As Ready as I'll Ever Be

Day twenty two in a row of my work week. Luckily I only had to work the night shift at the restaurant here, eight minutes from home. I was off at the airport. I dragged myself out of bed around noon and did the bank run, bill pay and got "Muh Hurr Did" with my $8.99 coupon. Got back home in time to scarf down two bologna sandwiches and it was time to go to work.

I had to close so didn't get off til almost eleven. I came home and started studying again.

My final test is in the morning and will determine if I go on the floor to wait tables myself.

It shouldn't be TOO hard. I only have to know about forty different wines, what country they are from, what region of the country and give three different specifics about them. Then I only have to know all the signature cocktails and what liquors, mixers and garnishes they have. I only have to know all the bottled beer and drafts, many which I had never even heard of before last week... Hoegaarden,  Leffe Blond, Ayinger and Weihenstaphaner to name a few, AND know whether they fall under the category of Lager, Hefeweizen or Ale and which ones are wheat.

Piece of cake!

Then I only have to know which of the following are Digestif or Apertif:

Ricard Pastis
Limoncello
Chartreuse
Aperol
Fernet BrancDow's 20 Year
Campari
Martell XO
J.Poli Molinari.

Not a problem! (yes it is)

After that easy part all I have to do is match these grapes , Falanghia, , Sangiovese, Nebbiola, Pinot Grigio and Prosecco to each region:

Campania
Tuscany
Piedmont
Veneto
Trentino Alto-Aldige

Oh yeah, I got that down pat! (NOT)

Then I have to know all the prices by the glass.

Then if the guest is asking for a light - medium fruit forward wine, provide 2 table side descriptions.

And this is just the bar part. The food menu is just as mind boggling. Grilled Octopus, Beef Tongue, Fava Beans, Farro, Fennel, Piperade, Gigante Beans, Radish Crudite, Taglialini, Creme Fraiche, the list goes on and on.

In other words I came home from work and started making a cheat sheet.

 I went to The Dollar Tree today and bought a fine point felt pen and another pack of index cards. I'm on my third cheat sheet and not halfway done.

My biggest worry is I'll have a hot flash during the test and the cards I'm going to hide in my sock will smear.

Don't get me wrong, I've given it my best and learned quite a bit although know there is much more I need to learn.

I simply HAVE to be put on the floor tomorrow and start making tips. After last night I know now that I can make a mortgage next week if I am.

I told Tim today that I would send him a text in the morning if I passed the test and if I did, to call Wells Fargo and tell them we'd have a mortgage payment to them by the end of the week and another one by the end of next week.

My plan is to pay the bills with airport money and live off Mama Lucia's money. Sounds great in theory and WILL be if I can just pass this test.

When I say I stepped out of my league I meant it. As my mother in law would say "This place is Swanky!"

It's fine dining and they just hired a Clampett.

Here's the thing. I may not know it all RIGHT now but WILL.

I am one determined skinny old woman who at the very least knows how to be a server, and is a good one. I know how to show up on time, never call out and work my butt off from the time I clock in til the time I clock out.

I'd offer sexual favors to the managers tomorrow before taking my final test but the thought of their laughter and slapping their leg would just be another kick in the pants.

I'm going to give it my best shot. A lot of it I DO know, but am a terrible test taker and freeze up.

Wish me luck, pray I don't sweat too much and can still read my notes.

Let's just call it me trying to go from Phyliss

to Audrey.

Wish me luck, pray for me and regardless of the outcome, I'll still be...

COTTON