Life is plodding along and ever so slowly getting better. I absolutely LOVE my job and all the crazy people I work for and with. Tim's new job seems to be much better and pays more, but when you are years behind you can't expect that first paycheck to automatically make everything right...but I was still hoping. (Didn't happen)
Massey has been gone since the first of June. Stayed with her aunt's for almost three weeks in Florida and came home for two days to repack and throw some more crap around on the floor of her bedroom and left for another week in Florida, this time with her BFF and her parents.
It's given me lots of time to work (a good thing) and lots of time to think (sometimes a troubling thing).
I wish I was a better parent...and if I had it all to do over again I would be a magnificent one! My teens would probably hate me but I can remember a time as a teen when I felt I hated MY parents. Stupid me...I thought they were ole fuddy duddy's but it turns out they were silently high fiving each other behind their bedroom door after I stormed off to mine (slamming it loudly) when they not only put me on a month's restriction but imposed it with no early release.
Dang...in hindsight I was an awfully lucky teen.
Massey does great in school. I even got a Thank You note from one of her teachers. To reward her I let her live in a pig sty and leave a trail behind her every where she goes. Both my boys struggled as teens and I bailed them out time after time after time. I wish I kept a score card....it would read "Mom: deep in denial and debt / Boys: Master manipulation a complete success."
Massey's flaws are superficial and I tend to cut her slack. My boys have tried to kill me and almost succeeded numerous times.
I am a wuss when it comes down to it...I love my kids so much it hurts, especially when I see THEM hurt or in trouble. I rush in to fix it instead of waiting for THEM to figure it out on their own. My parents would have never done that and I am eternally grateful.
I don't want to say I am a bad parent...but I could be a better parent and strive for it daily. It's not like raising teens in the sixties or seventies.
It's raising teens in a gone wrong society...sometimes making me ashamed of what this world is becoming and realizing at the tender age of fifty one it is up to me.. one of the little people (small pun) to right this world one step at a time.
You can't give up...you just need to "Step it up."
My kids have been spoiled beyond belief. But I hope the values and determination I have shown rub off on them one day and they have the same wake up call I did.
"Momma and Diddy are pretty stinkin' smart."
I strive to be "Smart" on a daily basis. Hope I am one day!
All my kids still end phone calls with "I love you."
In 2011...to a Mom..."That's the bomb.com."
Til next time...COTTON
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