I Think My Personal Thermostat Is Broken...

Oh my Lord... I can work in the yard all day out in the sun, I'm a Leo so it comes natural to me. It's when I go to sleep that my thermostat goes haywire. I fall into bed around 2 every morning in a tank top and undies. I pull the covers up because I sleep with the ceiling fan on high. I drift off all snug and wake up an hour later drenched in sweat. I sleep on my back and will have a puddle of sweat in the hollow of my neck below my Adam's apple. I can take my finger and make splashing sounds.

Off come all the covers and sometimes I have to wet a wash cloth to cool down my steaming forehead. During the day time I seem okay...except at work. I go in and make a cup of coffee to get my MoJo going and by the second gulp I have sweat stains under both  arms (sounds attractive doesn't it?) After my coffee fix I switch to water and drink probably at least ten glasses during one shift...I  use the water weight gain to keep me up to a hundred pounds.

I can't believe women are put through this torture...isn't it enough that we shoot babies out of our vagina and afterwards even manage to love them more than life itself?

Guess not!

I don't seem to suffer from the crazy hormonal swings, but then again I've always been a titch crazy so it would be hard to notice anyway.

I blame it all on Eve, the weak be-otch... they say "one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch"...I can guarantee you a man came up with THAT saying.

I am hoping the end (of menopause) is near...it's ruining what's left of my already crazy sleep pattern and ruined the under arm of all my work shirts. Massey comments on my "pit stains" on a regular basis. I let her comment because I didn't shoot her out of me, but come to think of it... they split my lower belly open and snatched HER out . Almost sixteen years later I still have a numb scar to prove it.

I have decided the older you get the more you rationalize...especially if you are a woman.

I have crow's feet  that are at the very least a size eleven and frown lines like I've been pissed off forever, but my Dad had the same ones so I call it an inherited trait. I have plucked a gray hair out of my eyebrows but I attribute that to me being a deep thinker. My hair has started to turn gray too but I keep my hair short, hence I have less gray hair. I sometimes have corns on my pinkie toes from 34 years of working on my feet but consider them battle scars. The veins in my legs look like a Rand McNally road map but at least they are nicely shaped and cellulite free. I only shave my legs in the summer...in the winter it  keeps me warmer and helps my socks stay up.

All in all I'd say I am doing okay...got two teens left to shoo away from the nest that wear me out like a door mat but would do it all over again in a palpitating heart beat. At least I have a heart beat. You gotta take the good with the bad...

Til next time..."Sweaty Cotton"