Some Men Just Aren't Thinkers...

Oh, you GOTTA click on these pictures...and "NO" none of them are of MY husband. The swimming pool shot cracked me up and is exactly something my two sons would do.

The kid stuck in the chair is almost exactly like something my sister's son did when he was younger except it involved HIS head and the wrought iron bars of a fence.

Some men just aren't thinkers!

Case in point: Yesterday a horrible tragedy happened to my boyfriend "John Dear." I was all ready to cut the front of the subdivision when I noticed Johnny's front tire was looking a little low. I found my can of Fix a Flat...half empty! Tim has a slow leak in one of the tires on his car and has been mooching out of "Johnny's" emergency can. I shook it and thought maybe there was enough to fill the small tire on the mower (I'll fuss at Tim later.)

All gassed up and 'flat fixed' I putted to the front of the subdivision and started cutting. About ten minutes in I happened to look down and ole Johnny boy's tire was not only flat but loose from the rim. DANG!!

It was almost time to pick the kids up from school so I parked Johnny , took the key out and hoofed it back to the house.

After I picked the kids up I stopped off for a new can of Fix a Flat and headed back home. Zach and I tried to fill the tire but it wasn't on the rim enough and couldn't seal. DANG #2!

Massey had to go back to the school for guard practice and Tim was taking her, so when they drove past me at the front of the subdivision I told Tim to get me another can of "Fix" and told Zach to go borrow my 'next door husband's' jack. Zach drove the jack up in my car and we jacked ole Johnny off the ground so we could try and get the tire back on the rim. It wasn't easy by any means...I've learned over the past year NOTHING is easy if you're a Cotton these days.

Zach helped me get the tire back on the rim and jumped in a car with his buddies as they turned into the subdivision and took off for parts unknown...I think I heard them burn rubber turning out onto the main street. Zach probably said "Hurry or she'll think of something else for me to do."

Pouring with sweat I found a spot of shade to wait in for Tim to return with my Fix a Flat. Here he finally came...driving slow as a granny and in nobodies hurry. He rolled the window down to hand me the can when I told him he had to wait and take the jack back to the neighbor's once I got the tire pumped up. I shot ole Johnny up with some sealant and told Tim to lower the jack. He looked at the jack like it was a nuclear bomb he had to dismantle and after about ten seconds said he couldn't figure out how to lower the jack. For Pete's sake...

He saw the look on my face (the one that said I didn't know how to either but at least I was a woman) and just picked up the back end of my 400 pound lawnmower off the jack and sat it on the ground. (I guess he IS somewhat of a thinker.)

I jumped on Johnny and took off. Fix a Flat was spewing out of the side of the tire and I thought to myself "Houston, we have a problem."

Tim had already loaded up the jack and headed down the street...thinking like Zach "Let me get outta here before she wants some MORE help."

I knew I had to drive ole Johnny boy home before all the Fix a Flat was gone or I'd be pushing a 400 pound mower back to the house on my own and be pretty ticked off by the time I got there.

Putting down the street with Fix a Flat spewing like Silly String I barely made it back to the house before the tire came off of the rim again. No more "Dang"..it was definitely a "Damn."

I went to my next door husband's house to borrow back the tire plugs his son had borrowed from me last week. They are these sticky gluey strips that you thread with a huge needle type tool to plug a hole. My next door husband was already laughing at me putting down the street with foam squirting out of my tire ( we may get a next door divorce) and asked if I needed help. I told him thanks but I knew how to plug a tire.

My husband was still over there talking with my next door husband, returning his jack when I borrowed the plugs. Tim said "Man, those look pretty nifty, do you think you could put one of those in MY tire?" He was talking to my next door neighbor...NOT me. I rolled my eyes at my neighbor and took my gluey stick of plug to go back over to my house and fix my Johnny boy.

Turns out Tim didn't have a slow leak, he had two nails stuck in his tire. My neighbor fixed both of them and I plugged up ole Johnny.

Some men are good at cooking breakfast and vacuuming when you bitch enough. Some men are handy men and can fix anything.

Tim and I are a mix...he won't try to fix anything and there is nothing I won't try to fix. Guess it all works out in the long run.

To his credit, he is an EXCELLENT vacuumer and can make some mean home fried potatoes with breakfast.

Is it just me or does my life seem to be a sitcom waiting to happen?

At least we know who the "Director" will be...

Til next time...Johnny's girlfriend