This is how I felt for five long years...beat slap up. It's actually a picture from when I fell in our kitchen one night after slipping on a towel we had by the back door for the dogs to wipe their paws during a muddy winter. I hit my head on the corner of the kitchen table and split my head wide open. I still have the scar and felt dizzy (er) for at least a year.
It wasn't much fun.
Neither were the past five years but have certainly learned some important lessons, the first one being "Love is all you need". All other lessons paled in comparison but learned from them all just the same.
With my new job and Tim's as well we've made tremendous strides, financially, personally and emotionally.
Even though now we're a thousand miles apart has been a win/win rather than the lose/lose/lose we survived for five years with what seemed like all the love in the world.
This is a perfect concept of life and wonderful way to live it.
We had it all and was pretty satisfying for over two decades. Then we both lost our income, savings and retirement plans but gained much more in return. Unfortunately that didn't pay the bills and caused what I consider unnecessary stress (gray hair and wrinkles) but in the grand scheme of things a microscopic price to pay (or sometimes not pay) but in the end will be just a tiny blip on the radar of our (hopefully) long lives.
I used to feel that way.
Now feel like sending Him a Thank you note:
"Dear Big Guy,
I'm older, skinnier, grayer and more wrinkled but feel like a pretty decent person who now views life from all angles instead of a skewed vision of what I expected it to be. Hey... everybody needs a slap in the face every now and then.
Maybe You slapped me a little more because I really am a bad-ass! Either way, thanks for seeing us through and thanks for finally opening not only a window but French double doors.
Sincerely, (besides YOU would know if I wasn't)
Tim left in late February, couldn't make it back for Massey's baptism last week and won't be home (for a weeks vacation) until the end of July.
That's a long time, even considering we needed not only his new job but a break from each other. (or probably him from me)
I was at the grocery store the other day and picked up a couple of cards for some "Pay it Forward".
I got Tim a card too. It said "Remember, whether it's a good day or a bad day...It's always a LOVE-you day."
I know he misses our kids, his new grand daughter who he hasn't met, all three slobbering pups and probably even my psycho self by now. (or at least my cooking)
Both the kids here at home signed it. Massey wrote a sweet note to him. Zach signed "Zachary Cotton" (like it was a summons or speeding ticket) and Massey told me they left the other side blank for me to write a love note to daddy.
I thought on it for two days while the card sat on the computer table.
Here's what I decided to add. (via a Paulo Coelho wisdom)
"To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something. But to be loved by the one you love is everything."