Can This Be Real?

Webster's defines Life as "The physical, mental, and spiritual experiences that constitute existence."

Well my friends I have been  there done that and got the tee shirt.

I had a beyond excellent childhood,  had parents  that loved me and a sister and brother that detested me...what siblings EVER got along before they reach adulthood? Maybe the "Brady Bunch" but they got paid to act happy.

Now  that we are all grown (or as grown  as I'm getting) we are close...VERY close. I lost  my  Momma when I was seventeen...suddenly and unexpectedly. I lost my Diddy in much  the same fashion  when I was in my early forties. He went from a healthy seventy seven year old man to a dying man in ten days.

I look back on these facts and  finally see the lesson.

I was raised by  the best. I experienced nothing but happiness for seventeen years. Learned about death and somehow dealt with it, badly at  times but I made it through.

My twenties were a blur and pretty much a waste but I once again survived. (Barely)

My thirties were marvelous, I met Tim and started a family.

For ten years we made so much progress it seemed crazy! We went from  scraping together to working together to moving ahead together. We bought our first brand new house and weren't rich but were saving  money and had money. He moved up in his company and I started working for a restaurant that was close to home and made pretty good money for working thirty hours a week.

We didn't live big but we had  a great life. It all came crashing down when I least  expected it. (It always does)

Tim took a chance a a new job venture which turned out horribly and ended up with him being out of work for over a year. I had a good job so I just kicked into gear and started working sometimes thirty days in a row and somehow we survived.

Tim got a job from a dear friend of mine stocking shelves overnight at Wal Mart. He left there every morning and went to park cars at  an auto auction....but he did it with  a smile and a sparingly  packed lunch.

He went from us making over six figures to being paid minimum wage. He was just happy to be working. I will always love Tim for doing this...he swallowed his pride and kept his family afloat.

Then the bottom truly fell out. I went into work one day, most probably my  thirtieth  in a row and  they fired me on the spot.

I cried the entire way home and cried even more when I reached there.

I spent a week in the deepest pit of depression I ever experienced...then I picked myself up off the floor and went out and filed for food stamps, unemployment and put my younger two kids on Peach Care. I broke down in every office I went to. I cried  with every person I had to speak with...but I did it.

The next week I went to see friends that owned their own restaurant and begged them for a job. Not much begging was required and I was hired on the spot.

I threw myself into the work force again and picked up as many shifts as they would let me. Sometimes I worked every shift, sometines I worked all but one.

For the first year it was easy...the second not so much. As much as I would like to think I am Super Woman...I ain't.

What is crazy is I had so many friends that came to our rescue. We got  cash donations in the mail, groceries delivered to the house,  money orders to pay for Thanksgiving dinner, gift cards to grocery stores, people mailed Massey  donations to help with her band dues and even helped pay for her much  coveted Letterman jacket. It amazed me, it uplifted me and made me realize not to be ashamed  you need help but to be grateful that people love you.

Tim finally got a job...it sucked but he went in every day. Then he got another one, it sucked less but he still went. Now he has a job that sucks a bit less but is still beneath his qualified skills. "Baby Steps."

Right when I thought I was going to lose what little mind I had left...the tide turned. The cut off notice from the power  company hasn't been hung on my front door knob in over two months. I have managed to keep the cell phones on...which I once thought a luxury but with teens driving I insist on having.

I had  to take a step back. Can I continue working like a maniac or continue to live?

I chose life... "The physical, mental and spiritual experiences that constitute  existence."

Another definition of Life... "A source of vitality; an animating force."

That my friends, is ME!

I am animated to say the least and I have vitality.

I don't want to stretch so far as to say it has been a 180 degree turn...but we are getting close and I am one lucky person to have made it this far.

Going to bed. I cooked more this week than I have cooked in the past year. My family has eaten home cooked meals every  night this past week. We have leftovers in the fridge and I feel more rested than I have in a year.

That's right..."I'm doing a happy dance!"


Don't feel sorrry for me, that was not my intention with  this blog. Feel sorry  for the millions and millions and millions of others that would consider themselves lucky to be in my  shoes...even when we were at our worst.

I am a lucky woman...

COTTON