessing? With much love from family, friends and God it has turned out to be the most eye opening and reality checking experience a person could ever have.

I will never be the same. I will never see a person hurting , wanting or needing without trying to help. I picked another card off the tree at work tonight.

 If so many can help me...it leaves me open to help so many.

I hope that every one has a wonderful Christmas...I know we will.

And Santa....you are the best!

Til next time.....Christmas Cotton

It's Beginning to Look a Little Like Christmas

What a whirlwind of a day. I went into work at 10:30 and had a GREAT lunch shift. I had a party of 10 little blue haired ladies that cracked me up and treated me wonderfully. I got off in time to pick Massey up at school, only ten minutes late.

We had to go take a check to a bartender I used to work with who won a raffle that Massey's guard held. Unfortunately he was at work and I had to walk through the doors I said I would never walk through again. I didn't hear any cheers go up when I walked in...but I fully expected that. There are VERY few people there that I care about and I could count them on four fingers. Luckily  three of them were there and were very nice to me. It's amazing when you work at a place for over a decade ... once you get fired they quickly forget about you. It took all the strength I had to even open the door and walk in.

Once I walked back out the door five minutes later I felt an immense feeling of relief knowing that I never had to open those doors or wounds again. I know I should let my anger go, but I believe it will be years before it subsides. I gave 13 years of my life to that company. I did everything they ever asked of me and more. I was a devoted employee but once I had troubles in my own life they dropped me like a rotten potato. If it had  affected only me I think I would have been over the bitterness months ago but they put my entire family in a desperate situation with no possible way to recover and showed no remorse for the place we ended up. I truly believe that the one's responsible will get their due one day ...God's big on Karma.

Before we left Massey wanted to go hug one of the regular's. I told her I would wait in the car. When she got in the car she was smiling. I asked her what she was smiling at and she said when she hugged his neck the man next to him asked who she was and the man Massey hugged said "This is Kelly's daughter . Kelly doesn't work here anymore because the  idiots fired her." I know he probably said that just to make Massey feel good (and it did) but it made me feel good too.

As I drove out of the parking lot I realized I never had to go back again. I never had to see any of them again unless I chose to do so. There was nothing more they could do to me...they had done enough and now the book was closed. The further away I got the easier it was to breathe.

I had to take Massey back to the high school to paint their tarp for the Winter Guard season and I was due back for my dinner shift. My hands were still shaking after I dropped Massey off and I silently cursed myself for letting it all get to me again.

I walked back into work after my 30 minute break and the bottom fell out. "HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS, GO  KWANZA, SPIN THAT DRADLE!" It was a mad house.

What's even better is that at my new place it is quality quality quality. My old place was quanity quanity quanity. Sold a $69.00 bottle of wine (Thanks Anna) and waited on just seven tables and walked out with $177.00 after tip out. Had I been in my old place I would have waited on 25 tables and been lucky to walk with $150.00 after doing an hour's worth of sidework and rolling at least 100 sets of silverware.

It's still a balls to the wall job but it is for a family business not a huge corporate never seen CEO...and lucky for me a family that seems to genuinely love me.

It took me until another server and I closed our first check  splitting a $125.00 tip before I could quit thinking about how humiliating it was to have to walk back into that dungeon with people staring at me like I was a stranger when they used to act like they were my friend.

When I left work tonight I was finally over  my grudge. I think I finally let some of the venom go as I walked out of the restaurant that treats me as a part of the  family with their huge heart ... instead of the insignificant speck of a huge corporation that couldn't care less.

Granted it could have been better timing. Granted I could have been better prepared for financial catastrophe. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I am so strong now I don't even wear a bra and panties ...I wear a Wonder Woman suit under my clothes. Thank goodness I am skinny as a rail and you can't see the bulge of my big gold belt under my shirt. My gold bracelets look pretty with my uniform though and give me that softer looking image since I have such a short hair cut and my youngest son thinks I look like a Lesbian. That's okay, I think he talks like the son of Stalin but I love him anyway.

Getting my groove back and my Christmas Spirit on.

Dang it feels good to feel good again.

Til next time...Contented Cotton

Overstating the Season?

Massey and I were coming home from her guard practice the other night when we passed a house that during the Summer months and always in daylight looks pretty bad.

 It was dark and their house was all aglow with Christmas lights and looked beautiful. I remarked to Massey they needed to leave their lights up year round.

 It amazes me that people could care less about cutting their grass during the Summer or could care less about picking up trash and debris in their yard...but come Christmas they fall over themselves stringing lights and  placing nativity scenes all over their once cluttered yard.

I got these pictures off of google images. Massey actually downloaded them for me while I was cooking dinner and every fifteen seconds she would yell "Come look at THIS one!"

 The photo right above looks like the yard of an obvious "Christmas Decoration Hoarder" It is just a cluster of lighted crap if you ask me...but that's just me. We'll call this "Christmas Vomit."

 This picture above gives me a headache just looking at it.

Here above we have a house that seems like it was most likely decorated with "Electric gift tags."

I used to decorate every year. I used the same colored lights on the bushes by the garage and the same clear lights on the bushes by the front door. If the weather ever warms up I may go out and string them again but I could never imagine decorating my house like these houses.

There is a house on the way to the high school that really went all out last year. It seems to house a family of about twenty and there are at least six people out on the porch or wandering the yard at any time of the day.  Last year they even went as far as SPRAY PAINTING their message across the front of their house with white spray paint...problem was, they spray painted "Merry Chistmas."

HELLO??   You left the "R" out of Christmas!

Every day when Massey and I would ride by we would tell each other "Merry Chistmas." I guess there's no spell check for painting across the front of your house.

I spent my entire day listening for that stupid "Jingle Bell Rock" to play twice. I guess it would be too easy for them to play it twice when I had a day off...they'll play it tomorrow when I have to work a double shift.

Don't worry...I'll be ready! I have the radio station programmed into all our cell phones and house phone. I even taught myself how to use the redial button on the phones at work.

I am beginning to get out my OWN decorations...they seem puny compared to these pics but my decorations are all wonderful memories. I have a framed Christmas card my mother gave her own mother when she was still in high school. I have framed letters that my kids wrote to Santa. I have Zach's wish list from Kindergarten that still warms my heart every time I see it.

I have ornaments  that hung on our Christmas tree when I was a little girl. I still have the Nativity Scene my mother made in ceramics in the 1960's. So the donkey lost an ear and baby Jesus only has one arm but I cherish it and put it out every year.

I am beginning to feel "Christmasy" myself!

Making cheese straws tomorrow night after I get off work (my fave) and dragging out all my OWN decorations . Some are in the attic, some are in the garage and some are still in the livivng room closet (for easy access.)

My house may not look like the ones pictured here...but the message will be the same:

"Welcome to MY Christmas...hope yours is Merry too."

Til next time...COTTON

What a Wacky World

So I worked tonight.

When I leave work and have only a nickel's worth of gas in my car and it is below freezing out, I stop at the nearest gas station to pump $3.00 to get me home and back to Kroger in the AM for my ten cents off a gallon.

Sometimes it is the owner's son there...a really nice Asian kid. It's a pretty nice gas station, they have a flat screen that the employees can watch movies and cable shows on and they also have a lap top behind the counter where they can surf the net in their down time.

Other times it's two older women (sisters.) One of them is really nice and friendly and the other one is just an old bat. I went in the other night and "The Bat" was the only one there. She had the lap top up and running...a Nazi site complete with an iron cross and pics of Klansman in their robes. She made no effort to hide her surfing. If it was me I would have at least shut the lap top halfway so no one could see that I was a crazy person looking at crazy sites that are a part of the problem with crazy society in general.

Tonight when I went in the nice Asian kid was there and as he looked at me as if I was crazy for buying $3.00 in gas I mentioned the Nazi site the "Old Bat" had up last time I was there. He knew exactly who I was talking about and said they had customers who have mentioned it.

What person (even an old bat) surfs Arian Nation sites and feels it is okay for other people to see that they are nuts?

Granted they are in a southern state...a rural county considered "red neck" by many but inhabited by mostly sane citizens.

He laughed it off but at least I got in my comment about her being an obvious nut job.

I am going to have to pump more gas in when I go to Kroger.

How can people in the year 2010 think that ANYTHING can be right about viewing and following the Klan? How can people be so narrow minded and hateful and expect good things to happen in their own life?

I picked Massey up from school today and she was in tears. Another girl who she didn't even know very well made the comment to her that "You wore that same outfit just last week...are you poor?"

It's a good thing I wasn't there. I would have slapped her face (in the shirt that I wear every other day along with the jeans that I wear on a daily basis) and told her exactly what kind of shallow and spoiled person she was and that in fact she would most probably end up in a loveless marriage to a figure head who would cheat on her from the jump , leave her for a younger woman once he had enough money to pay for her much needed plastic surgery and condo to call her own... while she spent the rest of her pathetic life in therapy trying to become HALF the woman my daughter already is.

I may be poor...but not forever. I know what makes a person good and know how to help not only myself but others as well.

I am working on that money part !

 B98.5 (a local radio station) pays $5000.00 if you are the 98th caller after they play "Jingle Bell Rock" back to back.

I had just dropped Massey off at home and headed into work when it played once. I sat in the car listening to commercials when "BAM" it played again.

I flew into the restaurant and had my cell dialing as I skidded into the office and picked up their land line. I dialed and re dialed, using my cell and the three lines available on the store phone.

My sister called me on my cell and I almost screamed "They're playing it for the second time!" She knows the drill and said immediately "I'm on it!"

I finally got  through and it was ringing! I let it ring and ring and ring. Then I got the fatal "Your call did not go through, please try again."

You can bet your bippy (an old Laugh In line) that I have every radio in my house and  my car tuned to B98.5. My family is already sick of Christmas songs but if there is a chance of five grand...get used to it!

Massey wants a Letterman's jacket (they cost about $260.00). You know, it's like the football jackets  the guys wear in high school when they are on the football team except now the band wears them too. She told me they had one at a consignment shop in our town for $35.00. All I would have to do is buy it and have her letter sewn onto it. I went to the shop today and the woman told me it had sold  not ten minutes earlier.

I have kicked myself for not going there earlier...but hindsight is 20/20.

I have learned quite a bit about hindsight in the past year.

You can always look back but it doesn't help in the least.

 I am going to search Craig's list and local websites to see if I can find another jacket...but if I can't, I will put a down payment on a jacket for her and pay it off like a car loan.

I'm not a Nazi. I'm not a member of some hateful organization. I am a woman who has had some hard knocks but one who can  survive and WILL with the blessing and comfort of God's mighty hand.

I am someone that has some good Karma coming. I am someone that believes in GOD. I am someone who believes that God will take care of me and take care of my family... He has for the past year and he will continue to do so.

I am also a person that is wacky enough to know that B98.5 is going to play that song twice when I am listening and I am going to feel like I am in Australia with Oprah.

Tonight at work I waited on a table of doctors. One of them was the doctor assigned to my Diddy's case when he died of West Nile Virus. Of course he remembered my father, he was the first man to die from West Nile in Fayette County.

I told another server at work that when we  took my Diddy in they told us it was a 114 million to one chance that he had West Nile.

My Diddy died from West Nile Virus...those are some pretty awesome odds.

My co worker told me that if THAT had happened to my Diddy I had some pretty good odds at winning the "Jingle Bell Rock" contest.

You know what? He is right.

114 million to one that my Diddy would die from West Nile and he did.

I am determined to win this silly contest on the radio.

It won't keep me out of debt but will help, it won't solve my problems...but it will make me realize that miracles do happen.

Hey!! I got just a good a chance as anyone...and I THINK I got the BIG GUY on my side..

Til next time

"Crossing fingers and toes" COTTON

Deep Freeze

I live in the Deep South...

Right now I am living in the Deep Freeze. The expected low is 20 tonight. The expected low tomorrow night is 19. Tim left for work out on the loading dock about an hour ago and I don't envy him. Hopefully he is moving up (and inside) soon and all this manual outdoor labor will have finally paid off.

I worked another double shift today and after posting am going to snuggle up in my comfy bed with my warm pups and catch a few ZZZZ's.

While at work today we were watching the Food Network when a commercial for Blimpie came on. I'm not sure but I THINK their lunch meat comes out of a can. I'm not a big fan of theirs, Massey seems to like them but then again she considers McDonald's fries a vegetable.

I made the comment that junk food is JUST that..."JUNK." I mean I like Arby's roast beef sandwiches but if that is "Roast Beef" I'll kiss your butt on Main street.  I like a Krystal  every once in a blue moon but if that is hamburger meat we are ALL in serious trouble.

Chic fil a is great but for the price of a "value meal" I could buy enough groceries to cook a meal for four.

Christmas is fast approaching and once again it will be a slim one at our house. It doesn't bother me in the least. I have long since learned the true meaning of Christmas and ours will be blessed and happy. We have MUCH to be grateful for and as long as we have each other and a roof over our heads we have all we need.

At work the owner's have a huge tree in the corner of the foyer decorated with nothing but "Wish Cards" from the Salvation Army for kid's that are in need of help. One of the regulars pushed in a brand new bicycle today for a 12 year old girl...one of the card's he pulled off the tree. It has hand brakes and a basket on front, tassels streaming out of the handle bar grips and he even bought a helmet to go with it. Can you imagine how thrilled some 12 year old little girl is going to be Christmas morning when she wakes up and sees her new bike?

I rode it around the inside of the restaurant today to make sure it works okay for her (and it does.) I pulled two cards off the tree...one for a boy and one for a girl. The boy wants a Blockbuster card and the girl wants a Claire's gift card.

 Massey and I are also helping with a family at the high school. We bought a baby doll for a 2 year old little girl.

 These are the things that truly make it "Christmas."

My family has been helped by so many this past year...to help someone else out, even in a small way just makes me feel better.

Every person needs to sit quietly for a moment. Think about their life and think about someone who prays every night to have a tenth of the life you have.

It is simply called Karma. It is knowing the difference between wants and needs and knowing when helping others helps helps yourself even more.

The older gentleman that wheeled the new bike into our restaurant today  said that he never had a bike as a kid... and he wanted this kid to have one.

I sat talking with him and remarked that as a kid I did have a bike. It was a bike that my sister had and  passed down to my brother and then got passed on to me. It was so big for me that I had to learn to ride it from leaning it on the wall in front of my neighbor's house and climbing on it from the wall. I could just reach the pedals and once I got going had to stand up and pedal, if I sat on the seat my feet wouldn't reach. Once you wanted to stop you simply fell over or had the bar ram up between your legs (ouch.)

We were not poor by any means but had a frugal existence and one that I am grateful to have experienced.

I remember roller skates that you wore over your tennis shoes and tightened with a  key. I remember attaching playing cards to the spokes of your bike tire with a clothes pin to give it that cool "Clackety Clack" sound as you peddled faster to make it even cooler sounding.

The life I led as a child was a simpler life...a purer life and the luckiest life you could have.

As a fifty year old woman I have those wonderful memories. As a fifty year old woman I have blessings beyond belief.

As a fifty year old woman I feel blessed to be helping a few kids that have so much less and ask for so little.

It isn't hard to make a difference in someone else's life...and it makes all the difference in your own.

This Christmas Season look beyond your own wants and desires. Help someone else out that is less fortunate than you and it will come back to you ten times over.

Merry Christmas...and  always "Remember the Reason for the Season."

Til next time...COTTON

Has It Been A Year Already?

Are you kidding me? Is it really December?
Has another year come and  almost gone?

Finally got some good news yesterday...unfortunately it wasn't from Johnny Carson's old sidekick holding a big check but it was close.

Tim finally got put on full time status at his job. A fifty percent pay raise and full benefits. Insurance for the entire family and just the present we were praying for!

I have made a full recovery from my year long illness and my entire family seems on the road to recovery as well.

I went in at 10:30 this morning for a brunch shift. I had a hour between shifts and scooted to downtown Newnan to see Massey in the big Christmas parade. It was like attending a parade in Mayberry. The guy emceeing was ridiculous. "Here come the horses. Now we have some dogs. Here's the NuLink truck coming by." It was like he was close captioning the entire parade for blind people. I think we could all see that they were horses...the crap they dropped on the street kinda gave that away. That's a Christmas parade in a small town.

I stood freezing in the street waiting on Massey and her band to come by. Every once in a while it seemed the entire parade stopped...letting the tap dancers perform and then letting a cheering squad do their thing. I was standing by two guys who remarked in the bitter cold and wind "For God's sake, it's not the New York Macy's Day parade...get on with it."

 I told him that Newnan was the "New York" of Coweta County and we all just had to suffer through it.

Of course Massey's band was the last one to march through and my feet were frozen to the street by the time she came by. I threw up my arms and screamed her name and made sure she saw me.

That's all it takes for a daughter.

Mom was there. Mom saw her. She felt loved and I felt proud to see her and  the look on her face as she picked me out of the hundreds  there.

I can't say that I am that great of a human being but I CAN say that I know when something small can mean something HUGE to a kid.

 She was freezing as well but at that moment...at that percise minute in time I saw a smile and look on her face that melted my heart and warmed my entire being.

We have had quite  a year, and my kids have stepped up to the plate.

Not once have they complained about living in the crapper for a year. Not once have they blamed Tim or me for the bare existence they have been living. Not once have they asked to be adopted by another set of parents.

For all my complaining..I have the best kids in the world.

My biggest regret is Massey missing the Hawaii trip. I know it stung her and  was a huge pill to swallow but she did it with grace and just a little nudging from me.

I have promised her that she, my sister , Del and Ellen (two close friends) and I will all take a trip to Hawaii that will make Don Ho feel like an outsider.

Sometimes you have to be patient. Sometimes you have to wait. Sometimes you have to let the world orbit one more time before it is your turn to get on and take a ride.

I have waited. I have prayed. I have been taken care of and I have been blessed.

I feel like my turn is coming.

I can hardly wait to hear God say "Watch your knees and exit to your left."

What a wonderful roller coaster  life is. I have been plunging down a hill for over a year. Now I  hear the clickety clack of  me climbing the hill again , the building anticipation of the thrill of racing down the track of life and zooming back up the hill with my arms held up over my head and declaring "WOO WEE!"

Ups and downs. Good times and bad . Health and sickness. Poverty and riches.

One thing I HAVE learned...take nothing for granted and be grateful for everything.

It's Christmas.

"A child, a child sleeping in the night will bring us goodness and light."

I hope everyone is as blessed as I am this season.

A TRULYgrateful and humbled COTTON

Back From the Edge...Again

I got sick last year about this same time. Tim had just lost his job and I put off going to the doctor as long as I could stand it. We had lost our insurance and I just couldn't bring myself to spend money on myself. After weeks of being ill I finally broke down and went to see the "Doc in the box" at CVS. I had bronchitis and they gave me an antibiotic and told me if I wasn't better in two weeks to come back.

In two weeks I felt better but never actually got WELL. I got used to the cough and when it got bad I would drink 'Tussin' like grape juice and somehow limped by.

Summer came, Tim was still out of work but by then I considered my cough one of my trademarks. It let the kids know when I was home and seemed to become my alarm clock.

Strep reared it's head in our house early this year and after Massey got sick, then Zach and finally Tim...I took my cough downstairs to the couch in the den and just coughed myself silly every night until I fell asleep.

Thanksgiving week I began to realize that I wasn't getting better but steadily worse. The cough I had gotten used to but the chills and fever finally got the best of me.

I fell into couch/bed last Saturday night only to wake up gasping for breath. It was truly frightening. I couldn't catch my breath and dragged myself into the kitchen to boil a pot of water to put on a stool by the couch to inhale the steam vapors hoping it would clear my lungs. It worked semi well. It got me well enough to go to the computer and find my will and instructions for my funeralpalooza and pin them to an icon on my desktop. My instructions were clear (unlike my breathing.)

My brother would emcee my funeralpalooza with my sister as his sidekick...only one minister (of my choosing) and no one was to sing...unless  my nephew Casey agreed to sing  "Imagine" by John Lennon.

I made many deals with God that night and was too frightened to go to sleep,  thinking that I would be unable to take a breath in my sleep...I was struggling to breathe while awake and couldn't imagine being able to inhale and exhale in my sleep.

I spent two nights making deals and re heating pots of water to sink my face into.

I stumbled into work early the next morning and fell asleep on a bench in the back of the restaurant trying to gather my strength to work another shift, when the owner's wife came back and told me I looked like %$#@  and to go to the doctor.

She knows we are broke and told me to go to the doctor and if I needed money for prescriptions or co pay she would be glad to help.

I went across the street to a "Doc in the Box" that had just opened. A fellow server had told me about it and said it only cost $35. I dragged myself across the street to the place. It was spankin' brand new...the Sheetrock wasn't even finished and their were no pictures on the wall...heck there weren't even registers covering the heating and air ducts...but as long as there was a doctor there I felt lucky to be able to walk in on my own.

Turns out the co pay was $50. I had to pay the last two dollars in quarters to the smiling 20 something year old girl behind the semi built counter. As I counted out my eight quarters (that I had to go out and scrounge out of  my car, trunk and floor mats) I remarked to her "This is pretty sad isn't it?" She brightly said "NO." I quickly corrected her and said "Yes it is if you are a fifty year old woman."

I signed in and was finally led to a room. As I was leaving the waiting room a Hawapanese looking man came in hacking his crap all around the room . He never tried to cover his mouth or contain himself to one corner. He walked around spreading his germs and by the time I had bundled myself up in my winter coat on the exam table in my cubicle could still hear him walking and hacking and without registers on the vents could hear the guy in the next cubicle hacking away as well.

I was just glad to be waiting for a doctor...by this point I wasn't looking for Marcus Welby, just hoping for someone with a prescription pad.

I was asleep all comfy in my coat when Doogie Howser finally came in. He was actually really a nice guy and asked "So how long have you been sick?"

I replied it had been a while. He asked if it had been a few days. I said "A bit longer." He said "A week" and I replied "Let's talk months...MANY months."

I told him right off the bat that whatever I had needed to be a $50 illness. I kinda briefed him on my situation and once he seemed conducive to being a listener,  I used my fifty bucks to the hilt. I broke down into tears unloaded my soul and gave him the short version of how much my life has sucked and how desperate I was to get well.

He gave me 4 prescriptions....all on the Poor man's Plan and told me if I wasn't feeling better in two days to come back.

I had acute Bronchitis, a sinus infection and double ear infection. My prescriptions cost $4 a piece.

So I got to unload on an actual doctor...maybe he wasn't a therapist but I went ahead and used him as one...we even talked about the mortgage crisis  I am going through and he sat right there and listened. Actually he is not only my new PCP my but new  best friend.

I am on a steroid, an antibiotic, a cough suppressant and a de congestant that makes me whacky as crap but as long as it helps me get well...it is the best $48 dollar and eight quarters I have ever spent.

It has also made me realize that I need to firm up my Funeralpalooza plans.

I have been given a reprieve...Massey asked me why I didn't wake her up when I couldn't breathe the other night when I felt like callling 911. I told her I figured I would let the sirens from the ambulance  wake her up.

Once again I am one of the lucky ones. Thanks to "Doogie" and thanks to my employers  for making me go get well...I can take more time with my "KellyPaloozaLooza " Plans.

Trust me...when I DO finally go...it will be something NO ONE will WANT to miss. What's a funeralpalooza without a keg of beer?

Til next time...Recuperatin' COTTON

Talk To The Hand...

Here's a pic of me trying to give my big bro a kiss.

I SHOULD call him my "Hebro."
  Not only is he my brother and my biggest critic ( with his sharp wit) but my hero.

He picks on me relentlessly when we are all together but it reminds me of what I tell my fellow co workers: "I only pick on the people that I like."

I consider myself a pretty funny person.

 I consider my brother the funniest guy on the planet and he obviously loves me to pieces.

He has been  good to not only me and my sister but to both of our families...especially after our only remaining parent died in 2002. Our Mom died in 1977 unexpectedly and our Diddy died in 2002 from West Nile Virus.

Poor (wealthy compared to us) Chris has been saddled with his two sisters ever since and like the good sisters we are,  have hoisted our own problems and some of our kid's right onto his big broad shoulders.

 Thank goodness he grew out of that skinny stage he was in for  over 30 years and ended up being a big broad man who thankfully had shoulder surgery a couple of years back...gotta take care of those shoulders, they have a heavy load to bear!

He has taken over for my Mama and Diddy. He has been our salvation more times than I care to keep track of and 'keeps on giving.' Granted he rags me all the time, but who am I to talk about ragging people? It is one of my best qualities...finding humor in any given situation.

If you can't laugh at life...you'll end up crying WAY too often and it doesn't help anything, especially gray hair and wrinkles.

My brother used to read my blog. He probably quit about a year ago when things started going south for us. He thought "I'll just wait for the text or phone call...it'll be a lot less painful when I make out my check."

When I finally make it as a published author (and I swear I will) I have so many people to pay back and actually have a record to go by. My sis and "Hebro" are tops on my list  followed by MANY friends and relatives .

I was goofing around on my blog page tonight before posting and came across some facts that amazed my tiny mind.

Over the past few months  I  had 7,552 views from people in the United States. I   had 110 from people in Canada. From Denmark there have been 76. Russia...48. From the UK I had 35. From China I had 33 and from South Korea I had 31. Japan gave me 29 hits and believe it or not Slovenia came in with 28. Mexico brought up the rear with 17 views but it all totally blew me away!

Come on "Amigos" GET ON BOARD!! (Or Abroad)

Once my life settles down a bit and I can focus more on my desires instead of my demands and commitments, I truly think I can make something of my writing.

 I am never at a loss for the written word (or the spoken one for that matter.)

Putting feelings and emotions into words that other people can read and FEEL is something that has always made me happy and also gives me a hard copy of my life, my journey and how I felt every step of the way.

I  kept a journal all of my life...the first one I have is from when I was nine. I stopped the actual writing in books after Massey was born.

I picked up again when technology came along and made it so much easier for me.

I have so many things to be thankful for. I have so many things to complain about. I have so many causes to fight for (other than my family surviving.)

I think people like to read my posts. I think I write a lot of things that people only think about in secret parts of their minds.

You know what I think?

I think  life is a journey and if you don't write it all down somewhere..."How will they possibly be able to remember you decades and generations from now?"

Hoping to be remembered and hoping to be a person that people will WANT to remember.

Til next time...COTTON

I Got LOTS to be Thankful For...

 I started thinking when I left the house this morning for work and my car started, "I have a LOT to be thankful for." Last week at this time I was hitching rides and wondering how I was ever going to convince someone to give me a car loan to buy a new car. My nephew  came over and changed my oil and air filter and got my car at least limping back onto the road. With luck (which I seem to have none of) it may be a five dollar part to re connect a vacuum hose and get my car back running smoothly.

Right now I am getting 24 MPG when I used to get 38 MPG. Thank the Lord for my 10 cents off per gallon via my Kroger plus card!

On the way to work this morning I saw a guy on the by pass "Carrying" his bicycle down the road. He had it hefted over his shoulder and was sweatin' like crazy.

I thought "How much does THAT suck?" You are already having to ride a bike and your bike is in such bad shape that you have to carry it over your shoulder! I think I may have chucked it into a ditch and felt twenty pounds lighter...(you can always go BACK for the bike.)

Worked a lunch shift and zoomed home for a short break before working a dinner shift. Massey and I had to go shop the Thrift stores for a frame we needed for a pic that she drew for a good friend. when I picked her up I noticed that she was particularly down. I asked her what was wrong and she blew me off until I relentlessly broke her down.

Her Band, her Guard, her BFF 's are all in Hawaii marching in a parade. It was a $2000.00 trip and one that we just couldn't afford this year. I missed many fund raising opportunities because I simply had to work too much and have barely had time to think, much less participate in the fund raisers. She told me (actually sweetly) that she was tired of us being poor. I told her that no one hated her not being in Hawaii more than me and that if this was the worst thing that EVER happened to her she would be a lucky person.

I did what any other mother would do...took her to "Ross, Mess For Less" and bought her a pair of jeans for ten bucks.

She perked up some and I felt like a  #$@* of a Mom for having to make a pair of jeans make up for the trip of her young life time.

She has rebounded just like the girl I raised her to be.

I told her we have had one TOUGH  LONG year.  But out of the 23 years I have been with Tim...I guess we were due.

 What's ONE bad year?

 Oh yeah, now I remember...it's twelve months of scraping and scratching and twelve months of other people, friends and family helping us  survive.

I told Massey that we are some of the luckiest  people around.

We are hanging on to our house by a Rayon thread. Thankfully God's hand is mighty and strong.

I have SO much to be grateful for.

I have SO many people to pay back.

Life has already taken (almost) a 180 turn. I have a great job, my husband is working again and we are "Putsing" our way back on the road to normalcy.

When I get depressed, when I feel down and out I just think about the millions that would trade their life for mine in an instant.

What if I didn't have a family that loved me ?

What if I didn't have friends that  come to my rescue time after time after time?

What if my kids weren't healthy...what if one of them was missing and I didn't know what happened or where they were?

WHAT IF?

I am a lucky, lucky woman.

So my brother is tired of me. I am sure he feels like blocking my calls but always takes them anyway...he's my hero. (That's what he gets for being a bachelor...he inherits my problems,  reminding him why he never had kids.)

This Thanksgiving is MY Thanksgiving.

I am one lucky person. I have survived a year that I never intend to have to go through again.

I lost my humility and my pride long ago. They are both highly over rated.

What I have gained from this experience is immense.

 What I have gained is a sense of "Karma." I  gained the knowledge that if you persevere, if you help others...they will help you!

Everyone have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

Be sure to stop..check your life, check the life of others  and do what you can to make a difference.

Til next time...COTTON

We Have Been Invaded

I got home from work late last night. I didn't even know Zachary was home until his bedroom door opened at 2AM when I headed to bed.

A guy I have never seen walked into Zach's bathroom and luckily shut the door.

At 3AM  I politely (not really) banged on his door and told them to cut the music and go to bed. At least I knew they would all sleep well past noon.

I went to the grocery store this morning  before going to work and when I pulled back into the garage,  one of the boys (I think maybe his name is Caleb or maybe Justin or maybe something else) came right out and unloaded my groceries for me. I think I like this guy!

Before I left for work...the "other" one carried all my dirty laundry I had piled in a basket at the top of the stairs downstairs for me and put it in the laundry room. I think I may like these new friends.

One of the boys needed a ride home so I took him  on my way to work.

When I came home after my shift...he was back on my couch with the other two stooges. Maybe he needed some clean clothes or is one of those people that feel funny taking a dump anywhere but home. Regardless, he was back and settled in on the couch.

I went out back to feed the dogs and noticed they had lit the fire pit. They had used my can of gasoline to start it up...it was still sitting in the yard.  Actually it wasn't gasoline, it was my small can of gas/oil mix that I use for my weed eater. Zach said they roasted hot dogs. Nothing says "Dinner" more than a hot dog cooked in a gas/oil mix!

IDIOTS!

They are all back in the living room ...all of them have fallen asleep in the position they sat down in. One on the lounge chair and two on the sofa.

I felt a moment of weakness and threw a blanket across the one on the lounge chair and spread a comforter across Curly and Moe.

Zach looks like he has a black eye from all the oil that burned off the fire from their weenie roast and the other two may be completely passed out from the fumes they ate.

Who knows?

It's like I tell Massey..."Just find the least stupid man you can fall in love with and SHOVE him down the path of life."

At least Larry and Curly helped me with the groceries and laundry. Moe may need some TOUGH LOVE.

Til next time... Moe's Mom

I Finally Struck Oil...Never Thought It Would Be Bad

I struck oil.
 Only bad thing is  it is the oil that was leaking out of my car.

I have been having car issues for a while now. My car was hesitating to start a couple of weeks ago and when I checked the oil...it was sizzling on the bottom of the stick. I dumped in three quarts and discovered my battery was going bad.

My brother in law bought me a re conditioned battery and the car started again. Only problem was when Massey and I were coming home from the store the "STOP" light came on and told me to cut engine off immediately. It's a freaky kind of message to get from a car and I had no choice but to keep driving...I mean , we HAD to get home. It was getting dark and beginning to rain, not to mention we had groceries in the back seat.

I parked it in the garage and hoped that after a good night's rest the car would feel better.

It didn't.

I knew that I was well overdue for an oil change. The last time I had my oil changed was when my 18 year old son changed it with help from the neighbor's son.

NEVER send a Man/Child to do a job that a woman can do with only spending 30 bucks and knowing it is done right even if it is by an idiot at the Quik Lube place. At least then I could blame THEM.

I got my nephew who is in his mid twenties to change my oil yesterday. The oil filter my son put on my car WAS for VW. Yes I drive a Passat, but the filter was for a VW truck. I don't even think they MAKE those anymore. It was the size of a coke can. The filter it required was the size of a large can of tomatoes (Yes I am a woman and this was my gauge for the size of the filter.)

My garage floor is covered with oil from the change. I have been dumping in oil to keep the car running...probably added too much and am just lucky that the car is still running at all.

I have LOTS of luck..it's just all BAD.

By the grace of God the car is still somehow running. It's running rough and I am sure there is some damage...but at least it is running.

My life has been a comedy of errors (that's the way I make myself think positively about it.)

I want to complain, I want to cry and I want to feel sorry for myself.

Then I think about my friend's son who is now a triple amputee at the age of 22 from stepping on an IED in Afghanistan. I think about the Chilean miners..almost 70 days almost a mile under the surface of the earth. I think about the young girl suffering from cancer that wore not only a hearing aide but a prosthetic leg and was discovered bit by bit with no help from the people entrusted with her care and well being. These are things for me to be worried about.

An oil leak and possible engine damage to my car ... I almost feel embarrassed to complain.

My life seems grim almost every day. But when I put it all into perspective and take in the big picture, I feel like the guy lying on the couch in the insurance commercial, just waiting for the drill Sargent to throw the box of tissues at me.

Sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve tissues.

I have started to feel "Mamy Pamy" again when I should just feel grateful that I am ALIVE.

Life knocks you down...again and again.

You can  give up or you can go on.

Til next time...COTTON

Calgon...Take Me Away!

This is as close as my life gets to Calgon!
Last night was okay at work but working a double just wears me out. You get almost no time between shifts...well you do but when you live my life your break consists of leaving work, zooming to the high school to take your daughter dinner before she leaves on the bus to a football game, screaming by the house to feed and water the dogs, check your email and brush your teeth.

I had to pick her up at the school after work and as usual I stayed up late blogging.

I made the executive decision to sleep in late. I woke up around 11:30 but didn't let my feet touch the floor until I had to get ready for work at 2:00.

It's a good thing I took the first part of the day to relax. I walked in the door at work around 4PM and ate some food I had brought from home. Then the bottom fell out of the world.

I was so busy that I didn't even have time to pick on other servers (one of my favorite things to do.)

I had a couple of tables going when I got seated with a nine top. After they left I got seated with a five top, then a four top then an eight top and then another four top...BAM BAM BAM.

Barbara doesn't play when there are people to be seated and doesn't mind throwing you to the wolves one bit. She just wants to be sure the wolves have a seat and a great experience and meal.

Somehow I made it through. Somehow my PHD in BS paid off. Somehow I didn't lose my mind (what's left of it.)

I made more money tonight than I ever have in a five hour period. I worked my butt off for it but now know that I can do it. I finally have the HUGE menu down and have gotten pretty knowledgeable about the wines. I can sell instead of take orders. I can suggest and recommend where I used to fake it totally.

It has taken me six months to learn enough about Italian food and wine to start to make the difference between  being an order taker and being a good server and salesman.

The Holidays have finally hit our restaurant and I am ready! I am ready to make up for a crappy year and look forward to making up some serious ground.

I have already made a few new regulars and have even had some regulars from my old restaurant start coming in to see me.

Before you know it I will be able to actually have maybe not my head but at least my nostrils above water.

What a wonderful feeling this is!

What is more wonderful is that I am doing it in a place that seems to love me, appreciate me and a place that is not  corporate owned. It is family owned and they play by their own family rules. Do a good job, do what they ask...make the people happy and in return YOU feel happy.

It will be a slim Christmas again at our house...WHO CARES? My kids are old enough to know "There ain't no Santa."

I have landed in a place that has given me the chance to make EVERY DAY Christmas!

Slipping into a tub with bubbles...not Calgon, not even Mr. Bubbles. Just me putting my toe into the spigot and pouring shampoo into the tub. It is still a bubble bath.

Before you know it I will be able to buy me some Mr. Bubble. Before you know it I will be able to buy me some Calgon. Before you know it I won't feel like "Take me away." I will feel like "Bring it on."

If business keeps up like this...maybe there WILL be a Santa!

Til next time...COTTON

Drama Mama (Could be Worse)

So tonight was the last football game. I hate that we lost...I am relieved that the season is over. At least we made the playoffs. Many schools have a losing season from the get go and are depressed from the jump. We went 7 and 0 before having a loss. Not too shabby from what I remember from MY high school days.

Of course Massey was bummed but I could also tell she was almost as relieved as I was. I have often asked myself "Is she a member of the Guard team or the Drama team?"

When you have 30 teens  together...all female except for two males, the drama never stops but often escalates. They are a terrific bunch of kids, but they ARE kids.

 Kids under a tremendous amount of pressure and kids that all have a monthly cycle (save two.)

 Sometimes it is a Jerry Springer show. Sometimes it is one of Oprah's most heart touching shows. But it is ALWAYS a show...and in the Guard World "The show MUST go on."

Tonight was the end of THIS season.

As I rub my hands furiously and quizzically across my face in a fashion that says "God help me" Winter Guard is right around the corner.

Massey has decided to do one more season...I guess they got picked up by "Real TV" or maybe there is a new network "Guard Gone Wild" that I haven't heard of yet.

I write this in half  jest mode. I love that she is a part of something that keeps her motivated. I love that she is involved with her school and with a great group of kids. I hate that my life is at a point where I feel like I am constantly scrambling to just be a part of her world.

Granted I think I made my mark in the "Funnel Cake World" and that may be my legacy even after she graduates.

This season is over...this season is DONE.

Now comes the Winter Guard and a whole new season of me scrambling and screaming to the school or  competitions at the last possible minute. Arranging rides for her when I can't be there or worrying about if I sent in money for her meals at the competition.

 I try to remind myself that over a year ago we were making six figures a year. For years and years I was a room Mom , attended every event and donated at the drop of a hat. I was  Mrs. Cleaver,  Mrs. Brady...heck I was even Aunt Bee.

So what...now I feel like Eddie Haskell's mom. Nobody ever said his Mom was bad, but who ever saw her?

At least they KNOW me at the school. (guess my hair do pays off)  I think they know I try to be involved when I can, and those parents that are in the place we USED to be have been fantastic to us and have my deepest and most sincere gratitude.

My girl has it tough....she has a wacky Mom. She is old enough to know what is going on in our house and has the fortitude to go out for the Guard, know that she is blessed and know that she has to give it her all.

This time next year, I swear that I will be back on top. My kids will have learned a valuable lesson and I will have something to laugh about in the old folks home years from now when they visit me in my first floor room (they are easier to escape from.)

Life is good if you are breathing... everything else is a bonus.

Til next time...COTTON

I Wish Lysol Made a BOMB...

Tim got out of bed today for the first time since Saturday morning. Massey got sick last Wednesday, tested positive for Strep on Thursday. Tim came home from work on Saturday morning sick and Zach came home from wherever he was on Saturday night sick.

I am sicker than ANY of them. I am sick of hearing their coughs. I am sick of seeing them lay around feeling miserable. I am sick of washing towels and scrubbing bath rooms.

I guess I am too mean to get sick (Thank the Lord for small blessings.)

It took Massey all weekend to feel better...Amoxicillin helped tremendously.

Zach never had a sore throat just a fever and a cough that made me cringe. Tim obviously had Typhoid Fever. He rarely gets sick but when he does he is ALWAYS seemingly at Death's door. He stayed sequestered in our bedroom...that I haven't slept in  since Saturday for fear of catching his "Disease." He would make an appearance once a day looking rougher than Otis Campbell after a week long bender. He would get something to drink and return to the "Dungeon of Disease."

Looking back I am tempted to blame it all on my oldest son who came by two weeks ago sicker than sin and stayed for three days, hacking his germs all over the place. I know that when kids get sick...even though they are 24 they love to be at home where they feel taken care of and know that at least some soup will be in the kitchen cabinet. TJ got lucky and we even had some NyQuil.  He started off staying in his old room on the bottom floor of our house but as he began to feel worse he felt he needed the sofa in the living room (which also has a cable box with 400 channels.) I bet he watched fifty movies while hacking his germs all over the second floor of the house. Once he had watched every movie on cable he decided to leave.

Oh,  he "Left" alright! He left his germs to infiltrate my house, infiltrate my other two kids and age me ten years.

I am not sure why I didn't get sick...and don't want to jinx myself by even wondering.

 I think after you  raise three kids a mom is immune to almost everything there is.

I had to work again tonight...I gave myself a day of doing nothing but watching TV and washing clothes. By 4:00  I felt like I had had a vacation and could go into work feeling a bit refreshed.

Massey has decided to do another season of Guard after her coach sent me an email about her talent and devotion and broke us down with another offer of a half scholarship. There was a meeting at the school for Guard tonight that was mandatory for parents. I had to work and Tim was sleeping off the last of his Typhoid Fever before returning to work.

Massey pulled out her big guns and talked her Uncle into taking her to the meeting. My brother in law went as a "Guard Uncle" and stood in for me. I told my sister on the phone tonight after work that we would get her husband a tee shirt that said "Guard Uncle Gone Wild."

So my house is a wreck...more sheets are in the washer. Lysol has taken over as air freshener and I am getting up in the morning (still sleeping on the sofa) to try and rid my house of the last of this deadly curse that has been hovering over our heads for the past two weeks.

If I ever experience a normal day again I won't know how to react. I am used to the crazy bizarre life I have been living for the past year and have even gotten used to the fact that "NORMAL" left my vocabulary and my existence a long long time ago.

What is even MORE bizarre is that it is starting to feel NORMAL!

Oops...the dryer just buzzed. Time to shove in another load and spray some more Lysol.

Til next time..."Cautious COTTON"

Y2K Ten Years Eleven Months and One Week Late...

I had to work another double today. That one hour of extra sleep was nice but not nearly enough. The computers at work started acting up during lunch but the owner managed to work the kinks out. Then all the phone lines went down and we couldn't answer any incoming calls.

After Lunch I had one hour before my dinner shift and swung by the drug store for some cold medicine for Zach and Tim, who are both sick now too. Men are horrible patients. Let me change that...TIM is a horrible patient. Zach is pretty tough and doesn't complain much. Tim rarely ever gets sick but when he does LOOK OUT!

I bought a big bag of Naval oranges and have them all sucking down some vitamin C and pumping them full of meds.

Last night I put a roast in the crock pot at 2AM before I went to bed so they would all have something to eat on  while I worked all day. (It's still sitting in the crock pot which didn't surprise me in the least.) I guess they were all thinking about me and left me something warm to eat when I finally got home.

I had a party of 20 when I got back to work. I worked it with my buddy "Hoke." (previous post)

We had just taken the order when all the computers at work crashed. We all had to hand write tickets for the kitchen to cook the food, manually write up tickets for customers and add them up like a Waffle House check.

Then the credit card machine crashed and stopped processing credit cards.

All the while,  we were trying to operate the store as normally as possible and keep the customers happy and unaware of the chaos we were dealing with behind the scenes.

Luckily my party was great...I knew one of the girls  and they were an easy bunch to please. I was actually taking their order when one woman I have never seen before said "Are you the one who writes the blog?"
 Guess I am getting semi- famous!

By this point in the day I was getting "Semi- Tired."

Waiting on large parties is tough enough...having to depend on your brain instead of letting the computers do all your thinking for you is outrageous in the year 2010!

Finally the computers came back on line and THEN all the servers had to go  and ring in every order they had hand written, every bar drink they had scratched down on a napkin for the poor bartender to make and on top of that send a special instruction with each order "Not to make it."

My tiny brain was smoking...it was frazzled  just trying to catch up.

What a world we live in now. We have become so reliant on computers and technology. We  trust a calculator and a computer system more than we trust our own brain. It makes you lazy, it makes you not  calculate anything or  do what we  used to consider "cognitive thinking."

What a sad statement this is of our society today.  Y2K hit us hard at the restaurant tonight. Modern technololgy has made us morons. We all rely on email, not snail mail. We all rely on a tiny chip in a computer. We all rely on something inantimate to make our decisions and do our work.

Maybe Waffle House has it right. They all know their math, they all know how to add up a bill. They all know what the sales tax is. And on top of it all, they still say " Morning, Hon...Whatcha want?"

The Monster I Created...

When I got home Wednesday from my double shift of getting up at 4:30 and working til 10PM I walked through the kitchen door loaded down with food from work. Len, the owner gave me Salmon, shrimp with pasta, smoked turkey, chicken and fruit pasta salad, dill potato salad, flank steak, grapes, Swiss cheese and home made cookies all left over from the catering job.

Tim was sitting at the kitchen table eating fish sticks before he left for work. I told him to heat up some salmon and have some potato salad. I knew our kitchen was pretty bare...my car had been broken down since Monday and I hate to bum a ride home from work and say "Do you mind if we stop by Kroger for me to pick up some groceries?"

Tim said he was going to have some field peas with his fish sticks but he couldn't get the can open. I don't have an electric can opener but I DO have a really nice hand held one. From the look of the can of peas...Tim has never learned to use it. By the look of the pan he cooked his fish sticks on , he hasn't learned how to operate the sprayer located on the sink either.

I waited until he left for work and got out my camera...this was too good to pass up! Click on the pictures and see what a monster I have created. Actually it's pretty pitiful.

Tim is a wonderful husband and a great father but when it comes to the "thinking department" I guess he gave up after he met me. It is all totally my fault.

When I first met Tim he had just come out of a bitter divorce and was living in a house that was just that "A House." No towels to speak of, no curtains and not even a wash cloth. His ex wiped him out...even took his tooth brush. But at least he had a house and a sofa he was still paying on. He had a couple of pairs of jeans and shirts but it was a pretty bare existence.

I moved right in and took over.

I cleaned and brought all the furniture I had in my little apartment and set up house keeping.

I spoiled Tim rotten and at the time it was my pleasure to do it. Looking back it was the absolute worst thing I could have done. Women are nurturers by nature...we are doer's by necessity. If something needs to be done, we GET IT DONE!

I felt like Tim needed to be taken care of and I was the one who could do just that! What I SHOULD have done is keep letting him discover how to make it on his own and fend for himself.

Now over twenty years down the road he has simply given up on the thinking part when at home... he has learned that I will do all his thinking for him and tell him exactly what to do and when to do it.

I guess that makes him a smart husband...but  it also makes him a pain in my butt .

Massey has been sick as a dog the past few days but today when she actually felt well enough to come downstairs I showed her the picture of the can of beans her Dad tried to open. She laughed as much as I wanted to when I saw it sitting on the counter  and we bonded once again over the obviously dropped gene that men suffer from...especially when they marry a strong woman.

So it's MY fault. It really is! I coddled him  that first romantic year and then dragged and shoved him through the other 20 years. He is a monster that I alone created. I took right over and he was at such a low point in his life that he was grateful for the takeover.

Now I am fifty years old and raising not only three kids but a husband as well.

It could be worse. He could be ugly to look at or horrible to our kids. Instead he is a handsome  man who depends on me for almost everything. He is the head of our family and I am the neck...I tell him which way to turn.

When you first meet the love of your life you want to do everything to make him happy. You want to spoil him and make him think he can't live without you. Twenty years down the road you end up living with the" Monster you created" and wonder how he could ever survive without you?

One time when we were all at my sister's house for a holiday I made the comment that I was worried what would happen to my kids if I died suddenly and Tim had to raise them alone.

My brother spoke right up and said "They'd be fine...Tim would be remarried in two weeks."

I guess it's too late in the game for me to go back...too late for me to change the past. But as God as my witness, Massey will never spoil a boy friend and if she ever decides to marry we will have a SERIOUS talk about NOT creating the monster I did.

Til next time...WAY TOO BOSSY COTTON !

The Hardest Longest Funniest Satisfying Day

Gees Louise. I have had two days off since October 5th. I am off tomorrow and can't believe that I am still up at 11:53 PM. I usually don't go to bed until at least 2AM. I am a night creature by nature and by profession. I have been in the "waitressing" business since I left college (by their decision) at the age of 21.
I had to work a catering job for my restaurant at 6AM. I fell into bed at 2:30 to be awakened at 4:30 by the absurd beeping of my alarm clock. It is the most annoying and irritating "GET UP" beeping that has ever been programed into an alarm clock and that is why it works.

My car broke down on Monday when I got into the seat to crank it up with NO time to spare. It did NOTHING and luckily my husband was still awake having just arrived home from a 12 hour shift on the loading dock.

He wanted me to help him push it out of the garage and try to jump it off when I screamed at him "I gotta go NOW."

He took me to work (driving  slow as Aunt Bee with Barney as a co pilot) and I just felt like life had once again punched me in my small chest and shoved me down another path of ultimate despair. I worked a straight through double and bummed a ride home. Tuesday my brother in law took me to work and I worked another straight through double shift and bummed yet another ride home.

Wednesday I had to bum a ride at 5:30 in the morning from another server who was working the same catering job I was.He is a pretty new server (see previous Back Street Boy post.)

He was really nice and said he didn't mind picking me up at all. He said to dress warm because his driver side window wouldn't roll up. More good news for me!

Woke up at 4:30 to the sound of wind and rain...not a good sign. I had originally told him I would meet him at the end of our sub division by the MPH sign but after looking outside decided to call him and ask him to come into the subdivision and pick me up at my house.

He pulled into my driveway and I told him not to be offended but I really didn't want to ride shot gun. I opted to sit in back on the driver's side for a little more warmth. He told me there was a blanket there but I said I would be fine wrapped up in my trench coat with a wool lining that my brother gave me for Christmas a few years back. We were ten minutes from my house when I asked him where that blanket was. The rain and wind was freezing me but I was just grateful to have a ride so I buried my hands and feet in the blanket and counted my blessings.

We had to go to Carrollton about 40 minutes from Newnan and missed our turn off on the by pass. He said "I think we went too far" and I agreed. I told him to turn around and he turned down the next street.
He passed the first driveway without turning around in it and then the next. He kept driving slowly in the rain and fog down an isolated street I have never been on and as he rounded the third winding curve I began to think to myself "How well do I really know this guy?' As I started imagining all kind of scenarios (none of them good) I said "You know my kids had a chip implanted in my neck last year for tracking purposes."

He laughed and said he thought the street was a horse shoe and would dump us back out on the by pass. Thank goodness it did and I started to relax in my frozen state. He was right and we continued on our way.

It was pitch black dark and once we hit the Carrollton city limits we got lost again. He pulled into a gas station to ask a man pumping gas into his truck for directions. The man gave the most confusing long winded and unhelpful directions I have ever heard. After about three minutes of his rambling, my co worker said to him "I'm not going to be able to remember any of that." I told my co worker just to ask where I-20 was and the ole geezer said pointing up the road "Right up ere."

So we drove right up "ere" and there it was!

When we finally found the place and pulled in (wind and rain still blowing in my face) we parked. I told Billy (my co worker) "Be sure to lock the doors when we get out." He gave me a look like "Har dee har har" but at least we had made our destination.

It was conference for a large corporation..260 people. We quickly changed into our catering shirts and with my feet still numb from the ride began the breakfast shift. We had biscuits with ham and biscuits with chicken, fresh pineapple, blueberries, cantaloupe and honey dew melon. There were croissants, orange juice, cranberry juice and coffee.

After breakfast they began their conference in the ball room and we all broke down the breakfast, cleaned up and prepared for lunch. In the main lobby we had a snack table set up for their breaks...power bars, fresh fruit, water bottles and sodas. The woman organizing the entire affair wanted someone at all times at the snack table. This conference was held on a college campus and she didn't want students strolling though the lobby thinking all this was laid out for them. I went to guard the snacks and my ride to the event (who said he felt like he had been  Hoke driving Miss Daisy) kept me company. The college we were at took full advantage of having 260 people at their school and set up a table right next to our "Snack stand." They had phamplets about their school and little give a way goodies on the table (which they left un occupied.) My  buddy and I picked up one of the chap sticks they had, hand sanitizers and ink pens to keep. My buddy showed me a great notepad he had gotten and I was dismayed that I had missed that give a way. He said they had a box of them under the table so I told "Hoke" to go get me one. Of course he got me one and we enjoyed our stint of shooing away college students and having a little time to just relax after our adventurous trip to the campus.

About twenty minutes later another co worker showed up to relieve us of our duty. We showed him our goodies and my buddy said "Don't you want one of these neat notebooks?' They were the perfect size for an order pad that we could use at the restaurant. Our co worker is one of the nicest most sincere people you could ever meet. He was a little apprehensive about the notebook but my buddy said "No...they are right here under this table...TAKE one." As my buddy handed him one, he looked around to make sure no one was looking and tucked it away under OUR table.

When my buddy and I resumed our watch at the "Snack table" we dug out the notebook we had forced on our friend and opened it to the first page and wrote "This notebook was stolen by Leonard **********." I bet we laughed for fifteen minutes over THAT one!

It was a hard job and  lots of work to do but I haven't laughed that much in a while. From wondering if my co worker was driving me down a road to meet Jeffery Dalhmer's cousin to meeting the guy at the gas station who told us every relative he knew who lived in the path of his directions to ratting out our friend who we had FORCED to take the note pad.

Luckily we all got to eat left over food and I am here to tell you it was the best eating I have had in a while.
I had to be back at the restaurant for a 4:30 shift and ole HOKE drove me back.  Once at the store I was thirty minutes early for my shift and crashed on a booth in the back of the store for a quick nap.

Got me a new order pad...got me some chap stick. Also took home TONS of left over food from the catering. The above pic is of all the food in my refrigerator that my family has been living off of for the past two days.

I am broke..WE are broke, but somehow we make it through. Somehow I always find something to laugh at and some way to make life laughable if nothing else.

I told my buddy as he dumped me back at work for my third double in a row "Hoke, you're my BEST friend."