The First One

For the past twenty years this was our home for every single Christmas. This year was our first living not only in a different house but a different state.


We've become used to spending every other Chritmas in Orlando at my brother's lake house, making the seven hour drive down. This year it was a ten minute drive.

It felt strange the entire Christmas season this year. Eighty sunny dgrees every single day while "The weather outside is frightful" was playing on the radio.

Unfortunately as well, am having to start over again at a new job with a forty percent cut in pay. It's inching upward but still  hard to get used to. My savings are gone and miss being able to sock money away like I did when working at the airport. I make enough to pay my bills but am back to that paycheck to paycheck status.

Tim's doing incredibly well with his new job and happy for him, yet almost envious.

I had it all back in Atlanta.

He has it all here.

It's the total Catch 22.

It is what it is, and cope I must.

Holidays are going to be the hardest, with one half of my life still living in Georgia and the other half lving here in Orlando.

It's hard once kids start growing up and begin lives of their own. They have in laws who want them there too. They have responsibilities,  jobs and even kids of their own.

Life is about adapting, and not my forte'.

Guess I'll have to work on that in 2017.

I have to say my sister outdid herself this year with my brother's Christmas present. He has everything in the world and then some (he never had kids) but how awesome is this?

We ate and drank our weight and enjoyed every minute together.

And at the end of Christmas Day, God painted this picture for us.



The Leach sisters were together again, joined by my daughter,  my daughter in law and my two G babes.

Girls rock.


It was great to see Tim and TJ enjoying Christmas together as well.

We missed the three left back in Georgia.

My other nephew, his wife and Casey's wife, Ellie.

I guess the saying is true. When you can't be with the ones you love, love the ones you're with.

I think more than anything, missed having my Lost Boy here.

  Times change, situations change.

At least I got to spend last Christmas with him.

Zach's back in Atlanta, growing up and coming into his own.

I couldn't be prouder of him but sure breaks my heart.

Tim and Massey are driving back to Atlanta over New Year's and taking Zach all his Christmas presents.

I'm working so have to stay here. That may be a good thing. I'd feel like snatching and shoving him into the trunk of the car.

I never thought letting them grow up would be harder than raising them.

Guess I was wrong.

Damn those wings.

Another Catch 22.

I thought I was through, but I'm not.

I want them to grow up but sure miss being their everything.

Reality check.

Having kids is the greatest challenge of all. You want them to leave but hate it when finally do.

Can they make it without you?

Will they make it without you?

The older I get, the more I love my kids.

That's a good thing (I think) and what makes me an okay parent.

It's been a crazy, upside down six months.

But this is what I've learned.

At the age of fifty six, seems like I still have a lot to learn.


Til next time...COTTON

The Real Christmas This Year

I remember Christmas when my kids were little, real little. In our first house we had three Christmas trees one year. One on each floor of the house. The one in the living room was over fifteen feet tall. My brother had to come over after it fell one night when Tim was working. He ended up tethering it to the railing of the upstairs dining room with a rope, after pulling little TJ up and down with the rope several times.

We moved to Newnan when Massey was almost three. I bought the biggest tallest tree I could find every year. We had a high ceiling in the new living room.

Every year, Tim came outside to help drag it in the house for me, after shaking his head at how big a tree I'd bought (again).

Then after finally wrangling it into the house, got in an argument every single year about which was its good side and why was it leaning that way when he could just unscrew it from the stand, let me turn it while he lifted the hundred pound tree and then screw it  back in so it would be straighter?

Is that really too much to ask?

Obviously so.

I'll never forget the year Zach said "It wouldn't be Christmas without the annual tree fight."

He was so right.

 Tim was still living in Lubbock last year when I brought home this bad boy. Zach and two Lost Boys helped us wrangle it in but sure was a beauty.

It was a great Christmas last year. Turned out to be the last in our home of over twenty years, but one of the best we ever had.

I was banging out bucks at work like I had a job printing money with nobody looking. Tim was living a thousand miles away but moving up quickly with his own new job.

We were coming out of a ten year struggle which almost killed not only us but our marriage.

But it didn't.

This selfie was taken at the airport the day Tim left for almost two years in Lubbock away from everyone he loved to take care of them.

Would I want to go through those past ten years again?

No.

Could I?

Most certainly.

You do what you have to do.

We had some mighty slim Christmas' for some mighty slim years and then some. But Christmas still happened, albeit on a shoe string.

I'll never forget the Christmas, while still working at LongHorn and broke as bad jokes. We couldn't even afford to pay the utilities much less buy a tree. I was at work when one of the kids called me and said "A bald headed man just brought us a Christmas tree to our front door!"

It was one of the cooks I worked with.

Come to think of it, maybe that was the best Christmas ever.

Here's my thinking.

The Grinch was right.

I don't have a lot of money to spend on Christmas this year but have more Love than ever before and is the greatest gift of all to give, especially this time of year.

 I've lived from one end of the spectrum to the other and consider myself a well traveled person.

Tim and Massey went and shopped together the the other day while I was working. Have no idea what they bought but feel confident since Massey was there.


I'm going old school this Christmas.

My biggest single purchase this Christmas season will be groceries for my dinner for a few friends I've made since moving here.

My one Italian forte' is that I cook a mean lasagna. Baking one for my new friends (excited to even have some) and having them over to eat, relax, drink and be Merry.

Baking another and freezing it to take to my brother's house on Christmas Day.

Food is the best present a hungry body could ever want or have.

Just ask Ethiopia or Allepo.


Look into your own heart this Christmas and think of ones who desperately need to be loved, and include them.

Love begins with the simplest gesture but speaks volumes when sincerely given.

As defined by Webster's...

Love is:

"A deep, tender feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from a kinship or a sense of oneness."

We are one, like it or not.

You may be pro this or anti that, but in the long run doesn't matter.

What matters is that we need to love and embrace each other.

Never judge unless you want to be judged. (and's rarely a pretty picture)

Here we are...

Enjoy your Season and I'll enjoy mine.

So This is Christmas

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this Florida weather. The water, not so much...it hates my hair do. It hasn't looked right one single day. I'm going to Great clips tomorrow (now today) to get it chopped shorter hoping it will look a little better.

It was eighty six here today...my three dogs weren't big fans.

I was.

I sat out back in the sunshine, did my nails and read my book for two hours with sweat running down my already wrinkled face.

It felt ironic to put on long slacks and a long sleeved shirt to go to work tonight but did anyway.

I simply can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit with flip flops and bootie shorts on every day.

Christmas is less than a week away.

I have a husband, three kids, two grand kids and my entire family (sans Zach) coming down for Christmas and have yet to buy the first present. I attempted to the other day but traffic was so horrific just decided to go back home and sweat some more in our back yard.

We've had a long dry spell here but water my flowers and plants every single day in the front yard. I planted these flowers around the middle of October and never thought they would bloom in a million years. The bed was nothing but weeds, black sand and clover. I pulled the weeds, tilled up the sand and added about five large bags of top soil. I planted the ten packs of wildflower seeds from my nephew's wedding...gifts other guests left behind back in the spring. I told Massey when planting them "Jamie's mom paid for all these seeds, let's put them to good use." (Jamie is my nephew's new bride)

The next day or so, her mom lost her battle against cancer.

The day after that I went and bought three bags of potting soil and piled them on top the seeds.

It's now almost the end of December and my (her) flowers are over two feet high, getting bigger and more beautiful every day.

The picture below was taken the day the first flower bloomed, back in early November.

You can barely see my duck anymore...another reminder brought from our Georgia home. It belonged to my next door husband and his bedroom wife. When they sold their home, Massey snagged it from their front porch after they moved (with permission).

It's like I packed up everything from my life and moved it here for a new one.

No, wait... that's exactly what I did!

It's like I'm living a surreal life (Surreal...the word of the year, duh)


I was talking at work tonight with work peeps and mentioned I hadn't bought one present yet. I have one day off before Christmas and chose that day to have a few work friends over, mostly female and ones I feel close to, for some lasagna (I make a killer) wine and laughs. I'm not a real big "work place" buddy but several people at my new job have truly reached out to me and made me feel like part of the 'core'.

The bartender (another favorite of mine with her fluffy dreads) laughed when I said "Looks like it will be another Christmas of what kinda crap from the gas station do you want for Christmas this year?"

Who cares?

The Grinch said it best.

It means good food, wine and laughter with new friends, which I certainly need. It means I brought my old life with me. It means I have the best of both worlds.

  I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. If you're not having one, jump on the Mega Bus and give the driver our address. 849 Oak Manor Circle.

Sometimes you gotta swing like Casey at the bat. Sometimes you gotta love Casey loving your old home.

Choose to be happy.

It's a choice if you're lucky.

I am.

Glad I Had That Third Kid

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids equally; in equally different ways. I love my boys because they haven't been needy since learning to use the toilet. Give them a controller and they're good til the age of at least fifteen.

Girls, on the other hand intensify in their neediness from the time they learn how to speak.

Not that it's a bad thing...it's just a female thing.

All my kids got spoiled rotten until about eight years ago. By then, TJ was out on his own although came back for a brief stint (or two). Zach's always been low maintenance except for the stumble in his late teens.

Massey took the hardest hit. She was just beginning high school and wanted to be on the very successful Color Guard team. It was a great organization but very costly. I can't say enough about the parents and volunteers who allowed (and often paid for) my kid to participate. The only thing she missed out on was a trip to Hawaii but made it to New York the next year with her chorus group.

Here's the thing. If you try to be a good person, good things will happen and even better people will help you... and they did. They not only helped my kid, they helped our entire family. They bought us food, stocked our kitchen cabinets, took Massey to and from practice when I couldn't and made her feel like a part of the group.

I'm in a new place now, at the (over halfway there) age of fifty six and by that mean physically, mentally and emotionally.

I had to walk away from the job of a lifetime to be with my husband again and it was a hard thing to do. Trust me, he's gone above and beyond to make this happen for us. He did what he had to do, moving halfway across the country alone for almost two years and then to Orlando for over six months waiting for me to join him.

On September 15, 1990 we bought tickets together to the dance of life. I still can't believe I married a man with a mullet. But he married me wearing that hat so guess we're even.

It's been the most erratic dance of my life but still remember how I felt on that first date with him.

I met a man who immediately loved me more than I loved myself. I met a man who wanted me more than anything. I met a man who would do anything for me... and did.

It's been for richer or poorer. It's been in sickness and in health. It's been good times and bad but will be together until death parts us.

We were crazy kids in a photo booth at Six Flags in the late eighties.

We're now both in our mid fifties, trying to get it together once again, and will.

Tim said something to me tonight which put it all into the correct perspective.

"You can't live for yesterday. It's tomorrow that matters."

My life is so much better than millions and millions. My heart goes out to them all.

This is my favorite Christmas song.

The Season Of Love

I think I'm finally beginning to be in a good place. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

It took a minute, or maybe three months but am all about "Baby Steps."

I was off today so decided to take Massey out for a late lunch. We stopped by Chroma to pick up my tip from the banquet I worked last night. She got to meet my general manager, my favorite bartender and our executive chef who she followed on Food Network when was a finalist on "Chopped". She got to tour the kitchen, the most awesome restaurant kitchen I've ever worked in and meet all the back of house peeps.

Here's the thing about working for a great restauant. The back of the house is totally what makes  the front of the house.

We decided to eat at the sister restaurant, Canvas a mile down the road also owned by Tavistock.

We shared a wonderful salad with shrimp, goat cheese, avocado, mango, pumpkin seeds and split a  fried green tomato BLT.

The area where both restaurants are located is hands down the up and coming 'place to be' in Orlando and feel fortunate to be on the team, on the ground floor.

It's going to take at least five years for completion but am fine with that too.

By that time I'll be the Go To server and head Biotch!

When we left Chroma after picking up my money, Massey commented "They already love you, I can tell."

I hope she's right.

I think (hope) she is.

I don't like changing jobs. Never have. I was forced to change after moving here when HMS denied my transfer. I almost think the denial was a blessing except for the fact I lost all benefits and had to spend all my savings to survive until I landed at Chroma.

I landed here and here I will stay.

I ain't getting any younger and want to be happy getting any older.

I think I've finally found just that.

Live, love, forgive and be real.

You get out of life what you invest into it.

I'm a fifty six year old invested person.

I expect a return.

I may be wrong but I may be right.

It's a fifty fifty shot but the odds look pretty good.

Til next time with fingers crossed and hoping to be a champion ...COTTON

I'm gonna be a champion, trust me.

Happy 'Hot'lidays !!

It's December 14th, ten days before Christmas Eve and my flower garden in the front yard is blooming like crazy with new buds opening every single day. I have to wear a long sleeved shirt with gray slacks to work and start sweating the moment I step outside to leave for work. I rode home tonight just before ten with the car A/C on.

In what kind of parallel universe am I living?

 I hear "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire" playing while at work as customers sit out front by the glass fire pit enjoying cocktails and a light cool breeze.

It's madness I tell you!!!

The only thing I decorated was a plant in the living room which cost around five bucks, until I saw a strand of colored mini lights on sale for $5.46.

They cover all four sides around  the top of our screened in back porch and's our new favorite place to hang out. I get home sometimes as late as midnight and is still in the seventies. My dogs seem ecstatic.

Excellent!

I just still can't seem to get into the whole Holiday spirit thing while sweating but have simply decided to take the good with the bad.

Everybody here in Orlando seems perfectly fine with having Christmas during summer so who am I to judge?

I worked a banquet tonight at work. It was out front by the fire pit (which made me sweat). It was a meet and greet for local business'. Bonus points got to work it with a couple of my favorite servers.

Light hor d'oeuvres, beer, wine, fried goat cheese and chicken satay with peanut sauce. It was easy work and much to my delight included a free photo booth for peeps to take pictures. They even had a table of hats and masks to wear.

As the party wound down, the photo booth was unoccupied so got my two fellow servers to join me to take a couple of pictures.

I love, love the top left picture! We were trying to hurry before anyone noticed us and one of us pressed the start button. Emily (on the right) said "Hurry, it's starting right now!" and BAM, caught Maria (on the left) off guard. She looked like a deer in headlights.

We didn't make a whole bunch of money but had a relaxed night, tons of laughs and left with more money than we came in with.

This was Massey and me last year while working at the airport around this same time. It was colder than cold and as always an ordeal simply to get to the job.

The money was fantabulous and will always be grateful for the opportunity and people I met.

Things and situations have changed and I must too.

I'm back to making street side money, which is an adjustment but making enough to pay the bills and get by.

I'm working for a management team which seems to appreciate my work ethic and dedication to the job. That's a huge bonus when you're a Plate Slinger.

I'm making friends and finally learning my way around town.

I wear flip flops every day and still haven't turned the heater on in our house.

Massey reminded me the other day, when lamenting about not making airport money anymore.

"You always told us money was over rated."

Granted I did tell them that when we were flat broke about six years ago, but she's right...and so was I.

Here's one thing I really always need to remember.

We'll be just fine in this new life with all my universal conspirators helping.

I look at it this way...

We could be living in Aleppo.

 Always be prepared for worse but pray for better.

I know I've said it a million times but am truly, truly an extremely lucky (tiny slip of a) woman.

What I lack in poundage hopefully more than make up with character, determination and confidence that "Pay It Forward" is the solution to all problems.

It starts with you.

Never forget that.

 And if you've never seen this movie, you need to watch it today.



I'm off tomorrow and you know what? I'm gonna enjoy a day with my daughter and maybe even drive the forty minutes to the beach or just drive the ten to my brother's house and relax on the lake.

Decisions...


Til next time...COTTON

Beginning To Feel Normal Again

I'm beginning to feel normal again...well as normal as I ever do. I still miss my sister and I still miss my old job and all the wonderful people I met there but starting to settle in. Massey and I were sitting on our back porch today and commented that we really had our tiny temp house looking pretty good.

She agreed. It's starting to feel like home.

I can't believe how well Ziggy has taken to having all the egrets, flamingos and pelicans living right over our back fence and less than fifty feet away. He hasn't tried jumping the fence once. Charlie couldn't muster the energy to lean on the fence much less jump it and Ham can't see the fence or the birds so we're okay there too. We'd be in a lot of trouble otherwise. Our house backs up to an intersection which is never not busy.

There's some random woman who pulls onto the shoulder a couple of times a week in the most terrible spot to pull off and sits on the hill feeding the birds bread. The birds go crazy and get louder and louder while Ziggy gets more and more interested.

Number one it's an awful interesection to pull over to feed birds who can fly anywhere they want for food and number two know she can see it drives my dogs crazy.

I was at work today when Massey sent me this picture with the caption "Look who just got a ticket...LOL"

...and I laughed and laughed.



I also had a pretty great shift at work. I love working week nights. People who have money to spare eat out during the week. True fact.

I was very surprised around seven thirty when my general manager said "You're going to wait on the Tavistock (our parent company) executives. Just go do what you do best."

The only better compliment I could have gotten was "I thought you were in your thirties" but took the one given and went with it.


I had one of my best nights ever.

It wasn't Ecco money but was pretty good money and  the satisfication that I am doing a good job.

My discipline is far from iron unless I'm clocked in and working.

I know it.

My kids know it and my husband knows it.

I have hunger, energy and desire with honesty when someone is paying me to do a job. My greatest forte' is being an employee. You tell me once how you want it done, and it's done that way...every single time.

I'd say being a good mom comes next and bless Tim's heart, let's me put him third. But he's a big boy now and spoiled him rotten before we had kids of our own.

Do I miss Christmas back at our house in Georgia?

Totally.

Can I be happy here?

Eventually...and  most definitely.

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime...you get what you need."

I hope every person is lucky as me.

Some will be, some won't.

To the ones who aren't, I'm pretty easy to reach. I  put my entire life out here, including address, email and cell number.

If I can help you never hesitate to contact me.

Life is all about "Paying it Forward."

I'll end this blog with the only song I've ever liked by Mariah Carey.

Hug a friend. Make a new friend. Call an old friend.

That's the real reason for the Season.

Til next time, COTTON