Tim was sitting at the kitchen table eating fish sticks before he left for work. I told him to heat up some salmon and have some potato salad. I knew our kitchen was pretty bare...my car had been broken down since Monday and I hate to bum a ride home from work and say "Do you mind if we stop by Kroger for me to pick up some groceries?"
Tim said he was going to have some field peas with his fish sticks but he couldn't get the can open. I don't have an electric can opener but I DO have a really nice hand held one. From the look of the can of peas...Tim has never learned to use it. By the look of the pan he cooked his fish sticks on , he hasn't learned how to operate the sprayer located on the sink either.
I waited until he left for work and got out my camera...this was too good to pass up! Click on the pictures and see what a monster I have created. Actually it's pretty pitiful.
Tim is a wonderful husband and a great father but when it comes to the "thinking department" I guess he gave up after he met me. It is all totally my fault.
When I first met Tim he had just come out of a bitter divorce and was living in a house that was just that "A House." No towels to speak of, no curtains and not even a wash cloth. His ex wiped him out...even took his tooth brush. But at least he had a house and a sofa he was still paying on. He had a couple of pairs of jeans and shirts but it was a pretty bare existence.
I moved right in and took over.
I cleaned and brought all the furniture I had in my little apartment and set up house keeping.
I spoiled Tim rotten and at the time it was my pleasure to do it. Looking back it was the absolute worst thing I could have done. Women are nurturers by nature...we are doer's by necessity. If something needs to be done, we GET IT DONE!
I felt like Tim needed to be taken care of and I was the one who could do just that! What I SHOULD have done is keep letting him discover how to make it on his own and fend for himself.
Now over twenty years down the road he has simply given up on the thinking part when at home... he has learned that I will do all his thinking for him and tell him exactly what to do and when to do it.
I guess that makes him a smart husband...but it also makes him a pain in my butt .
Massey has been sick as a dog the past few days but today when she actually felt well enough to come downstairs I showed her the picture of the can of beans her Dad tried to open. She laughed as much as I wanted to when I saw it sitting on the counter and we bonded once again over the obviously dropped gene that men suffer from...especially when they marry a strong woman.
So it's MY fault. It really is! I coddled him that first romantic year and then dragged and shoved him through the other 20 years. He is a monster that I alone created. I took right over and he was at such a low point in his life that he was grateful for the takeover.
Now I am fifty years old and raising not only three kids but a husband as well.
It could be worse. He could be ugly to look at or horrible to our kids. Instead he is a handsome man who depends on me for almost everything. He is the head of our family and I am the neck...I tell him which way to turn.
When you first meet the love of your life you want to do everything to make him happy. You want to spoil him and make him think he can't live without you. Twenty years down the road you end up living with the" Monster you created" and wonder how he could ever survive without you?
One time when we were all at my sister's house for a holiday I made the comment that I was worried what would happen to my kids if I died suddenly and Tim had to raise them alone.
My brother spoke right up and said "They'd be fine...Tim would be remarried in two weeks."
I guess it's too late in the game for me to go back...too late for me to change the past. But as God as my witness, Massey will never spoil a boy friend and if she ever decides to marry we will have a SERIOUS talk about NOT creating the monster I did.
Til next time...WAY TOO BOSSY COTTON !
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