Somewhere...

So as part of my training I had to work the hostess position tonight. Talk about a fish out of water!

I haven't done this type of job in almost 13 years...the last time was when I did it for training at my old store

(which will remain nameless to protect the innocent.)

After just two days at this new job and even though I haven't made a dime yet I already feel like I should send my old boss a "Thank You" note. I am nervous and have so much to learn but the atmosphere is that of "One big family" and they all act like it's a great thing to have me join them...not like the last job where I constantly felt like the "Red headed step child."

Granted getting fired could not have possibly come at a worse time and when you are already down...it feels like a cheap shot to the ribs and leaves you actually physically aching from the blow.

After a complete mental and emotional melt down I have begun to see the daylight again.

With the help of God, family, friends, strangers and even anonymous donors my family is being taken care of while I get my feet wet again in another restaurant and my husband works two jobs and goes on interviews for a full time position.

I received an envelope today in the mail with a note simply reading "Praying for you and your family" with cash folded in with the note. I received a gift card from a grocery store with a beautiful card saying simply it was from an old high school class mate and Facebook friend. I got enough Chic fila cards to give the Cathy's a heart attack.

Yesterday I received a heart warming letter and generous gift from a server I used to work with. Battling difficulties in his own life he is supporting my family in their own time of need.

The feeling is over whelming and at times makes me feel guilty for taking these gifts.

At other times it makes me feel that this is my sign to help others even more than I have in the past and to live my life as a testament to the power of God and the power of true friendship and caring.

My husband has been amazing and is the one that shook me into action when I felt like staying under the covers and burying my head in self pity.

My middle son has stepped up to the plate and is an incredible help around the house and even passed all his classes this semester (the greatest gift he could give me.) He's my ace in the hole...smarter than Bill Gates and MUCH better looking, once he figures out he can't beat the system but needs to work it instead he will be just fine and end up being a tycoon that takes care of mama one day. My older son has helped even more by not moving back home again !

My daughter has begun to feel the pressure and the age of 14 compiled by being female is a drama fed combination in itself. I sat her down tonight and told her emphatically "IT WILL BE OKAY."

I have said that in the past, not really believing it myself but as I told her that tonight...even I believed it. I told her to give it a week or two and things will be totally different. I told her we were blessed with so many people loving and looking out for us and God has opened that window... a window to a better and different life.

I am ashamed that I have had to accept so much help from so many people but at the same time I would be so lost without it.

This new job is a new beginning.

It is Spring finally and my faith has blossomed. It has been there all along, but for a while I piled the gravel of depression and doubt on it, keeping it from blossoming. It has now broken the surface and my friends and family have watered it with generosity and care. It has bloomed and it the most amazing flower I have ever seen.

I have so many people to thank and so much to pay forward...but thanks to them soon I WILL be able to do JUST that .

I'm not sure what I have ever done in my life to deserve all of this love and care but know that without it I would not be here tonight feeling for once that the worst is finally behind me and all that lies ahead is a beautiful rainbow over my life.

The clouds have parted and the sun is shining ...I think I can make it now, the rain is gone .

Til next time...COTTON