Back To the Grind

Back to the real world this morning...WORK.

After five days off I wasn't particularly looking forward to it but the minute I walked through the door I remembered that I had a job now that I love and that seems to love me.

Lunch was a piece of cake...slow enough that I got off by 2:30 and had a 2 hour break before I had to go back.

Came home and unloaded the dishwasher that my kids have obviously forgotten we have, sent my college room mate a birthday greeting via FB (gotta love this new high tech low effort age) and even had time to do a little weeding in my day lilies that have been taken over by a tree trying to sprout up right in the midst of them. Went to the Dollar Store (one of my fave stores) for a mop to try to help erase the fact that I have three dogs tromping in and out of my kitchen door on a revolving basis .

Wiped the sheen of sweat off my face with some toilet paper, rolled on some more deodorant and hauled back on my work clothes and returned to work.


The new Twilight movie just came out at the cinema next door to our restaurant and the people came pouring in (Thank you Jesus.)

As it usually always is in my new digs... quality over quantity. I had five tables , shared a party of ten with another server and walked with over $100.

My last table was a bit difficult. They made Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally" look like the easiest person a server has ever waited on. The husband: "I want Eggplant Parmigiana with no cheese, pasta on the side with a side of meatballs and a small Mediterranean salad with dressing mixed into the salad instead of on the side. The son wanted the Steak Alla Pizzaiola with pasta instead of potatoes with sauce on the side and a small Med salad instead of a mixed green. The wife wanted a grilled chicken breast..no pasta or side but a side of Abbabriatta (might have spelled that one wrong, there's no Italian spell check) sauce. They ate the bread like they hadn't eaten in a week. They weren't ugly or stuffy about anything...just obviously have eaten there before and know how they like their food.

It took me five minutes and help from another server who has been there quite a while just to ring in the order...but I thought I had it right. I immediately went to the kitchen as my check came in to the cook to make sure I had done it all correctly. One more trip back to the table to confirm that it was marinara not tomato sauce they wanted with their side of bow tie pasta and I was good to go...with fingers crossed.

The food came out perfect and I felt like a kid that passed the test they hadn't really studied for. I kept the bread coming and their water glasses full. By this point I was waning...first day back after a vacation, even a short one is tough on an old broad like me.

It was my last table and I was ready to go home.

The tab was $53.00 and they tipped me $35.00. Guess it pays to get it right!

BINGO!!!!

Went home and packed my husband a sandwich for work, unloaded the dishwasher (again) and hit the play button on the answering machine.

My neighbor from up the street (the vampire family...see previous post) had left me a weird drawn out message...

"Kelly, I notice that you leave your garage door open 24/7 and just wanted you to know that we saw a coyote in our front yard and want you to be careful when getting out of your car when you get home from work."

To me this translated into "My son is a werewolf and 'Eclipse' just came out today so please watch out for him because he likes skinny white women in their fifties that drive a Passat."

Number one...quit scoping out my house and garage.

Number two...if you want me to continue to cut your yard for free, because it looks like crap and is the first house in the subdivision next to the entrance that I "AM" being paid to cut...tell your son "Jacob" to leave me the hell alone and worry about your freak son not my open garage door.

Don't want to jinx myself so I stashed a silver bullet in the garage right by the kitchen door. I don't have a gun to put it in but he's a 13 year old punk and I'll just throw it at him REAL hard and let all three of my dogs out at once if I see his little freaky butt coming my way.

Sometimes I wonder about the people living in my subdivision...you know what they say "You never know what goes on behind closed doors...or catacombs or secret dungeons."

I'll keep my eye on them...obviously they are keeping an eye on us!

Til next time...going to bed with a garlic clove necklace.

COTTON

The Wheels on the Deere Go Round and Round...

SHEESH!! Talk about major surgery with multiple complications...I think Johnny flat lined a couple of times...no wait a minute, maybe that was me!
My last update had ole Johnny boy flat as a flit and sitting lop sided in his bed room...I mean my garage. I finally broke down and went to buy a new rear tire. The old tire had more plugs than tread and was a rolling exhaust fan. It's pretty bad when you can see the holes in the side wall and they are too big to hold TWO plugs put in together. Fix a Flats are great but they were only band aids that seemed to be getting smaller and smaller until it was like putting on one of those little circle band aids a doc puts on your arm after a shot. Unfortunately John Deere tires ain't cheap but compared to a Fix a Flat every time I cut the grass it was a MUCH better investment. Zach helped me get the tire off (another story all together) and I took it with me to Tractor Supply to prevent me from getting the wrong tire or wrong size...been there, done that. Thirty four dollars later I was home with a new tire and no clue as to how to mount it on the rim. Of course it was a Sunday and the tire stores with their fancy dancy tire mounting thingy were all closed. I did what comes natural...called my 'next door' husband. Believe it or not he hadn't had his number changed or my number blocked (yet) and even actually had the cajones to answer...Ya GOTTA love that man! He told me to come over and Massey and I trotted next door with the old tire still on the rim and the new tire. Being flatter than a pancake the old tire came off the rim pretty easily (compared to the next part.) About a half gallon of sealant goop came out of the old tire and luckily he had done this part in the grass. He cleaned the rim up like it was brand spanking new and then the hard part began. It took him a good fifteen minutes to get one side of the new tire on the rim and then he said "Okay, that was the easy part." The next part took more like twenty minutes and when he finally dragged out his air compressor out of his garage I thought Thank you , Jesus (and 'next door hubby.') The tire wasn't completely sealed around the rim and the air didn't help any at all. Being the genius he is he said "I saw a show one time on TV about truckers and how when they changed a flat on a big rig they sprayed starter fluid on the tire and lit it. The heat makes the tire expand and it pops onto the rim...wanna try it?" Massey and I both vigorously nodded and I sent up a silent prayer that it worked...not so much for me but for my neighbor who had just spent over half an hour helping me to fix his rival for my affection.."Johnny Dear." He told us to stand back and we both backed up about twenty feet (yeah, we're sissies.) After spraying the tire he held a match to it and it was like a small atom bomb went off..."WHOOSH." About two seconds later the tire gave a loud "POP" and the tire was sealed on the rim. It took him a couple of seconds to beat the flame out with a rag but it had worked! I told Massey in amazement "Dang...Mr. Ron's kinda like a wizard !" He just laughed and said "Yeah, that potion worked pretty good!" He inflated the tire with his compressor and asked if we needed any help putting the tire back on...I would've had to been blind , bedridden and hooked to a respirator before I would have even CONSIDERED saying "Yes." I thanked him about fifteen times and told him putting the tire back on would be easy. Massey and I trotted back across the yard and went into my garage to show Johnny his new appendage. I've never seen a lawn mower smile but he definitely looked happier to me. I had been using my huge Christmas tree stand as a jack (yeah, I'm a ghetto mechanic) and John was sitting on it now. Problem was with the new inflated tire he wasn't QUITE far enough off the ground to slip the new tire on. No problem...that's what 17 year old sons who sit around the house are for! Zach came out to the garage and lifted John's 400 pound butt off the tree stand so I could slip the new tire on. "With this tire...I thee wed" was going through my mind as it slipped on his axle. "Throw some bird seed and rice on me as I drive out of the garage" I wanted to say to Zach , as I jumped on my baby and cranked him up! Put him in gear... and AWAY WE (didn't)GO. @#$%! I tried reverse...still "No go." I told Massey, who had come out to wave me off on my maiden voyage to give me a push hoping the gears would catch or maybe I would just "Catch a break" and the gears would engage. Once I rolled down the drive I was leaning forward in a "GO GO GO' type of lurch just praying for a miracle. I Guess God was telling me my "miracle" balance was low so Massey and I pushed the mower back into the garage and I went inside to sulk. I got on the computer and googled the John Deere discussion board. For Pete's sake there were 16 pages of discussion topics and it took me 30 minutes to find anything helpful. One guy wrote that his JD wouldn't move and another guy had written back "Have you recently replaced a rear tire?" I clicked on the follow up comments and there were none. I guess they were keeping the solution a secret but at least I knew I was going in the right direction. I went into work the next night and was picking the cook's brains while they were pounding the crap out of the Veal, Chicken and Beef on the prep table. One of them said there was probably a reset button or toggle switch that incapacitated the transmission when a wheel fell off or was removed for safety purposes. Sounded good to me so when I went home from work tried googling THAT topic. No hits. But I came across a topic about replacing the pin into the axle before putting a rear tire back on. HMMM. Interesting, considering I didn't remember a pin when Zach took the tire off. After talking to my brother in law this morning I went out to the garage and sure 'nough...there was a two inch metal pin on the garage floor! I had seen it yesterday when getting in my car for work and thinking it was a nail, kicked it out of the way thinking "I don't need a flat on my car too!" My brother in law came over with a "Real" jack and took the tire off, put the pin in the axle and put the tire back on. This time I think I heard Johnny actually giggle...or maybe that was just me. Hopped on my yellow seat, cranked him up and put it in reverse..."GO JOHNNY GO...JOHNNY BE GOOD !!!"Success at long last! Only at MY house, can a flat tire be a blog a pain in the butt and an amusing antedote all rolled into one. Til next time..."CUTTIN AGAIN COTTON"

Oh My "Deere"

My John Deere has been sick. I would almost rather my husband be on the outs than my riding lawn mower.

I am a yard fanatic. I can work in the yard from sun up till sun down....and I did JUST that today. I cut my own acre of grass, then moved next door to my retired neighbors. I cut, then I go back and weed eat (another favorite tool of mine) the entire perimeter of the property.

All of this is thanks to my next door husband (see previous post).

I bought my "Deere" from a neighbor for $400. It was the best money I ever spent.
Granted it is older, but after my next door husband put on the new blade belt and drive belt...I have been in a tizzy!!

After cutting my yard and the ole folks next door, I moved up to the front of our subdivision, which looked horrible...like a run down trailer park. I have been cutting it all summer long (where exactly do my home owner's association dues go)?

I don't mind cutting it, and in fact I do a pretty good job. But gas is a million dollars a gallon, and I feel that even if they don't pay me back, they could at LEAST slow down when they ZOOM by me with my back to the road, or at least swerve over to the other side of the road.

My daughter goes with me to pick up all the trash that has been thrown out by passer's that fly by our entrance.

All I know is that I am so entirely happy to back in the seat of my "Deere"...that the other questions seem a moot point.

So all the homeowners know that I will take care of everything (sounds like the same thing that is going on in my house).

But at least every time I pull into my subdivision, I admire my handiwork and mentally pat myself on the back.

They couldn't STOP me from doing it. If my yard looks great, I don't want it to be surrounded by unkempt or overgrown yards.

I guess that I have bumped up my responsibilities and have no one to blame but myself .

I may file a grievance or complaint at some point, if gas prices don't come down, but I feel so completely satisfied with my work that it almost makes it worth it to me.

I am an odd duck, I am anal about my yards, and thanks to that, the rest of the subdivision has a great entrance to their homes and I bring their property value up on a regular basis.

Sounds like a small rant, but with the heat index, it was 100 degrees while I did all of this work.

Who will nominate me for neighbor of the year??

Till next time.... a sunburned COTTON

My Next Door Husband...

I have been with my husband for twenty years; I have been with my second husband for seven. I say this kiddingly. I am talking about my next door neighbor. He is a single father, raising a tween, and two teens ... and believe it or not, he still has a full head of hair! Of course he has pretty terrific kids, great students and all round good people. You know what they say "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." He can fix anything... and I speak from experience. He has probably fixed more things in my house than my husband has. From the water heater to the dryer, to my dishwasher, oven and my car and lawn mower. He is always happy to oblige...or at least he always ACTS that way when I ask him for help. I keep wondering when he is going to build a ten foot privacy fence around his entire house so that I can't pester him anymore.I secretly hope that he never remarries...I don't think that I want to share him. I probably owe him thousands of dollars by now, but he will rarely ever take money from me... only an occasional twelve pack of beer, or a meal that I have to force on him. He is always willing to lend a hand or help out with anything we need, and always acts like it is nothing. But it IS something to me. Having him be our friend has not only saved us tons of money, but helped us out of some pretty tight jams. I hope one day to be able to repay him for his countless favors and kindness. Of course I can't see that happening until all my kids are grown and gone... they seem to be great at sucking me and my husband dry... and have perfected their technique almost flawlessly. For now I will just have to hope that he doesn't move or change his phone number to a private one, and that he knows how much we love and appreciate his unselfish help any time we have called on him. You single women reading my posts; don't get any ideas... "HE'S MINE...ALL MINE" !!! But just to rub a little salt in your single wounds; he is not only handy, but smart, good looking and an absolutely terrific father. My kids keep trying to move in next door, but I told them they are stuck with us...unless they can convince "Mr. Ron" to take us all as a family package! He wouldn't save any money, but at least he wouldn't have to walk as far. Till next time... COTTON