Zach had to be at work at 9:30 this morning and wanted to go in thirty minutes early, which screwed me out of an extra hour's sleep but luckily I went to bed at a reasonable time last night.
Tim gets up for work earlier than me now that he is back on the day shift. (Which means he gets to clean up the puppy's surprises for us) Sometimes it's poop, sometimes it's socks he finds to chew on and strow around the house and sometimes it's just a random shoe or flip flop that looked really yummy. I hear Tim giving him a little pop on the butt at least four times before I get up and by the time he leaves for work, Ziggy is in the backyard for his "Time Out."
This puppy is so stinking cute and so happy here that our anger goes away really quickly. He has made my older two dogs so much more active...it ain't easy keeping up with a twelve week old puppy but they are giving it a good shot.
I recently started working only five days a week. I thought I couldn't afford to but realized I could no longer afford NOT to. I feel so much better it isn't even funny. I sleep better, eat better and I "Feel" better.
I have been cooking dinner...not just "nuking" dinner at least twice a week, sometimes three and the whole family seems to be not only happier but more appreciative of me.
I am a woman of my own making. I spoiled Tim rotten when I first met him and lived to regret it. I spoiled my kids rotten when they were little with the same results...I regret it.
It was okay when we were easily making over six figures a year and had well over ten grand in savings. Once Tim lost his job and then I lost mine and the savings were not only gone but were borrowing money from family, applying for government assistance and living off food stamps, it was the biggest wake up call I ever had.
By the Grace of God, family, friends and even strangers we made it. It was while over two years of scratching, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and learning exactly how humble a person can be that I learned to take "Nothing for granted."
I have tried to pay it forward as much as I could...most probably not enough but have made a sincere effort.
It may sound pitiful to some but to me feels glorious to have not had a cut off notice hung on my front door knob in over a year from our utility companies.
I still fight the giants like "Verizon" and "Charter" but have honed my skills and learned that when they threaten to cut us off for being late, simply say "Cut it off. I told you I would pay it on Friday."
I would get rid of cell phones but I have teens that drive MY car. I have teens that go off with friends in this disturbing society and MUST have that connection with them and them have one with me.
Charter is my internet provider and although I could wean myself from blogging and Facebook, they need it for school work. (Guess I got lucky with that!)
We are to the point I can take two days off, while still working at least seven or eight shifts and finally be a "Momma" again.
I feel my old self coming back. I have started delegating instead of trying to do it all. I have learned that if you ask nicely...they are a lot more willing to help. I learned that I was turning into that woman I never wanted to be...a bitter bee-otch.
I blogged about this a year or two ago but like a lightning bolt it hit me last week. I went to check Massey out of school for physical therapy when she was in tenth grade, maybe ninth. She was on medicaid and had a knee injury that required therapy once a week. I had to drive her to north Atlanta for a two hour session...not a fun day for me especially when I was squeezing in the visits between working sixty hours a week.
I went to the high school to check her out and a woman (okay I'll say it) a black woman was sitting on a bench outside the school muttering to herself...so I thought. Turns out she had a blue tooth and was chatting with a friend. She had her legs and arms crossed, deep in conversation and seemed to say to no one in particular (before I passed her and saw the blue tooth)..."Un Huh..I saw her at the club last weekend, she was lookin' all sour."
That just struck me as so funny. Massey didn't think it was funny but Tim and I wore it out for a year (Read post about beating a horse to death.) Tim would mention "Have you seen 'so in so' lately?" and I would say "Yeah I saw him at the club last weekend and he was looking all sour."
I am by NO means a bigot. I went to a high school that was mostly black by the time I graduated and loved every moment of it. They taught us how to rock a beat and taught me what "BUTSO" meant..."Born under the sign of." Yes I am a Leo!
My husband, who attended an upscale high school and was very (too much) privileged didn't believe me when I told him as a cheer leader at OUR school the most popular chant at ball games was "Sardines..YEAH and Pork and Beans. I can tell by the smell that your mother was a whale, Sardines, YEAH and pork and beans!" You know what? Our school rocked the house, blacks and whites all intermingled and were all friends. It was a better foundation for the future than his school was. The only difference was...their parents had more money.
My point is I have worked so much and so frantically that I have become the woman my family sees as the woman "Looking all sour."
I want to be the Momma my kids remember when they were young and I cooked almost every night of the week. I want to be the wife Tim couldn't keep his hands off of. I want to have my old life back with new perspective and appreciation.
I want this puppy to quit pooping on the floor.
You know what? If a puppy pooping on the floor has worked its way up to the top of my list...I have made it!
All the rest is gravy.
Just saying to all the millions and millions of people out here. Hang in there. Keep giving it your all. Give more of yourself than you can afford and it will return to you ten fold.
With God as my witness, I think I have reached the other side. Without him I would have never made it.
I just hope HE never says "I saw Kelly at the club last weekend and she was looking all sour."
Just when I thought my asking for help limitations ran out. When I thought I couldn't go on anymore...God opened another window.
He didn't give me a free pass but gave me a pat on the back, pumped me up and seemed to say "Well done my good and faithful servant...and quit lookin' all sour...It'll be okay."
Til next time..."COTTON"
No comments:
Post a Comment