Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Call It Like You See It

I opened the restaurant and worked the day shift today. We had one party of twenty booked at 11:45. I was looking at the reservation sheet and saw written in remarks "Administrative Professionals luncheon."

CRAP! It was Secretary's Day. For Pete's sake just call it what it is. This politically correct stuff is getting way out of hand. I myself, am a waitress. My sister was a stewardess.

It took me forever to call myself a server and still not crazy about the term . Waiting tables sounds a bit better than "Serving" them if you ask me.

Does this mean my husband is actually an "Often sarcastically chastised life partner?" I think Tim might just go for that one.

Does it mean my three dogs are really "Hemorrhoids" I couldn't live without and my kids are the "Greatest Headache" I've ever loved or enjoyed?

Does it mean my one next door neighbor is the "Loneliest nosy man ever" and my other one "My next door husband"?

I came home from work, actually my "Often sarcastically chastised life partner" picked me up in the clown car after dumping the two boys out at work. Our "Garbage Professional" will be here tomorrow so I rolled the can to the curb before coming in.  I trudged into the house and petted the three Hemorrhoids. I looked  out the back door and was amazed. Zach had cut the back yard for me!

I'm really picky about my lawn cutting and although it wasn't perfect, beat the heck out of the jungle it was before.

I came inside and decided to do Zach a favor. He hasn't filed his taxes yet. No biggie, he gets every bit back. I remember those days! I filled out the forms and now he's just waiting on what young single people call "Hell Yeah Free Money!"

I sat down and decided I had forgotten what else today was. Believe it or not, it's "Momma Ain't Doing Nothing Tonight"!!

Massey's at school  and the boys all at work. Actually I think the politically correct term for this holiday is "Everything Can Wait".

Like the politically correctness gets on my nerves, so does all this new fangled technology. Massey told me over the past weekend I needed to update the software on my iPhone. She sent me a text today instructing how to do it so I plugged it into the charger, started the download and went to watch the news (which was as usual almost all bad) or in the politically correct term "What the heck is wrong with this world show."

After two hours of almost all bad news,  trudged back downstairs to the kitchen to check my phone. "Update Complete" it boasted.

Then my phone rang a few minutes later and couldn't even figure out how to answer it without my glasses because everything had changed.

Here's what I really need. A rotary dial cell phone with a long curly rubber coated cord. I'd trade Zach's new PS4 for an Atari that plays "Pong" any day of the week. I'm almost to the point of wanting to go back to just four TV channels, and can we please just go out and buy me a Pinto to drive?

Our cable company changed all the channels yesterday. Are you really supposed to learn over four hundred channel's new location without some sort of hint or guide? I'd be fine without cable but Tim can't watch Gunsmoke, Bonanza or The Rifleman without it.

 That HAS to be the most ridiculous oxymoron ever!

 We got a great deal on the cable when Tim's buddy worked for them and signed us up as relatives.

Give me the days of one phone in the kitchen, one (maybe two) TV's in the house and no email or texts. Send me a letter in the mail written by hand.

I know we need all this new technology but as I politically correctly call it, it's  "The Pain In My Old School Butt."

Til next time, Old School COTTON

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