I went to sleep and woke up three hours later in a pool of sweat so deep you could dive into it and not hit your head. I ain't kiddin'.
I've only experienced night sweats sporadically for about a year but the past month somebody turned the heat up WAY too high and is trying to kill me by drowning me... in my own sweat. I wake up literally soaking wet and five minutes later add another blanket and a pair of Tim's tube socks. Two hours later I am stripping again and then two hours later hunting around in the dark for the tube socks I hurled across the room in a fit of sweaty rage.
I went into work today and limited myself to one pot of coffee. I came home on my break ... stripped climbed into bed and a tee shirt ... lay flat on my back (to not muss my haircut I got on my break ...less than twenty bucks with a 20% tip and my makeup that took five minutes to apply this morning)
I went back into work this evening to have the honor of waiting on two older women I have waited on before.
The two women, one in her eighties and a buddy (my kind of table) said I looked too skinny and I told her I was losing weight because I was currently sweating out at least five pounds a night.
They had a great meal and loved my comedy routine. When I went to give them the check, they fought over it but one of the women slipped me her card..."She won!"
I got to the computer to scan her credit card and noticed she had given me her driver's license. I went back to the table and simply said "You won the check but can't pay the bill with this...although now I know where you live and how much you weigh."
The other older woman said "What would you have done if she had handed you her insurance card?"
I told her I would have run out the back door, to the nearest Emergency Room and demanded for someone to stop me from sweating away the last ninety pounds I had left."
The next table I had was a younger couple. The wife said "I love your haircut...where did you get it cut?'
I told her at a military base." She asked "Really?" and I said "No but that's what my husband says."
They had a great meal and I wowed them with I think is what one of my greatest advantages...my humor and obvious PHD in BS that I have honed quite masterfully.
It was slow at work but I made enough to keep the cellphones on...for another day. I've figured out how to work the system there too! Number one, Verizon won't go bankrupt without my own time payment. Number two even though cell phones seem to be a necessity now, especially when you have teens driving your vehicle, they fall way down the list behind mortgage, utilities and groceries. First off I DO try to pay them, I stop by and throw a twenty in the auto pay machine when I can remember to when I leave work if they are open. Number two if they don't harass me I sometimes forget about them and then suddenly I get a text or phone call from them saying I am due to be cut off. (Cry me a river Verizon, try walking in my tiny shoes for a while)
Now I've learned not to answer their call, they always want you to use a credit card to pay them (don't own one) or draft a check from your account (good luck with THAT one...tee-hee)
I wait for their next move...sending you a text. I answer the text which leads me to a number I can call and talk to no one but hear a menu to choose from. Press one to make a payment (no thank you) Press two to hear your balance (already know my balance...it's past due) Press three for more options. (BINGO) Then after pressing three there is an option "Notify us of a payment that has already been sent." I have the number "three" programmed on speed dial . Then the automated voice thanks me sweetly for letting them know that money is on the way (which it isn't) but buys me at least four more days (five with a holiday thrown in.) Then I go by when I can and put a twenty into their hungry automated pay machine . By the time I get the text notification "This is to notify you of a missed payment arrangement" I usually have made enough money to repeat the process all over again!!
Dang...I should write a book! "How to be poor but survive AND Have Cell Phones."
I don't like not having a lot of money anymore...but it is temporary. Verizon has plenty of money, so does my bank. I look at it this way... "I am helping THEM help ME."
BFF's again. In this economy I am living by the seat of my pants and the motto "A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do." If Verizon doesn't like it I can go to WalMart and buy us all pre paid cell phones. (not really, WalMart pushes a check through like a line backer)
It's getting better, we're getting better and the economy is slowly getting better. I have done things I really don't like having to do but have somehow made it this far. Hopefully I will laugh about all of this one day when I am old... Who am I trying to kid? I "AM" old, but I'm not trying to get one over on anyone just trying to muddle through til the path is clear in front of me.
To be honest I am a firm believer in God and Karma. I may not be Mother Teresa, but I'm not a bad person and I still help others when I can. I know THIS system works because I have been helped these past two years by SO many people that it boggles my mind.
If you need help from me, just call my cell phone and press "Three." :)
These night sweats, we're gonna have to talk about. For Pete's sake...I'm getting hit with another now.
My life is good...at least I am breathing and I am loved!
Til next time....Flashin' With Fury, COTTON
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