What a Shift!

Sundays are my busiest day at work. I go in at 3:00 to catch the tail end of lunch and work right through close of the store.

I walked in and they immediately seated me a table, then another and another then just one more to make it easier. I hadn't been clocked in for one minute when I had all sixteen people waiting for their drinks , appetizers and of course that free bread (Christian Crack as we call it.)

It got a little hairy but with the help of many servers who didn't want to have to take another table themselves...I got caught up. Then they seated me a group of six followed by a party of four and let's go ahead and pick up that one woman that was sitting alone. How can one more hurt? At least I had already put in the first four tables orders, now just get these next three table taken care of. Then the host tells me they seated me a table in the bar area...another section of the store completely, I couldn't even see them from my section.

It went this way the entire seven hours. BAM BAM BAM, BAM!!

I think I am getting too old for this rapid fire profession.

Then they dropped the BOMB.

At my table they sat the "Family From Hell."

I have waited on them several times...and just didn't think I could keep a pleasant look on my face for them during their nightmarish visit.

I asked a young male server that was in the same section I was if he would "PLEEEEEEZE take that one table for me?"

This guy is one of the nicest guys I have ever known and I absolutely LOVE to work with him . He is engaged to marry another one of our servers (this next Saturday.) I can pick on and joke with him, his attitude is always great and he has a really good sense of humor. He is relatively new and didn't know the ADDAMS FAMILY yet.

He agreed and I snuck off for a quick giggle and then back to my other eight tables.

This family is absolutely incredible. The husband is in his sixties, the wife in her late twenties. They have five children under the age of eight. When they used to come in they brought a DVD player and set it up on the table. Then they wouldn't even bother to take the younger two kids out of their car seat or put it in one of the slings we use to sit car seats beside the table. They would just wedge them sideways into the booth or put them both ON the table (I guess they wanted to see the movie too...cranked up loud by this point.)

They ask for, order and expect things that aren't even on our menu. We serve a multi grain bread with butter. They ask for Texas Toast or can we just bread and butter some buns for them with garlic and some melted butter on the side? Then the wings. They can't have wing sauce on 1/4 of the wings and toss the others in BBQ sauce with maybe some honey mustard and chipoltle ranch as well.

And that's the good part of your experience with them. The kids wail and scream the whole time (I guess they HAVE to be loud to be heard over their DVD feature presentation.)

They don't have very good hygiene and don't smell of money. They smell of SOMETHING, but it ain't money. I really do feel sorry for the kids but she comes in pregnant every year and seems to be determined to keep on trying til she beats the "OctuMom."

And the husband! Don't even let me get started. He is not attractive or even pleasing to look at...especially when he is stuffing his face. They have horrible manners and scream at the kids the entire time. I remarked to another server the last time she came in pregnant "You know, I just don't think a room can get THAT dark. How does she stand it?"

So it's onto my new favorite server that I so efficiently dumped this nightmare .

When he came back from just greeting them, he replied "I hate you."

His next trip back from the table, he asked "Who's the jack ass that told these people we could make them TEXAS TOAST?"

I told his fiance that my tired ole body just couldn't take that family right then and that I was testing her theory that you just COULDN'T make Josh mad (we'll call my new favorite co worker "Josh".)

He did get me back though. Since the table was really in my section, when they asked for peanuts (we hate peanuts, they make a huge mess and are hard to clean up) he purposely didn't take them a "Shell" bowl...another bowl for them to place their empty shells in.

Oh no, those kids were throwing them under , over and across the table.I had to compliment him on his strategy, knowing how hard it is to sweep up peanut shells off the carpet with a three foot broom. He said that he thought it was a nice touch, and to enjoy cleaning up after them.

I told him to just consider the table an early wedding present from ole thoughtful Cotton.

He made it through ..I'll have to hand it to him. The manager only had to go over to the table three times and that may be a new record. Josh is such a good kid that even The ADDAMS FAMILY had a hard time picking his service apart.

They used seven different gift cards to pay their bill. The balance of $2.00 went on a credit card (the eighth card used).

Josh got busy and when they finally lumbered out the door carrying, spanking and screaming at their kids I went to clean the table. Josh still had the payment book on the table so I took out my pen and above the 8% tip on the charge slip I wrote "Server sucked." I waited fifteen minutes to see him finally pick up the book. I had already told his fiance what I did so we were both waiting.

He came around the corner and said "Look what that ass wrote on my charge slip." I just couldn't start laughing soon enough. I told him what I had done and I almost thought he would say "Touche'."

That's the kind of kid he is. He will go far in life...he'll HAVE to to keep the little fireball he is marrying happy, they are like me and my husband... opposites. And she is the only person at work that weighs less than me. One night when she left it was stormy and very windy. I told her to pick up a big rock to carry so she didn't skid across the parking lot and possibly rip her jeans.



I told "Josh", after the nightmare clanked and clattered it's way out the front door..."If that ain't a commercial for birth control, what IS ?"

Later on in the evening I put a sticker on his back when he was cut from the floor but walking around the back of the restaurant "My name is DOOFUS."

Wonder how he knew it was me when the manager asked him what it said?

I owe them a nice wedding present for real. He made my day, took a burden from me and turned it into an hour and a half comedy routine that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Even the managers were laughing .

I have a good job. It's killing me but kids like this it makes the death so much easier to bear.

As I wrote this post I actually laughed out loud a few times. Wait til I tell "Josh" he was the highlight of my blog and that I think he was the medicine my old bones needed.

What do you give a Mormon who is marrying a Catholic ? There's a joke in there somewhere but I think I have abused "Josh" enough for one day.

But REALLY !! What 'DO' you give to a Mormon who is marrying a Catholic ?? MORE GUILT ??