Revenge is MINE...Saith the Server

I had a great lunch shift at work today.

It started with a party of 18 women, mostly in their eighties...out for an annual lunch.

One lady immediately sat down and dug her ziploc baggie out of her handbag. She probably had fifty coupons for our restaurant, free deserts, free appetizers, $3 off two entrees, you name it and she had it. I was the bearer of bad news that she could not deal the coupons out like a deck of cards to her other seventeen friends and have them all taken off the bill. It specifically is printed "One coupon per table" and "Not valid with any other offer or discount".

I summoned my manager to the table and we worked out a deal. We would buy them three appetizers and let them use two free dessert coupons.

The lady in charge of this Grand group of Dames, somewhat begrudgingly agreed.

Not to mention that when she had called the day before to make the reservation, my general manager had told her precisely the same thing on the phone. (Good try, Granny)!!

Of course I made sure the lunch went as smooth as silk. Every glass was refilled, every dirty plate removed, salads all came out perfectly on time, and they all received their lunches at the same time (thank you fellow servers)!!

They were a truly pleasant bunch to wait on, and I enjoyed waiting on them.

I had all eighteen separate checks ready for them...all in the order that they sat around the table, and they were very gracious about giving me a few extra minutes to make change for eighteen separate tabs. Most all of them left me more than 15% as a tip, and several commented on my wonderful skills as a server...to which I gave my standard reply "I didn't go to college for Nothing"!!

I should have known that next table was bound to happen (the law of averages).

The host seated my table with a gentleman (I'll be nice and call him that). He asked if I could do something about the A/C vent that was "BLASTING down on him.

I suggested "Another table perhaps"? (With the hot flashes that I am having in my late forties...ain't NOBODY turning the A/C off...at least not from MY request)!!

After changing tables three times, "Captain Sunshine" was ready to order his drink.

When I brought it back to the table, he was already frantic that he needed three more menus (he was expecting joiners and had left at least one menu on every table he had tried).

I told him I would have those right out, and if he needed me before his party arrived, my name was KELLY. He quickly told me in a booming and demanding voice that "I DO need you...I need you to WAIT on me and do it now"! I calmly replied that I thought he was waiting for three others, to which he BOOMED back "CAN I ORDER SOME APPETIZERS"???

I turned around, before I bitch slapped him and spoke to the man I was waiting on at the table next to Capt. Sunshine. My other customer gave not only a pitying look of condolence, but a quite loud comment of "You have been a great server, thanks for the good service and I hope you have a wonderful day". (Thank you unknown customer).

When I saw that the three joiners had arrived, I dreaded going back to the table, but plowed on with my job...avoiding eye contact with the old man and focusing with a smile at the three people who had sat down (all three around my age).

Once I had taken all three drink orders, the ole man said in a huff "My friends aren't as rude as me". To which I replied somewhat loudly, with my arms lifted toward the sky "THANK YOU JESUS"!!!

Actually that got a chuckle out of everyone at the table, and ole grumpy pants said "I've just had a really shitty day".

I started to point out that he was beginning to make mine the same way...but I restrained myself (I CAN do that if I really try).

I made sure their meal was as flawless as my sweet old ladies lunch had been...and almost had the old man wrapped around my finger without him ever knowing it.

After the lunch, he came into the service hallway, barking out that it was the younger man's birthday, and didn't we do something for birthdays? I replied that I could bring him a hot fudge sundae...to which he said "Just make it quick...I gotta be back at the office in ten minutes".

I returned to the table with the birthday sundae and told the younger guy "Happy Birthday"!! My crusty old "friend"(by this point)said "I thought that ya'll used to sing or something".

I said, with a smile on my face and a sweet glint in my eye "We used to...but people just started getting so mean we stopped doing that".

(Actually it was a corporate decision, but one that I was grateful for. It wasn't TOO bad when we used to chant our little birthday limerick ...unless I walked up to a table and it was someone that I went to college with. Then it was just embarrassing).

By this point in the lunch, I had taken great care of this group, given them outstanding service, and I knew that I had made my statement with my server skills.

Ole grumpus gave ME a 20% tip and I had given HIM a subliminal tip.

You don't have to be an ass until something goes devastatingly wrong or someone screws up the service that you expect and deserve when spending hard earned money in today's economy.

Another lesson learned, and another one taught.

Sometimes I really love my job, and today was the perfect example.

Til next time...COTTON