Sunday, March 8, 2015

Life's Crazy

Our life has been such a (mostly) downhill spiral for so long that was almost resigned to the fact. Then I landed my job at the airport (small pun) and shortly after Tim got on with a wonderful company who moved him up after just six months or so. Granted they transferred  him a thousand miles away from home but even after just a week have realized absence does make the heart grow fonder.

This is my absolute favorite picture of Tim with our daughter. She was in first grade but now almost through her second year of college. She misses her daddy, always been a "Daddy's Girl" and steadfastly been his biggest champion. I, on the other hand  (in hindsight) put a lot of negativity in our relationship after years of being broke. Somebody had to take the brunt of the blame and didn't feel like it should be me so made him the bad guy in my selfish mind because he had so much trouble finding a good job too. Yes I can be a bitch. But at least I know and admit it. That's something isn't it?

Tim called yesterday from Texas. Just to talk. The last time he called just to talk was in the 1980's.

The first time we talked about what bills were due and where to find them. He had found a room to rent and moved out of the hotel and told me a little about the place. We talked for a few minutes and before hanging up told him I was off all day and could call again later if he wanted. We have always ended phone calls with "I love you" and "I love you too."

 Life's short.

He called again later. I can't remember a second call just to talk,  ever!

I should have this motto etched on the back of my eyelids.

He's out there all alone in a place he's never been and doing it for not only us but me!

The room he's renting has a twin bed. He's over six two. He said his feet hung off the end. Bless ole Jed's heart, he's a good man.

I will mention one thing he said in the second call which made me smile. He said "I miss the dogs."

We have three kids and three dogs. Guess who complains the least and seems the happiest?

To me, dogs are totally therapeutic. If hadn't had these three pups to talk to the past few years I would be insane(r) by now. They've torn up the house, in the winter they plow up the back yard, sometimes get in fights (with each other none the less) and think they own the furniture but dangit we love those pups! If you don't feel good or have a bad day they instinctively and always know it.

If you have a really busy day and don't have a lot of time to spend with them; they'll look at you like that's okay too.

And it is.

My dogs have had to wait until the next day for food and still loved me. (even more when finally set down three bowls of food)

I've heard Tim complain to the dogs about me. I've done the same thing with them about him. They probably all three think we're both nuts!

I'll be honest, our three pups somehow hold the entire family together and are one of the few things we all have in common and care about equally.

I think they earned the furniture privilege. It's all at least twenty years old anyway and not like they're living at the Ritz. Heck, I had one of them's nuts chopped off in less than thirty minutes.  I think even they realize that much, and more times than not humble with wants and needs.

Maybe I should have given birth to puppies instead of babies. No that wouldn't work, dogs don't live long enough. Unfortunately, they're definitely a short fix.

I gotta have someone who can fill out the paperwork for me when  get shoved into an ole folks home much to the (probably by then) well earned and deserved pleasure of my future son and daughters in law.

All I ask is shove me somewhere that will let me have a pup.

I'm kidding about having had a litter instead. My boobs are way too small.

Our three kids are all composed of tiny microcosms, bits and pieces of us both miraculously put together by nature and God. All different yet all the same. They're ours.

They wear me out and can try me but also give me the greatest joy I've ever known.  I see some extremely wealthy people come into where I work with some (not all) pretty terrible kids (begrudgingly) in tow. What kid acts miserable when their parents are taking them to Greece, Amsterdam or Paris?

They don't have a clue how the other half (or nine tenths) live. My daughter was beyond thrilled to just get a pass through security so she could eat there...and wasn't flying off to anywhere. She rode MARTA with her momma to eat there and rode MARTA back to the borrowed car we used.

I'd take my kids over them any day of the week and all weekend long. They've seen Tim and me struggle these past few years and realize now, at pretty significant stages in their own lives  how quickly it can (and will) change.

Life comes with no guarantee, many hidden clauses and a lot of fine print.

I'd say we have about six more months of struggling but should have our heads out of the water and feet firmly in the black. Well maybe the really really dark almost black red.

Both Tim and I have absolutely fantastic jobs now and (God willin' & the creek don't rise again)  finally on the right path again. Our secure future is so close ahead we can wave at it now.

It appears to be absolutely stunning from where I'm standing.

The last few years haven't been easy but wouldn't change them even if I could.

We went from having everything we needed to pretty much scratching and scrambling for everything needed just to keep this house and family afloat. Essentially we've been living on an ark.

Our ark will be paid off in under three years.

I'll never forget these past few years and now not only realize how hard life can be but understand even more how priceless and fragile this exact very instant in time really is.

Life can change or simply choose to take you completely out of the game before a second hand on the clock can start to tick forward once.

Tim and I are literally a thousand miles apart right now but closer than we've ever been in over half a decade.

I'm gonna stay and dance with the one who brung me!

Til next time...COTTON

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