Saturday, August 9, 2014

Not Bragging But I "Am" Pretty Funny

I consider myself the Phyllis Diller of the new millennium. I liked her because she always made fun of not only others but herself.

Yep, I'd be the one with a lamp shade on her head at a party and not care if someone took my picture.

Actually the above photo is my profile picture on Facebook and don't think I'll ever need to change it. It's me, down to the knobby knees and eclectic outfit.

Case in point:

I was at work (the airport job) the other day and had a big bag of Skittles in my clear plastic purse.  I'd go a get me a handful and eat them in the back when I had a spare minute. My buddy, Akil (aka my sidekick) from the host stand walked by me  as I was munching on some. I held my hand out with the candy in it and said to him nonchalantly "Skittle my Nittle?"

Our new manager was sitting at his desk doing some work on the computer but leaned back in his chair to look over at me, shook his head slowly, grinning and said "Now THAT'S a pretty good one."  (And yes, our new manager happens to be black)

Back at the host stand about thirty minutes later about three of us were talking when a young girl from the Hilfiger store downstairs wandered up and started chatting. I had never met her before but asked if they ever had good sales on their merchandise? She said they had a 50% off sale going on right now. With my thirty percent employee discount that would mean I could buy something for 80% off. Not that I've ever BOUGHT anything at a Hilfiger store but was nice to know. She said they had all flip flops and quite a few shirts marked half price.

Another server came walking up and joined our conversation. The girl didn't have on anything saying she was a Hilfiger employee, probably took her badge off since she was on break. She answered someone else's question about some type of apparel they were interested in  when the server who had wandered up asked if she had any button downs? She said in fact they did, to which he replied "But are they authentic?"

I shook my head and and said "Dude, she's not selling stuff out the trunk of her car by Turner Field."

It's crazy the shops they have on the international concourse and all of them do a booming business. Michael Kors, Ferragamo, Coach, Hilfiger, Tumi Luggage, Gucci and others to name a few.

It amazes me that someone would be walking through an airport and stop before boarding a flight to purchase a thousand dollar purse and wallet to match but they do...and don't even have the 30% employee discount! There's some serious money floating in and out of that terminal.

To me it seems ridiculous they can get almost ten dollars for a fruit cup and yogurt parfait in containers no bigger than twelve ounces.

I look forward to a couple of years from now when we're getting back to normalcy and can do my Christmas shopping in the terminal when the big stores have really good sales.

Today was insanity at work. With the big storms in Hawaii a lot of flights were delayed and tons of people spent the entire night in the airport because all hotels were full.

Works for me!

Unfortunately those "Crucial ten seconds" worked against me as I ran down the stairs at the College Park MARTA station and watched the 8 AM train pull out of the station toward the airport, four minutes early this morning. Had I been there ten seconds earlier would have been DELIGHTED the train was running early. This morning...not so much.

It was a weekend so had to sit for another twenty minutes and wait for the next one.

Got to work fifteen minutes late but at least called the restaurant from the MARTA station to let them know I was on my way.

I like the servers I work with but most are just kids in their early twenties and have no concept of urgency.

I walked in the door and immediately got to work.  The one female server had gotten there early and most of the back set up. The one male server had obviously just gotten there as well and was setting the chairs out. The other male server called twenty minutes later to say he would be late (duh) but was stopping for doughnuts for all of us. For Pete's sake, that'll just make him even later! (although DID grab a doughnut when he finally got there)

When one of the managers finally got there and asked how I was doing  replied "Well, I like most of the servers but's kind of like working with government employees. Politicians seems nice enough but don't really feel compelled to do much."

That got another one of those "THAT'S a good one!" looks as he shook his head.

I was rocking my tables though. There was a big Tokyo flight going out and felt like I was in an old "Ultra Man" episode.

 I had a really nice young Asian man who was waiting for his fourteen hour flight and wanted a glass or two of Malbec. I suggested a bottle and remarked "Hey, it's not like you're FLYING the plane, and think how well you'll sleep on the long flight!"


He ordered a forty dollar bottle of wine to go with his meal and left me five extra bucks on top of his added eighteen percent.

Next crush was a huge Barcelona flight leaving.

BINGO number two!

I was bonding with the peeps today and they were LOVING me!

A couple waiting to board after being delayed overnight ordered several items to share and the husband ordered a Dewars on the rocks. I asked if he wanted a double? I continued with "You may as well, a single is $7.99 and a double only $11.99."

Yes please and thank you was his reply! They were a really nice couple and also got swamped with about seven other tables waiting to board the same flight.

The Mid shift person got there right on time (another server around my age of course) and things settled down before getting out of control.

There was one lady at the bar who was drinking and talking so loudly, Helen Keller could have heard her. Guess it's a good thing "She's not FLYING the plane!"

She reminded me of the "Fun Girls" on an old Andy Griffith Show episode. I loved the older one with the raspy voice who always said "Hey doll".

It was quite a day at the ole workplace.

All the big flights took off and the place emptied out as quickly as it had filled.

Not one to ever dawdle,  got my tables clean... side work caught up quickly and even did a bit more than my fair share and was out of there shortly after five with two Ben's on my next paycheck and over a hundred in cash in my pocket.

I really needed this shift, considering the car I've been paying on for over two years and finally had paid off that was promised to be ready this past Monday now suddenly needs a new engine too.

Don't let me even get started on THAT wouldn't be very funny!

Just taking it a day at a time , staying firm in my belief of Karma and know everything will work out.

"Jed and me" have made it this far, nothing can stop us now! You can go ahead and try but it don't take no double naught spy to figure out something's shady.

Til time,  COTTON Clampett

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