Saturday, September 17, 2011

I'm a Creature of the Night

I have always been a night owl. I have been a server since I was eighteen so I've pretty much always worked nights. I can get by with five hours of sleep for weeks but decompress about twice a month with a fifteen hour sleep-a-thon and start all over again. I just finished my  eigthteenth day in a row working and slept yesterday til noon. I watched the news still in bed and caught up with "All My Kids" for another hour. Two o'clock hit and I was ready to go! I went to the grocery store and made killer subs for all of us...including the next door neighbor's kid who was over. Turkey, smoked ham, roast beef, salami and cajun chicken with lettuce, tomato and lots of spicy mustard ... a bit of mayo and provolone cheese.

Headed into work and closed the restaurant. The tipping gods  smiled on me so I left the store after eleven and went by WalMart for a few things I can't buy at Kroger or Publix...namely a new vent hose for my dryer and new clamps to attach it. I pulled into the parking lot and saw a space right by the door (lucky me!)

I locked the car and took in my surroundings. I am careful and know that wearing a uniform and apron scream "I have cash in this apron!" I don't carry a purse so I keep my apron on to hold my keys, money , cell phone and wine key (doubling as a defensive weapon.) I walked quickly to the door only fifteen feet away to find out it was locked. For Pete's sake...it's WalMart! You already know crazy people shop there. Why piss them off even more by locking an entrance? I was so tired I didn't feel like moving my car so wielding my wine key I walked even faster all the way to the other set of doors.

Found my dryer vent hose and clamps. Picked up a couple more items while I was there and headed to check out. There are twenty seven registers at the store and there were at least fifty people in line. Three registers were open and with the recent remodel they did away with self check out. "Lovely!"

One woman was pushing a full cart in front of her and pulling another full one behind her. I chose another line. Then the person in front of me had an item with no tag on it. I moved to the only lane left and just took a deep breath.

Got my purchases and went out the only door they would let us and scampered back to my car on the other side of the parking lot. By this time it wa almost one. I checked my email and logged onto FB for a minute and decided to"Get Busy."

Our dryer is old and the idiots that built our house ran the line from our dryer under our staircase...took a ninety degree turn and spit it out underneath  my back living room window. They could have gone directly out the front through Massey's bedroom wall. They did the same at my next door husband's house but he changed his. I'm good at a lot of things but re routing vents isn't one of them. I need to change my vent hose every six months but I've been distracted.

I pulled the dryer out from the wall and climbed over. The vent hose was totally clogged with lint and water from the heat my tired old dryer was trying to put out. It was taking three hours to dry a load of clothes and the last load came out smelling funky and mildew(ish.)

I took the old hose off being careful not to spill all the water that had collected in it and almost threw up at the stench. I poured it out in the back yard and put the hose in the garbage can outside. I knew the  pipe running from the laundry room to the outside was wet as well so I got a great idea.

All my good ideas seem to come to me at one fifteen in the morning!

I went back into the laundry room with my leaf blower, took the long nozzle off and crammed it into the vent leading from my laundry room to it's bizzare escape route. Trust me...if you think a leaf blower sounds loud outside in the daytime, try using one in a tiny laundry room after one in the morning. I was covered in dust and lint. I crawled back out from the dryer and got a beer outta the fridge for a much needed break. My facebook page was open on the computer in the dining room and there was a post from Massey. "hmmm..are you seriously doing this at 1:36 in the morning?"

Damn skippy!

It took me forever to attach the new vent hose, I couldn't find the right size screw driver and it is  a really tight space I was working in. By two I had my dryer running like new and felt truly energized. My sink in the master bath was draining slow so I poured down some Mr. Plumber. It said to flush with hot water so I did it one step better. I boiled a huge pot of water and while I waited for it to boil glugged every sink in the house and flushed them with the boiling hot water.

So what it is after two? Now my dryer works great and all my sinks drain like my bank account.

I crashed onto the couch with my two pups beside me and dreamed that Anderson Cooper was straight and had a thing for me. (I really did dream that and really wish he did)

I woke up this morning to a daughter that looked at me and said "Well everyone else got a kick out of your leaf blower episode on FB."

I have learned a lot being married to Tim. He works like a dog but will not try to fix anything...he knows his limitaions and being handy isn't one of them. On the other hand we turn out to be a perfect match because I will try ANYTHING and can usually do a pretty good job. I tend to use a lot of duct tape and it may not be perfect but it keeps the house going.

As long as he pays the bills, I'll be his "Fix-it woman." I like learning how to do things and the pleasure when I fix something really gives me a rush. He does his part by folding and putting up the laundry...a job I detest. Guess we ARE a good match.

That seems to be the problem with couples today. You  don't need to stero-type...you need to know each other and see their strengths and know your weaknesses and make it work for the common goal.

I am crazy...I know that,  but think that is what endears me to my family. Want or need something done...call me after one AM and I'll be on it!

Til next time...CRAZY COTTON

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