A Slap in the Face From the Seventies Sure Stings

Jeez, we sure could have used that fancy dancy robot from Lost in Space today at work. I walked into work this morning and in the back were copies of the menu prices taped to the wall. There were stacks of order pads in triplicate beside a calculator, a list of tax for food a list of tax for alcohol and a stapler were where we usually keep the tea pitchers . Seems our beverage area had turned into computation central.

I didn't take ANY of this as a good sign.

It seems the computers had all crashed late Saturday night after I left and all day Sunday they had hand written checks, walked them back to the cooks and manually added them up, figuring out food sales tax in addition to alcohol tax and presented the guest with a "Waffle House" style check (showing all their math).

Sounds like a fun day...glad I took Sunday off.

When I came in this morning they were still waiting on the IT from our computer server to show up. He didn't get there until after 2:00. I guess he used to work for a cable company.

When you rely on computers...especially a restaurant touch screen monitor, there is virtually no need to think. If you punch in the order correctly and hit all the right special instruction keys...the computer does it all for you and magically makes it appear in front of the chef's on the line in the kitchen. There is even a key where when you get really busy and have to ring in several tables at once you can send them individually on a timed send delay so that your salads for each table are spaced apart and if it is an order that is prepared quickly it buys you however many minutes you want for it to appear in the kitchen. I call Timed Send the "Lifesaver Button".

Unfortunately none of it was working today and of course we got busy right off the bat.

We had to write in every side dish where normally the computer would do that. We had to make one ticket to go to the salad window another to go to the appetizer or dessert window. If you had a pizza you had to write yet another ticket for the pizza cook.

After that you had to figure up all their separate checks, add tax for food 7% and add tax for alcohol 10%. You had to know how much each beverage, soda, tea or alcohol was and add it to the bill.

I am so used to zooming through the computer, know exactly what keys are where and can split checks for a party of ten in under one minute.

Not today my friends.

My first table was an older couple. They are both WAY on up in their eighties but are regulars and I have waited on them before. She asked me if the Salmon was fresh and I assured her it was. Our Salmon comes in several times a week and is never frozen and hand cut by the owner.

Jessica Tandy ordered the Salmon and her husband, Hugh Cronin ordered the Chicken Marsala. I had to hand write what type of pasta he wanted, what she wanted with her Salmon, what type salads and dressings they wanted and walk it all back to three different cook stations...something the computer would have done for me in three seconds.

By then I had three other tables and had to repeat the process again and again and again. We open at 11 and I was worn out by the time my first order came out of the kitchen.

I took "Driving Miss Daisy" her Salmon and she stopped me on my way back through the dining room.

"This tastes Fishy".

I wanted to say "No duh, Me ma...it's FISH".

But I always follow a steadfast rule ... if you live to be in your late eighties you can do or say whatever you want or feel.

I took her "Fish" away and brought her a menu and she decided on a bowl of Cream of Tomato/Basil soup.

I took her plate in the kitchen and since they were both impeccably dressed and looked quite clean, I tasted her Salmon. I set it to the side and munched on it as I carried on writing orders on my big thick triplicate order pad.

Barbara, the owner was at the front door seating people when I went up and asked her to take the Salmon off the check for table 200.

She looked at me as if I were even crazier than I already am.

She calmly said "Kelly, the computers aren't even working, how to you want me to take it off their check"?

Dang! She got me.

You know me... I held out my big order pad and asked her if she minded scratching out the Salmon I had written on their check with her pen?

At least she laughed, because there wasn't much else to laugh at during lunch.

Once the computer geek finally showed up, we had to go back in and ring up all our orders on each individual table and send every one of them to the kitchen with instructions NOT to make them.

I felt as old as Jessica Tandy by the time I got off my lunch shift.

My kerchief goes off to all the Waffle House waitresses that hand write and manually add up every ticket. Not only do they greet you with a warm "Morn in' Hun" but can call out your order, bring it to you and give you a total without ever touching a computer screen.

Our society has gotten so lazy.

I don't even know my kid's or husband's cell phone numbers because they are programed into my own cell .

I never get up to change the channel on the TV...I'd rather spend ten minutes looking for the lost remote.

I don't have to run downstairs to the kitchen to answer the phone (like I did as a kid) because there is a phone in every room.

Got a question you can't answer? Google it.

Want to tell the kid's dinner is ready? Text them...even if they are just upstairs in their rooms.

Need to call someone...just go to contacts in your cell and click on their name.

My family isn't quite savvy enough to be considered members of the Star ship Enterprise but we are definitely "Lost in Space".

Til next time....Computerized COTTON