I Guess I'm Just "Country"

Boy were the wack jobs out tonight! I got to work at 3:30 so I could polish and roll my silverware. At 4:00 I clocked in and got my first table. Before I got their drink order , they seated me again...then came right back with four more people. By 4:15 I had six different tables and here came two more. Just to give you an idea...at one point I had table 10, 11, 12, 13, 30, 31 ,33, 14, 24 and a table over in the bar area.

Dang, I like being busy but I was beginning to feel like I was in a Looney Tunes cartoon. Then as it always happens...two nut jobs sit down. The first comment the man made was "You sure are Kuntry."

I wasn't sure how to respond so simply said "Yes, I did grow up in the south."

Then the wife plows ahead saying she needed to order while she could still remember what her husband wanted. She ordered shrimp and lobster dip for him and a bowl of shrimp and lobster chowder. She specifically said "That is what he is having as his meal." Then she ordered a chicken salad for herself that has pepperochinni peppers, feta cheese and a balsamic vinaigrette dressing (very similar to a Greek type salad.) So per her instructions I ordered his chowder and dip to come out with her salad.

When I brought the food to the table, he said "I don't want'em both NOW."

Before I could say anything she said "Just keep'em, you'll be fine."

I came back by the table to check on them and the man complained that there wasn't enough shrimp in his chowder...the woman said she was fine with her food. I went and had more shrimp cooked to take for his chowder and when I cruised by again he said that "Now this is PERFECT."

As I was spinning circles through the dining room a manager happened to be walking by and asked if everything was okay for them. the man raved about his chowder with more free shrimp in it and the woman said her salad was terrible. Having overheard her comment, I walked over and asked what was wrong with the salad (the same one she had said was fine two minutes ago.)

She jerked her head up towards me and said "I don't have to explain to you why I don't like it."

You don't have to tell me when to leave a table.

I left the manager to kiss her butt (they are so good at it)

I stepped to the table next to them that had just been seated and greeted it. I was not two feet away from the ole bat complaining about her salad. When the manager walked away she looked at her husband and said quite loudly "I just don't like her, she's too brusk(is that a word?) and "I don't care for her attitude one bit." She went on and on while I stepped back enough that she could see I was still standing there, but her tirade about me went on and on.

The manager brought her another salad and I bit the bullet and stopped by to see if it was better. Her husband said "It's all your fault, ya know." I said (looking only at him)" Well then I sincerely apologize." He retorted that he was only kiddin and it was good now.

Out comes a different manager to cruise the dining room. he stops by their table and the man has the balls to say that his chowder was cold and it needed to be taken off the bill.

Excuse me..is this the same bowl that had free shrimp added to it that he stopped me to say how PERFECT it was now?!

The woman said since she had to wait for another salad, that should be taken off too.

Then they had the audacity to say I shot them a "look" when I walked by.

Obviously they misunderstood. I wanted to "Shoot THEM."

They went on and on with the second manager and he voided their entire meal and they walked out without leaving one thin dime. The manager said he just wanted to get them out of there.

Where is MY champion?

I'll tell you where...sitting right across from them by herself waiting for her son to join her for dinner. I had seen her looking at the entire episode out of the corner of her eye and as soon as they left called me over to her table. She asked if they had just walked out without having to pay.

She said she had listened and watched the entire time and was appalled that these two people got away with walking out full and not paying any type of bill at all. I told her I would have a few beers after work and it would be okay. She said I had a delightful personality and gave excellent service.

Lucky for me when the manager strolled back through the dining room she called him to her table and took up for me and praised my skills for not strangling idiots. (or something like that.)

She and her son left me a $16.00 tip on a fifty dollar tab.

I saved the "grifters' receipt just to have for this post. $39.54 was the bill . They both got full, didn't have to pay or tip and walked out to the tune of forty dollars plus tip.

I am so extremely grateful for the woman that came to my defense, tipped me grandly and made me remember that I really AM a good server.

This picture of me is the year I went to work on Halloween dressed as a Waffle House waitress...complete in a Waffle House uniform and black tooth. Only I could talk a Waffle House waitress into letting me borrow a uniform...the black tooth was my idea.

You know how much more crap THEY have to probably put up with on an hourly basis?

The next Halloween the store banned us from wearing costumes...but for that one day I greeted every table with "Good Morning" and called out my orders to the kitchen standing on the line I had invisibly marked on the floor.

Take the good with the bad. Shake off a bad table and proceed to make the next one happy.

Such is the life of ANY waitress.

Til next time....COTTON