Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Homely and Lonely...That's ME!

Geez, it's been 15 hours since my girl abandoned me for Ohio and I'm already missing her. I thought it would make me feel better to upload some of my favorite pictures of her. Most of them are from her early youth and one is my favorite guard picture of the girl's reciting The Lord's Prayer before a competition earlier this season.

How do kids grow up so quickly and kill us so slowly?

It's ALWAYS something with your kids; The girls AND the boys. Granted the girls are always more dramatic and intense and the boys are much easier to please...but I love them all and couldn't imagine my life without them.

Massey left this morning...they were to meet at the school @ 6:30 and Massey was riding with a girl on guard who has her license so I wouldn't have to take her. Massey is an early riser so I knew I wouldn't have to wake her up. I set my alarm for 6:10 so I could see her off. I woke up and called to her but she didn't answer. I figured she was probably downstairs on the computer or in the kitchen eating breakfast. I wandered downstairs to find an empty kitchen and no one on the computer. I went back upstairs and saw she hadn't taken her pillow so thought she might be out in the driveway waiting on her friend.

I got her pillow and a blanket for her to use on the bus and went out in our driveway to find it dark and empty.

My heart dropped. How could she leave without even waking me up to say good bye? I immediately got dressed and threw her pillow and blanket in the car and zipped off to the school. I sent her a text "Where R U?" She sent one right back "I am on my way to OHIO!!!"

The thought of her leaving for Ohio without me being able to hold that sweet round face between my hands and sink my fingers into that mass of curls while I kissed her good bye and told her I loved her gave me a sickening feeling.

I arrived at the school and there were about 5 guard girls standing around their cars in the pre dawn light. I got out of my car and asked if Massey was there and they said "No."

Panic began to sink in and my "Parent Paranoia" took over. Zach says I am the most paranoid mom he has ever met (lucky boy in my book.)

I immediately started thinking "What if something happened to her OR me while she was gone and I hadn't had that last look into her clear blue eyes and told her face to face how much I loved her?" ...Maybe Zach IS right, but I don't care!

The little stinker had left early to go to McDonalds with her friend and wasn't even to the school yet. I sent her a text telling her I was at the school and she text back "Be Right there."

WHEW!!! I hadn't missed her after all.

The car came rolling into the school parking lot and Massey came bouncing over to the car. I asked her why she left without waking me up and she said she was going to but Jill got there early and was already in the driveway so she had to leave.

I asked her if she had her pillow , she rolled her baby blues and said she had left it on her bed.

BAM! Mama had the pillow AND a blanket in the car to make that 9 hour drive comfy and warm. I have to hand it to myself, I know how to make kids feel guilty and make myself look like a hero all in one fell swoop.

She was so excited about this trip and teens have no concept of the meaning of paranoia or concern...they are all invincible and live strictly "In the moment."

I told her she couldn't leave me without a hug and kiss for luck and she sweetly apologized ; I got out of the car and we held each other tightly and I breathed in the wonderful smell of my little girl who is quickly...too quickly becoming a woman and making her way into young adulthood.

What a feeling of relief to see her, hold her and give her a kiss as she starts this first big journey of her life. I know there are many journeys trips and adventures in store for her and I want to kiss her goodbye at the start of every single one and be the first person she smiles at and hugs tightly when she returns.

HEY!! She owes me that much and as a mother...that is all I need.

I drove back home with a feeling of serenity and a sense that "All will be okay now."

My paranoia went away, I worked a double shift with no worries or regrets , knowing that she is having the time of her life and MY eyes were the last ones that held hers in a look that says ...


Dang being a parent is tough...Thank the Lord the rewards are so sweet.

Til next time... Constantly Cautious Cotton (or as Zach says...Just a Freak)

P.S. As always, click on photos to view in original size...she's even cuter close up!

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