Her mother had Alzheimer's and not only the mother suffered but the daughter as well. The high school I went to was small but we're a close bunch and all stay in touch. Once Facebook exploded we connected even more, leaning about each other's going ons. I have followed this journey she has made with her mother and respect her even more for the way she has handled the battle.
She is smart and funny and took it all in stride. She laughed about the sad, tried to make light of a dark situation and somehow maintained her own sanity. She loved her mother when her mother didn't even KNOW she was her mother. I have tremendous respect for children who grow into adults, only to take on the role of parenting their own parents. Another one of my friends from high school went down this same road with her own mother and did just as good a job.
I used to think I was cheated. I lost my mother when I was seventeen...in thirty seconds as I looked on helplessly. I lost my healthy father in the matter of ten days from one tiny mosquito bite.
In hindsight, I was the lucky one.
We never had to put them in a home or even take them into ours. They both went quickly and spared us from having to see them turn into someone we didn't know and someone we had to care for without them even recognizing us.
My father's cousin was in a nursing home for rehabilitation a couple of years ago and my sister, Massey and I went by to visit her regularly. It was a depressing place. My dad's cousin was always upbeat and never once complained. She was there a couple of months and by the grace of God went home and is still living by herself and is a hoot!
It reminded me of a comedian my sister told me about. His routine was about nursing homes and the difference between men and women. He said most of the women still tried to fix themselves up and simply sat in the halls in wheelchairs with a look on their faces that expressed mild disappointment...kinda like "Ya know, I always thought I'd go to Europe" while the men sat in wheelchairs or lay on gurneys in the hallways with a wild look on their face like they wanted you to tell them a secret..."Where's the gold???"
I was lucky. I avoided both. Many of my friends didn't.
I have so much respect for people that have taken care of their parents and not dumped them off somewhere to die alone.
I have given Massey strict instructions. If I ever lose what little mind I have, simply put a pillow over my face and do NOT remove it until my little legs quit kicking...no matter what I say or who I call her.
I wrote to my friend after her mother died. I had just gotten home from work and it was late. Better late than never.
I sat for a while thinking what to say, then posted this.
" It's late. I'm a night owl. Just couldn't let the day pass (although it technically has) without telling you how relieved I was to hear God released your mother from her (and your) torment. I know you feel sad but don't! She is up there with so many others she knows and is the young vibrant woman she was so many years ago. Although you are crushed (as I would be) think of the well earned release your Mother has received. You are a wonderful woman, mother, daughter , friend and person. Grieve her passing, relish the memories (good AND bad) and remember that you wouldn't even be here to cry except for the fact she gave you life. You have made her proud. You have made all of US proud by loving and taking care of her when she needed it the most. Kudos to you my friend...you stepped up to the plate, accepted what was on it and hit it out of the park. You are my hero...you are your Momma's hero and as the Good Book says ..."Well done my good and faithful servant."
People so often think of death as horrible. Sometimes it is salvation.
Til next time...COTTON
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