The Ecstasy Of Trying... The Agony of Defeat

My twelve year old daughter came home a couple of weeks ago to announce that she felt like she would be a good candidate for the track team at her middle school. So I took her for a sports physical, filled out the forms, and picked her up every day after track practice. They had tryouts for a week, she attended every one of them, and was more pumped up than I had seen her in a while. This was the first team sport she had ever shown any interest in, and my husband and I were behind her 100%. She ran the 200 in a pretty decent time (my husband had to tell me that)... but I felt like this was going to be a good thing. A few girls dropped out after the first day, followed by several others during the week. On this past Thursday... the list was posted. I received a text from her...she didn't make it. She was totally devastated. They had cut 3 girls...one of them my daughter. I was furious. For Pete's sake; she was there every day, enthusiastic and pumped... for a middle school track team! Why on Earth could the coach just not let ALL the girls who stuck it out, showed initiative and interest, just make the team? I wasn't asking for them to let her be a starter in any of the meets, or be a first stringer... just let her BE a part of something that she had obviously wanted to be a part of. The girl WANTS to run... LET HER! Let her go to practice every day, be a part of something, and feel special. It isn't like they were choosing an Olympic team or headed for great fame and fortune. I always thought that these school sports were for the KIDS, not the coaches. I tried to rationalize with her, that there were hundreds of other girls that did not even TRY OUT... but SHE did, and gave it her best shot. Unfortunately rationalization isn't a strong trait in twelve year old little girls; although petty squabbles, finger pointing and making fun of others seems to come naturally to most of them...especially the "winners". I wanted to email the coach to ask exactly what criteria my daughter did not meet... did she try too hard, did she come to practice too regularly, did she show too much enthusiasm? Of course my daughter threatened not to ever speak to me again if I did anything at all...so I didn't. I decided to put it out there to all my readers (if in fact, there is more than one). If it is a seventh grade track team, and a student gives it her all, loves what she is doing, and it makes her feel better about herself, who are these coaches to take away this good feeling, this feeling of belonging to something important... and replacing it with a total feeling of dejection, a feeling of failure; not to mention an enormous feeling of embarrassment? On day three of tryouts, they took the picture for the yearbook, and placed my daughter on the front row of the picture. That is her greatest fear now... of being laughed at when the yearbook comes out, not really have been being a part of the track team. I am well aware of the fact that I am biased about my own kids... but I should be. After working for the school system for seven years... I know the difference between good kids and bad kids; kids that need a break, and kids that deserve a chance. Let these girls be on the team... tell the parents that they have to pay for their track shirts because all the other ones were given out. But give these girls who want to be a part of this not only a chance, but a boost and some encouragement; not a kick in the teeth and a boot out the door. I am still steaming, but have promised to let it slide. I know that my kids will face rejection and failure throughout their lifetime... but to have it thrown at them at SUCH a vulnerable , awkward and pivotal point in their adolescence, just seems cruel to me... whether I am their mother or not. Middle school girls are probably the most brutal sect of human beings on the face of the Earth... trust me. I just hope that with love and encouragement from home, she will survive it, and be able to hold her head up high when she walks down the halls of her school. Thanks for the vent... Till next time....COTTON