So I was taking Massey to school yesterday and the Bert Show was on. It's a local radio station, Q100 that is basically for teens and mothers of teens that are restricted from changing the station while their teen is in the car.I hated it at first, but with this being my third teen have finally just given in and often find myself listening to the Bert Show when I am alone.
They were talking about all the hoopla of Taylor Swift dating too many different men and that they were all older than her.
Number one, she is an adult now.
Number two, men don't even begin to mature until they are in their thirties so now we know she is an adult AND smart.
Massey made the comment that if they wanted to talk about something REALLY ridiculous it should be the fact that Hugh Hefner is marrying a girl 60 years younger than him.
Can you imagine when she went home to tell her parents?
"Mom, Dad...great news! I am marrying a man that went to college with great grand dad. He was a senior when Pee Paw was a freshman".
I don't care how much money Hugh has... a room doesn't get THAT dark.
We talked about it at work last night and one of the guys said it was all just about money and besides, how sexually active could an 80 year old man really be?
I told him that's what would bother me most.
He probably wants to bring in contraptions and maybe farm animals...or even midgets dressed up like him.
My second complaint is that someone needs to tell him that smoking jackets went out of style in the 1940's.
I told one of the male servers that I didn't mean to knock men, but their "Privates" aren't their most attractive feature. At least a woman's body can be a beautiful thing...almost "Art like".
Think what an 80 year old man looks like butt naked...."BLEEHHH".
I told him maybe if they put a little pair of glasses and a fake nose on it at least it would look cuter.
He actually agreed with me and said "Honestly, I've often wondered how women do it...it IS pretty ugly to look at".
ANYHOO... The owner's son at work gave his girlfriend a ring for Christmas and they are getting married.
I told Leon at work last night that it would be my pleasure to sing at their wedding and I wouldn't even THINK of charging them, it'd be my gift.
I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket if it had a lid on it, but at least his mother laughed.
Tonight his fiancee came in to eat and I went up to her and said "I don't know if Leon told you but I have graciously offered to sing at your wedding and have even taken the liberty of choosing the song because I wanted you to have one less thing to worry about. I thought the song "You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone would be a good choice but it's YOUR wedding".
She didn't miss a beat and said she was thinking about "I Honestly Love You" by Olivia Newton John.
At least this couple are both in their thirties. To me that is a perfect age to begin to think about getting married, especially in this day and these times.
He has a great job working in the restaurant as the Sous Chef and future owner. She and her mother have just opened their own hair salon together.
I wish I had had that much to my advantage when I got married...but at least when I got married the economy was still decent and Tim and I did well for ourselves and had a 22 year run before stumbling a bit.
Now that I have a new career as a Wedding Singer, things should be really taking off for me.
I've thought about singing at divorces too.
Nothing says good bye like a rousing rendition of "Paper Roses" by Marie Osmond. I know every word (seriously).
Maybe when Hugh Hefner's new wife finally realizes that not even money can make an 80 year old man's naked body parts look attractive in any way and she gets tired of almost throwing up when he takes his smoking jacket and Depends off, she'll call me to sing at their divorce.
I'm debating what to sing... "Please Release Me Let Me Go" by Tom Jones or Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive".
Whadda ya think?
Til next time, once again cracking myself up....COTTON
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