Wednesday, March 1, 2017

The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful

I think the biggest change (and's been many) for me since moving to Orlando is getting used to it being summer year round.

Not that I'm complaining...I love it.

It's March first, have been here since the end of last September and haven't turned the A/C off  once yet.  The heat has never been turned on. I'd say we've had about a total of maybe five days when the temps dropped below seventy. I've yet to put on a coat and only used my sweater two or three times.

Talk about paradise!

I suffer from hot flashes so would be hot even if I lived in Antartica.

I planted a flower garden from seed packets in November and it is still blooming like crazy.

That ain't gonna happen in Antartica during November.

A lot of the people I work with are either from here or been here quite a while. I remember one day  it actually dropped into the sixties and everyone at work was like "Oh, we're gonna be slow because it's too cold to go outside!"

It was sixty eight degrees.

People had on Ugg boots, hooded fur lined jackets complete with scarf and gloves.

My flip flops are worn on a daily basis.

The only downside is having to keep my toenails polished.

Nail polish on finger and toe nails is great but you gotta keep it up. I hate to see it half chipped off or barely still on.

My momma raised me better'en that.

The leg shaving's not such a big deal for me anymore.

Random fact which have only recently learned from personal experience.

Apparently a woman's leg hair retires in it's early fifties. If I want to stay silky smooth can shave my legs once a month. I only shave up to my knees. I have virtually no hair on my upper legs.

I've also learned (again from personal experience) that when hair retires from a woman's legs, moves directly to her chin.

It appears like a sprout.

That one random hair... which wasn't there last week but just as suddenly appeared in the form of that single half inch long, grotesque and mortifying discovery when looking into the magnifying side of your make up mirror while applying your war paint.

Is it not enough we push a human out of a hole in our body, the size of a dime?

Is it not enough Aunt Flow visited us uninvited, twelve times a year for decades?

Is it not enough to have raised those humans we not only carried inside our body but also painfully squeezed out of it?

Is it not enough,  our compensation for it all ends up being eternal nights of sweating like having the best sex of our lives when are simply just trying to get a decent night's sleep?

I really want to blame it on men but in good conscience simply can't.

Bitch make me hate apples.

Til next time...COTTON

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