Time For Another Hat Switch Again

Sometimes you can just tell when it's gonna be a great day. Today was one of them. Tim woke me up with breakfast in bed, a steaming cup of coffee , OJ and even a glass of my favorite Nestle's Quik. He had my work shirt ironed and ready to go and left the house right on time. I've started leaving an hour and a half instead of two hours early since learning all my nifty shortcuts to the commute. I rolled into the MARTA train station right on time and slowly stalked a TSA worker from the station to his car. I had to clock in at one thirty and hopped on the train at 12:59. By 1:06  was sitting on what I call the "Sardine Shuttle" to the International terminal. I got through security (using yet another shortcut I've learned) and got to work ten minutes early.

I'm beginning to feel more comfortable with every shift I work and today was no exception. I clocked in and got to work doing my opening side work and helping to clean up a bit. For the first thirty minutes I have opening duties and then begin to take tables.

I noticed my general manager talking to a woman I met at the Midtown location while attending a beverage class before starting training. I knew she was a big wig for Fifth Group, our parent company. She was sitting at a table with another person and they both had menus in front of them.

I was immediately relieved to see the menus. I thought maybe she was there to speak with me about my less than stellar "Shopper Report." She was just there to speak with the managers and executive Chef. I knew she knew about my Shop because Chef had told me so. As I passed her table on the way to greet one of my own, stopped to say hello and apologize about my crappy Shopper's Report.

She was extremely nice, chuckled and said there was nothing to be sorry about. She said getting Shopped on your first week is hard and I did just fine under the circumstances.

"WHEW!"

I KNEW it was gonna be a good day, even my hair had cooperated with me this morning!

There were two big flights leaving tonight, one for Amsterdam and another for Paris. I only made one mistake tonight with a credit card but the customer never knew about it and my "Bad Cop"manager fixed it for me. He even gave me more tables than he usually does and made pretty great money.

Around nine "Bad Cop" told me to pick up table 230 so I hustled right over. The guy kinda looked familiar but what do I know? I greeted him and he smiled and said hello to me as well. I asked if he was in a hurry (a must) and replied not at all, he was waiting for his flight to Paris. I took him his cocktail and asked if he had any questions about the menu or wanted to order an appetizer, naming a few of the more popular ones.  He shook his head and said "I'll just have Mama Lucia's Chicken Lucia."

That's a dish we serve at my OTHER job. Now I knew why he looked so familiar, he eats with me at the restaurant  in Newnan, where I live.  I laughed and said, "Fancy meeting YOU here!" Super nice, quite handsome man and was good to see him again.

My manager came up to me after I put the man's order in and said "The man at table 230 asked for a table when he came in and said he only wanted to eat if it was with the woman with short hair out on the patio. I thought he wanted to sit next to the customer on the patio, a woman eating with short hair so directed him to a table by her when he stopped me and said , No I want the SERVER with short hair to wait on me. He said he knew you from a Newnan restaurant and another place as well."

For Pete's sake! Now I knew where I ALSO knew him from.

A while back I was working part time for a Mattress store as a mid week manager as well as waiting tables at Mama Lucia's. I worked by myself Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. It wasn't a busy location and was in the middle of a hot summer. It was a discount, no frills store and didn't run the A/C to help keep costs down for the consumer. It didn't help ME much...my hot flashes alone are enough to melt the witch from the Wizard of Oz.

I worked ten hours days with no way to go anywhere for lunch so simply brought food with me from home and snacked when no one was in the store. But since they docked me thirty minutes for lunch, usually kicked back on a nice plush $1400.00 memory foam king sized mattress and read a book for thirty minutes. One hot summer day no one had come in for a time so took my thirty minute reading time. Somehow, someway I nodded off and didn't hear a customer come in. I was awakened by "Don't YOU look all comfy? That must be a great mattress!"

To  make it even worse, he knew me from Mama Lucia's.

Fast forward a few months...

I was at Mama Lucia's waiting tables one night when  woman sat at my table, ordered a glass of wine and said she was waiting on her husband. About thirty minutes later her husband came in so I asked him what he would like? He replied "A king size memory foam mattress." His wife looked at him like he was crazy (which was exactly what I was thinking) when he looked at his wife and told her I also worked at the Mattress store across the street. He said "You remember me don't you?"

I didn't remember him from Adam but enthusiastically said "SURE I do!"

Then the bomb dropped...

He said "I came in that day and you were SOUND asleep on that big daddy foam mattress with a book across your chest!"

Oops, NOW I remembered him!

I never got on another mattress to read the entire rest of the time I worked there.

So now a year later, working for a new restaurant in the International Terminal of the world's busiest airport this guy walks by, sees me and requests my table!

Yes, it WAS a good day! I had my first request table EVER at the new digs.

When I took him his check told him it was wonderful to see him again and apologized for snoozing on a mattress when he came into the mattress store. He extended his hand and said, "My name is Paul and it was good to see you again! Don't worry about the mattress thing, it was great advertisement for how comfortable the mattress was. I'm just glad you weren't selling toilets!"

You know, I couldn't MAKE this stuff up if I tried!

I didn't get off til almost eleven and got home shortly after midnight but made over two hundred dollars and even had my first "Request Table!"

Switching hats again on Thursday and Friday, working here in Newnan at Mama Lucia's.

"Remember that  wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You've got to find the treasure, so that everything else you have learned along the way can make sense." (The Alchemist)

So I'm just a "Server." But you know what? I'm pretty stinking good at it. It's all just sales and marketing,  not only enjoy it but have helped raise three kids with it and never hate going into my job.

Once again realizing how completely blessed I am, even with all the difficulties we've been through.

"One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving." (yet again The Alchemist)

I am loved and loved by many. I am blessed with family, friends and doing something I enjoy along the way.

Writing will always be my first passion, but HECK, I'm doing THAT along the way too!

Til next time, a finally Contented COTTON.

I Am Pig Pen

I've been off for the last three days, which is highly unusual for me. Not having a car makes it difficult to pick up shifts because I not only have to pick up a shift but a ride to it as well. I had two nice days off with  Massey though and spent some much needed Momma/Daughter time with her before she leaves for college next  week. Today she decided we had had enough  time together and left around three with her college room mate to spend the night at her house. They are going shopping for cheap text books tomorrow, trying to get a peek inside their dorm and having lunch at  The Cheesecake Factory in Atlanta.

I was fine with that. Zach's helping a friend move, Tim's off hunting jobs and I have the house to myself.

I gave myself a much needed manicure. I even got all crazy and trimmed my cuticles. Then I decided to paint my toe nails too. I took  off my flip flops and was disgusted by  the dirt between my toes.

I'm not a clean freak, whether it be my house OR me. I normally work six days a week and shower six days a week. I clean house about every other week but keep it liveable in between and Tim  and the kids kick in to help every once in a while. I mainly concentrate on the kitchen and baths, the rest is window dressing  to me. When you have two kids still at  home and three dogs, keeping the house immaculate is pretty much impossible unless it is your full time job. I get my spurts and will  attack a  room with Mr. Clean (Febreze scent) windex and Murphy's oil soap. (my three favorite cleaning products) I am always amazed when I get through  how little time it actually takes and how wonderful the results can be.

I basically haven't left the house since bumming a ride home from work Monday night. I get up in the morning, brush my teeth, run a washcloth over my face and call myself clean (enough). I like to think of myself as being very European. When we used to go to Florida every summer for vacation with my family, as long as we had the ocean and a pool to swim in I was good for the week. I might shower once if we went out to eat.

Tonight I'm going to have to break down and take a nice long hot bath...I'm beginning to get a bit rank. Even the dogs quit licking me.

Speaking of dogs...

These aren't my dogs but may  as well be. Dog fights are horrifying to me. They escalate from growling to a full out fight in less  than two seconds. I have big dogs and weigh less than two of the smallest ones put together.  Used to be it was always Charlie and Ham battling for the Alpha Male spot. Charlie got his butt whooped time after time after time and has finally learned his pecking order.

Ziggy is an extremely slow learner. He loves Ham, that's his buddy and sleep spooning each other. Ziggy just doesn't understand  that Ham is totally blind now and when he jumps on Ham in the back yard trying  to play, it takes Ham by  surprise and of course Ham's reaction is to defend himself. Ham could kill Ziggy if he wanted to, he's a massive dog. I couldn't imagine being totally  blind and having others jumping on me not knowing if they were friends or foes. Ham has gotten grumpier after losing all his sight and Ziggy is still a playful pup. We had another dog fight day before yesterday and luckily Massey was there  to help me break it up. Ziggy has a couple of superficial scars but Ham wasn't letting go being in the dark so  to speak and came out with several wounds from Ziggy's sharp  young teeth. I simply can't take it anymore and have to keep Ziggy out back all day, which isn't like a prison. He has a huge yard to  play in, or at least fifty yards of it when he is on his "Escapee" run. I go out back several times a day and let him off  the  run to let him romp. As soon as I get a vehicle we are starting the chop shop for all three. The local mobile vet does neutering on Thursday's. We once  thought about breeding Charlie because he is so spectacular  and looks just like UGA. Then we thought about breeding Ziggy because he is AKC and the most beautiful boxer I have ever seen with his perfect markings.

Then I started thinking about how many dogs are neglected, mistreated and  abandoned. Yeah, we're broke and studding out a male dog would bring in some money but I need to maintain some sanity around here and it's not like studding them out will entirely fix our economic debacle and the world certainly doesn't need more dogs, there are plenty out there who need a good home first.

The person I am in contact with at  the foundation that offered to help Ham is out of town until next  Monday. I am formulating my letter from  Ham to them. Ham's a great dog, didn't ask to be part of our family we adopted him. He's gone blind and  it's become an issue having two other rescue males here. I've become afraid of letting all  three in the house at once until Tim or Zach  get home and that's not the way I (or the pups) want it.

People have helped Ham get so far. Ham would be dead by  now if they hadn't pitched in to not only send him for eye evaluation but pay for his shots, gas to and from vet visits and even dog food. Then they paid for his heart worm treatment. The boy has come so far  thanks to so many and I simply want Ham to go the final mile and be able to see again, and limited vision is all we ask for.

Once again harassing the foundation tomorrow with yet another email but at least they have so far responded every time. To people who don't have dogs, I know I sound crazy. To people who DO have dogs, thanks for loving my Ham and helping him get to this critical point.

Back to the  real world tomorrow, working all weekend and only have to bum a ride on Friday!

Soaking in a hot tub, washing away three day's worth of grime and waking up tomorrow to do it all again.

"It's not about what it is, it's about what it can become."  (Dr. Seuss)

Til next  time, a stinky dirty but extremely lucky and grateful COTTON.

The Comfort Zone

So it was back to the restaurant tonight for me. Waiting tables is NOT easy work but something I've been doing for  thirty four years, hence it's my "Comfort Zone."

I had a good night's sleep and got lots of errands run today. Got my Hurr Did, groceries bought, bills paid and yard cut. Work was great, it was busy and I had four different tables come in and ask for my section.(always a good thing) No hunting and pecking at computer  spread sheets or Excel, just talking and putting in orders and giving good service. It's so much easier now that I'm not doing it seven days a week, I actually enjoy it much more. I went in tonight and one of the managers said "Hey Ms. Cotton! I sure miss you around here."

I've stepped out of my comfort zone with this new part time job and sometimes feel totally overwhelmed, which is a good thing. You have to push yourself to get ahead. I sold a mattress and box springs to one of my restaurant coworker's boyfriend yesterday and when I went into work tonight she said he really liked the new mattress and slept like a baby last night. She also made the comment that he said I was going to do great at  this job. I hope he's right!

Life is closing in on me fast. In less than a month my youngest  graduates from high school (with honors) my oldest is living on the other side of the world and my middle one is turning out to make me pretty dang proud too!

What more can a girl ask for? I have two jobs I really like, three kids I absolutely adore and one husband who deserves a gold medal for putting up with the likes of me. Tim and I are a combination of Ralph and Alice, Al and Peg and Ricky and Lucy with a touch of  Archie and Edith except that I wouldn't be caught dead in one of Edith's dresses or Peg's heels and hair dos.

On top of it all I have three pups who I love too. One's blind, one's deaf (or just extremely stubborn) and one's just BAD. I wouldn't trade any one of the three, I love my pups and they are all crazy about me! I have three kids who are all different and unique in their own way....the pups followed suit.

I reached a stand still with  the Vet specialist I took my blind dog to. I'm going another avenue, contacting the Auburn Veterinary Program about having his sight restored. My vet thinks he is healthy enough for eye surgery and since he saved my Ham from heart worms, I'm going with his vote. It may sound uncaring or cruel but I am willing to take  the chance on his eye surgery.  He never runs anymore, he never jumps anymore, he simply bumps and bumbles his way though every  day. Click on this link to see Ham, being Ham!

http://youtu.be/xsKUECBVTCw

This is a video of him in his prime, just a few short years ago. I'm willing to take the gamble. He doesn't want to be a doddering old man, he wants to be HAM again!

So I worry  about my dogs  almost as much as I worry about my kids....I think that makes me a pretty caring person. That's not such a bad thing to be is it?

Swinging back to selling furniture tomorrow and swinging back to being a server on Sunday. I'm a lucky wife, a lucky mom and pretty satisfied person.

There's always room for improvement!

Til next  time...COTTON

Life Goes On

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep.

My dear friend, Ruth fought the good fight but lost the battle on Thursday. She was ninety one years young. Until three months ago she was doing great. She fell in her house one day and simply never recovered fully. They discovered cancer when she was admitted to the hospital for her injuries. She was moved to a hospice and given one month to live. She got a bit stronger and was able to move into the assisted living facility with her dear husband. Although they were in separate rooms at least they were in the same place and her husband could walk over and visit her. The doctors then said she could possibly live at least another year.

Massey and I would go visit and take them food from the restaurant...they were very loyal customers until a few short months ago. They were fascinating to talk to and delightful to know.

I was going to visit them on Thursday but Ham's procedure side tracked that. I planned on doing it another day but now she's gone. I've said it before...Life is but this very instant.

Does it sound bad  I am relieved she has gone on to her reward ? I'm glad she didn't suffer for years with cancer with her husband having to witness a slow and painful demise. She had over ninety one great years and twelve bad weeks...I'd call that a win.

I had a couple of hours between my shifts today so I went and visited her husband. I knocked on the door of his apartment and as usual he yelled "Come in." He isn't very mobile and suffers from Macular Degeneration and  legally blind. He's still got a sharp mind, but his wife was his eyesight and now both are gone.

He was slumped in a chair watching (listening) to  the television blaring away. Just like a man, he never muted  or turned it down so we sat and hollered at each other for a few minutes. I told him how sorry I was but that she was in a great place now and free from pain and illness.  He shook his head slowly in agreement but just looked lost...and I am sure that's exactly the way he feels. Lost...

"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

On a different note, when I came by  the house after visiting my friend to check on Ham,my oldest son came over for a visit. He is twenty six.

Massey adores him. Zach used to but they drifted apart once Zach started drifting. Now all three of my kids are one close bunch again and it melts my heart. He came down and took Massey and Zach both to see "The Life of Pi."

We were all in the kitchen  talking and TJ simply said out of the blue "I came to tell you first  I am moving." I asked where to and he said "Australia...in seven weeks. I already have my passport and visa." After I picked my jaw up off  the kitchen floor, I thought to myself...You know what? I wish I had done something like that when I was his age! He is unattached, smart, good looking and there's a huge world out there waiting to be explored.

People in their nineties sometimes , more often than not die. Kids grow up fast and if smart enough, expand their horizons and see just how far they can go.

I am grateful to have just made it this far.

I have three amazing kids, all amazing in three totally different ways.

I have three dogs left  to raise because number one I love them and number two they love me. I'd be lost without them. My kid's are all flapping wings and leaving the nest. Some learned to fly quickly, some needed more help. That's what a Momma's for.

Ham is feeling so much better...it is actually amazing. Charlie and Ziggy seem to know he feels puny and have both left him alone.

The one who has not been left alone is me. I have survived  the past three years with the help of so many people. Family, friends (new and old) and even strangers.

I have learned lessons in humility and learned lessons in Karma. I have learned lessons of life. I have learned more over the past few years than I have  being on this earth for over half a century.

Here are just a few of the things I've learned along this journey.

You get what you give.
You reap what you sow.
Ask and you will receive.
Do unto others as you  would have them do unto you.

Another lesson I have learned:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

I am a lucky person. I am a lucky wife and a lucky mother.

1. "When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
   When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
   Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
   And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
   • 
     Count your blessings, name them one by one,
     Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
     Count your blessings, name them one by one,
     Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.
     And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
   Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
   Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
   And you will keep singing as the days go by.
3. When you look at others with their lands and gold,
   Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
   Count your many blessings—money cannot buy ..wealth can never buy
   Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.
4. So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
   Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
   Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
   Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
5. I have all three of my kids home tonight. I have a pup on the road to recovery.

It's been a long road but one I had to travel.

I am blessed beyond belief and so is my family.

My comfort zone is my blog. I simply put it out here and over 55,000 people have viewed it. Love me or hate me...

I'll still love you!

Til next  time...COTTON

It's a Dog's Life

If you follow my blog you'll know what a time I've had with the gate of my privacy fence. First off...Charlie the bulldog ate a hole in between the gates so he could stick his fat head out for a better view.

That was fine until we got little Ziggy...

Little Ziggy, or as we like to call him, Houdini could squeeze through  and often did when he was a little pup. Once he slipped out, Charlie would chew on the opening until he could just squeeze his own fat self out and off they would both go...around the front of the house and both sit by the front door waiting to be let back inside. (Idiots!)

 One night Ham decided to follow them but once out of the gate got lost...he's blind.  Luckily we found him half a mile from home. The next day I put up enough chicken wire, pounded stakes into the ground and nailed up boards to keep them all in the yard. It wasn't very attractive but it did the trick.

My brother in law came over yesterday and started us a new gate. The old one was wide enough to drive a car through. He made this one just wide enough for me to get my "Johnny Dear" through and even made the pups a peep hole so they could see out.

They love it and so do I! It was an early Christmas present and one well needed. The two taller dogs can peer right out. Charlie has to stand up on his front two legs but likes it too.

I love my pups...call me crazy, you won't be the first but  would do anything for these dogs.We are just hanging on here but I have people helping me get Ham's heart worms and eyes taken care of and some of them have never even met me OR Ham. If you are a dog lover you simply understand. Dogs are loyal and love unconditionally. They don't ask for anything but  grateful for everything. They know when you feel down and always make you feel better. They listen to you lament and complain and never interrupt or correct.You are always right and even if you're not, all they do is sigh and wag their tail in affirmation. It's like a free pass.

Here's a perfect example... Ham was sleeping and Ziggy snuggled right up next  to him. They love each other and they love me.

Am I embarrassed I need help to  take care of my pups? Yes, but not as embarrassed as I was two years ago when I had to stand in line and sign up for unemployment, food stamps and medicare for my family and children.Thankfully the government stepped in and helped us as I cried the entire time in every single line I had to stand in. Looking back I realize I have worked since the age of fourteen and paid into  the system for almost forty years before ever withdrawing from it.

Some people may find it embarrassing that I say I was on food stamps and medicare. Well I was...and it got us through. I didn't abuse it (like millions of others) but it helped us tremendously and I am extremely grateful.We're not rolling in the dough but treading water  and it's an awesome feeling.

We are taking care of our family now but just can't take care of our pup's problems. This is where "Pay it Forward" comes into play. For years and years we were a six figure income family. I  helped people time and time again and it felt wonderful.  You know what feels even MORE wonderful? People loving you right back.

It's Karma. It's The Golden Rule... it's quite simply LOVE.

Be a good person, Work hard and show love to others. You reap what you sow. Never be ashamed to accept help when you need it but always  be extremely grateful and  know how to  "Pay it Forward."

Go to the "Dollar Tree" everything in there is one buck. Buy five things and drop them off at a donation point like Salvation Army.  Hold a door open for someone and let them go first. Tell someone to have a great day, or step in when you see someone being treated unfairly.

I believe this will be our greatest Christmas ever. My kids are now all old enough to realize what life is about. It's not about them, it's about everyone!

Hug someone, call a friend you have been thinking about. Bless a random person when they sneeze. Let someone go in front of you in line. Just be nice to people. It has totally worked for me.


Til next  time...A totally blessed COTTON

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

It's been a good week...gotta keep reminding myself of that. I have lots of people wanting to help with Ham's eyes. Got a check in the mail today that will cover his assessment with the specialist and get the ball rolling. A blog reader I have never met and who lives in a different state read my blog about Ham getting lost at  night and promptly offered to cover his initial visit. (Thank you Jerry and Dee)

It's also been a bad week. Every night at work has been slow and tips even worse. That's the catch 22 about waiting tables. If you desperately NEED money you can't count on it until you actually are counting it into your pocket. I'm $300 under what I usually make by  this point in my work week  and it depresses the crap out of me. I had all kinds of plans for that $300. Pay the greedy Verizon giant get some groceries for the house and help Tim with gas money. The cell phones got cut off yesterday and somehow, someway I lost thirty dollars out of my work apron last night. I left work with the pitiful forty dollars I managed to make staying  til an hour after closing. Of course my gas light came on when I got in my car so I went to Kroger and paid for ten bucks worth thinking that would leave Tim twenty for gas and ten for milk and breakfast food. I pumped the gas and came straight home. It was gone this morning...trust me, Tim looked for gas money and my apron was empty. I've torn the car apart and quizzed the kids. It was windy and cold last night as I pumped gas in my work skirt and was hurrying...can I really be so stupid?

This morning I woke Zach up and asked him to ride with me to the animal shelter where the mobile clinic visits every Thursday. I was going to take Ham today to the eye specialist but not on ten bucks of gas...so I decided to schedule for next  week and go get his shots updated. He has to be up to date on shots for surgery and although I plan to every week I run out of money by Thursday.

 Then I talked to a co worker who's story makes mine look like a fairy tale.  Her husband lost a $200,000 a year job and they are in jeopardy of having their beautiful vintage home off  the town square in Newnan auctioned off on  the courthouse steps. They have scrambled like we have and also have dogs like us. They took their dogs to the mobile clinic for shots and medicine and when her husband asked them to just hold the check for a day they said just pay when they could.

Sounds like MY kind of clinic! I loaded up Ham and Ziggy...I felt bad taking all three and Zach and I headed over. We  got there and an old skinny woman (no it wasn't my twin sister) handed us a form to fill out. It had different packages and I noted the ones Ham and Ziggy needed were both $35. I looked up at the woman and said "I'm broke as a joke and don't have any money  today."  She said to take the form with us and come back at a later date.

I went home and called my co worker.  She said I should have just filled out the form, checked  what I needed and waited til the vet called to see my dogs...then tell him I couldn't pay today but could post date a check or send him a money order.

I must be slipping in my desperation. I've never been one to give up and should have known better than to take "No" from the woman just handing out forms. I have Ham scheduled for next  Thursday morning at 8 with the specialist. I will take him immediately from his assessment to the mobile clinic and barge my way through to the vet.

I picked up a shift earlier this week, picked up today on my day off and will pick up as many shifts as I can til Ham can see. I shouldn't have given in so easily today at the humane society, and it certainly isn't like me.

I must keep remembering desperate times call for desperate measures and that it's amazing what can happen if you just keep  trying.

Always remembering my "Pay it forward" I  have volunteered  to help a friend move out of an apartment and abusive relationship tomorrow. At least she gave me gas money  to get there and if I have to...I'll kick his sorry  A** too.

Sometimes it's hard to stay positive.  I usually always go to bed late, and those are the hours when I do my best thinking and rationalizing. I think about how my life has changed so dramatically. We used to go out and buy whatever we needed... now we worry how we will get by with what we have.

There's not enough Duct Tape in the world to fix us but there IS enough love and Karma.

If I keep on keeping on and paying forward...everything will work out. I keep reminding myself of the millions and millions less fortunate than me. The ones without a roof over their heads or a hat ON their heads as winter blows in. I am typing on a computer...they would be happy to snuggle up in a corner of my garage with the wind off  of  them. They would be happy to simply have ANY roof over their head.

Waking up early to help my friend and pay it forward. At least my husband isn't a cheater or abusive...that would REALLY suck. At least my life sucks in a loving environment and  have so many people loving me that it is almost embarrassing.

I am truly blessed and  need to ALWAYS remember that.

Thanks to every one for helping with Ham. Thanks to God for helping me...simply said "THANKS!"

Til next  time...COTTON