Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Black Hole Seems to Have Light

For the past year I having been sinking...slowly and surely into a black hole.

It started as a mole you might feel was suspicious and need to get checked out.

Then you just think it is nothing and keep on going.

Months down the road the mole turns into a wart that luckily is in a place you can hide from others. A few more months and OMG the wart has hairs growing out of it and you begin to feel disgusted.

Suddenly you feel overwhelmed by the hairy wart but think that if you just keep on hiding it...it may go away.

Finally some low life points out your hairy wart and begins to pluck the hairs out at your own expense...one by one, leaving you with nothing but a wart.

It's still not a good feeling but at least it's just a wart.

Then you find out the wart is not just a wart but a virus that is encompassing your whole life. You feel like you are secure, have had the same job for over 12 years and feel that at least you have that to fall back on.

The next day you wake up and your wart is a land slide blocking you with no other way out.

At first you just lie under the rubble hoping someone will wake you up and tell you it is all a bad dream. Then days later you realize that your worst nightmare has become a reality and you are on your own...literally financially and emotionally.

That is when true friendship and the love of God comes into play.

You've always been a decent person and always helped others...suddenly your true friends show their true colors and WHAM... lift you up with prayers , e mails calls and monetary help.

They send you gifts... they feed your family and take care of your kids.

Yes it is humiliating in the beginning but welcomed in the end.

I still had a job and was keeping our heads above water.

Then the black hole sweeps in and you are lost. The job you had dissolves. All the work you have done for the past 12 years is nothing and you are left with a gape of wonder and a sense of "What the hell happened."

Then your family and your friends kick into overdrive...keeping not only you but your family afloat.

It doesn't pay your mortgage but allows your family to survive and concentrate on MAKING that mortgage.

I got a new job...a job that I love and a job that loves me.

Until today I did not know that in actuality we were close to being three months behind on our mortgage. My husband talks to the lenders on our mortgage...I don't need any added stress. He told me he was sorry that he had told me and didn't mean to add to my burden.

The thing is...we are a team. He has been overwhelmed as I have by all the gifts that people have sent us...but losing a $700 a week job has set us back even further and I had no idea til today that we were that close to losing the house that is over our heads.

The bank was in the process of trying to debit the monthly payment from my account...for the third time and after failing twice had nothing to show but the two $37 charges for returning the check .

I went to my new job to pick up my paycheck...the one for training and probably the last check I would get...most servers never get a paycheck because taxes are taken out of their tips and the tips are what you live off .

I had a $251.oo check and drove straight to the bank to deposit it along with the money I made last night.

I had to go by and pay Charter because we were late with their payment and my Internet wasn't working.

Came home and got online to check my bank balance and there it was!!

Unemployment had finally been approved and paid me for the last two weeks...one deposit of $330 and another or $285. With my paycheck the house note cleared and now we are only two months behind.

Baby steps...a little at a time. One foot in front of the other.

When I went to the mailbox...a task I dread lately...I had an debit card from DFACS for food stamps...over $500 for food for my family and the sweetest thing I have had happen in a while. Now I can put all of my tips toward paying bills and the mortgage.

Granted we are still behind but now they know we are making the effort and hopefully we will keep the house.

Without the help of so many we wouldn't have been able to make a house note clear...without the help of so many we wouldn't be in our house at all.

I went and bought groceries...LOTS of groceries and took my coupons with me. I had $40 worth of coupons and if I didn't have to buy dog food would have walked out without spending a dime. My dogs have been downgraded to Kibbles and Bits, but didn't seem to mind. There was a short time that I thought my kids may be eating Kibbles and Bits so it worked out really well.

I know God is never late to answer prayers but he sure can keep you in suspense...

Thanking God, my all my friends and family and a new job for letting me feel like that hairy wart is finally going away. When you're 50...a hairy wart doesn't help.

Getting up in the morning to start paying forward...look out people I intend to make all your love not only justified but well deserved.


TIL NEXT TIME... Cotton with a black hole behind her and a hairy wart fading fast

No comments: