So It Begins...

Does anybody  remember the movie 1941? It came out in 1979 and had John Belushi playing the part of Capt. Wild Bill Kelso,  a fearless renegade fighter pilot. I loved that movie...and felt like I was in it this morning at work.

Let the Valentine's Day Massacre begin! I walked into work at ten thirty and the phone was already ringing off the hook. Reservations for tomorrow and reservations for today. We open  the doors at eleven and in came a ten top of  "Little Ole Blue Hairs" ready for some lunch and wine. Then a fourteen top came in the door followed by  table after table after table.

The owner was on line cooking, only assisted by two Latino cooks, a male who  is pretty new and a female who has been with us long enough  that we can almost understand her now. Her favorite saying when we are busy is "Hokay, Take it Heasy!" His son was due in at one.

During the middle of the lunch crush I went to fill up a glass with water and noticed it wasn't coming out very fast. I needed four waters and after filling two glasses the water simply stopped coming out. I went to the hand sink and turned it on and the water just dribbled,  then just stopped. I went to the coffee maker and tried the hot water spigot we use for hot tea. Same deal.  As my Latino friends would say. "Aqua no mas."

I peered back through the cook line where Len, the owner was trying to put out thirty plates of food at  once and said "We don't have water."

He screamed back (He's def a crazy Italian) "What do you think I can do about it right now? Go find Barb!" (His equally crazy wife)  I found Barb in the office and relayed the message. By now we had about six more tables go  down and as Murphy's Law would have it...everybody  wanted a glass of water.

Len (the owner) was fighting his own battle on the other side of the cook's line, a language battle. He was yelling out orders as to what he needed. What he really needed at that moment was to be fluent in Spanish.  The male cook, Jesus (that would "Hey- Seuss" in English) was  trying to keep up and little Carmen was doing her best as well. Of course Murphy's Law kicked in again and every  ticket had special instructions. Yes I needed two Eggplant sandwiches but they didn't want it on Ciabatta bread, they wanted it on  flatbread. Len  was trying to explain the difference when his fuse blew. (It's a short fuse anyway) I bet I heard the word "Flatbread" yelled at least fifteen  times before we had to turn the music in the dining room up.

Hey-Seuss was doing his best and think he was glad he didn't completely understand everything Len said, although  they were mostly just four letter words.

I was on  the other side of the cook line, which  is a narrow window we peer through at the cooks with a new server beside me. Once again Murphy's Law ...me and a new server on a day like this. Not only that but he is a religious zealot compared to Len. He said quietly to me, I think I'll just go back out front." I wanted to say "Run Forrest, Run!" but just said "That's a good idea, it'll all blow over."

It didn't blow over. It blew up. It was a water main break down the street and every one lost water which  encompassed most probably almost one hundred places of business.

Barb came back into  the kitchen to peer back  through the cook line window and deliver the news. She said "We have to close."

By this point, Len was in "Capt. Wild Bill Kelso" mode. "NO we DON"T" he screamed..."It could be back on in five minutes, get this food OUT of the window, we'll recover and power through!"

By this point, Hey-Seuss and Carmen were beginning to wonder if America was really that great after all and hoping maybe one of the tunnels back home was still open. My new co worker seemed shell shocked and I simply began to laugh.

Here's the thing. I work for a family owned business. They don't have corporate back up. This restaurant is their life and their life was on the line today. The owner, Len is ten years older than me and works a minimum of ninety hours a week, and most probably thinks of this store in his sleep...which  can't be much.

The water came back on before I left for my break, we were closed for maybe thirty minutes.

I went to the bank and gas station and saw  the crews digging up  the water line. It was ten guys standing around a hole with hard hats and a shovel while one guy operated a back hoe. (Classic)

I zoomed home and cooked some Hamburger  Helper for the kids and went back to work. Now the night shift was there. I told Kory, another cook who had just come on that he missed a crazy  lunch and he asked why? I said ask 'Hey-Seuss." He asked Jesus (Hey-Seuss) how lunch was and my buddy (we used His name a LOT today spelling it with a "J" and a few added expletives) blew out his breath and said "Not Heasy."

One more shift and we are done til Mother's Day. It was crazy, it was fun to laugh about after the fact. It's just the way it works in the restaurant world. I slapped the owner on  the back when I left on my break and said "We're giving you a new nick name...FLAT BREAD!"

In the words of my Latino friends..."O Mi Dios"

Len  was totally "Wild Bill Kelso" He was fighting through and determined. He was crazy and deranged. He scared everybody in the place but the crazy Bast made it happen. If there is one thing I can say about Len, he's nuts but seems to love me and that's a good spot light to be in.

Til next  time...ALGODON!

Why Did I Wait So Long?

I just got home from work. It was a slow night...not that it matters at my new job.

As one of the cooks pointed out tonight..."It's quality here, not quantity."

I only had four tables all night but walked out the door with almost a hundred dollars in my pocket. The people that eat with us are there for great food and great wine and leave with the feeling that they have had their money's worth. I haven't gotten under 20% for a tip since I started and know that it will only get better as I feel more comfortable with my new job.

I thank the Lord every day for sending me to this restaurant and giving back my confidence as a server.

Tim has started a new full time job, Zach is passing all his classes and all his friends seem to like hanging out at my house. Massey has started therapy for her bum knee and my dogs are on YouTube. I am one lucky woman.

Friends and family and yes, even strangers helped us make it through to the 'other side' and is a most tremendous and welcome feeling of exhalation. I have been holding my breath and holding in my stress. I have aged ten years in the past ten weeks but feel the wheel of time slowing down and letting me catch up with it.

My husband has been my soul mate all along...we drifted for a while and squabbled when things got tense. We hung in there and by the grace of God and many others have finally seen the light and both need knee pads now from the major amount of time we have both spent on them praying for an answer.

One door was closed but a HUGE picture window opened and the sweet fresh air is filling our lungs and giving us the oxygen to move on and move up.

Even my dogs seem happier!

If it had just been me and Tim, we would have probably killed each other by this point. When you have kids the equation changes and takes on an entirely different sum.

You bring kids into the world, they didn't ask to be here but are here because of you. It is a tremendous responsibility to be a parent (if you do it right.) It is also one of the greatest blessings you can ever have. There will be great times, good times and even some bad times...but if you are a parent that it what it is all about.

Keeping your kids safe. Raising them to know right from wrong and leading from example.

I hope I have done alright in these critical areas.

I have tomorrow off again...it has been years since I have had two days off in one week. But still working nine shifts and the feeling of complete calm and reassurance makes it seem like I am working part time.

Working in the yards tomorrow and cutting the front of the sub division again. Nothing like a day doing yard work to make me feel relaxed and grateful to be one of the creatures taking care of the nature God has blessed us with.

Unfortunately Mr. (slow) Lee is out of town and won't be there to gawk at me on my John Deere but I will cut his yard anyway and pull weeds in my flower beds and make the entrance to our sub division a vision of "Delight" with my other best friend "Mr. Weed Eater."

You cannot imagine how relieving it is to feel good about yourself after such a dry spell and feel that you have made it back from the dark side.

I have so much to pay forward that it may become a full time job in itself...but that is fine by me.

I am just happy to be here, happy to feel good once again and still have the good fortune of being able to do what I can...make life happen one day at a time and make the most of every breath I take.

I've gotta start remembering my sunscreen. Tonight at work the young dishwasher who is a sweet Latino kid who knows Zach from school asked me "Why are you so dark when Zach is so white?"

I told him it is hard to get a tan in your bedroom... guess who might be pulling weeds with me tomorrow after school?

Til next time.. COTTON

I Don't Need Help Looking Stupid

Sooo...Anyway, I am am work again, waiting on people for a living.

Sometimes the public totally amazes me.

Granted I work in the "City of Snobs".

I go up to my first table of the day...four business people, two of which are currently on their cell phone.

I introduce myself to an uninterested group (I always thought I was MUCH more fascinating).

I gave my little spiel...offering special drinks and asking if they " had eaten with us before"??

I was cut off short.

They ordered their drinks with one of the more wimpy men saying "and I would really like to have a whole dish of lemons with my water".

I returned to the table with their order and began my sales pitch.

"How about starting out with some boneless buffalo wings or some shrimp and lobster dip"??

The wimpy one immediately said "What I would REALLY like is a dish of lemons"!!

I tried to reign my smart mouth in and replied "Will that dish in front of you be okay, or do you need more"??

The woman with them tried to cover for the doofus by saying..."What we really need are four straws".

To which I handily responded "They are right to the left of the dish of lemons".

I sucked it up, took their order, and returned with their lunch in a prompt fashion.

I returned to the table after one minute to see that everything was to their satisfaction and was cooked and tasted great.

My wimpy guy (my favorite by now) was once again on his cell phone and waved his finger over and over again over his baked potato in a fashion that made me think he was trying to cast a spell on it.

The woman with them translated "He needs more toppings for his potato".

I almost said "OHH...I though maybe he wanted me to mix his potato up with my index finger". I held back, smiled and went to get him some more toppings for his spud.

I realize that I am just a waitress.

I realize that I am so far down the pole to them that I make their secretaries look like a big shot.

But I did EVERYTHING that they wanted..the FIRST time they asked for it.

Did they just want to repeat it to remind me that I was an insignificant person to them?

I do my job well...not to brag, but I am GOOD at my job.


It reminds me of the time we had a shrimp promotion and I was waiting on a pompous ole fart out with his wife trying to act like a bigshot. We had two different shrimp specials and I was trying to sell the ole wind bag on one of them.

He looked over at me and said "I can't decide between the two, so why don't you just surprise me"??

To which I quickly replied..."Okay...I am pregnant with your baby".

His wife snorted her margarita out of her nose, and to my relief...he fell out laughing . It turned the whole dinner around, and we ended up having a great hour together with them enjoying my PHD in BS.

You have to know who to kid around with and who to just put quietly in their place.

I take the good with the bad. The good tips are great, the bad tips will happen as well. It is just the average that I am worried about.

In this economy, I am just grateful that people are still going out to eat.

I try to do my best at EVERY table. It is a psychological game to me. I am there to sell, sell , sell.

I want them to buy, buy , buy.

If I do a great job; I make their meal a treat...a flawless dinner that they enjoy so much that they forget they have just wasted more money on one meal... that could have been spent on groceries for four meals.

It is my job in "Sales and Marketing", to make sure that every customer, whether I like them or not...has an exceptional experience at my table.

That is how after over thirty years in this business...I have regulars that come in and not only request me as a server, but will sit in the lobby and wait for forty minutes to sit in my section.

I may only be a waitress (server is the politically correct term these days).

I am proud of the job that I do, it has provided me with an excellent income for the hours that I work...and given me a lot of time to work on my comedy routine!!

YOU PEOPLE JUST CRACK ME UP!!!

Til next time "ROSEANNE COTTON"!!